Peeta and I see each other a few more times that week. We bake at Peeta's and even though I feel completely useless I don't entirely hate my time with him. It gives me something to do other than wallow in my own boredom and dread of the upcoming Victory Tour. It also reminds me of why Panem likes Peeta so much. His personality is contagious and, as much as I hate to admit it, I typically leave Peeta's house in a far better mood than when I arrived.
On Sunday morning I get up early to hunt with Gale. Gale and I haven't gone hunting together since before the Games and I've been looking forward to it all week. I think of all we will be able to haul back to the Hob with our combined skills.
I quietly walk down the stairs and am surprised to see Prim sitting at the kitchen table with Buttercup on her lap.
"What are you doing up?" I ask her quietly, not wanting to wake up Mother, who slept over last night.
"Buttercup woke me up and I couldn't fall back asleep," she responds while patting the disgusting cat on the head.
"I still have no problem cooking him, you know," I tell her and smile to myself. If only…
"That's not funny, Katniss," Prim scowls at me. "Are you going to see Peeta again today?"
"I don't know. Probably not, I'm hunting with Gale. Why?" I ask.
"Just asking," She responds innocently.
I go over to door and start pulling on my leather hunting boots. I peer out the window and study the purplish sky of the early morning.
"You just seem different whenever you're with him. You're not scowling so much," she teases me.
"Prim," I warn her. I can't have her on my case about Peeta as well. Although maybe if she is noticing a change in me the Capitol will as well.
"I just want you to be happy, Katniss," she says as she looks up at me. Her blue eyes implore me and for a second I all I can think of are Peeta's blue eyes. Before I lose my train of thought I grab my game bag and shout a "goodbye" to Prim. I glance at Peeta's house as I make my way across the yard in the direction of the woods. His lights are on, like they always are whenever I pass. I wonder if he ever sleeps.
"Hey Gale," I greet as I reach our usual spot in the woods. I see him turn around sharply at the sound of my voice. He smiles broadly when he sees me and stands up from his sitting position on a rotting log.
"Hey Catnip! Long time no see," he says as he grabs his bow and quiver. "Ready?"
I nod enthusiastically, ready to return to any semblance of normalcy that we had established before the Games. I'm relieved there's no unnecessary cheek-kissing and hugging.
After about three hours we have been able to take down two turkeys, three squirrels and one rabbit. I'm happy with the haul but my muscles ache from lack of sleep and the exertion of sneaking through the woods. I feel my Capitol-provided shower calling for me at my house in the Victor's Village.
Gale and I reach the edge of the woods by the electric fence and he runs over to see if it's turned on. I watch him bend down, his head close to the wires.
"It's on," he calls back to me. This isn't that surprising considering District 12 has more money than before due to the wealth that two Victors from the district can bring. After all, more money for the District means more electricity.
I sit down under the cover of the trees that line the meadow and watch Gale make his way to me. We sit in silence for a few minutes before he speaks.
"I'm really glad you're back, Catnip," he says.
I look over at him and see that he's been watching me.
"Me too, Gale," I say, giving him a very small smile. I've been craving our old hunting routine, something that the Capitol hasn't stolen from me yet.
"How much longer do you have to keep up this charade with baker boy?" he asks. His question seemingly comes from out of nowhere and I frown at the way he refers to Peeta.
"I don't know. Until things die down maybe?" I suggest.
"Doesn't it bother you? Having to traipse around on his arm all day?" Gale asks, annoyed.
"On some level. But if it keeps the people I love safe then I'm OK with it," I tell him. I think back to Haymitch's words to me from a few days ago. "You could do a lot worse, you know."
"Let's just run away, then. Run away from it all. We could survive, you and me. Prim could come. We could be safe. We could be happy," Gale looks at me, an intense expression written on his face. Haven't we had this discussion before? Before the Games even started, when things were much less complicated? Even then it was impossible.
"It's different now, Gale. I'm a Victor. I can't just run away. They'll know within 15 minutes if I'm gone." I can't run away from Peeta, either, but I don't tell that to Gale. It feels unnatural even thinking about it. Peeta and I are a strange team and I can't abandon him.
I'm not sure where Gale is going with this line of questioning so I leave my spot on the grass to check the fence again. I'm relieved when I don't hear the buzz of electricity.
"It's off, let's go," I call over to Gale. He doesn't move, only paces back and forth between the trees, glancing at me occasionally.
"Come on!" I hiss at him. If anyone sees us we'll be in big trouble. The sun has already risen and I can hear District 12 waking up from my spot by the fence.
He is either ignoring me or doesn't hear me so I jog over to where he is standing by the woods.
"What are you—"
I don't get to finish my question because Gale has turned around and planted his lips on mine. It takes a few moments for me to react due to my complete and utter shock. I can feel his lips move against mine, trying to get them to cooperate. I shift my head to move away from him but he brings his hands up to the sides of my face and holds me in place. I try to wriggle free of his grasp but he only holds me tighter. Angered, I bring my hand up to his head and hit him as hard as I can.
That seems to get his attention because he finally breaks away from me, breathing heavily.
"What was that for?" He asks angrily.
"What was that for? What was that for?" I say gesturing between us.
"What, so baker boy can kiss you but I can't?" Gale asks bitterly.
Speechless, I just stare at him, slack-jawed. Gale sighs and walks toward me. I back away in response and the hurt in Gale's eyes is palpable.
"Katniss," Gale implores and he delicately places a hand on my shoulder, afraid I might run away. "I should have told you before. Before you went to the Games. Before the Reaping, even." His eyes bore into mine as what he says next registers with me.
"I love you."
I stand in the cluster of trees by the fence and look up at him. "What?" I whisper.
"I love you. I love you," he repeats at me while smiling. I don't return it. In fact, I probably look like I tasted something quite revolting. I shake my head at him.
"Gale…" I search my brain for the proper response to his statement. 'I love you, too' isn't one of them.
"Don't you love me?" he asks.
It takes me a few moments to respond. "I do. But not the way you love me," I tell him solemnly. I feel terrible. Am I breaking Gale's heart as well?
Gale's smile disappears and he turns around, staring into the woods for a few moments. I look at him, not sure what to do. Suddenly he turns back around and looks at me angrily.
"So what? You love Mellark, don't you?" He spits at me.
I shake my head. So this is what this whole thing is about. Gale is jealous of Peeta. This bothers me more than Gale's assaulting kiss. Nobody should be jealous of a Victor, Peeta especially. He's gone through too much. I lost him his leg and I broke his heart. I've hurt him so much. Every time I say "goodbye" to him on our strange "bonding sessions" I see the hopelessness etched into his face.
"You are both my friends! I care about both of you!" I exclaim.
I am suddenly filled with an overwhelming sadness. Is this what is to become of my relationship with Gale? The same strange relationship I currently have with Peeta? Awkward small talk and unbearable guilt?
"Do you love him?" Gales asks me again.
"No! He's my friend. Just like you are my friend," I shout as I ball my fists. I'm starting to get angry. Why can't he just understand for once?
"I was your friend first! Does that mean anything to you? I should have known that I had no chance when I saw you too all lovey-dovey in the arena," Gale spits at me.
My hand seems to make contact with Gale's cheek of its own accord. I can see an angry red mark starting to form from where I slapped him. It's been less than 10 minutes and I've hit Gale twice. This must be some sort of record.
"I was fighting for my life! And if that meant sharing a few kisses with Peeta, so be it. Peeta saved my life, more times then I can even think of. And he for sure wouldn't be treating me like a piece of shit the way you are doing right now." I shout furiously.
I'm out of trees and on the other side of the fence before Gale can comprehend what I just said.
I'm fuming as I make my way back to the Victor's Village. I left my game bag in the woods and I hope Gale won't be too stubborn to leave it there. His family still lives in the Seam and they need as much food as they can get. I am making my way up the stairs of my porch when I hear Haymitch calling me.
"Come here, sweetheart. News from the Capitol."
I stop in my tracks and turn toward the sound of Haymitch's voice. His head is peaking out of the door to his house and he's looking at me gravely. I know it must be serious. I walk back down the stairs and up the steps to Haymitch's house.
Haymitch moves aside as I enter through his front door. The smell is what I notice first. Clearly Haymitch doesn't think it is necessary to clean his house regularly or else I wouldn't be assaulted with such an offending odor. When my eyes adjust to the darkness I see that the layout of his house is much similar to my own. The only difference is that it looks like a bomb exploded here, leaving it covered in random debris from 20 plus years of Haymitch's inhabitance. There are at least 10 bottles of empty liquor bottles scattered around the living room and I see two full ones propped up against his unused fireplace. If Effie ever set foot in here she would have an aneurism.
I spot Peeta sitting at Haymitch's kitchen table, his shirt and arms covered in flour. Haymitch must have interrupted his baking. Does he ever stop baking? Haymitch plops down next to him and I take a seat across from the both of them.
"Do you know what this is about?" I ask Peeta, a bit more harshly than necessary. Peeta quirks an eyebrow at me, questioning my nasty tone and disheveled appearance.
"The Capitol is moving the date of the Victory Tour up a few months. To three days from now," Haymitch states before he takes a sip of whatever vile substance is in his flask at the moment.
I look at Peeta and he switches his gaze to his hands.
"They miss their star-crossed lovers from District 12. Want to see what they're up to," Haymitch elaborates.
"Oh" I say. I wasn't expected to depart for the Victory Tour for at least two more months.
"The whole motley crew will be here in three days to prepare you two for the next step of the grand ol' adventure," Haymitch says, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "So…" he says as he stands up abruptly, grabbing Peeta by the scruff of his shirt before he throws him in my direction. "Act like you could possibly love each other," Haymitch pleads. "Whatever you're doing now isn't enough. Got that Casanova?" he asks Peeta.
Peeta looks down at his feet, his cheeks growing pink. I'm too angered from the day's events to be affected by Haymitch's words so I just scowl at him.
"Don't give me that, sweetheart. You don't deserve him anyway," Haymitch says condescendingly, before ushering us both out of his house.
Once on Haymitch's porch I look at Peeta. He is still staring at his feet, his hands in his pockets.
"Peeta," I say and I tap his shoulder. He looks at me, his eyes forlorn.
"I'm sorry, Katniss," Peeta murmurs.
"For what?" I ask surprised. What could he possibly be sorry for?
"If it weren't for me you wouldn't be in this mess. You wouldn't have to pretend anymore. Your life wouldn't have been completely derailed," he explains.
I look up at him and cross my arms over my chest. Leave it to Peeta to apologize about something that is out of his control. I don't know if it was my previous encounter with Gale but I feel the need to let Peeta know I can never hold him responsible for what happened to us. At first I blamed him, yes. But now I realize what he did: he saved us. There is no way I would have gotten enough sponsors to survive the Games without his help.
"You're right. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be a part of this mess. I would be dead." His eyes meet mine and we share a long look. "You saved my life. More than once, and I will never blame you for what the Capitol does to me." Peeta looks like he wants to interject but I put my hand on his mouth.
"So don't apologize to me about this situation again," I order. "OK?" I ask him more softly. He looks like he is searching for something else to say but instead just nods his head, his resignation visible.
"I'll see you tomorrow. More baking, I'm guessing?" I ask him, attempting to be light-hearted and failing miserably. He smiles.
"You could always take me into the woods and teach me how to shoot a bow and arrow," Peeta considers aloud, his smile growing by the second.
"I'll take you into the woods once Effie refuses to wear five-inch high heels," I tell him.
"Baking it is," declares Peeta. "But just remember the alternative when you get snippy tomorrow."
"Fine," I sigh dramatically, feeling the corners of my mouth twitch upward. Peeta looks at me and I feel my cheeks start to heat up again. I say 'goodbye' and walk down the stairs and back to my house faster than usual, my fingers tingling from where they touched Peeta's lips.