Once the magnificent legendary bird had finished his story, Tamao could just look into his eyes. She couldn't hide the pain the story had caused in her; just the mere thought of the word 'guilt' made her want to weep her heart away.
Ho-oh seemed to be thinking about something while looking at her. He had spoken of her as if she would not have been the girl in the legend, why, she was not sure. Maybe she had changed so much during these five years Ho-oh didn't count her… Wait, he had mentioned her current self too; they had located her in Sinnoh.
The more Tamao thought about it, the more confused she became. However, it wasn't bad; tangling on a small detail like that took her mind off the actual point, the sad story she had heard, lived and was still a part of.
Why was her life this sad? It had been sad enough to get over the death of her own pokemon, and now she had been brought back to the region full of painful memories, just to hear of the pain her pokemon, miraculously brought back from the death, was experiencing, and inflicted with the pain of choosing his destiny for him. It seemed ridiculous, unfair, and cruel.
But for once, running away was not an option for Tamao. This wasn't about the world she didn't really care of. This wasn't about some people she didn't know. This was about Umbreon, the Umbreon who had taken care of her when she was little, the Umbreon who had shared the years she had been completely happy with her. The Umbreon she had known had guilt because of her; she was more than ready to erase it.
This was something personal and painful, but something Tamao wanted to do. This was about her sisters too; they'd be in danger if she'd escape. She didn't want to end up losing them too; she was sad enough already.
Besides, it appeared that other legendary pokemon knew of this situation too. So wherever she'd go, there'd be a legendary pokemon to track her down. She wouldn't be able to hide anywhere.
So, this left her just one choice; she had to do whatever these pokemon told her to, find Umbreon, tell him to forget his guilt and move on with her life, again. It wasn't pleasant, but it was the only reasonable way to go.
Tamao looked at the Ho-oh again. The pokemon was still looking at her patiently, probably giving her time to think things over. As Tamao gazed over him, she saw that Suicune was the only calm one of the legendary beasts. Raikou seemed anxious, he kept jumping from leg to leg. Entei just glared slightly when Tamaos eyes met his. Tamao looked back without turning away. She was too exhausted to be shy or careful.
It was Entei who eventually looked away. Raikou glared at Tamao instead, but Suicune made a meaningful glance towards him, so he turned away too. Tamao looked down. It was stupid to mess around with legendary pokemon, she knew it. But she couldn't be expected to think very warmly of them; after all, they had zapped her down from the sky without any regret. Sure, she had not been in danger, but that didn't mean it had not hurt.
Ho-oh didn't seem to mind the tension between them. He just gazed at Tamao, and waited. Tamao realized that it was her who would have to get the situation moving.
" So what do I do now?" she asked, with a balanced, blank voice. Ignoring her sometimes being unable to, she was actually pretty good at hiding her feelings. Even though she knew that Ho-oh probably sensed her feelings, it made her calmer when she was hiding. And right now, that was all she wanted; to calm down, and calmly try to understand.
" We have put some thought into it. We believe it would be for the best if you joined the man who constantly hunts Suicune," Ho-oh answered in a tone as calm as Tamao wanted to be.
" What? Eusine? Why?" Tamao gasped, more than slightly surprised.
" So that we can keep you aware of what is going on. We cannot keep you with us all of the time, can we now?"
Tamao agreed silently.
" That man always knows the whereabouts of at least one of us. Therefore, contacting you and leading you where we need you would be easy," Ho-oh finished.
It made sense. Actually, it was a relatively good plan. As expected, from a legendary pokemon who had lived for… who knows how long.
But still, that wasn't enough. That was only for the time being, what about the future?
" And what will I do once I meet with him again?" straight to the point again. No point in beating around the bushes with these guys.
Ho-oh looked down, not sheepishly, but meaningfully. Then he turned his head wildly, gazing up. Tamao followed his gaze, and saw small sparkles shining against the dark roof. Ho-ohs wings were spread, and small, small sparkles flew upwards from them, only so they could down like snowflakes.
I took a while for Tamao to realize that the shiny sparkles were falling down in a single, gold-coloured bag on the floor, right in front of Ho-oh. When she did see it, she understood what they were. Ash.
The bag slowly filled with these sacred ashes. Once it was full, Ho-oh flapped his magnificent wings once, and the wind made the bag slide to Tamao. She bended down, and took it up. The ashes sparkled in the golden light shining from Ho-oh, and Tamao felt tingling in her fingers as they rested on the open bag, touching the ash.
Sacred ash. She had heard of this mysterious item from a sage once. The ashes were from the sacred fire of the legendary Ho-oh itself, and were said to possess the power to heal anything. When on contact with a wound, their powers would heal every single injury, sickness or condition the person might have. Rumours said that many lives had been miraculously saved with these ashes.
Tamao looked at Ho-oh. She had a feeling healing wasn't the only thing these ashes could do.
Ho-oh looked gentle. However, Tamao did not feel calm or convinced.
" I believe you know what those ashes can do. Partially, at the least. However, on special situations, those ashes can do a lot more," the legendary phoenix said mysteriously.
" And what would that be?"
" That I cannot say for sure, it is different from time to time. But I can tell you this; spread a little of those ashes on one not wounded, one with the desire of protecting something, and a miracle will occur. At least, for a short while," the pokemon answered mysteriously, so mysteriously it frustrated Tamao.
" Anyone with a desire to protect?" she asked, in an angry tone.
" In a situation where the something needs protecting. And I would believe the effect is stronger with a pokemon than a human."
" So whenever I meet Umbreon I have to endanger something someone wishes to protect, and throw these at the someone? That's kind of…" Tamao started, with no hint of hiding her feelings. What she said wasn't contacted to her feelings, though; she could guess the answer of the legendary pokemon.
" I would believe you do not need to search. Those pokemon in your bag," the legendary pokemon gazed at the shape of a pokeball in Tamao's bag.
" They would do anything for you, would they not? If you were to be in danger…" the sentence faded before finished.
Tamao was not shocked; she had seen it coming, but she was angry and displeased. Why wasn't it enough to hurt her Umbreon and her, now they had to hurt her other pokemon too? She didn't want to involve those three. Leafia and Murkrow didn't have anything to do with her past. Glacia was in no way guilty of what happened to her brother.
" So that'd be my only defence in case of danger?" she asked, while gripping her hands so hard it hurt.
" That, and us. Every being you human call 'legendary pokemon' has been informed of this. Every such being is ready to keep you safe in case they find you in danger. However, you cannot always depend on one of us being close by; there are not that many of us," Ho-oh answered, ignoring the anger in Tamao's voice, once again. Probably a "let the girl express her feelings" way of thinking.
" Right," Tamao muttered. No point in talking back; it probably was the only way. Even if she didn't like it, she'd probably have to accept it for now. That didn't mean she had to use their method; she could always avoid it by all cost.
" I guess that's all that I need to know, but…" Tamao thought, but suddenly a new question rose to her mind. Normally she might not have asked it, but now she felt like these legendaries owed her the answer. No, not to her. To someone else.
" I want to ask you something," she said aloud. It was not a question.
" Please do."
" Why did Crystal's destiny disappear? It has something to do with you, right?" she asked, not knowing how not to sound insulting. But she had to know. No going around it; she wanted to know. Morty wanted to know. Crystal had the right to know.
" That is not something I can tell you now, not here," Ho-o answered. His expression was blank.
" But -!" Tamao started, but the legendary shook his head.
" I cannot tell you something I cannot be sure of. Maybe someday, in the future."
So that was it. Tamao looked down, not sulking, not ashamed, but disappointed. And slightly confused. Why did she even have to ask? She had enough to worry about on her own. But still… Even though it was none of her business, it was something she would have wanted to know in Crystal's place.
And she hadn't forgotten that it had happened around the same time as the fire. The fire might have been destined to happen (Morty would have mentioned if there would have been something weird in it), but it was still suspicious. It could always be that…
No. What were the odds? No way. She was thinking too much again. There was no point in her starting to add crazy things to her now crazy life. There was enough to do. There was so much she had to do… This was not the right time.
To get something to do, right now, Tamao tied up the pouch of the ashes, opened her bag, and put the pouch in. She had a hidden pocket inside, just big enough. That'd be a place safe enough for the mythological item.
" You wish to leave," Ho-ohs voice said. Not insulted, not hinting, but just said. Like Tamao's wishes were common knowledge.
" I believe I know enough for now. I'm tired and angry, so I'll be no good for you. I'll ask Eusine to take me with him the next time he leaves town. Does that satisfy you?" Tamao asked, while turning to leave. The more she thought about getting away, the more eager she was to.
" We are satisfied. You will hear from us once we need you," Ho-ohs gentle tone said, while Tamao had already turned her back.
She walked towards the stairs, without turning her back. She didn't look at the legendary pokemon, not once. She just walked away from the room, simply. She walked down the first stairs. Simply. She walked down the second stairs. Nothing happening. She walked down the third stars. She stopped, and tightened her grips, to hold back tears.
Guilt. Guilt? Guilt?! That's what it had always been?! GUILT?!
All those years Tamao had ran around this town, happily as ever, had the pokemon by her side been there just because of guilt? Had he battled for her, taken care of her, protected her, kept her company, stayed by her – all because of something like guilt? All that time she would have done anything for him; she cared for him so much there was nothing she wouldn't have done for him. He seemed to feel the same way, yes – but because of guilt? Why…?
The gentle voice of Ho-oh crawled into Tamao's mind.
"Those pokemon in your bag, they would do anything for you, would they not?"
Yes. Just like she would do anything for them, they'd do anything for her. Was that because of guilt too? Did she make everyone around her so guilty they just had to fight for her, to risk their lives for her? Why?
No. That wasn't it. Guilt might've been Umbreon's reason to rescue her from that fire, but it couldn't be the reason Leafia, Glacia and even Murkrow stayed by her side even to this day. After all, they weren't the only ones in this situation. Almost every single trainer in the world was in a similar situation. The pokemon of the trainers stay by their trainers, and fight for them with no doubt. And surely not every pokemon in the world is feeling guilty for something.
Tamao took a deep breath. Guilt. Yes, she could easily say the word in her mind. However, it was harder not to weep when she did. She couldn't go to her sisters like that. It'd be no good if she'd start crying; everyone would just get worried and start asking her what's wrong. And what would she answer to that?
" Oh, it's nothing; it's just that the legendary pokemon Ho-oh himself told me that Umbreon saved me from the fire because of guilt. He was apparently harbouring a deep feeling of regret towards me, so that's the reason he did what he did. Oh, and he didn't even die; he was resurrected into a half-legendary pokemon slowly fading away, and I'm the only one who can save him, which sucks because I have no idea what I have done to make him feel guilty, so I have no clue how to do it. See? No biggie. I'm sorry for worrying you," Tamao muttered aloud, angrily, and shivering of frustration.
It sounded stupid, farfetched, annoying, and most of all, sad. It was so truly sad, so real, that even though it was so random, it made her afraid. She wanted to run away, yet she wanted to do exactly what was told. She wanted to forget about it, yet she wanted to make it happen. She wasn't even sure what she wanted anymore!
" Agh, whatever," Tamao thought all of a sudden, with her mind numb from the sadness. It was like someone would have turned a switch, and so turned off her sadness and strong feelings in general. She wiped her eyes, and started moving on, walking down the stairs.
She was getting so tired; even her feelings didn't work well. Slowly, her sadness was getting hidden behind the logical, rational thinker in her head.
Obviously, she didn't need to think about all this now. She'd just push away all the feelings she was feeling right now, and recall them on a better time. Now was time to work, not to weep.
She'd walk down the stairs. She'd go to the theatre, and tell her sisters she was going to go around Johto, to see how it has changed. They'd get all excited, and start giving her handy items she might need.
Then, with her bag packed, but with most clothes left back with her sisters, so they wouldn't fear she might leave without telling them, she'd go back to the gym. She'd tell Morty everything he needed to know (not everything, but it'd be unfair to leave him completely uninformed of the situation), and then go straight to Eusine and offer him help in his quest. He'd be shocked confused, wouldn't be able to say a word at first. Crystal would probably try to turn her off, but would look oddly delighted. Then Eusine would start talking about random… whatever he speaks with that fancy tone, she never listened, unless his speech had a point. Then they'd agree to take her with them.
Oh, and if they wouldn't be in the gym, she'd just search for them. They couldn't be that hard to find; and if it would take her too long, Suicune would probably lead them to her. It was that simple.
So now, with her mind completely focused on action, working, and with every slightest hint of feeling locked up for the time being, Tamao stepped out of the Tin tower.
She was briefly surprised to see that the sun would soon start setting (she had not realized she had been in the tower that long), but quickly pushed that emotion off her mind too. It could unlock the more awkward feelings in her, she could loose control if she wasn't careful.
As Tamao was walking towards the theatre, she suddenly saw a familiar person walking towards her. At first, she couldn't really react, but soon enough she managed to fake a smile, and stop. She waited, as Morty slowly walked to her.
" Hello," he said merely, as he stopped by her.
" Hi. What might you be doing here? Shouldn't you be at the gym?" Tamao asked automatically, and Morty's eyes flashed meaningfully.
" I was worried about you," he said, and looked at her kind of sadly.
" Oh, why? I'm totally fine…" Tamao started, but her voice broke. She put her hands on her mouth, and closed her eyes.
Just her luck. In front of her sisters, who had no clue of what was going on, she would easily have stayed calm. She had been prepared to that. But facing Morty needed more preparing; after all, he knew, if not everything, a lot. She wasn't ready for that yet.
" You sure look like it too," Morty said sarcastically, but his tone was not mean. Tamao knew better than to get insulted.
" I'm sorry… I needed more time," she muttered, as she had to squeeze her eyes shut, to stop the tears from coming. There was no reason to cry. Absolutely no reason to cry.
" You do have a reason, you know," Morty's voice said calmly, soothingly.
" Sometimes I don't believe you when you say you can't read minds," Tamao muttered, and could see Morty's smile in her mind.
" I don't need to read your mind. I wouldn't even need to know you to guess what you're thinking."
" I'm easy to read?"
" I wouldn't say that… But when you're about to cry, you're more open than usually."
" Geez, Morty, I'm not going to cry! That'd be just stupid. People cry when they are sad, and I'm not sad enough for weeping. I'm just so…" Tamao's voice broke again, and she took a deep, wheezing breath.
" …darn frustrated!" she finished, almost shouting, angry.
Morty didn't say anything, probably so Tamao could get herself together. Slowly, she opened her eyes, slightly red, but not overflowing with tears. She looked at Morty, with a serious expression.
Usually Tamao would have gotten embarrassed if someone had seen her in the sate she was in. It wasn't anything new; she had always been like that. There were certain feelings she had never wanted to show everyone. But Morty was different.
She had only really got to know him when she was seven years old, until that she just knew him as the gym leader, or the 'mystic seer of the future'. But after the day she had learned more of his gift, he had become very interested in her. He had often come to greet her, and eventually they had become friends.
But it wasn't as simple as that. By time, their friendship had become stronger, until it became a friendship equal to what Tamao had shared with her Umbreon. She had not wanted to cry in front of Umbreon either, but it would have been unfair to hide in front of Morty. She had seen him in a condition he wanted to hide, so it was just fair to let him see her in her worst state.
Even now, Tamao still thought that. Besides, there was something about his calm personality that made it easier.
" It's troubling you know," she told him, and he knew what she meant.
" You could try stopping to hide them at all, that'd make it easier," Morty answered, knowing what she'd answer.
" No."
Morty smiled a little.
" I'm not forcing you to make an exception on my part, you know," he said, sounding worried.
" Yeah, yeah. You don't want to trouble me," Tamao said, and looked at the Tin tower, and the sky that was slowly being dyed to red behind it.
" But it'd be unfair. I'll rather be troubled than unfair."
" You're kind," Morty said silently, not meaning to be heard, but Tamao picked it up anyway.
" No, I'm not. I just do what one is expected to do. People shouldn't put theirselves before others, right?" she told him.
" Then you mustn't have heard, that some selfishness is okay too," Morty answered, sounding amused in a serious way.
" Where goes the lien between 'some' and 'too much'? But ignoring that, it's not like I usually act very selflessly. I still might run away from this, you know."
" You won't."
Tamao turned to look at Morty. His face was knowing, and sure. She smiled.
" That's good to know," she said.
For a while, the two just stood there. Then Tamao chuckled.
" You're right," she said, sounding amused and surprised.
" Well, one who can see the future usually is. But what might you mean?" Morty asked, looking at her with an expression full of surprise, but relief.
" I really am more open when I'm about to cry," Tamao answered, and looked him into the eyes.
" Certainly, it's rare to hear you speak so much of your thoughts," he said carefully.
" Let's not do this again," Tamao told him with a smile, and he winked.
" Never again. And we'll pretend we spent this whole while talking about the weather," he continued.
" Sure. It'll be a lovely sunset," Tamao laughed, and looked up.
She was relieved. She was in control again. She was able to push away those feelings without acting all robotic. It was amazing that she could do it; for a while she had thought this was too much for her.
" Oh, by the way, did Eusine leave already?" Tamao asked happily, not because of the subject, but because of her successfully being able to feel calm.
" They really do want you to travel with him, do they?" Morty asked, with his face covered in a fake horror.
Tamao glared at him.
" Oh come on; it is an important part of your destiny! Obviously travelling with him is the wisest thing to do!" he said, seeming troubled. It was probably fake too.
" I'll settle with that answer for now. But once we have time, you'll have to tell me every little detail you've seen about my destiny," Tamao muttered, looking at him suspiciously.
" Agh. Spare me, I beg you," Morty whined, pretending to be scared.
He then became more serious, but not too much. Just serious enough.
" He's still I the gym. He's eager to leave, but Crystal demands that they stay overnight."
" Good. Make sure they won't leave before I come over tomorrow."
" Oh, they won't leave. I locked them in."
" WHAT?" Tamao asked, shocked.
" I locked the door from inside too. You know, to keep the thieves out…" Morty started, but Tamao glared at him.
" You can't lock people in!" she shouted.
" They won't notice it until I get back. Oh, come on," he added.
" Eusine does stuff like that to me all of the time. Or tries, at least."
" It's still weird." Tamao shivered. Then she looked at them suspiciously.
" Why did you lock them in? You're going right back, aren't you?"
" Actually, I was thinking about coming with you. I haven't seen your sisters in a while," Morty said cheerfully.
" Oh, really?"
" Well, I also thought you might need some help convincing them about your trip. They might fear that you'll leave."
" I already have a plan for that," Tamao told him, but Morty smiled eerily.
" True. But it'll be faster to convince them if we tell them that I suggested this to you, won't it?" he said, sounding weirdly excited.
Tamao sighed.
" You little liar," she muttered.
" It's a good plan, isn't it?" Morty laughed.
" Sure… But it's a little cruel."
" It's not!"
" It is."
Tamao was smiling now. She had been prepared for some persuading, but Morty would make it easier.
" Fine then. Let's go," she said, oddly cheerfully. Morty looked cheerfully too.
Tamao took the first few steps. Ecruteak still made her feel strange, but now that she had felt stranger, she knew she might be able to overcome it, just until she'd get this all over with. She'd be able to return to Sinnoh… But she would come over to Johto more often. She had been a little mean, not keeping any contact with Morty.
As she walked on, Morty stayed back for a while. As Tamao turned to ask him what's wrong, she thought she saw a strange, sorrowful expression on his face for a split second. However, it was gone, replaced with a cheerful smile, before she could be sure.
Mort started walking too.
" I'm sorry. I was lost in my thoughts for a while," he said, sounding apologising.
" Oh, okay…" Tamao mumbled, but couldn't help but to feel suspicious.
But as Morty started cheerfully chatting with her, she couldn't help but to ignore it, and eventually forget about it. So, like that, the two headed for the new Dance theatre. Tamao was wondering what Morty was going to tell her sisters, but she wasn't worried. After all, Morty only ever pulled pranks on Eusine.
Underneath her cheerful cover even she couldn't see through, a powerful feeling was tightening its grip on her heart. A deep, sorrowful feeling, a feeling she didn't quite understand, even though she was feeling it even now. A feeing that hoped to change everything, a feeling that had never been stronger than now, even though she couldn't see it.
Guilt.