The more steps she walked with still hearing the steps of the red-haired boy from behind her, the more anxious Tamao became. She had already asked herself a thousand times why the others fainted and she didn't, but she had come to the conclusion it was because she knew Umbreon. But she now thought it couldn't be so. After all, this boy didn't know Umbreon, did he? He couldn't. Tamao had no idea who he was, do Umbreon couldn't know him either. They had always been together, back in the old days.
The boy followed Tamao calmly. He didn't seem surprised. Actually, he seemed too calm. Suddenly, Tamao couldn't handle it anymore. She turned around, and looked up to the boys' eyes.
" Who are you?!" she asked, a bit too loudly. She realized how suspicious she sounded.
At last, the boy looked surprised.
" What's that all of a sudden?" he asked, and Tamao tried to calm down. She took short breaths, as if after running a long distance, and stared at him, on her guard. There had been something fishy in that storm that had lead them here, and there was something fishy about this boy. She was sure of it.
" Tell me. Who are you? What was up with that thing outside?" Tamao asked. Better to start from the beginning.
" Oh, with Crystal? That's a long story. Anyway, you sound like you'd suspect me to be evil or something. I can assure you, I didn't kidnap those two or anything. They probably just got lost from us, it is quite dark in here", the boy said, and sounded amused. Tamao became annoyed.
" Listen, I know what happened to the two as well as you do. Now please tell me; who are you?"
" Hnn? You do?" the boy looked very surprised now. Tamao felt weird, but didn't look away.
" You do know what happened to them, right?" she asked carefully.
" Pretty much. Do you?"
" No doubt."
" Interesting… I was wondering why you wouldn't…" the boy muttered, and seemed to examine Tamao with his eyes, as much as he could see in the darkness.
Tamao decided to take a chance.
" …Faint?" she filled in for him. The boy smiled an interesting smile.
" Exactly. You do know what's going on after all!" he said. He sounded delighted.
" I told you so, didn't I?" Tamao snapped. She felt uncomfortable. How much did this boy know?
" Interesting… You might even know more than I do!" the boy continued ever so cheerfully.
" I certainly hope so…" Tamao muttered. Unfortunately, the boy seemed to hear her.
" So… You've been in a similar situation before?" he asked.
Tamao decided not to lie, but be very round about.
" Twice", she answered blankly.
" I win. I've seen this happen five times. So, you've got any idea what's waiting for us in the end of the darkness?"
" Yes."
" So you're a brave one, then?"
" I wouldn't say that."
Tamao stared at the boy, and he still seemed very interested in her.
" So, you have seen it. But do you know what it is? If you do, please tell me. See, I've got no clue", the boy said. Was he playing her?
" I… don't know", Tamao lied. So it seemed he had seen Umbreon. But when he said he didn't know what he was, he might be speaking the truth. If so, he didn't need to know.
The boy narrowed his eyes, but he was still smiling.
" Whatever you say", he said. He didn't seem to believe her. Tamao didn't care. He couldn't force her to talk.
The boy yawned, as the mist around them seemed to get darker. Tamao sighed. If the boy had made it to see Umbreon, he obviously wasn't going to faint. But why? Why didn't he?
" This isn't the time to think about that. I'll figure it out later. Right now, only finding Umbreon and rescuing him matters, even if I'll be stuck with this guy while I do it!" she told herself, and gripped her hands.
" So… You wanted to know who I was, didn't you?" the boy suddenly asked. He still sounded cheerful.
" Well, it'd be handier. I'm sick of thinking of you as 'the red-haired boy'", Tamao answered. She tried to distract him. He seemed smart; she didn't want to have him fool her to say something she didn't want to say.
The boy muttered something, apparently annoyed by her comment, but then smiled again.
" Sure, whatever. Anyway, if I tell you my name, I'll have to hear yours."
" You sound like you're trying to blackmail me or something. What do I care if you know my name?" Tamao snapped. This boy really annoyed her at times.
" That's the right attitude!" the boy laughed. Why did he sound so… evil when he laughed? It was annoying!
" Well?" Tamao snapped again.
" Yes, yes. The name is Silver. You then?"
" Tamao."
" Like that… what was it again…? Kimono girl?"
" I am that Kimono girl. Or was… However you please."
" Oh? I thought you looked familiar. But I figured your hair is too short."
" Oh, really?" Tamao asked, but couldn't help but to notice that it was the second time someone had said her hair was too short. What was up with that? She liked it as it was, it was easy to take care of and all! Long hair had been so troublesome… And besides, she had always had it tied up, so what did it really matter?
" Really. That and…" Silver started. Tamao didn't really want to hear, but asked anyway.
" And what?" she sighed.
" Well, I thought you were dead."
" Dead?"
" Yeah. I heard rumours that you died in that fire thing five years ago. Oh wait, it wasn't you, was it now?"
" Obviously. Or do I look like a ghost?" Tamao felt extremely annoyed, but Silver ignored her and continued.
" It was your pokemon, wasn't it? Which was it again, Espeon?"
" Umbreon. And yes, he died then." Why did she even bother to answer him?
" Right. Cool," the boy named Silver said. Tamao couldn't believe her ears.
" What's cool about that?!" she snapped.
" No, no, I didn't mean that it's cool that your pokemon died, or anything. Geez, I just meant it's cool that you're a kimono girl", Silver said, apparently a little annoyed by Tamao yelling at him.
" Was", Tamao muttered, trying to calm down.
" Right, was. I'll remember that", Silver told her, and seemed to have calmed down in an instant.
For a while, they just stood there, staring at each other. Tamao's boiling started to calm down, and she sighed. Why were things so complicated? Could this Silver guy just do her a favour and faint, so she wouldn't need to worry about him? Not that she cared what happened to him, she just feared he might mess things up even worse than they already were.
" Well then. Shall we go?" Silver suddenly asked. He seemed to be on a good mood, as opposed to Tamao.
" Sure", she answered. Her voice was a lit calmer now than before.
Silver smiled at her, and started walking, not behind her this time, but by her. Tamao felt him looking at her, all of the time. It annoyed her, so she decided to start a conversation.
" So what's that long story with you and Crystal?" she asked him. Not that she really cared, but there wasn't really anything else she could talk to him about. They both knew what the weather was like.
" Oh, so you want to hear?"
" Whatever. I'm bored", Tamao said, without really caring what came out of her mouth.
" Bored in a situation like this. Now that's cool. I think I like you", Silver sounded like he was pleased, too.
" Yeah, yeah. I love you too. Tell me", Tamao told him. Silver snorted, but as Tamao glanced at him, he still looked cheerful. It was very odd when a person with angry eyes looked happy. Tamao had to tell herself, twice, that it wasn't cool at all.
" I just don't get that girl. She never had a problem in battling me before! But I guess she's so mighty now, she doesn't consider even the Elite four as worthy for fighting her, let alone some loser like me!" Silver sounded really angry now.
" You're a loser?" Tamao knew it'd probably anger him, but she still just had to ask.
" Compared to her, I am! Have you ever seen that girl battle?"
" Once. Five years ago", Tamao answered him. She was a little surprised of Silver's answer. She had thought for sure that he'd get insulted.
" Well, yeah, I last saw her battle seriously a little over four years ago. After that she's just been messing around; withdrew herself from the league, and won't even fight me! I just don't get her", Silver spoke in a tone that sounded like he was remembering something unpleasant.
" I do…" Tamao thought, and felt uncomfortable. She somewhat knew her reason after all. She had no idea why this boy was so worked up about her not battling him, but she could guess why she didn't. Silver's Meganium had been quite impressive, after all. She'd guess her to be around level 70, if not higher. Way stronger than the Elite four. And he called himself a loser.
" She used to be so ambitious, you know. Whatever I did, she just kept beating me in battles. It was annoying! Then one day she just declared that she had gotten bored to me, and wouldn't fight. I couldn't find her for months, and after I did, she still wouldn't fight. And that's pretty much how it had been until now, and how it still is", Silver said in a voice full of bitterness. No, he nearly spitted out the words.
" Too bad for you, I guess", Tamao muttered, and Silver growled at her. Now he was annoyed. It could be that it was the thought of Crystal that annoyed him, not Tamao. Either way, Tamao felt better when he wasn't so calm.
" So… Why is it such a big deal that she won't battle you? Did you travel with her or something?" Tamao asked after a silence. She was a little curious, but could have lived without knowing too.
" No… We weren't any friendlier then than we are now. Actually, I've never been as friendly with her as I'm with you now." Silver laughed oddly after he finished his sentence. He aimed a strange glance at Tamao. She got annoyed, because she couldn't figure out what he was thinking.
" Then why?" Tamao didn't need to be any more specific.
" I guess you could say I was somewhat like a rival to her. She was the first one I fought after I st - received - my starter, and…"
Tamao had heard that correcting before, and knew exactly what Silver had almost blurted out.
" Oh, that's nice. So you stole your starter?" she interrupted him. She couldn't see in the darkness, but she really hoped his face would finally have blushed. From anger, embarrassment, anything. She just couldn't stand having him so calm when she herself was more afraid than she had ever been. She was pretty much on her own. One red-haired guy didn't offer much safety.
Silver just snorted.
" Yeah. Big deal. Don't act like you're so smart."
" I am so smart", Tamao muttered. Silver snorted again.
" You… Are you trying to annoy me?" Silver suddenly asked. He had gotten to the hang of it.
" Yes", Tamao answered, as blankly as she could.
" Why?"
" Because I'm annoyed."
" Why?"
" What does it really matter? Would you just go ahead and get annoyed and save me a lot of trouble of annoying you? I'm seriously not bored enough to keep on coming up with edgy things to say", Tamao held her hand on her forehead as she spoke. She was getting a headache.
Silver stayed quiet for a while. He didn't seem annoyed, more like he was lost in thoughts, but it gave Tamao enough time to calm herself down again. Why did this boy drive her to the peek of her every emotion? Maybe it was his straightforward personality, she didn't know. Even so, it was very bothersome.
" You know more than you tell", Silver said after a while. He sounded like a sulking kid. Tamao didn't bother to cover up, not now. After she'd get this over with, and get out of the cave, she'd probably never meet this boy again. So there was nothing to worry about.
" This is none of your business. I can't see any good reason to tell you anything", she muttered, and sighed when done.
" It isn't? Then how come I never faint when this black thingamajig appears, but everyone else does?" Silver sounded insulted as he asked.
" That's what I'm trying to figure out…" Tamao muttered. Silver made a silent snort.
" So, this is none of my business, but it is yours? How so?" he then continued in an insulted tone.
" I just said I don't see any reason to tell you", Tamao was actually calm as she spoke.
" Oh, is that so? Seems to me like you're in some major trouble."
Tamao sighed.
" I guess I am", she mumbled, seriously not wanting to be heard. She failed; Silver looked at her, more interested than ever.
" I'm not really the type to listen to people's worries, but you've got me curious. Why don't you tell me about it?" silver sounded gentle as he spoke, but that gentleness did not reach the content of his sentence.
" No." As simple as that.
" Oh, come on! Don't you have any feelings at all?"
" Feelings, eh?" Tamao felt anger rising in her heart, once again. However, this time she was furious.
" So the fact that I won't tell you about this means I have no feelings? So the fact that I don't want to mess some bystander to this mess… means I'm cold? The fact that I don't enjoy this means I have no heart?" She muttered, with a tone more menacing than she even realized.
Silver seemed to jump a little.
" Oy, calm down, you! I never said…" he started unsurely, but Tamao was already reaching her limits.
" Do you think this is fun? Do you seriously think I just want to keep all the enjoyment for myself?! Well here's a newsflash for you, my friend; this is far from fun! This is pretty much hurting every single person around me, so that I could correct one mistake, one mistake I didn't know I made, one mistake that I still can't see! And thanks to that little ignorance, I'm stuck having no idea what's wrong with him, why he ended up like this! But because of that, I have to pick a future for him, and not one choice is a good one! Only because… Only because… I don't even… know…"
There, she had exploded. She had screamed everything she felt at some red-haired boy who just happened to stand by her. The dark cave echoed with her scream, as she fell on her knees. It had all come out. Game over.
But the truth had come out, for herself too. Even though she herself had not realized it, it was all clear now; ever since she learned of what had happened to Umbreon, even before Ho-oh had called for her… No, it was before that. Ever since the fire, she had always searched, looked for something in her memories. Before she returned to Johto, she had tried to find a reason for the fire. She had tried to figure out what caused it. For her, the explanation of an unattended candle was not enough. There hadn't been any; Koume never burned candles so late in the night. Why would she? Why would anyone? There had to be another reason.
And somehow, being the young girl she was back then, Tamao had come to the conclusion she was the one who started the fire. Though she didn't know how, she kept remembering that night, trying to figure out what she did wrong… But without finding anything. Any reasonable person would have thought it could just mean she simply didn't start the fire, but the part of her that thought this had never been reasonable. It still wasn't. After all, she realized this all now, as she was on her knees in the cold, dark cave. As late as now, she realized why she had felt so guilty every time she would wake up, no matter where she were, why she had almost never remembered her dreams. All those nights, she had spent on blaming herself, and trying to find the reason to blame herself.
And nothing had changed after this all started. However, she had not been blaming herself of the fire anymore; now, she had found the true reason to be sorry. Umbreon had harboured that amazing feeling of guilt, the feeling that made him risk his life for her, and was now causing this chaotic situation for him and her. That guilt had not come out of nothing. And Tamao was sure it had not come out of Umbreon alone did. After all, Umbreon had always been very sensitive in personality. He wouldn't do anything that he'd feel guilty for later. He just wouldn't. Unless…
Unless Tamao would somehow have asked for it, or looked like she needed it. There was no other explanation… There couldn't be! Umbreon would have done anything for her, she was sure he would have come to rescue her even without the guilt… Or would he? Yes… Tamao was sure. She would have done anything for him. She still would. Glacia, Leafia, and even Murkrow would do anything for her now. Umbreon had never been any different.
And that was exactly why Tamao couldn't talk herself out of it. Blaming herself for the fire had been stupid… probably. But this was something she really had done. Something so horrible, selfish, ignorant… Something that caused Umbreon to feel guilty. And so, when the fire had happened, he had probably felt responsible for it, and rushed to save her, thinking it was the only way he could…
Tamao felt sick. Not only because of the horrible things she thought about, but also because even though she was sure the guilt originated from her, she just didn't know what she had done. No matter how she tried, all she could remember were happy, peaceful times with Umbreon. Everything that came to her mind was a joyful childhood. Nothing that'd cause guilt that would start a dark circle like this. She had done something horrible, and yet she couldn't recognize or remember what it was.
All this, plus the tings she had known, Tamao had held inside for such a long time. Oh, if she only would have gone through them herself, she wouldn't have started yelling like this. So now she had a boy finding out her deepest feelings at the same time she realized them herself. Why did it have to go this way?
As she held her face in her hands, Tamao was deeply ashamed of what had just happened, but knew she would have burst eventually anyway. Morty had always told her it would happen one day, and she had read enough to know it would. However, she had always hoped she'd manage to avoid it… She had hoped she'd be above it. Pain was… pain was something everyone had. No-one else whined about it, so why couldn't she keep it inside like they did?
Silver stood there, quietly, watching the girl nearly fall apart. His face had finally blushed, and he made an uncomfortable sound. Tamao saw him move form one leg to the other from between her fingers, and suddenly, she heard his troubled voice.
" Oy, uh… I wouldn't know, but…But it seems to me like you've been blaming yourself for nothing for a long time now…" he muttered, and looked away sheepishly.
Tamao felt like someone would have tugged her heart as he said it. She raised her head, and stared at Silver.
" …For nothing?" she managed to mutter.
" Well, uh, yeah. I don't really know what you were talking about just now, but… If you've tried to search for a mistake you made so hard, failing all of the time, then how come you're so sure there is one? It could be that, you know…" the boy blushed even more, but his red hair made his face still look pale. He looked away, and muttered the rest of his sentence.
" …that you've done nothing wrong at all."
Tamao stared at the embarrassed boy, and held back a sad smile. So the bad boy was actually sweet, eh? That sure was a major cliché. Even so, it made her feel a little better.
She got up, and Silver looked at her, still a little sheepishly. She looked at him seriously, not wanting to confuse him with her horrendous smile.
" Thanks. But I'm pretty sure you're wrong. It was…" she mumbled, and then looked at her hands, where the black mist kept swirling. She sighed, and finished her sentence very quietly.
" …A long time ago."
" Hmph. Whatever", Silver muttered, and started walking. Uneagerly, Tamao followed him.
" So, now that you exploded at me, do you still feel the need to annoy me?" Silver raised his voice, so that the girl behind him could hear.
Tamao didn't know for sure, but she was pretty sure she was blushing. As her feelings were slowly starting to settle down, and return to silently exist where they had been before they had violently blurted out at the same time, she started feeling controlled again. Controlled and very embarrassed.
" I guess not", she muttered. Silver turned around, with his evil grin on.
" Good. Because you'll be stuck with me for a while", he said, and his left eye twitched a little. Was he trying to wink?
Tamao felt frustrated.
" After you see me break down in the pressure of this all, you still want to come with me? If I were you, I would have run away fast by now", she told the boy in front of him, and coolly walked past him. Silver stayed behind for a while, but then caught up with her.
" Seeing that just made me more curious. Besides, I'm used to drama. I can handle everything that comes to my way", he said confidentially, sounding a little cocky.
" You do realize that it's my way were talking about?" Tamao asked him, but he just snorted again. Oddly enough, upon knowing this person for such a short time, Tamao was already getting used to his snort.
" It doesn't say your name anywhere on it, does it? I walk whatever way I want to", Silver started. He sounded oddly relaxed, different from the calmness that had annoyed Tamao. It seemed that this state of relaxation was new to him too, because he let out a very quiet 'huh…?' after he finished his sentence.
" I guess it can't be helped. I don't really care. You're a stranger, so if you get hurt, it doesn't concern me, does it now?" Tamao muttered, more to herself, but Silver answered her anyway.
" Precisely. I can even be useful to you, because I happen to be quite powerful. And as long as you refuse to tell me what you know, it'd be bad for me if you got hurt."
" Well, that sounds unfair. I guess I can be pretty cruel", Tamao tried to sound thoughtful as she spoke.
" Life is. Both cruel and unfair."
" And all we can do is to stop whining and get over it, then?"
" Pretty much. No-one forces you to stop whining though."
" You won't mind if I whine?"
" Go ahead."
The conversation was getting weirder, so Tamao quieted down. It was odd how well she was able to speak to a person who had just seen her in the most embarrassing state she knew. Even Morty had never seen her break down like that. She had broken down in front of him, but not like this. This was far more radical. And yet she was relieved that it hadn't been with Morty. The way Silver just said very little, and ignored most of her situation… It was probably why she had been able to pull herself together so quickly. Even now, she felt as if nothing had happened. She had made a painful realization, but she felt like she had before she entered the cave.
Suddenly, Tamao realized that she was a bit too calm, so calm that if it had been Silver a while ago, she would have gotten annoyed. What had just happened didn't bother her, and her destination didn't frighten her. Even though she knew that there, in the darkest spot of this mist, Umbreon was waiting for her. He was probably scared, confused and suffering in every way. There could be another heated battle. But she wasn't afraid. Did Silver make her feel so safe? No, it couldn't be.
The boy was surely powerful, but Tamao doubted he stood a chance against Umbreon. The powers legendary pokemon possessed… Who knew how huge they were? A regular person like her and Silver could not fight them. That was why the legendaries were usually at Tamao's side. She couldn't see them now, but that didn't mean they weren't here. And they weren't all she had.
Tamao felt the bag of Sacred ash in her pocket. She had hidden it there before her sisters had noticed. She had barely managed to do it, but the time had been just enough. Unfortunately, that has meant she had not had the time to clean her boots, but she didn't really care if they were dirty. In the dark like this, no-one could even see the mud. She'd have plenty of time to clean them later.
Besides, right now, the thing that mattered was the sacred ash, not her boots. Even though it hurt her to think so, Tamao knew that if things would get rough, Glacia, Leafia, or maybe even Murkrow, would escape their pokeballs to help her. The ash would give them power. And once Tamao's safety would be assured, she'd probably be able to try to reach to Umbreon, so she could save him. It couldn't be any more complicated than that. It was hard, but not complicated. She was sure of it.
It bothered Tamao that everything had come to this. There was a lot of suffering that could as well not have happened. However, no matter how she wanted, she couldn't change it. All she could do was work hard, so that the future would hold so much joy that all the suffering would become a distant thing in the past, just like her joyful childhood felt to be now. It wasn't necessarily just to her. She was fine with pain; after all, without pain, no joy would be true. But still; she was sure she'd be able to give Umbreon a future full of joy, and almost no pain. He had suffered enough to be happy for the rest of eternity, after all. And whether that future had place for her or not, well, that was something that didn't matter. It hurt her, but there, right then, Tamao made a painful decision.
She had searched for the reason of the guilt. She couldn't find it. But she didn't need to. Because if Umbreon would forget about her, he would forget about that guilt. He would become a true legendary pokemon, and roam the land of Johto, happily, with the pain he once had as a mere memory he couldn't quite understand. It might not be a very pleasant thing, not remembering who he had once been, but it was the best Tamao could achieve. Having him die was something she could not fight for.
She knew that this whole time she gad been fighting for Umbreon's life. However, she had been unable to choose what life; the memories of the life they had had together, or the life that awaited him in the future. She now understood that even though memories were precious, in this situation they were just something that was in the past. Bygone. Even though for her, if her memories would have been erased, she would not have had a future waiting, Umbreon did have. He, instead, was in a situation in which if he would keep those memories that he didn't have a future.
And even though it meant that Tamao admitted herself as a bygone part of the past, she decided that the future was more precious than the past. Rather than having Umbreon remember times that had secretly been painful for him due to guilt, while he died alone, she would grant him a future. As a free, powerful being. A legendary pokemon, rather than an out-of-control being that was slowly fading away.
So, she had finally decided. She knew it'd be the best for him too. She had wanted to do what he wanted, but she now understood he was most likely unable to decide in his current state. Her own decision hurt Tamao, but it also made her feel satisfied. She felt like she could finally see the road ahead of her. Until now, she had been walking in darkness. Now that she knew what she was heading towards, she was not afraid. There was nothing to be afraid of. One who had a goal walked with confident steps. When walking with steps that did not waver, one would not fall.
" There is nothing to be afraid of", Tamao told herself, and smiled internally. Maybe some of it got out, since Silver looked at her with a questioning expression. He opened his mouth, probably about to say something, when his attention suddenly switched to something ahead of them.
" There it is!" he gasped. Tamao raised her head and looked, knowing what she'd see.
The mist became darker as it thickened ahead of them. And there, at the darkest spot of the whole cave, two, shining yellow eyes were staring at the two. Tama could not make out of the expression in them, but she knew that Umbreon knew who she was. He probably recognized Silver too, if he really had seen Umbreon five times before.
" Umbreon…" Tamao mumbled softly, hoping he wouldn't get scared. Silver noted that.
" Umbreon? That's an Umbreon?" he asked, sounding extremely shocked.
Tamao kept her eyes on Umbreon, but nodded quickly, hoping Silver would get it. Umbreon's eyes flickered a little. He was confused.
" Wha…? Seriously?! What the heck happened to it?" Silver gasped again, in a very loud voice.
Tamao didn't know whether Umbreon reacted to Silver's words or his tone of voice, but even so, his eyes suddenly flickered menacingly, and in the instant, the cave became darker than it probably had ever been before. Tamao couldn't even see Silver, who was right beside her. She knew he was there just because she could hear him breathe, and gasp as everything blackened around them.
" Oh… So now were in trouble, then?" Tamao heard Silver mutter to her.
" Yes. Thanks to you", she answered him sincerely.
" W-we'll heave to fight that thing?" Silver did sound like he was afraid, but not as afraid as he probably should have in this situation. Was he brave or just moody?
" Probably. Don't worry; we'll be just fine." Tamao was sure of it. Somehow, she still wasn't the least bit afraid. She felt sad for Umbreon, and hated the fact that he was suffering, but she did not fear him. He was still her childhood friend, her loyal pokemon.
" If you say so", Silver muttered. Tamao heard his legs take a few steps, and she could now hear him breathing closer to her.
" Be careful", she told him.
" Yeah, you too", he answered. He was hiding the fear in his voice pretty well.
That was as much as could be said, because right after he finished his sentence, Tamao suddenly felt him twitch by her.
" What's wro-?" she started, but was interrupted by Silver making a scream of both surprise and pain.
For a while, Tamao was just dazed, not understanding what had happened, but that was when she suddenly remembered something.
Tamao raised her hand, so she could see it clearly with her eyes. It was just how she had suspected.
Black rays, surrounded by a blood-red glow, were sizzling around her hand. And as she looked to the direction she heard Silvers fast breathing and silent whining from, she could see occasional red sparks.
The battle had started. And even though Silver was immune to the mist like she was, it seemed that that did not apply to the rays. Even though he held his scream back, Silver was very much in pain.