Well this might be the least popular thing I've ever written but my muse has me by the throat and shows no sign of relenting. No beta so apologies for any errors.
Cassie hurried through the doors away from Rachel and scurried down the corridor as quickly as her heels would allow her. A quick emphatic 'fuck' escaped her lips as she realised her jacket was still in the auditorium hosting the post Winter Showcase performance celebration. She daren't risk going back as there was no way she control herself again in close proximity to Rachel. Not now she'd touched those lips. She stepped outside to hail a cab. The sooner she removed herself from all that youthful temptation the better. She relaxed against the seat and rolled her head back. How had she come to be this pathetic, lovelorn, miserable excuse of a dance professor? God she needed a drink. Shame she was going cold turkey after Rachel's incessant mutterings of 'lush' in her classes had finally got to her. That impudent flick of a hand in the 'All That Jazz' routine had provided the final impetus needed. She wasn't dependent on drink; it had just made her rather tedious life more bearable.
Cassie couldn't have known what was in store for her when she took the first class of dance 101, with its usual collection of eager to please, trying to project an air of sophistication, freshmen. She'd been doing the same class for years, all those shiny dreams and hopes of her students laid out in her hand just waiting for her to crush them. She was practically on autopilot as she made the obligatory world-worn speech about the inevitability of failure and dashed dreams. She singled out the non-anorexic of the class for her brutal 'muffin-top' comment only to notice that one of the newbies dared to show her displeasure at Cassie's jibe. Oh it was all running as smoothly as ever, she now knew who it was she needed to break before the end of the semester, well to be fair, usually two weeks were enough. The big brown-eyed ingenue (who quite frankly didn't have the looks for even a sniff of a hope of a Broadway career) would probably be the first to transfer out of her class. Small town girl, big dreams but precious little hope - how many of those had she seen have their hopes dashed on the rocks of reality? It was only as the girl in question identified herself as Rachel Berry that Cassie realised that she'd taken on a little more of a challenge than she'd intended. There had been talk in the staffroom about some big voiced new student who had had even Carmen practically salivating with excitement and predicting this Rachel Berry had the talent as well as the determination and stamina to be successful. Carmen rarely made such a pronouncement and the idea that she had turned the girl down on her application to NAYDA just to test her determination was also unprecedented. The unremarkable, slightly apologetic, keen to please girl in front of her was The Rachel Berry who Carmen was pining the future hopes of NYADA on? Oh please.
Cassie should have expected the face of Rachel Berry to include that rather large hooter after all, seriously, what did she expect with the popular Jewish name Rachel? Okay maybe berry wasn't much of a clue. This slightly cowering girl in front of her was meant to be NYADAs next big thing? Well excuse her if she didn't just suspect that Carmen was finally losing her marbles. Cassie had been too busy recalling all the Rachel Berry staffroom gossip to be able to spend time focussing on her insults so she'd had to settle for a rather disappointing 'Schwimmer'. Still, the heightened colour on the girl's cheeks was enough for her to know she'd scored some points. Once long ago she'd been the next big thing, now look at the miserable standard of alleged star quality in front of her. She dogged the girl a little during that first rehearsal gaining a little satisfaction from her stumbling - oh and that complete lack of understanding of the cut throat world of performance when she'd thought Cassie was going to help her up? Such a good set up for a put down. Cassie just knew she'd be gaining a perverse pleasure from seeing this one quickly exit her classes. Still, maybe she'd be doing the girl a favour saving her years of wasted effort trying to be something she'd never even be considered for. Big voices were a dime a dozen, it was the looks and the moves that made the difference. This pathetic nobody had neither.
How wrong she was. This Berry girl had far more backbone and resilience than she'd given her credit for. She'd dared to challenge Cassie about there being alcohol on her breath - which there was - in front of the entire class. She instantly retorted about mouthwash and watched the jumped up pipsqueak actually fight back a reply. Miss Nothing from Ohio had actually dared to even consider challenging her, Cassandra July, on her own territory of her dance studio? She was so outraged and riled up that she launched into one of the routines she occassionally practised with the seniors just to keep her hand in. This time however she was so incensed she'd ripped off the skirt that had been giving her outfit the semblance of modesty and basically gave the rauchiest version of the Americano number ever, all aimed at the slightly alarmed freshmen in front of her. Said freshman was clinging to the table behind her for dear life and, as she nervously licked her lips, Cassie realised she just wanted to stalk over to Rachel and pull her head back by her ponytail and smash her lips against hers. The thought shocked her and she nearly wavered in her next step. Just when had her feelings morphed from anger into barely containable lust? It must be the alcohol or lack of food or even just the irritating tantalising air of innocence Rachel projected that just made Cassie want to ... She focussed on counting her way through the rest of the dance to distract herself from her unhelpful if somewhat explicit thoughts. An ice-cold private shower was only moments away and then she could go about getting her head straight. She just about held it together to challenge Rachel on her muttering of lush but really her focus wasn't on it. It was unfortunate that her last image of Rachel, looking breathless and in admiration of her performance was hardly one to help squeeze the lid back on the jar of feelings that had suddenly been unleashed.
One long cold shower and several strong black coffees later and Cassie was ready to rationalise away what had just happened. She was over tired, she'd had alcohol on an empty stomach and the lack of action in the bedroom for a few months now was obviously taking its toll on her imagination. The object of her - she squirmed a bit before settling on - ah attentions could have been anybody. Little Miss Innocent who had stoked the fires of her rage had then become the target of her own over-active over-tired imagination. She knew very little about the annoying girl, probably she was not quite young enough to be her daughter age wise but surely the age difference was enough to make the idea of an entanglement ludicrous besides, she wasn't even particularly attractive. Well at least not in the conventional sense, those soulful eyes could probably bend the strongest will to her wishes and those lips would probably be soft and gentle to the touch. Cassie stopped herself at this point. It was an aberration - she needed to stop drinking during working hours.
Cassie convinced herself that her strategy of ignoring Rachel's existence bar a few choice putdowns was working swimmingly. Maybe she'd watch the unremarkable teen out of the corner of her eye just a bit and there would be a flood of emotions if the girl ventventures close to her - just plain old dislike right? - but really her new sober during working hours self was back under control. And then she got over confident and cocky. She couldn't even blame her poor judgement on anything she'd ingested. For some inexplicable reason she thought taunting Rachel about being unsuitable to learn the tango because she had no sex appeal was a good idea. She'd dressed it up in the classroom logistics of an odd number of students (although she was glad there'd be no opportunity for the hormone riddled boys to lay their clumsy hands on Miss Innocence) that and Rachel's awkwardness within her own body - ha! She wished. Those soulful brown eyes had gazed all hurt into hers as Rachel blurted out her ambitions for roles on Broadway showing sentimentality for musicals that Cassie had thought no longer existed in the young. Cassie realised she'd ventured to close as the urge to apologise and just give the youngster a hug nearly overwhelmed her. Fortunately an inner voice screaming 'what the fuck are you doing' was enough for her to abort the planned hug after only a slight twitch of her arms. She hastened away from the danger zone schooling her features to impassive and berating her stupidity. A narrow escape but she'd got away with it or so she thought.
Next class a somewhat differently dressed Rachel, Cassie scoured her curves approvingly, arrived with the stud of the college Brody and announced she was ready to show Ms July that she could do sexy. Cassie would have admired her nerve if she weren't being distracted by those shapely legs. She absent-mindedly acquiesced to Rachel's request to perform as her inner voice howled in outrage at what a bad idea this was. Cassie settled herself at the back of the room feigning disinterest when really she couldn't tear her eyes away from the shapely figure in front of her. The red of Rachel's lipstick stood out in the brown, black and greys of the room. Cassie found herself idly wondering just what those lips might taste like and then the music started and this knowingly innocent vixen stepped out of the misty atmosphere and stopped Cassie's heart. The urge to take her stick and beat Brody senseless for daring to lay his hands on Rachel, even if it was just a dance, was almost overwhelming. She had to settle for narrowing her eyes at him and gripping her stick tighter to ground herself. When Rachel leaned back on the table spreading her legs and seemingly offering herself Cassie found her temperature rising a few more degrees. A few dry swallows and a stern talking to later she had herself back under control.
As the performance drew to a close Cassie realised there was a Britney Spears song that she now didn't mind. It was hardly a vehicle to demonstrate the versatility and range of someone's voice but she knew she would be recalling this version often. She gave herself a brief moment to collect her thoughts as the song ended and Rachel sought her feedback. She needed to put distance between herself and Rachel and her only weapon was her words. She deliberately praised Brody then savaged Rachel's dancing and choice of song in the hope the girl would quickly exit the classroom in humiliation or outrage, it didn't really matter which. She'd miscalculated - again. Instead of driving Rachel to an embarrassed exit she watched instead as she straightened up and glared at her with such intensity that Cassie felt herself shiver in response. Then Rachel unleashed her true feelings about Cassie's jealousy and her fame now being restricted to that of being a YouTube joke. It was hard not to focus on the chest heaving with indignation in her eyeline but Cassie managed to drag her eyes up to reach Rachel's. The opportunity to exit this encounter and escape the effects this girl had on her had been presented on a platter and she duly seized it, ordering Rachel from her class for good. Finally she had a reason to ban her. She could now move on from the unhealthy influence this student had on her - so why wasn't she more pleased?
Cassie had stalked into Carmen's office directly from the classroom eager to gain the stamp of approval for removing Rachel indefinitely from her classes. She'd paced up and down in front of Carmen's desk as she recounted Rachel's outburst and demanded her permanent removal from her classes. Carmen appraised her thoughtfully.
"It seems this Rachel Berry has the ability to get under your skin," ventured Carmen neutrally.
"She's an arrogant, rude, untalented.." listed Cassie filtering out terms she knew Carmen would disapprove of as she spoke.
"..Student who dares to stand up to you," finished off Carmen," Rather than meekly bending to your will like the rest of the timid sheep you teach."
Cassie glared at Carmen and then leant on the desk to bring their faces closer together.
"In case you missed it the first time, she called me jealous and made insulting reference to a period of my life I'm trying hard to move on from," seethed Cassie.
Carmen met her gaze coolly giving no sign of discomfort at the enraged dance teacher looming over her and encroaching on her personal space.
"Indeed," Carmen said softly," And just what did you say to provoke that reaction?"
Cassie slumped into the chair behind her. She couldn't really remember what she'd said but wasn't that missing the point. A thought struck her.
"Has Rachel made a complaint?" she asked
"Should she have?" countered Carmen. The remark hung in the air as Cassie carefully considered her interactions with Rachel. Maybe she should have complained but Rachel didn't really come across as someone who even considered using another person to fight her battles. She had a steely core that allowed her to bounce back unscathed and unsullied by whatever Cassie threw at her.
"Her remarks were in front of an audience so she needs to be punished beyond an apology," Cassie said calmly before adding a little defensively, " and my methods get results so I'm not going to apologise."
Carmen scrutinised her carefully and then sighed.
"A warning then," said Carmen
"And an apology," insisted Cassie,"You'll need to tell her."
Carmen smiled," Oh I doubt I'll get the chance to speak to her before she's making a beeline to apologise to you," Carmen paused for a moment and Cassie made her way towards the door, "Cassie?" she turned to face the Head of School," Remember you're the adult here."
Cassie made a non-committal grunt and then headed to her office. What was that remark meant to mean?
Carmen had been right, Rachel was back as soon as her timetable would allow wearing what had to be a world record breaking skirt for shortness or was it just a wide ribbon? Cassie continued with her warm up using the mirror to allow her to check out just how lithe those legs were. A contrite and somewhat pathetic version of Rachel was delivering a long-winded apology. Cassie gave her usual 'for your own good' speech and then mischievously decided to let Rachel help her with her stretches. Rachel's tentative hand on her thigh set her nerve ends alight and Cassie placed her hand on top of Rachel's ostensibly to increase the stretch but really to prolong the contact. Such a soft hand. Cassie glanced at the mirror- was that a hint of a blush on the girl's face? She changed to a stretch that practically placed her rear in the girl's eyeline and watched surreptitiously as Rachel's colour heightened and her eyes remained fixed on Cassie's shapely rear. Maybe whatever it was between them wasn't just on her side. Time to remove temptation - she sent Rachel away with enough hand washing to toughen up those soft hands. She needed to get her head in gear and her emotions under control; after all she was the adult here.
So Cassie decided a more forensic approach was needed. She scrutinised her classes trying to understand her feelings. There were plenty of students who moved with more grace and fluency than Rachel. There were plenty of students who were conventionally more aesthetically pleasing than Rachel. There was even a handful that was both and yet...Only Rachel had any impact on her heart rate. Something about that mix of vulnerability and single-minded determination drew Cassie in. She told herself loudly and repeatedly all the reasons why nothing could happen between them even in the unlikely event that Rachel felt the same way back - age, power imbalance, age, unprofessionalism, age, common fucking sense and of course age. She thought she might finally be getting through to herself when a new sophisticated and older-looking Rachel suddenly appeared in her classes after a makeover from her Vogue-employed flatmate (if her chatter was to be believed). Rachel didn't just look different but she moved differently with a poise and confidence she'd been lacking before. Cassie's feelings grew rather than diminished.
Cassie could see Brody circling round Rachel, ready to add yet another notch to his bedpost. She worked him hard in her lessons as her only outlet for the feelings of jealousy evoked by his blatant pursuit of someone far too good for him. Then suddenly an out of place awkward lump of a boy was seated in her lesson with his gaze fixed on following Rachel. She had a bit more bounce about her, gushed when introducing her boyfriend to her peers although Cassie noticed the smile didn't seem to reach her eyes. 'High school boyfriend and a relationship headed for the rocks if not already floundering there' diagnosed Cassie. The more subdued suspiciously red-rimmed, damp-eyed Rachel who next appeared in her lesson confirmed her suspicions. She wanted to offer comfort but instead settled for toning down her relentless criticism; the urge to offer Rachel comfort by enveloping the girl in her arms and reassuring her she was destined for bigger and better things rather caught Cassie off guard. Just when did the need to be protective sneak under her cynical shields?
Cassie took her upper freshmen into her next class to shield her from the need to offer comfort. It was no surprise to her that Brody headed straight for Rachel but she convinced herself that the smile Rachel gave him was worth the surge of annoyance she was feeling. She couldn't stop herself from moving closer to eavesdrop on their conversation. Her concern about Brodys motives was quickly replaced with alarm at the idea Rachel would even dream of auditioning for Ivan. Ivan made her look like a complete pussycat. He'd crush and stomp on Rachel's dreams only after ensuring she'd thoroughly humiliated herself first. Ivan thrived on finding out just how far he could push aspiring actors, to find out just how desperate they were for fame. The tomato juice incident still had the ability to make Cassie cringe with embarrassment and shame. Throwing all her resolutions of not interacting any more than necessary with Rachel aside she tried to persuade Rachel not to audition and even mentioned her humiliating audition in a bid to add weight to her argument. Rachel's stubborn insistence that she was ready infuriated her as well as making her want to smile. She was unprepared for Rachel suddenly suggesting she audition too - such naivity - and her teasing response about the role Rachel was suggesting for her was that of a faded (thankfully not alcoholic or she'd have been completely unamused) southern belle had the girl flustered and blushing in a manner that Cassie had to admit was really quite adorable. She hardened her heart. In the short term she needed to stop Rachel attending the audition and then she could deal with her own misplaced and inappropriate infatuation.
The opportunity to intervene came earlier than expected. Rachel was stretching with her flat mate as Cassie detoured into the room once she'd glimpsed who was inside. The flatmates admiration of her abs was only gratifying as it drew Rachel's eyes to them and then she seemed to struggle to tear them away. Cassie feigned disinterest in the conversation about whether they should go back home but knew her offer of her air miles had sealed the deal. The possibility of Rachel reconciling with that lump of a boyfriend was better than her suffering at Ivan's hands. She now just needed to deal with Rachel's enthusiatic gratitude and her bright eyed eagerness that hinted at her pleasure at being on more friendly terms with her dance teacher. Cassie knew she needed to nip that in the bud but how to do that didn't come to her until later that night, as she lay awake (as she so often did lately) thinking about Rachel.
The genius of her plan was that it killed several birds with one stone; the weakness was that it did hinge on how Brody responded to her advances. Mind you he didn't gain his reputation as a college stud by being a shy retiring wallflower. On the plus side it would deal with her too long abstinence from bedroom activities and hence bring her libido under control, it would put a rift in the Brody-Rachel whatever it was and it would definitely clarify for Rachel that they weren't friends, not that it mattered once she got over her temporary insanity caused by being sex-starved. Okay, becoming involved with a student did go against her own moral code; she did have one thank you very much, but needs must and all that. Besides it would be an act that would ensure nothing would ever happen, however unlikely, between her and Rachel and maybe she'd finally accept that.
It all turned out to be easier than even she anticipated apart from trying to push all her qualms and misgivings to the back of her mind. Maybe Brody wasn't quite as controlled and poised in the bedroom as he was on the dance floor but well, it scratched at itch however briefly. Cassie was lying in her bed having sent Brody off on a snack-gathering mission so she could loathe herself in peace. She didn't think she could feel worse and then Brody's phone rang and Rachel's smiling face appeared on the screen. A quick thrill ran through her helping her realise quite how futile her scheming had been and then she steeled herself as she answered the call. She'd come this far and had the acting skills to carry this off. Rachel's bewilderment and then hurt betrayal carried down the phone making Cassie feel disgusted with herself but she bravely carried on. Rachel finally cut her off mid-rant. Cassie dragged her miserable self out of bed. It was time to send Brody on his way and then find a strategy for forgetting that didn't involve alcohol.
In the end Cassie decided she couldn't face the doe-eyed disappointment of Rachel in her next class. To be fair she could barely face herself in the mirror despite knowing the outcome would justify the rather questionable means. She worked hard on keeping herself occupied but with limited success. Still, the end of the semester was fast approaching and she could count the number of remaining lessons on one hand. The tension was building amongst the students about the winter showcase although Cassie really couldn't find the energy to even be interested in it with Alexandria being such a firm favourite. That was until the jungle drums were alive with the news of Rachel Berry's elevation to near legend status by her receiving an invitation to perform. Rather than congratulating her though Cassie just used the invite as a reason to pour on yet more scorn only now Rachel didn't just take it, she fought back. The flashing eyes and exasperated tone just riled Cassie further until she'd challenged Rachel to a dance-off in such a way the girl couldn't really refuse. She stalked to a starting position, insisted on 'All That Jazz' and launched into the number even as her heart raced with excitement and her head groaned in dismay.
Cassie kept her eyes fixed on Rachel. She had made vast improvements since the dance classes began yet unsurprisingly was still was no match for Cassie. Vocally the position was reversed as Rachel hit all the notes with apparently little effort - Cassie could now see what had got the usually calm Carmen excited. A voice to be admired then but Cassie was busy admiring a perky cleavage and the exuberance that radiated from Rachel in waves. She wanted those hands on her hips and that head being thrown back because of what she'd done. Cassie was pulling out all the stops almost as if this was some sort of mating ritual and if she just danced well enough Rachel would be hers. As the song ended and they stood staring at each other surrounded by students Cassie knew the laboured breathing and the pounding of her heart were little to do with the dance and all to do with her desire for Rachel. She saved herself from doing anything foolish by a snarky remark and a quick retreat to claim a towel. One rather out of character sarcastic Thank-you later and Rachel exited the room, head held high and spirits undiminished. Cassie wanted to cry with frustration but instead settled for reassuring herself that she'd done her bit to motivate Rachel for the Winter Showcase. There was nothing that girl thrived on more than a challenge.
She tried to stay away, she really did, but she just couldn't not see what her interaction with Rachel had inspired. Cassie snuck in just moments before the event started and found a seat right at the back. She'd be able to ogle the object of her unprofessional fantasies without fear of being spotted. The chosen ten were very good at what they chose to do but only two were outstanding, Alexandria and Rachel. Alexandria chose a pretentious piece whereas Rachel chose to just simply sing. As Rachel's voice filled the auditorium the hair on the back of Cassie's neck stood up and goosebumps rose on her arms. She wasn't alone in her reaction as a standing ovation greeted the end of the number and Carmen encouraged Rachel to sing an encore. Cassie couldn't believe she had tear filled eyes - maybe the menopause was striking ridiculously early? She knew her efforts to fight her feelings for this mere slip of a girl had been in vain. The urge to wrap her hands in those dark tresses and kiss those pouty lips was just stronger than ever. She was at a loss how to fight it.
Cassie was waiting for the right moment to slip away unnoticed once the performances had ended and Rachel had been announced, somewhat unnecessarily, as the winner. She wanted to avoid the temptation of those enticing glasses of wine and the threat of polite mind-numbing conversation. She remained seated at the back of the auditorium trying to bring her erratic feelings under control as she watched Rachel be feted and acknowledged in the manner she deserved. A bit of salacious daydreaming about how in a parallel universe she'd show her appreciation for Rachel's talents later and she was ready to make her exit. Cassie was busy congratulating herself on her stealth skills as she slipped through the doors only to find herself in close proximity to the one person she'd hoped to avoid.
Rachel was stood flush-faced and with gloriously alive eyes only inches from her. Cassie's heart thundered in her chest and her focus narrowed down to the enticing plump lips a mere head bend away. She could see Rachel was having the same difficulties breathing as she was although in Rachel's case it was probably fear rather than unbridled desire. Their eyes locked and Rachel had then recovered enough to start to speak. Cassie placed a finger gently on those lips to silence her so the perfect moment remained unspoiled. She fought with herself not to use her hands to pull that face towards hers and it was only an immense effort of will that stopped her replacing her finger with her lips like she had so often thought about. She pratically ran away in fear, diving inelegantly through the nearest doors shocked and appalled at what she'd so nearly done. As she raced away a small part of her brain was busy reliving the feel of those lips on her finger and imagining how they would feel on her lips, how they would taste.
Now here she was heading back to her apartment with a head full of images she needed to forget and heart full of regrets and what-ifs. God she needed a drink or maybe a different job. Cassie sighed heavily and closed her eyes as visions of Rachel's lips danced across her eyelids. She had the winter break to regain her sanity – she feared it wasn't long enough.