Thanks to anyone sparing the time to review. As a spoiler Faberry isn't going to happen and isn"t mentioned in this chapter (apart from here) however my experience as a singleton was that romantic interest was a bit like buses - none or two or three at once hence my decision to throw Quinn into the mix previously. This is JulyBerry or more accurately will eventually be so.
Cassie realised she had spent too much of her time pondering what she should say to Rachel and not enough on thinking about logistics as she only now was wondering how to engineer having a word with Rachel. She felt she needed to atone for her earlier behaviour so here she was in a draughty corridor wondering quite how she'd be able to get to speak the words she had spent so long agonising over. Names were the first problem - obviously she needed to avoid calling Rachel Schwimmer almost as much as she needed to avoid calling her Rachel. Just the word Rachel made her far more vulnerable than she wanted to acknowledge but use of Schwimmer would probably mute the effect of any heartfelt apology. She planned to give a sincere yet brief apology avoiding detail - no point bringing up her poor behaviour all over again. She settled eventually after much deliberation for "I'd like to apologise for my treatment of you earlier in my lesson, I was out of order. Thank you for your kindness in my office. It was more than I deserved." A quick exit while Rachel was still speechless with shock at receiving an apology (yes this was the weak part of the plan, would Rachel be left speechless by an apology? Cassie somehow doubted it) and then everything would be relatively fine and Cassie might even be able to face herself in the mirror.
Just the really trivial, totally crucial, problem of how to get Rachel on her own to speak to her and deliver the much thought over apology. There was no way she could intrude on the last few minutes of Carmen's lesson as it would just draw attention to the interaction - and not just Carmen's. She could slip in the room at the end of the lesson but considering she'd never done that before it would look at least a little odd. It wasn't as if she had time to organise a seemingly chance meeting as these rooms were as far from her office as you could get without leaving NYADA premises. She could hardly casually join a group of students wandering down the corridor after exiting the lesson and then siphon Rachel off for a quiet word. Was there any chance Rachel would leave the room on her own? It all seemed hopeless and the time to come up with a solution had run out as the first few students were exiting the room. Cassie suddenly gained a fascination for the notices on the 'Clubs and Societies' notice board in front of her as she berated herself for her ill thought out plan. Just recently a lot of her actions were ill thought out, it was really time she started to get a grip. She hardly dared look at the students passing her but glanced sidelong to check whether Rachel had passed her as they moved on. Just when she though her humiliation couldn't get any worse the dulcet tones of Carmen interrupted her rather poor attempts at spying.
"I hate to break it to you Ms. July but those Club and Societies are designed for a younger age group and students only to boot. You don't qualify on both counts," Carmen said. Cassie turned to find the woman giving her an appraising look. The fact Rachel was with her and making a conscious effort not to look at Cassie only made the whole experience a hundred times worse.
"Well I was just," prevaricated Cassie wishing her brain was racing as fast as her pulse rate. She couldn't think of even a vaguely believable reason of why she might be reading that particular noticeboard but was saved from the trouble by a dismissive wave of Carmen's hand indicating her explanation wasn't important. Carmen's face took on a more serious expression.
"I need to see you in my office today before you leave," Carmen's tone was deadly serious.
"About?" managed Cassie disappointed about the way her voice wavered as if she'd been summoned to the Principal's office like some naughty schoolgirl. Rachel was still studiously ignoring her existence. Carmen glanced at her watch in contemplation
"About five-ish I should think. I'll call you when I'm ready for you to attend," replied Carmen, "Unless of course you intend to spend your time continuing to peruse this noticeboard and so won't be in your office to receive the call."
Cassie could have done without the arched eyebrow directed her way. She managed a weak smile in response as Carmen and Rachel headed off in the general direction of Carmen's office. Cassie sighed. She had the sinking feeling that her day was about to get worse.
Rachel's thoughts were racing as she followed Carmen to her office for the 'quick chat' Carmen had insisted they needed to have. She couldn't think why Carmen had singled her out for a chat. Her singing had been fine, she'd been a bit distracted admittedly but not to the extent that anyone who didn't know her extremely well would notice. She'd been thinking about why Ms. July might be in tears in her office and wondering if she should have mentioned it to anyone. Also, and it had only struck her half way through Carmen's lesson, did it mean anything that Ms. July had actually used her proper name in their brief interchange? Was she going to be even more of a target – if that was even remotely possible - for the unpredictable dance teacher now that she'd seen her crying? Carmen opened her office door and invited Rachel to take a seat. After checking whether Rachel wanted a drink (she didn't) Carmen seated herself behind her desk and gazed steadily at Rachel.
"So Rachel," Carmen began as she steepled her hands in front of her face and leant forward to indicate her interest, "how is your dance class going?"
"Quite well I think," replied Rachel with a small smile biting back the comment that maybe Ms. July might beg to differ. She had improved faster than she'd expected even if fear was part of the motivating factor or a wish to impress the distinctly unimpressable teacher.
"And how are you getting along with Ms. July?" queried Carmen. Rachel met Carmen's gaze steadily.
"She's a hard taskmaster with high standards but that's why I'm improving," Rachel steered a neutral course. How she was getting along with Cassie didn't have a simple answer.
"Your pliés up to scratch?" asked Carmen, leaning back in her chair to carefully scrutinize Rachel's response. She was impressed by the poker face that met her question.
"I think they are now," replied Rachel as she and Carmen eyed each other carefully. A drawn out silence followed. Rachel decided to seize the initiative. She leant forward over Carmen's desk with her best wide-eyed, small town girl expression "What's this about Ms. Tibideaux, is there a problem?"
Carmen allowed the silence for a little while but it didn't encourage Rachel to speak. They both knew that the other knew what this was about and obviously Rachel wasn't going to make this easy.
"I had a deputation of students, if not most of your dance class, in here today demanding that I do something about Ms. July's 'relentless bullying' of you," Carmen stated noting Rachel's only slightly puzzled expression.
"I don't feel I'm being bullied, relentlessly or otherwise," stated Rachel clearly because she didn't feel bullied. There was some sort of battle of wills going on between the pair of them and she felt as if she had come out of today's encounter the winner despite her initial irritation that all her efforts to be unnoticeable had failed.
"I mean, yes Ms. July has exacting standards and yes I often fall short of them and she does point this out but bullying?" Rachel paused thoughtfully,"What does Ms. July say?"
"I plan to talk to her after we've finished having a chat," said Carmen.
"Perhaps you should invite her here now and maybe we can quickly clear up all this mess up together," suggested Rachel noting Carmen's doubtful look. She caught her eye, "I would hardly be suggesting it if I thought the woman was bullying me," a quick smile, "and it will negate the need to relate back and forward who said what. Unless of course it's an official complaint."
"It was more of an informal request for me to look into it," mused Carmen wondering how she could look into something that the alleged victim denied had happened. She knew that if a person perceived they were being bullied then that had to be accepted at face value but she hadn't had training on dealing with a situation where others perceived the behaviour as bullying but he alleged victim didn't. Carmen might be wrestling with the intricacies of how to deal with the situation before her but Rachel was having no such problems.
"Well you've informally looked into it and there's nothing going on. Sorted then," smiled Rachel and made as if to leave. Carmen held up a finger to suggest the matter wasn't concluded in her eyes. She hadn't risen to her current position by allowing herself to be railroaded by the likes of Rachel Berry. Besides she knew there was a 'bit of history' going on between the pair although Rachel was hardly likely to be quiet if she thought she was being unfairly treated.
"I think I'll take you up on your suggestion," Carmen smiled back as she reached for the phone," and ask Ms July to join us."
Rachel lowered herself back into her seat. Well, this was going to be awkward.
Cassie hurried along to Carmen's office trying not to think about what she had done to be in this position. She deserved whatever punishment Carmen saw fit to dish out and she would work on accepting it gracefully. Well accepting in anyway. Perhaps she should preempt the undoubtably awkward conversation by confessing to being harsher than she should have been on Rachel and explain that she was on her way to apologise...Cassie stopped for a moment to centre herself before entering Carmen's office - best professional foot forward and then a colleague to experienced colleague conversation about how she might have inadvertently over stepped the mark. All that effort was wasted as she walked through the door and Rachel's calm even gaze met hers. Her pulse sped up and her breathing became slightly more difficult. Cassie managed to stumble her way to a chair. She was aware of Carmen studying her and Rachel's interaction carefully so she managed a small smile in Rachel's direction. She was relieved when Rachel's initial surprised reaction gave way to a momentary grin back or maybe that had been wishful thinking.
"Cassie I've asked you here as a concern has been raised," began Carmen but Cassie's attention was still on Rachel and she felt a surge of relief at Rachel's clear indication of not being responsible for the concern," that you have been singling out Rachel for harsher than usual treatment."
Cassie's gaze dropped to the clasped hands in her lap as thoughts raced around her head. Now that the moment was here she found it difficult to admit that 'yes indeed she had been harsh' as she could feel herself teetering on the edge of tears. Yet she also couldn't bring herself to trot out her usual justification of preparing the students for the harsh world out there and emphasise how her methods got results. A slow steadying breath and now to test out whether confession was really good for the soul.
"I, well I suppose" Cassie struggled to find the right words as Rachel look wide-eyed at her. Was Ms July about to admit to picking on her? Rachel found herself suddenly worried that either she or Ms July would be removed from the class. She needed to head this off.
"I hardly think two interactions since the semester began can be termed as me being singled out," announced Rachel aware of Cassie's surprise and Carmen's annoyance at her interjection.
"Over half a lesson spent focused on criticism of your pliés is quite a long single interaction," commented Carmen dryly.
Cassie sighed heavily," I shouldn't have.." she began only to be interrupted by Rachel
"I was being selfish dominating your attention," insisted Rachel looking at Cassie before switching her attendance to Carmen," Ms July suggested I took a break which I refused and then suggested I stopped but it was me who was determined to carry on to the end of the lesson."
Carmen fixed Casie with an inquiring look," Is that true?" she asked.
"Well, yes but," managed Cassie and then wondered how to explain that although those events happened the whole atmosphere had been different to the one Rachel was suggesting.
Carmen narrowed her eyes firstly at Cassie and then at Rachel before in a voice dripping with sarcasm she added, "And I s'pose Schwimmer is meant as a warmly affection nickname?"
Cassie looked at her hands again unable to meet the gaze of the other two women in the room so she missed Rachel's often-practiced look of bewildered innocence.
"No of course not Ms Tibideaux," Rachel said with a somewhat horrified tone, "From the innocuous and dreadfully uninventive midget, hobbit, dwarf to the personally more crushing tranny, Rupaul, manhands and treasure trail - well I've had that name calling nearly every day for the last three years of my schooling so, quite frankly, Ms July calling me after a vague nasal resemblance to some once famous person pales into trivial insignificance in comparison. I don't need to be hardened to the effects of name calling as I'm already there." Stated Rachel in a matter of fact tone as Cassie had the grace to look extremely ashamed," Besides the word around campus is if Ms July gives you a demeaning nickname then you have definite star potential," lied Rachel. She wondered whether she'd made a misjudgment as she caught Carmen's sceptical look. She hurried on," Ms July is an exacting teacher who consistently demands an outstanding level of performance if she needs to call me an unflattering name to coax the best out of me so be it."
"That is not the issue Rachel, it's whether Ms July's criticisms of your performances are a reasonable and proportionate response or whether she is indeed being unfair and unduly harsh hence abusing her position and therefore bullying you. Or as was said to me 'relentless bullying' of you." Carmen responded calmly.
Cassie was too busy staring at her clasped hands to see the other two women locking eyes next to her. She managed to blink back the excess moisture in her eyes and decided she needed to contribute to the conversation. She cleared her throat nervously.
"I think it would be fair to say that I," Cassie's quiet comment was again cut off by Rachel's louder intervention.
"When I was at high school I needed to take two outfits every day to deal with the Jocks and Cheerleaders favourite method of torment which was tipping ice cold slushies over the heads of non-sporty 'losers' like me," Rachel paused, pleased at how steady her tone had remained and how she had avoided any hint of self-pity," Two outfits, every day when sometimes even four outfits wouldn't have been enough. The shock of a sudden ice shower never lessened and the sweet sickly smell, particularly of cherry, just clung to me no matter how much I scrubbed and showered," She locked gazes with Carmen," I know from painful personal experience what relentless bullying is Miss Tibideaux, I lived through it daily for years. This," she waved her hand between her and Ms July, "is not it."
Cassie was feeling a mix of emotions as Rachel shared her school experiences. Beyond a slightly intensified self-hatred there was an almost overwhelming need to hug Rachel close to her and swear no-one would ever hurt her again, along with a competing and almost as strong urge to go and visit Lima Ohio and scream her outrage at the school staff who allowed this to happen. She wanted to inflict some kind of unspecified hurt on the students responsible. The rational part of her brain knew she was being inconsistent and that her own behaviour wouldn't stand up to scrutiny. Cassie braved a look in Rachel's direction only to be met by a don't-you-dare-pity-me steady glare. It made Cassie hate herself even more.
Carmen finally broke the silence," Thankyou for your frankness Rachel. I think maybe Ms July and I need to have a quick word," she held her hand up as she noticed Rachel readying herself to speak,"I won't be taking the matter any further. This time."
Rachel collected her bag; it was obvious they wanted her to leave even if she felt she needed a few last words with Ms July. She headed for the door making sure she strode confidently with her head held high. As the door closed she just heard Ms Tibideaux saying, "Now you can see why I'm so confident about that girl's ability to succeed, not just highly talented but.."
When Cassie finally emerged from Carmen's office quarter of an hour later she was unprepared to find Rachel waiting for her. The agitated girl promptly exploded with a torrent of words that she had obviously been just waiting to say.
"Look Ms July, I know that you loathe me," Rachel blurted out and at Ms July's attempted protest allowed a variation to her prepared speech," hate, dislike, detest, despise whatever really it's irrelevent," she waved a hand to emphasise the irrelevance,"The point is I need to pass dance 101 and however harsh your methods I am improving," Rachel drew in a deep breath and still kept her eyes fixed on Cassie's feet,"So you need to tell me how it is you want me to behave in your lessons so I don't irritate you and cause you to repeat today's experience. I know you want me out of your class but if you accept that isn't going to happen then imagine how you need me to be in your lessons - well I'll do it. Or at least I'll try. I thought being low key is what you wanted but I don't understand what I did wrong today. You need to help me. Please"
Finally Rachel raised her eye to meet Cassie's hoping a pleading look would help rather than hinder her appeal. Ms. July was hardly reknown for her sympathy or empathy skills but she just wanted to know what she'd done wrong so she could fix it. Rachel settled for interpreting Ms July's expression as one of dismay, which, hey was an improvement on irritation right?, and dropped her gaze to the floor again.
"Rachel," said Casie gently once she'd managed to swallow the lump that had inexplicably formed in her throat. Rachel continued to look down and not meet her gaze - although such weariness on Rachel's part was probably justified given her own unpredictable reaction to the girl daring to meet her eye. Still, she wasn't prepared to have the conversation with the top of Rachel's head so she placed her hands gently on Rachel's shoulders. When the girl continued to look down, after a visible tensing under Cassie's touch, she moved one hand to lift Rachel's chin so their eyes met. She was suddenly dry mouthed and wrestling to form sentences. She moved her hands to hold both of Rachel's once the urge to initiate an unprofessional contact became too strong.
"Look, it's not you it's me," Cassie glanced down to where her thumbs were gently caressing the backs of Rachel's hands. The skin was soft and warm under her thumbs and the temptation to bring those hands to her lips hard to resist but necessary,"I'm sorry about today," Rachel's wide eyed surprise was almost comical,"I was way out of order. Anyway I'm taking some personal leave effective immediately for a week to," Cassie was derailed by the quick change in Rachel's expression to one of concern. She was either an extremely talented actress or a far too lovely human being. Focus, she told herself, "Well, sort some things out so," she shrugged, " maybe you can go back to being yourself. Um as that's who you need to be."
A quick squeeze and then she released the hands she'd been holding and half-turned to walk away before her tear ducts let her down for the umpteenth time in the day. Rachel suddenly taking hold of her left hand halted her progress.
"You mean you're not taking tomorrow's class?" asked Rachel.
"That's what taking leave effective immediately would imply," replied Cassie in time to catch Rchel's eyeroll. Obviously it hadn't taken Rachel long to go back to being true to herself.
"But then it will look as if you were suspended in response to the students seeing Ms Tibideaux and complaining about you," worried Rachel. Cassie merely shrugged, what the students thought and what the truth really was hardly mattered.
"But your reputation is at stake!" exclaimed an outraged Rachel.
Cassie's bitter laughter as she repeated incredulously," my reputation?" only caused Rachel to become more animated.
"You need to take tomorrow's lesson if not for yourself do it for..," Rachel tailed off. Suggesting Ms July took the lesson for her was hardly going to be a winning argument. Possible ways of ending the sentence raced through her head and she plumped for "justice."
Ms July's amused eyebrow raise was hardly helping Rachel's sudden attack of embarrassment. Maybe not the most convincing argument going, take the lesson for justice. Did that even make sense?
"Just do it," Rachel asserted and then realising she was still gripping on to Ms July's hand she suddenly released it. "Please," she added in a gentler tone.
Cassie knew she'd be doing it as soon as the pleading doe-eyed 'please' was directed her way.
"Okay," relented Cassie amused to watch Rachel trying to disguise the fact she'd just clapped with excitement. She held her hand up to indicate she hadn't finished, " provided," Rachel suddenly stilled expecting the demands to be outlandish or heaven forbid banning her from the session, "the real Rachel Berry turns up not some Puritan mouse."
As she walked away with a smile on her face Rachel called out after her in bewilderment,"Puritan mouse? I don't understand."
"I mean I'm expecting to see a bit of leg and cleavage," Cassie shouted back pleased her comment coincided with her being able to round the corner before her face was suddenly aflame with embarrassment. Had she really just dared Rachel to show a bit of leg and cleavage in her class tomorrow? She groaned hoping Rachel wouldn't take her literally but knowing that miss-unable-to-resist-a-challenge surely would. Cassie found herself simultaneously fearing and eagerly anticipating tomorrow's class.
Rachel stared at the now empty corridor trying to equate that jokey last remark with the harsh bitter person her dance teacher usually was. The woman who'd called her Rachel and apologised while gently stroking her hands bore little resemblance to the hard eyed, cold-faced Ms July who had given such a detailed list of reasons why Rachel was so unattractive. Rachel decided reconciling the two different sides she'd seen to Ms July would have to wait. Instead she focused on the final remark directed her way about showing a bit of leg and cleavage. Oh she could do that all right, she had just the outfit. Puritan would be the furthest thought from her mind when Ms July set eyes on her tomorrow. She grinned - tomorrow was more than just another day.