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Cassie's frequent checking of her email finally bore fruit on the Tuesday morning. She was actually motivated to finally set up her e-mail on her phone so that she didn't have to keep opening up the laptop. It was hard to be surreptitious with a laptop but she was just a tad subtler with a phone. So a leisurely bath – because it automatically gave her privacy – and a new message from Rachel from her personal email address. She was smiling before she'd even opened it. It had been sent late last night.
Dear Cassie,
Please hasten back and dance me off my feet. Please.
If excessive and undeserved praise were fatal you'd be returning to a completely decimated dance 101 class. You're needed to motivate, berate and challenge us (or me at least). In case I haven't mentioned it before, please hurry back. It would be an act of mercy to save us from Ms. Fairweather and vice versa but more than that you are missed.
I hardly think there is anything you can learn from me unless your knowledge of Barbra Streisand is anything less than encyclopaedic
I hope this finds you relaxed and well.
Soon, please.
Rachel
Cassie was alternately amused and warmed by the message. It was also an unwanted reminder that Rachel was much younger than her although she was hard pressed to say exactly what it was about the message that reminded her of that. Perhaps it was just the fact she could hear Rachel saying the things she'd written and that combined with her guilty conscience... She had a minor wobble about whether she was acting in a honourable manner. She had to remind herself that Rachel was an adult and able to make her own choices. Besides, everything would be much more palatable to a newly discovered 'honourable' self once she'd properly ended working at NYADA. There definitely needed to be clear water between the end of her employment and her starting anything with Rachel even if it was just to ensure she could look herself in the eye in the future. More importantly Rachel's future career should be unimpeded by any suggestions of anything untoward during her NYADA days.
Resolutions firmly in place Cassie was then able to enjoy the message. That second please just sent a thrill through her as it suggested Rachel was as keen to dance with her, as she was to dance with Rachel. It didn't surprise her that Lydia's excessively praise laden approach to teaching was grating on Rachel. Rachel thrived on challenge whereas Lydia avoided any form of confrontation to the point of hardly daring to assert herself in the classroom. Cassie smothered a laugh; she knew exactly which of her students would be enjoying Lydia's lack of authority and which ones would by now be beginning to miss her. Muffin top would be too nice to be able to criticise Lydia even though she'd recognise she wasn't getting what she needed out of the lesson, Beefcake would be happy to pose, flirt and slack off, Thunder thighs would be getting more exasperated at the increasingly apparent lack of structure but wouldn't have the nerve to do anything about it, twinkle toes and his crew would be lapping up the easily earned compliments and no doubt fawning over their new idol…Cassie thought about each student in turn before finally finishing on Rachel. She could imagine Rachel assertively making suggestions about what the class should be doing and motivating whoever would listen to maintain a Cassie-like level of workout. She smiled and then frowned; she doubted Rachel would be getting an easy time from some of the more sedentary but vocal members of the class. Probably nothing like the grief she used to receive at high school but still. She wished she could instantly go back, march into the dance studio and verbally annihilate anyone daring to give Rachel a hard time. She'd like to think she'd engulf Rachel in a hug but her impression was that Rachel liked to fight her own battles and perceived someone standing up for her as a sign of weakness. Maybe her intense need to protect and Rachel's determination not to accept help was one of the things they could both work on?
Kurt wandered bleary eyed into the kitchen in search of rehydration or caffeine or both only to find an insufferably bubbly Rachel singing and dancing as she chopped fruit.
"Someone's happy," he managed to croak.
Rachel turned to beam at him. Happy was a bit of an understatement but she didn't need to correct him.
"So," he gulped down some water to ease the task of talking," what has you so cheerful this morning?"
"Nothing," trilled Rachel even as her eyes slid involuntarily to take in her laptop before returning to meet Kurt's gaze. She was trying not to eagerly await a reply from Cassie. she kept re-reading the emails scarcely able to believe that Cassie was - well, reaching out to her, flirting with her? She was slightly worried that maybe she'd overstepped the mark yet again with her response. was she reading too much into a harmless converstion? Was it inappropriate to be using her personal email account?Daft question , the fact she'd felt a frisson of excitment when she did answered that. Had she come across as a bit desperate to see Cassie again because although she was, she knew it was some sort of unspoken unwritten friendship code thing that you never let on about missing anyone? Had she let too much of the real her show with that Barbra remark because really she was becoming less obsessed and could now go a day or two without a quick blast of an inspirational Barbra tune? she'd been continually teased or derided about her love of all things Barbra so why would Cassie, sharp tongued harshly critical Cassie, be any different? Maybe this was all just one big set up with her as the butt of whatever grand joke was being played out?
Kurt snapping his fingers in front of her face interrupted her downwardly spiralling thoughts
"Hey, where did you go to?" he asked following her eye line to the laptop. He grinned at her and started," any exhibitions.." but before he could finish his thought a stern unamused Rachel was directly in his vision.
"If you're about to make an art related joke at my expense your day is suddenly going to go really badly." Rachel had stepped closer to him knowing how uncomfortable people encroaching on his personal space made him. There was mere milimeters between them, "Are we clear?"
Kurt managed to nod his head as his heart pounded and a smiling Rachel skipped away from him, singing in between mouthfuls of fruit. Sometimes he felt like he didn't really know Rachel at all. He couldn't imagine high school Rachel turning on the intimidation like that and she'd been genuinely scary. He sighed; maybe her friendship with Quinn wasn't something he should encourage.
Rachel's deliberate removal of her laptop to her bedroom, before she rushed out of the apartment in order to ensure she wasn't less than half an hour early for her first lesson, drew his attention back to the laptop. When he'd approached her with his peace offering hot chocolate last night she'd had her earphones in and had been intently starring at the screen. She'd slammed the laptop shut and blushed a brilliant red even as she tried to nonchalantly thank him for the drink. He hadn't thought too much about it at the time but the fact Rachel had been inseparable from the damn thing and had been so shifty about it again this morning… Kurt didn't want to be over dramatic but maybe ..well there was such an affliction as porn addiction. The thought shocked him. He was rushing to conclusions based on Rachel's furtive behaviour since her return from Yale and really that was only a couple of days of an insufferably happy, permanently smiling, laptop addicted Rachel. Okay he could settle this just by sneaking a look at Rachel's laptop. It wasn't really sneaking, not when he had the best interests of his friend at heart.
A further few seconds wrestling with the moral dilemma of breaching Rachel's privacy and then Kurt made his way to her bedroom. Brotherly concern trumped rights to privacy he told himself, trying not to think about how outraged he'd be if he'd found Rachel in his room going through his stuff. Wouldn't happen, if Rachel wanted to know something she'd just ask straight out with little attempt at tact rather than sneaking about in an underhand way said a disapproving voice in his head. Rachel had practically had a heart attack at the mention of the word porn and could barely say the word lesbian so he could hardly ask her if she was addicted to lesbian porn he argued with himself. This invasion of her privacy was the least embarrassing option all round. She was lucky she had a friend like him who cared about her feelings. The laptop was beside her bed. Taking a deep breath he sat on the side of the bed and placed the laptop on his knees. Maybe in the future Rachel would thank him.
Since when did Rachel have a password lock on her laptop? It hadn't been there last week when he'd used it to skype Mercedes. Why did Rachel need a lock on her laptop he asked himself, blind to the fact his actions actually provided the answer. The need for a password made Rachel's actions even more suspect. It was becoming imperative he accessed the laptop. He chose the password hint
"favourite viewing- 9 letters"
Kurt nearly cried with laughter. Rachel was so delightfully clueless sometimes. Only she would decide a password was needed, go to the trouble of setting one up only to then choose the most obvious password going. Even Brittany would be able to crack that clue. He gleefully typed in Striesand.
Cassie's day was spent looking at cash flow predictions and researching costs of available dance studio spaces in New York. More accurately Paul wrestled with figures and had researchers from his firm investigating properties as she watched numbers dance across the page, signed where he asked her to and made coffee at appropriate intervals. He had worked out how much she needed to charge per session depending on how many sessions she ran a week and her overhead costs. It made her head spin - there was a reason she hadn't gone into a career in business. Fortunately she had financially savvy parents who had helped her with her apartment and drilled into her from a young age the importance of savings, so she had a few months grace to try and make things work. Paul thought it was a viable career move and that was good enough for her. She wasn't ready for his grander plan of a dance school with more than one member of staff although she could see why he would be concerned if everything sank on swam solely on her efforts. Finally Paul had looked up from all the papers in front of him and announced there was just one rather major step to take. They needed to both go to New York to scout out this list of five possible venues for her to give dance lessons in. Locations had been chosen for a balance between accessibility and affordability. There was only so much you could tell from photos, was Cassie ready to show her big brother around NY. More importantly was she ready to return? Cassie's answering smile lit up her face as she felt a surge of excitement. It had been a desperately needed break and she'd be forever in his debt for all his support but yes, she was ready for whatever came next. Paul was soon organising flights for the pair of them.
It was much later that evening, after she, Paul and her nephews had 'owned' the one direction routine, that she sat on her bed trying to compose an email to Rachel. She'd already deleted a long serious heartfelt apology for all those dreadful things she'd said. All that was better in person even if she couldn't quite decide exactly when. She couldn't work out how to phrase news of her return particularly as she'd be back in the city before she was back at NYADA. Cassie didn't want to get Rachel's hopes up - if that was even possible. Her excitement and anticipation were making her overly emotional or sentimental or something. An email suddenly professing ardent admiration was hardly appropriate even if incredibly tempting. Written word wasn't designed to do that job, expressions, body language and tone were all too important to be left out. So that left her with trying to compose a light hearted reply whilst still keeping a hint of something else going. Surely there wasn't much more to be dragged out on the dance comment front? She deleted her rather pathetic professions of excitement at seeing Rachel again and sat starring at the 'Dear Rachel' and willed inspiration, sensible inspiration that was, to strike.
Kurt was jumpy from the moment that Rachel returned to the apartment that evening. He'd been thwarted by the passcode on Rachel's computer despite trying what he considered to be every permutation of small and capital letters to spell out Striesand. A sudden noise at the front door mid- hacking attempt that morning had nearly made him pass out in fear and so at that point he'd abandoned his attempts at detection. He was resigned to having a chat with Rachel but he just couldn't work out where to start. She'd eyed him suspiciously when with a flourish he'd presented her with her favourite blend of fruits in a homemade smoothie as soon as she'd entered the apartment. Kurt realised he might have been a bit hasty in starting his softening Rachel up campaign when she'd had to put the drink down in order to take off her coat and divest herself of her bag.
"So how was your day?" Kurt asked finally managing to drag his voice down from an awkward squeak to a conversational tone.
"Fine" stated Rachel looking at him over the top of her smoothie. Even she could tell something was up. Kurt didn't usual fidget like that.
"Anything exciting happen?' he asked eagerly before adding in a manner he considered smooth," why don't we sit on the sofa and chat about it?"
Rachel's eyes narrowed as she stared at him. She finished the smoothie.
"Why don't we not," she said watching his smile drain away from his face. She sighed. It wasn't his fault she hadn't had a reply from Cassie yet and she was worried she'd ruined absolutely everything somehow.
"Look maybe we can chat later, I just want to chill out for a bit," Rachel managed to offer as she headed to her room. Dance 101 was turning into a bit of a headache and the constant battling just to even achieve half of what they used to was so draining. She was ready to just collapse on her bed and indulge in a bit of self –pity when the sight of her laptop on her bed stopped her. She stepped back into the living space
"Kurt, did you move my laptop?" she asked wondering if she was just losing her marbles a bit. She always left her laptop beside the bed lined up parallel with the bedside cabinet.
Kurt turned to face her and she had her answer from his red cheeks and the difficulty he was having deciding on a suitable expression to pull.
"Are you suggesting I've nothing better to do with my time than sneak in and try and access your laptop?" he spluttered in protest.
There was an immensely uncomfortable pause as Rachel's expression turned to one of disappointment. Her eyes were beginning to tear up. He almost didn't want to hear what she was going to say.
"No," she said quietly," You are."
With that Rachel turned and walked quietly back to her space. Kurt stood uncertain what he should do. Somehow he didn't think confessing up to breaching her privacy because he was worried she might be addicted to porn was going to get him back in her good graces. The deadly quiet from Rachel's bedroom was enough to ratchet up his concern. Rachel always had a musical soundtrack to everything she did. The sound of quiet sobbing just on the edge of his hearing made him feel worse. Surely sneaking into Rachel's space and trying to access her laptop without her permission wasn't that bad? He picked up his phone from the side and headed towards the door. The person who understood Rachel best was Quinn. Could he ring her to talk through what was going on without Rachel seeing that as yet another betrayal? Should he leave Rachel or force her to talk? He didn't have any choice really; he needed Quinn's advice.
Rachel heard the door of the apartment closing and listened carefully for any sound just to make sure this wasn't some kind of trick to lure her out of her room. Although given recent events it was hard to imagine what was stopping Kurt just coming into her room when he felt like it. She wiped her eyes. Perhaps she wouldn't be quite so upset at the gross betrayal of her trust if a certain someone had actually managed to find the time to reply to her. Rachel somehow doubted Kurt has cracked her password code, as JulyBerry was hardly a term he even knew. But that wasn't the point, what if he'd managed to find out what she'd been spending her time watching or even worse read her emails? She fetched herself a bottle of water from the fridge and laid on the sofa. She wasn't good at keeping her secrets. Her Dads had always allowed her as much privacy as she needed and perversely she'd kept very little from them. In fact beyond her doubts over marrying Finn (cue huge embarrassing memories she really didn't need) she'd never kept anything from them, until now. Somehow though she knew whatever this was with Cassie, and at the moment it was actually absolutely nothing a hard voice reminded her, it needed to remain her secret. Besides, if it all turned out to be a misunderstanding on her part then she'd look less like an idiot if she hadn't gushed excessively about her massive crush. She pulled up her phone and scrolled through the email exchange one more time trying to discern where she'd overstepped the mark with what she'd sent. It suddenly occurred to her she needed to put a lock on her phone too and once she'd done that she decided a quick power nap would be a good idea. Today just couldn't end fast enough.
It had taken Cassie a while but finally she was ready to send her reply. She glanced at the clock, it was quite late but they were catching an early flight tomorrow so she'd had to gather all her belongings together. Okay so it hadn't taken long to pack and actually she'd spent the majority of her time starring at a white screen. Still, here was her final draft
Dear Rachel
I think you need to be warned about what my dancing has been reduced to in my absence from NYADA (see attached video) my brother and nephews proved more enthusiastic but less able than the usual dance101 students but the song is appropriate for you.
Barbra Streisand? Didn't she sing a bit and appear in the odd film or two? Only teasing, I have her complete works on DVD and CD but don't tell anyone as I have a certain reputation (or infamy) to maintain.
I imagine by now Ms. Fairweather is overseeing anarchy in the classroom. Just concentrate on what you need to do and stop worrying about the others. I don't doubt your ability to do the former as your focus and drive are some of your many admirable traits but your inability to do the latter is also a big part of what makes you you.
Yours,
Cassie
She was far more nervous about this message as it was less easy to dismiss as just a chat about dancing and more a slight raising of her head above the parapet to hint at her intentions. She'd tried numerous sign offs – her preferred 'Soon, I promise' just felt a little too intimate – but leaving Cassie on it's own was just too abrupt. She'd settled on the 'yours' as truthful but ambiguous. She then dithered about daring to send the email. Finally she gathered all her courage together, pushed aside her fears and pressed the button. Too late now.
Rachel awoke with a start to find Kurt leaning over her with her phone in his hand. Her eyes moved from her phone to meet his stricken gaze.
"I was just..I was putting it on the table" he stuttered cursing whatever Gods had it in for him because he really was just putting it on the table after he'd found Rachel asleep on the sofa and her phone on the floor.
"I wish I could believe you," Rachel said quietly," but for some reason I seem to be having trust issues."
'I yeah well," Kurt sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Is it okay if I sit down?" He asked hesitantly.
Rachel sighed and swung round so he could sit next to her on the sofa.
"Look, I was so out of line even though my intentions," Kurt paused awkwardly. What had Quinn said after she'd finished ranting at him and calling him an insensitive idiot? Oh yeah, keep the apology focussed and not about him.
"Rachel, I'm really sorry and you have every right to be extremely angry with me. If I want to know anything I should ask and it's your prerogative to not tell me everything," Kurt was on a roll with his apology and about to move on to how important Rachel's friendship was to him when her phone lit up with an incoming email message and her eyes slid away from his. Rachel reached for her phone as Kurt manfully started on his importance of friendship spiel. He watched as Rachel's face positively lit up as she accessed her messages.
"I need to read this," she interrupted him excitedly before noting his distinctly unimpressed look. She schooled her features to a more serious expression.
"Kurt I forgive you and our friendship is also important to me," her hand on his arm emphasised her words, "but you really need to leave my things alone."
She smiled at him and then skipped to her room. He couldn't help but feel disappointed. Quinn was right, Rachel forgave too easily and for some reason he was annoyed that she hadn't made him work harder for it. The sound of her amused laughter drifted across the apartment and he struggled with his confused emotions. He was trying hard not to think Rachel was somehow in the wrong.
Rachel wiped away a tear of laughter as she replayed once more the 'what makes you beautiful' video the Cassie had sent. The four of them were in perfect unison as they danced although Cassie lip-synching to the lyrics as she gave attitude to the camera was both amusing and hot. The serious expressions and total concentration of the two boys was just so cute as they moved around in a carefully choreographed routine. Who knew that this side of Cassie existed? Rachel felt her heart swell as she read the comment about the song being appropriate for her. As for Cassie being a closet Barbra fan, Rachel sighed surely that couldn't be true? She felt overwhelmed with emotion as she read about her admirable traits. And a 'yours' at the end. She shouldn't be so susceptible to praise but she couldn't help herself. It was almost impossible to reconcile the Cassie who wrote this e-mail with the woman who had been so cruel to her just five weeks ago. There was nothing in the message about a possible return date but in a way that didn't really matter.
She resisted the urge to reply immediately because despite having a message that had been well worth waiting for she still felt a bit put out about how long she'd had to wait. Not to mention the doubts she'd gone through. She pushed her laptop away and just lay on the bed revelling in the feeling of delicious anticipation and excitement that was racing around her body. It was hard to imagine what it would be like to see Cassie again. In some ways she almost didn't want the woman to return because how could they continue whatever this was that was going on by e-mail? Maybe if Cassie took the class again she'd be reminded just how irritating she found Rachel and how her drive and focus made her a demanding and difficult student. She clamped down on those thoughts. As long as she had some warning about Cassie's return she'd be able to prepare herself to keep her emotions in check.
Cassie was on her third coffee and still not capable of an intellectual discussion. Paul was busy humming cheerfully as he consulted his list of things to do. They dropped their bags back at her apartment and were now heading by cab to NYADA. Paul wanted her to check her notice period as well as pick Carmen's brains about attracting clientele. She'd tried to do that by phone but had been railroaded in her half asleep state into making an appointment. She wasn't sure how she felt about her unexpected return even if she had a few days of leave left. She was trying hard not to even think about the possibility of catching a glimpse of Rachel. After all, NYADA was a huge place and she couldn't be that lucky.
Her return was hardly low key. As she and Paul walked towards Carmen's office she was greeted by numerous 'welcome back's and variations on that theme.
"I didn't know you were quite that popular," said Paul as another smiling student shared his pleasure at seeing Ms July back.
""It's a school of dramatic arts," she huffed at him," Sincere insincerity is the first lesson."
She'd chosen a poor time for her appointment, as the corridors were crowded with students moving between classes. Five minutes later and all this could have been avoided. Cassie was about to follow Paul into Carmen's office having successfully battled waves of students when something made her look to her left along the corridor. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the one still person in the hordes of swirling students. Rachel. She was stopped in the corridor starring wide eyed at Cassie as if she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. Her expression was a cross between stunned and shocked. Cassie felt her breath hitch; she'd forgotten just how beautiful Rachel was. Those expressive dark brown eyes were boring into hers but before she could think about something to say an amused Paul was pulling her into Carmen's office. All she could think about as the conversation flowed around her was why hadn't Rachel been more pleased to see her?
It was as they headed on to the first appointment to look at a dance studio space that Cassie had her answer. She could finally focus on the email icon on her phone. It was a cheerful note – so different from that last expression she'd seen on Rachel's face- suggesting the One Direction routine might prove challenging for dance 101 the way they were going, that she'd be given a Barbra quiz to check the veracity of her claims to being a fan and then some appreciation of a few of Cassie's traits (An admirable exercise in wishful thinking). The last paragraph made the simple request that Cassie warned her of her impending return so Rachel could prepare herself if 'Promise me you'll warn me' could be called a simple request. Fuck. Cassie would need to bring everything forward starting with calling in a favour from Carmen.
Rachel was glad Kurt had been invited on a last minute trip to the theatre, as she wasn't sure she could have dealt with him this evening. She just needed to have some time to herself to think about the unexpected return of Cassie to NYADA. She'd specifically asked for a heads up and then there the woman was, looking at her with an amused smirk on her face. Rachel's insecurities were back with a vengeance. It was almost as if Cassie had waited for her email asking for something and then deliberately snubbed her. She'd dragged herself, a quivering mass of hope and fear, to dance 101 only for the usual chaos, overseen nominally by Ms Fairweather, to be in place. Little dancing happened, instead the room filled with gossip about Cassie being back and having some poor hapless man in tow. Theories abounded about how Cassie had got her claws into him and as the theories became wilder Rachel finally snapped impatiently
"Oh for goodness sake it's her brother"
She was misguided if she thought that would close down the conversation instead attention was then directed to her and how did she know whom it was.
"Because they look alike," she'd managed wishing she'd kept quiet. Once her lack of any insight was acknowledged the conversation returned to conspiracy theories around the reasons for Cassie's reappearance. The rest of the day had carried on in the same irritating fashion.
Rachel checked her phone with little expectation. Cassie would hardly be replying to her email after ignoring the request she'd put in it. She'd just been a bit of entertainment for a teacher bored while on leave. Stringing Rachel along was in danger of becoming a popular sport. It wasn't clever to catch her out because she was just too gullible. Rachel pulled back from the pool of self-pity she was in danger of wallowing in. She had her comfort clothes on, (polka dot leggings and one of her Dads old jumpers) so all she needed now was comfort food. Her musings over which ice cream flavour would provide the comfort she needed was interrupted by a firm knocking on the door. She sighed, well whoever it was would just have to put up with the damage to their retinas brought about by the multicoloured polka dots on her leggings.
Rachel pulled the door open slightly more vigorously than intended to be greeted by a tasteful bunch of flowers being held out to her. She traced back from the flowers to find they were being held by a nervous but stunning looking Cassie. Rachel's heart went into overdrive as she drank in the perfection in front of her and tried to remember how to speak.
Cassie gazed at Rachel taking in her eyes as wide as saucers look and the way her hand trembled as she accepted the flowers. The tension in the air between them was palpable. She licked her lips and dragged her eyes up from where they'd settled on those full lips in front of her to gaze in those dark eyes she'd been dreaming about.
She cleared her throat but her voice retained its huskiness. It'd be a miracle if she could get the sentence out before spontaneously combusting in a ball of lust. A shaky breath and she was ready.
"I've come to claim that dance you promised me."