I've slept late. I can tell because of the way the light streams in through the windows of the train. It has to be past nine o'clock. If I were trying to hunt today, I would have lost my opportunity.

"Good morning sleeping beauty."

It's then when I realize where I am: in Peeta's bed, tangled in his sheets, lying on top of his bare chest. I shoot up so quickly I almost fall out of the bed but Peeta grabs my arm and brings me back to him.

"Not so fast, no one's come to bother us yet," he says, a grin pulling at his lips. He's being bold. All other times I've woken up with him and pulled away he's let me go.

I realize I'm being bold as well because I'm not fighting him. Maybe it's not so much boldness as bravery. Finally I'm brave enough to stay where I want.

I lie back down next to him and he turns on his side to look at me.

"You must be happy to be going back," he says, small smile on his face. With all the events taking place these past few weeks I had almost forgotten that I'm on my way home. I'm met with a feeling of relief.

"I'm excited to see Prim," I smile. "I've missed her. And my mother and Gale too."

I can't wait to see Prim, to actually have her close to me where I can protect her. It's been a constant worry, wondering if she's safe or not. All three of them— Prim, mother, Gale— have been on my mind constantly since Snow came to visit me in 12 before the Victory Tour. I've worried most about Prim, of course. My mother hasn't been my biggest concern but she is still there, and despite the fact that Gale and I were on strange terms before I left I can't help but miss him. He's my best friend, after all.

I look back at Peeta and see that he has a strange expression on his face.

"Are you happy to be going back?" I ask.

"Of course," he answers. "I get to see my brothers, I guess. I get to bake again," he laughs. I see something pass over his eyes as he looks at me and he brings his hand up to rest on my cheek.

"But in some ways I'm sad for this Tour to be over," he says softly, looking over my face. I swallow the lump in my throat because I think I know where he's going with this. "I've been able to spend all day and night with you."

He doesn't elaborate. He doesn't have to. I've hoped that the closer we got to District 12 these new and strange feelings I have towards Peeta would disappear, evaporate like smoke. They haven't. If anything they've become stronger. I close my eyes briefly because I can't look at him yet. I wish I could tell him how I feel but how can I if I don't understand those feelings myself?

I sit up and Peeta's hand falls from my cheek. I see the panic cross his features. He thinks he's said something wrong but he's only spoken what I can't seem to formulate into words. He scoots up a little, leaning on the headboard. His face is still slightly pink from yesterday's sun and I bring my hand up and touch his burnt nose.

"Oww," he groans, turning his face away from me and I smile.

"Sorry." My voice is low and Peeta turns back to look at me.

"Oh yes, totally your fault. You should be incredibly sorry for yesterday," he jokes.

"Don't smile. I can't kiss you if you smile."

My smile disappears almost instantly and Peeta takes notice. His brow furrows in confusion. How many times have I told myself I should be sorry for yesterday? How many times have I failed to listen?

"Hey," he says softly, sitting up slightly. "What's wrong?"

Does he really have no idea? His lips form a straight line as he studies me and it takes all of my willpower not to attack them with my own. I should be sorry for yesterday but I'm not. Not at all. I would do it again. All of it.

I don't remove my hand from his face. Instead I run my fingers over his cheeks and up to the burnt area under his eyes. I trail them down the sides of his face and along his jaw, watching it clench as I slowly move my fingers. I swallow thickly and my eyes move back to his lips, which are now slightly parted. I move my fingers over them, feeling Peeta's warm breath.

I wonder what would happen if I kiss him; if that same fire would be there-in the pit of my stomach. If kissing him will take away any of my confusion or give me any answers. My fingers hover over his lips and I finally meet his eyes. He looks confused. Why shouldn't he be? I'm probably the most confusing person he knows. I'm definitely the most confusing person I know.

I realize I haven't answered his question. What's wrong? Only everything. But right now? What's wrong is that I can't stop thinking about kissing you, Peeta.

"I…"

The word is suspended in the air and neither of us moves. Peeta continues to stare at me, his eyes a dark, dark blue. Like the deep part of the ocean we saw yesterday. Like they were before he kissed me on the sand.

And that's all I need to push me forward.

I bring my lips to his hesitantly and kiss him once, twice, three times, eyes never leaving his. Peeta remains rooted to the spot. That's not how I want this to go.

The fourth time my lips meet his I'm more aggressive, sucking and pulling so that he has no choice but to respond. His hand comes to rest on the back of my neck, the other trails down my side.

I bring one of my hands up and knot my fingers in his hair while the other moves down his chest and traces the muscles of his stomach. Peeta's mouth opens and he emits a strange little moan as his abdomen tightens beneath me. I see my opportunity and slip my tongue into his mouth.

He grips my waist where my shirt has ridden up and I move closer, leaning almost all of my body weight on him. He moves his hand from my neck, down to my waist, and rolls us over so he is hovering over me.

Peeta presses me flush against him and I can feel his excitement. It doesn't scare me, though. Not the way I had always thought it would. I'm not naïve; I can feel him in the morning sometimes, which would always unsettle me and cause me to pull away. Not now. Now I want to be even closer to him but Peeta pulls his mouth away from mine, breathing heavily, before he starts placing open-mouthed kisses all over my neck, making me squirm in the most amazing way. I can't speak, I can't even breathe, so I just press my face into Peeta's shoulder, focusing on the things he's doing to my neck.

"Get up! It's going to be a big, big, big day!"

Effie knocks loudly on the door and I push myself out from underneath Peeta and jump out of the bed.

Peeta rests his head on the pillow; breath ragged, cheeks pink, eyes burning. There's no doubt that I look exactly the same.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't…I just…" I'm at a loss for words. Like always.

"I should go."

My voice is husky and it sounds strange coming out of my mouth. I walk quickly across the room and out of the door, looking only at the ground as I hurry back to my room, touching the place on my neck where Peeta's mouth had been moments before.

I don't have much time to myself before my prep team barges into my room. They chat between themselves, upset that this is the last day they will get to spend with me.

They tend to me while my mind wanders back to Peeta. That's always where it ends up, isn't it? I'm so distracted by our last kiss that Snow and the Capitol don't even enter my mind. I should be more focused on that, I think.

I feel someone tapping my shoulder and I turn to see Venia speaking to me but I haven't heard a single word she's said.

"What?"

Venia smirks and shares a look with Octavia.

"I asked where this came from," Venia says, pointing to my neck.

"What do you mean?" I ask as I go to look in the mirror. Octavia follows me, grinning widely. I look at my neck in the mirror and see that it's covered in faint purplish marks.

"Oh," I breathe. I don't know how to answer her question. Did Peeta do that? I search my mind looking for an appropriate answer.

"I…I tripped," I lie.

This causes Venia to burst out into giggles and I'm blushing so deeply my entire face is red.

"It's perfectly natural, Katniss," Octavia smiles. "Besides it's not even that bad yet. It's going to look terrible tomorrow." Suddenly she has an idea. "Here let me give you something."

I watch her go into one of her many different makeup bags and see her pull out a syringe.

"What is that?" I ask, alarmed. Whenever anyone from the Capitol comes at me with a needle I automatically start to panic. Octavia just rolls her eyes and sticks the needle into my arm, making me wince.

"It's a birth control shot," she explains. I just stare at her, wide-eyed. Birth control? "For protection," she elaborates. As the realization sinks in I become livid. The nerve of her to assume I would need this. That I want this product from the Capitol. Venia sees my sudden anger and touches my arm gently.

"Katniss, this way you can be with Peeta without worrying about getting pregnant. It lasts three months," she says slowly, as if she were explaining this to a child.

My face burns and I want to hide in the corner. I want to yell at them that I'm not having sex with Peeta. That I don't plan to have sex with him, or anyone for that matter, and that they should just mind their own business. But then I remember that they would assume I would be doing such things. After all, we're supposed to be in love, right?

But I find it strange that Venia and Octavia would assume I don't want a baby. That's what everyone in the Capitol wants, don't they? A perfect little baby from the perfect star-crossed lovers.

Octavia senses my confusion and starts to speak softly.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, shaking her head and not meeting my eyes. "I just thought that you wouldn't want to risk that right now. What with your situation."

She looks ashamed and I'm surprised because I wasn't aware my prep team was smart enough to realize the danger an unwanted baby would be for me. Maybe Cinna has had a bigger influence on them than I thought.

"You're right," I nod at her. I feel badly for lashing out. "Thank you."

I close my eyes, refusing to look at my red face in the mirror as Flavius comes in, no doubt holding all the makeup I'm going to be wearing.

"We don't need all of this," Venia tells him. "Cinna said beauty base zero."

That's good, I think. At least I won't be wearing as much makeup as I have in the past. Less to wash off once I get back to my house in the Victor's Village.

I feel someone touching my neck, strategically placing makeup over the marks Peeta left. I close my eyes and wait for the onslaught to be over.

After a while Cinna comes in and instructs me to turn around. My prep team has left my hair alone and Cinna styles it into my signature braid. He gives me a pair of tight back pants and a green, flowing shirt to wear. He points to a pair of flat gold shoes in the corner of the room and I'm thankful that he's put me in this for my return back to District 12. It's almost as if I'm myself again. That is, of course, except for the purple marks on my neck and my general feelings towards Peeta.

I'm surprised that, despite my immense embarrassment, I don't regret this morning. Not one bit and I find that it doesn't scare me as much as it did yesterday or the day before. It makes my head hurt.

Cinna doesn't comment on my neck even though I'm sure he can notice the extra amount of makeup that's been placed there. Instead he gives me a hug and leads me out of my compartment. I turn around to thank him and see that he's holding the sea glass that Peeta gave me yesterday.

"I figured you would want this," Cinna says with a smile. I can't believe I almost forgot that. I smile genuinely and take the glass, putting it in the pocket of my pants.

"Thank you," I tell him sincerely and he just grins at me knowingly. I decide that's what I like about Cinna. He and I can communicate without saying much. He seems to understand my weird mental state just by looking at me, which is more than I can say for even myself.

I walk down the hallway, my hand on the pocket of my pants where the sea glass is safely stored.

I'm the last one to arrive by the door of the train. Haymitch, Effie and Peeta are all waiting for me. I notice that Peeta is also wearing casual clothes, a simple grey shirt and black pants. He looks more like himself in those. But at the same time I guess he doesn't really look like himself, does he? At least not in the way I used to look at him. He's different now. He's been different for a while, hasn't he? It just took me longer to notice it.

Haymitch clears his throat and looks at Effie who is, again, oblivious to everyone.

"You can cut the sexual tension in here with a knife. Ain't that right, Trinkett?"

Peeta turns a deep shade of red and shoves Haymitch so forcefully that he hits the wall of the train, spilling his flask all over himself in the process. Effie gasps but Haymitch is laughing so hard I don't even think he notices he's covered in alcohol.

"I don't know why you're upset, boy, will you just look at her? She's been eyeing you like a piece of steak. Looks like a cat in heat," he says as he continues to laugh.

I glare at Haymitch so fiercely that I think I succeed in scaring him slightly. His expression turns serious for a moment before he starts to laugh even harder.

"Nope! Glaring won't cover it up, sweetheart!"

"Enough, Haymitch, leave them alone," Effie tells him harshly and suddenly I feel like hugging her. "It's not their fault they're so in love. Although I still think it's not very proper of them to be sharing a room at night."

Haymitch's eyes widen and he guffaws, slapping his knee happily. My momentary affection for Effie rapidly disappears.

"Oh, this is priceless!" Haymitch cries, tears of laughter spilling out of the corners of his eyes. "Is that right you two?"

I look up at Peeta and see him staring at the ground in front of him, face so red it looks purple. Ignoring Haymitch's laughter, I stand up straighter, pull my shoulders back, and walk up to Peeta. I take his hand in mine, stare at the closed door in front of us, and wait for Effie to call us out of the train.

Haymitch continues to chuckle idiotically against the wall and when he is introduced, he is still laughing, surely causing some confusion amongst the photographers. Haymitch rarely even smiles in front of the cameras.

Peeta exhales deeply besides me. I know I should talk to him.

But about what? About the fact that we were all over each other this morning and now we can't even look at the other person? That I can't stop thinking about him to the point that even my concerns about Snow and the Quarter Quell have been put on the back burner?

Suddenly the doors to the train open and Effie introduces us. We step out, hand in hand, photographers yelling and snapping photos. It takes Peeta all but three seconds before he pulls me to him and kisses me hard on the mouth. I'm surprised at first but my arms find their way around his neck and my body reacts of it's own accord. Kissing him has become so natural it almost feels like breathing. I don't even doubt it when I feel his tongue hit my upper lip.

In the back of my head I realize that Prim and Mother and Gale are in the crowd watching this happen. I hastily pull away, trying to clear my head, and look out into the sea of people and spot them not far from the front.

Peeta, having followed my gaze, realizes his mistake and looks at me, slightly anxious. To anyone else watching this exchange, Katniss Everdeen and her boyfriend were caught kissing by her overprotective mother. But I know that's not his concern. Outward displays of affection are not my thing, especially in front my family, and he's worried he's crossed a line.

But I'm the one whose crossed the line. I crossed it on the beach and again this morning.

But you don't regret it do you, Katniss?

That's the most unnerving realization I've come to: that I don't regret crossing those invisible lines. The problem is that I don't what it means. I shake the thought from my mind and find my mother and Prim in the crowd again. They're staring at us, wide-eyed.

Suddenly, Prim breaks into an enormous smile and starts clapping and cheering wildly. I smile at her obvious joy and turn to look at my mother. She isn't smiling. In fact, she looks sad. But why? I decide not to dwell on it because, frankly, I've given up trying to understand the intricacies of my mother's mind. At least not while the cameras are still on me.

I catch a movement in the crowd and look to see Gale pushing through everyone, walking quickly away from the train station and guilt creeps its way into my system. He shouldn't have seen that. I shouldn't have let that kiss happen with him here.

I should've…

I should've, what?

Not kissed Peeta because it might hurt Gale's feelings? I would be lying to everyone if I pretended I didn't want that kiss. That I didn't want any of the kisses I shared with Peeta these past few weeks.

I must have frozen up because Peeta squeezes my hand, reminding me to stay in the present. I force a smile and wave to the photographers all the while trying to clear my head.

After a few moments Peeta and I make our way down the steps and into the crowd. I make a beeline towards my family, not fully realizing that I'm dragging Peeta along until we come to a stop.

"Katniss!" Prim squeals as she jumps up to hug me. I drop Peeta's hand and clutch Prim to my chest. I'm so thankful she is in one piece. I'm thankful that I'm here, back in District 12 with Prim and as far away from the Capitol as physically possible. I pull back and look at her.

"Well hello Little Duck," I smile, tugging on one of her braids, which I've noticed have gotten longer in the time we've spent apart. She swats me away and glances behind me.

"Peeta!" Prim yells as she jumps out of my arms and into his. Peeta bends down, picks Prim up and spins her around until she's laughing so hard she can barely breathe.

And I feel it again; that same tug in my chest that I felt when Peeta took off his leg last night. It warms me from the inside out. Peeta meets my eyes, smiling, and places Prim gently on the ground.

I want to kiss him again. Or hug him or something. Just have him close to me. I walk over and take his hand. He brings it up to his mouth and places a kiss on my knuckles.

"I have to go see my family. They're in the bakery. But I'll see you tonight at Mayor Undersee's?" Peeta asks, still holding my hands in his.

"Ok. Yeah. I'll see you tonight then."

"Where something nice, will you?" he says with a smile, knowing full well that Cinna will let me wear nothing less.

"Right back at you," I tell him and he kisses my knuckles one last time before he disappears into the crowd.

I walk with Prim back to our house in the Victor's Village. Mother went to the Seam. The mines aren't safe and even my return hasn't slowed down the rate at which miners are injured. Mother is needed almost constantly. She's promised to come back to the Victor's Village before I leave for the party at Mayor Undersee's house, though; Cinna has asked her to do my hair.

My feet leave tracks in the dusting of snow on the roads. It's very cold in District 12; nothing like it was in District 4. Prim and I could've taken a car but she said she wanted to walk with me and I happily agreed, even if it means braving the December cold without a jacket.

Prim grabs my hand I look down to see her smiling so wide it fills her entire face.

"What's got you smiling like that?" I ask.

"You."

"You missed me, huh?" I ask, pulling on her hand. Prim rolls her eyes.

"Absolutely not."

I laugh because Prim has become so sarcastic and so feisty very quickly. I never knew she had it in her.

"I see you've taken my advice," she continues.

"Huh?"

"About Peeta. You finally let yourself love him!" she says excitedly.

"What?" I almost shout and then I lower my voice so nobody can here us. "I told you I don't love him."

I realize rather quickly that that's not true because I do love him, just like I love Prim and Mother and Gale, just not in the way I think he loves me. Not in the way he wants me to love him. I'm his friend. His good friend.

Right?

But then I think back to this morning and note that good friends certainly don't roll around half naked while sticking their tongues in the other's mouth.

I look down at Prim and see that she's grinning defiantly at me.

"You're an idiot," she says simply.

"Excuse me?" I ask incredulously.

"I said you're an idiot. Everyone can see you love him. It's so obvious," she sighs exasperatedly before she continues. "My god, Katniss, if you could just look at yourself when you're with him. I don't even recognize you! You look…I mean…there aren't any words for it."

"You're just a romantic and want to see love in everything. Sometimes it doesn't work like that," I counter quickly.

"Whatever Katniss, I'll stop bothering you about it, okay?" she huffs. "I just don't see why you're trying to hide it so much," Prim grumbles while kicking a stray rock on the side of the road. I think I've upset her but whatever exists between Peeta and me is none of her business.

We walk in silence a bit longer. I can see our house in the Victor's Village in the distance.

"You wouldn't be kissing him like that if you didn't love him," I hear Prim say quietly as she lets go of my hand.

I watch her walk ahead of me and into the house. I pause and then follow her, walking up the stairs, through the house, and up to my bedroom, trying desperately to forget the conversation we just had. I flop down on the bed and burry my head in the pillows, trying to drown out the little voice in the back of my mind that keeps telling me Prim is right.

That night Cinna comes into my room with two dresses. One for me and one for Prim. The look on Prim's face as he pulls out the light blue gown is something I will remember for the rest of my life.

"Oh, Cinna! It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!" she says as she lightly runs her fingers over the soft fabric. Cinna shares a quick look with me and then turns back to Prim.

"Well, what would you have worn to the party tonight?" he asks, crouching down to her level.

"You mean I can go?" Prim's excitement is through the roof and I find I'm actually looking forward to going to Mayor Undersee's house just to see Prim have a good time.

"I didn't realize that family can go to this," I say to Cinna, surprised.

"They made an exception with your family. Actually they made an exception with District 12. I think Mayor Undersee invited a variety of people who are important to you and Peeta," Cinna explains as he pulls out the other dress. It's dark green and short with fairly thick straps. "This is your dress, by the way," Cinna says with a grin.

I take the piece of clothing in my hands. It's a soft material. I didn't pay attention to the types they introduced to us in District 8 but I have no doubt that it's expensive. I turn it around and my stomach falls to my feet. There's virtually no back to this dress, just like the black one I wore in the Capitol. This one is slightly different, though. The back is held together by a criss-crossing of fabric at the shoulders and the bottom is left open. I see that the back is cut in such a way that parts of my stomach will be exposed.

I look up at Cinna, my smile gone. He just laughs, takes the dress from my hands and turns to Prim.

"Look at your sister's dress, Prim," he instructs her.

Prim dutifully takes the dress in her hands, turns it over, and her eyes go wide.

"Wow," she whispers as she looks between Cinna and me. Prim runs her hand over the material and then returns the dress to me.

"Peeta will love that," she says to no one in particular, and she leaves my room.

A car is waiting for us outside the Victor's Village, ready to take us to Mayor Undersee's house in town. Luckily Cinna didn't make me wear sky-high heels tonight, which I think is only fair considering the dress he's put me in. He had my mother do my hair in the same way she did for my Reaping, braided and pulled back. I'm not wearing much makeup either, only a bit of shadow on my eyes and gloss on my lips. I cringe at the fact that I can now name the types of makeup my prep team uses.

Prim looks amazing. Her hair is curled and flowing. Cinna put her in barely any makeup at all, probably because she doesn't need any, only focusing on making her lips pink and shiny. The blue dress fits her perfectly and when it hits the light it sparkles. I can already tell Prim will have a good time twirling around the dance floor with it on.

My prep team was upset to go but they assured me that they could'nt wait to see me again for the Quarter Quell. I nodded and smiled. I don't feel the same way.

Prim takes my hand and we make our way down the steps of the front porch and to the car. Mother isn't coming. She claims she doesn't feel well but I know it's because she doesn't do well with crowds. It doesn't bother me that she isn't coming, though. If I had the choice I wouldn't be going to this either.

Peeta is waiting for us at the car, leaning casually against the door. He's wearing a plain black suit and his hair is brushed and gelled back. He looks very handsome. Again.

When he hears us he looks up and I think I see his mouth fall open. I know he's looking at my dress and I can almost feel Prim's satisfied smirk. I switch my gaze to the snow covered ground and focus on not falling.

"Prim, you look absolutely beautiful," Peeta says as he opens the door for us. Prim thanks him and I look to see her blush prettily as she scoots into the car.

Peeta's eyes are dark as he stares at the cutouts of my dress. At this point it's become quite natural for me to blush when Peeta looks at me so I'm not surprised when I feel my cheeks heat up. He places his hand on my back, helps me into the car and slides in after me.

We wait for Haymitch in silence. He is stumbling down his front steps, not quite used to navigating the snow while drunk.

Peeta lays his arm over my shoulders and places his nose into the hair above my ear.

"I like your dress," he whispers, voice deep, and my shiver has nothing to do with the cold.

I think the District 12 party may be even more unbearable than those of the other Districts, partly because I know more of the people here. I recognize a few influential members of District 12, like the Undersee family and a variety merchants. I notice almost immediately that Peeta's family isn't here, which surprises me. I would have thought that they would readily come to this event because they have merchant friends. They're merchants themselves. I don't see anyone from the Seam.

Effie hovers around, talking to anyone she can. She's probably disappointed to be back in District 12, considering she just came back from being the center of attention in the Capitol. District 12 must seem quite the downgrade.

Haymitch disappeared when we got here, most likely in search of the bar. That's fine by me, considering he probably woudl have just harassed Peeta and me the whole night anyway.

I spot Madge in the corner by the piano and walk quickly over to her. She's my only female friend; the girl who gave me the mockingjay pin before the Games. She is wearing a pretty pink dress and her blonde hair is piled elegantly on top of her head.

"Hi Madge, you look really nice," I tell her. Madge smiles at me and pulls me into a hug, which is quite uncharacteristic of her. I'm not use to this kind of affection from people other than Prim, and now Peeta, so I'm sure I look uncomfortable.

"Not as nice as you," she says. "How are you?"

She doesn't ask about the Tour because she must be aware of how terrible it is. After all, she attends these parties every year; the District 12 party is always at the Mayor's house. She's met a lot of Victors.

"I'm…tired, I think," I tell her. It's true. I just want to rest. No more interviews or dresses or dances. She nods knowingly and by the look she has in her eyes I can tell that she's a lot wiser than I give her credit for.

"Gale's not here," says Madge, and I look up at her, surprised. Her cheeks redden slightly. My stomach sinks a little. I miss him.

Of course Gale wouldn't come here, even if he were asked to, because he doesn't feel like he belongs. That's part of the reason we get along, I suppose. We both feel like outcasts.

"No, that's not surprising. He wouldn't do well with these types of events," I tell Madge. She looks upset, almost like she'd hoped he would come. Gale always had it out for Madge and I really don't know why. She's an outsider, too. Albeit a different, wealthier, better-off kind of outsider, but she is still treated like a leper by the other children in school. No one would talk to her because her father is the Mayor- the most powerful man in District 12. I like to think I didn't treat her any differently, though.

"Well, I should go talk to Effie," Madge says. "I feel bad for her. No one wants to talk to her at these things," she explains and I'm briefly in awe of the compassion that Madge holds. I wonder what it would be like if I had that. I probably wouldn't have survived the Games, that's for sure. Compassion would have been bad.

When Madge leaves I walk around the house, thinking about Gale. I make a mental note to go and find him tomorrow. I need to talk to him, to tell him about my fears regarding Snow and the Capitol. To share this burden with someone other than Peeta.

I wonder where Peeta is, actually. We got separated somewhere before I found Madge. I see Prim in the corner, talking to some member of merchant society. She flits from one person to the next, charming them completely. I almost laugh because she looks so at home during this Capitol function. The irony.

I see Madge work her way to the piano and start to play a fast-paced tune. Out of nowhere Prim grabs my hand and directs me to the dance floor.

"Katniss! Will you dance with me? Please?" Prim asks, shuffling anxiously from one foot to the other. I'm actually not opposed to dancing. I'm not bad at it either. Sometimes Prim and I would go to the Hawthorne's and listen to Rory play his fiddle, a gift that was passed down to him from his father. Much like my bow. The only difference is that my gift is illegal.

Prim and I make our way to the dance floor, spinning around and swaying to the beat. I twirl her this way and that while the photographers snap pictures of us. It's so much easier to deal with the photographers when I'm with Prim and I notice that I'm smiling because I'm having a good time. They've had dancing in the other Districts but it's never felt appropriate to actually do it, to celebrate the deaths of their children. I guess it's different in District 12 this time. We're celebrating survival for once.

The beat changes, slowing down into a beautiful melody. Madge really does play the piano quite well. I will have to remember to tell her that.

Prim and I stop dancing just as I feel a hand on my lower back.

"Do you mind if I steal her, Prim?" Peeta asks my sister, who smiles gloriously in response.

"Of course not! I was going to watch Madge play, anyway," Prim says before she skips away.

I turn around and Peeta pulls me close. I wrap my arms around his neck and look up at him. He's smiling down at me, eyes alight.

"I lost you there for a minute," I tell him as he leads me around the dance floor.

"I'm sorry, I got wrapped into talking to some of my parent's friends," he explains.

"Oh." There's not much I can say to that. I want to ask why his parents aren't here but I don't want to intrude. My mother isn't here because she would feel out of place. She essentially ditched the merchant way of life to live in the Seam with my father. There's no doubt she's been judged for it.

The differences between the Seam and Merchant classes have become quite prominent. Now that Gale and I haven't been able to hunt, there isn't enough meat to sell through the black market, making Seam families even hungrier than they were to begin with. Merchants are only slightly better off but it's still noticeable. Even the extra food our District gets due to our winnings isn't helping. It doesn't make sense.

I look around the room and take everyone in. I never feel at home during these Capitol events but this one in particular is weird. Merchants look at me strangely, like they still can't believe I'm alive, that I was able to survive. They're proud of me, I'm sure, but only because I'm from District 12. I could be completely wrong, though. I'm just so used to being looked down on by wealthier people, to being underestimated. It's a habit I can't quite shake.

"If it makes you feel better, I hate talking to them. I would much rather be here with you," Peeta says with a smile. I want to tell him that I feel the same way, that I want to be with him almost all of the time, but it makes me feel stupid and I don't know how to articulate it. Instead I rest my head on his shoulder and let him lead me around, enjoying the feel of his arms around my waist and the way his chest moves with each breath.

After a few moments Peeta speaks.

"I love you," he says softly.

My body stiffens and I lift my head up to stare at him. He's never actually said that to me so directly, it's almost always been implied. I begin to panic because I don't know how to respond to this. I don't know what to say.

"I don't expect you to feel the same. I just needed to say it," he whispers, looking at me so intensely I can feel his gaze burning holes in my skin.

I just stare up at him, my mind completely blank. Peeta stares back, searching my face for a reaction. Any reaction.

I want to tell him that I don't know what it is I'm feeling but Prim says it's love but I'm not so sure. I want to tell him that all I do is think about him and the way he smiles and kisses and obviously that doesn't make me a 'friend'. And that these feelings scare me silly but the words are caught in my throat.

So, of course I ruin the moment.

"It's getting late," I croak. "I think I should take Prim home now."

For all I know Prim could be completely happy wherever she is and not at all ready to leave. Luckily I spot her in the corner of the room looking exhausted.

Peeta loosens his grip on my waist and backs away. My arms drop heavily from around his neck. His disappointment is obvious and I know I've hurt him.

"I'll walk with you," he says quietly.

Prim turns out to be more tired than I anticipated and Peeta ends up carrying her all the way back to the Victor's Village. We walk in silence and I steal glances at the two of them. Prim looks tiny sleeping against Peeta's chest. He is being particularly careful not to trip on any black ice and I'm holding onto his arm tightly. He must think it's because I don't want to fall or trip but I know it's because I don't want him to slip away.

I wish I could tell him how I feel. I just don't know how I feel. I don't know how to label it and I don't want to label it incorrectly and hurt him again. Knowing me, if I tried to tell him that, it would come out all wrong. So instead I remain quiet.

The site of him carrying Prim only adds to my confusion. He's so protective, so gentle, and it makes my heart ache.

Peeta turns to look at me and I try to hide the strange expression I'm sure is gracing my face.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"Nothing, sorry I…it's nothing," I lie and I know Peeta sees right through it. He just looks at me for a moment and continues walking until we reach my house. Mother is waiting for us and takes Prim from Peeta's arms, thanking him before she goes inside. Prim rubs the sleep from her eyes and walks up the stairs by herself, my mother following closely behind.

I turn back to Peeta, who has shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Thank you," I say quietly. The air suddenly feels heavy and I'm not sure how to continue. Not just with this conversation but with Peeta. We've shared a bed for weeks and we never discussed what would happen once we got back to District 12. I've assumed we would go our separate ways once we finished the Tour but I didn't anticipate growing so attached to him.

I didn't anticipate his proclamation of love and I didn't anticipate the effect it's having on me.

"Any time," he answers, void of emotion. I hate myself.

"So…I'll see you tomorrow then?" I ask.

To do what, Katniss, I think to myself. Bake?

"Yeah, sure. I can bring over some bread tomorrow if you want," he offers.

I nod and force a smile despite the feeling of loss that creeps into my chest.

"Ok," I nearly whisper. "Yeah. That's great."

This is good. This is what I wanted when this whole thing started. Back to normal. Back to the way it was.

I repeat the words over and over in my head but they don't stick. It's useless, so useless.

Peeta looks at me a long while and finally pulls me into a crushing hug. I hug him back forcefully and again, he is first to pull away.

"Goodnight, Peeta," I force myself to say.

"Goodnight, Katniss," he answers and I watch him walk back to his dark and empty house.

I walk heavy-footed up the stairs to my bedroom and close the door quietly behind me. I squeeze my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry. I put my head in my hands and breathe deeply. In and out. In and out.

I've ruined everything. I should've just told him how I feel, even if it sounded stupid. I kissed him this morning and then freaked out when he told me he loves me and I hate myself. What is wrong with me? I wasn't honest being honest; not to myself and not to him.

I kick off my shoes and they roll across the floor and hit my dresser. I hear something fall to the ground. I lift my head and see Peeta's sea glass on the floor, the moonlight bouncing off its surface and making it sparkle like Prim's dress. Like the ocean in District 4 and like Peeta's eyes.

I'm breifly brought back to the beach and remember how happy I was just lying there with Peeta. I was so happy and Peeta was happy and our teeth hit together. I want that.

Suddenly I freeze.

I want that. It's so clear to me now, so simple. How did I not see it like this before?

I hastily wipe at my eyes and run out of my bedroom. I fly down the stairs, swing open the front door and run across the street to Peeta's house. On the way I register that I'm not wearing shoes but I can't bring myself to care.

The air is frigid and it bites at the exposed parts of my body. I welcome the cold because it wakes me up; it gives me purpose. No more hiding. I don't want to hide anymore because I want him.

The lights are on in his house and I swiftly walk up the steps of the porch.

I knock loudly and it doesn't take long for Peeta to answer the door. He's covered in flour and I know I must have interrupted one of his late-night baking sessions.

"Katniss?" he asks as he takes in my frazzled state. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I don't want to be friends anymore," I nearly shout at him. "Or good friends," I add.

The look of hurt and confusion on Peeta's face is palpable but I continue speaking, not really sure of what's coming out of my mouth, just hoping I'll speak what I feel; what I know to be true.

"I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want. I want to hold your hand and make you laugh and sleep with you at night. I want you to be the first person I see in the morning and the last person I see before I fall asleep. I want you. And good friends don't say that and good friends don't want that."

I smile widely because I'm finally saying it. I'm no longer hiding from myself, or from him. I'm telling him, and myself, exactly how I feel. And I'm no longer scared of it. It's so unlike me to open and obviously happy but with Peeta it's so natural.

I take a deep breath and continue.

"And I don't know what any of that means and it confuses me. And you said you love me and…and…I just want to be with you. Only you."

I'm still standing on Peeta's porch and my feet are so cold I can't feel them anymore. Peeta is in his doorway, not moving, and my smile falters. Did I say something wrong? I thought that if I told him the truth he would be happy. He just looks confused and I start to doubt myself.

I can feel traitor tears start to brim at my eyes again. Is this rejection? Did I overestimate things? No. I won't allow it. I'll keep talking. I'll keep talking until he understands. Until he understands that I've finally stopped hiding and that I want him. Only him.

"I—" I begin to speak but am cut off by Peeta's lips. He kisses me so deeply I can feel it in my frozen toes. I kiss him back with as much passion I can muster. This is what I want. Him. And he's so warm. And he smells like Peeta. It's perfect and I start to smile, ruining the kiss exactly like I ruined it on the beach, but Peeta keeps kissing me this time. On my cheeks, my nose, the corners of my mouth and finally on my lips again.

Tears are leaking out of my eyes but they're not out of sadness. They're out of relief. They're out of happiness. It's strange and I like it.

"And I just want to be with you. Only you," Peeta breathes against my lips before he tugs me inside.