Sorry for the delay , I was trying to finish this for the weekend but the characters and I were having artistic differences. Grateful thanks for the reviews and so, it might not feel like it after the delay, but this is for you!
Rachel was struggling to comprehend what her eyes and ears were telling her because this really couldn't be happening. Cassie didn't know where she lived, couldn't have turned up without warning and wouldn't be asking for a dance. Rachel was in shock. The expensive bouquet's tasteful elegance was lost on her as she took a step back and made a heroic effort to calm the thundering of her heart. Oxygen was suddenly scarce so quick shallow breaths were required even as her eyes eagerly roamed over the beauty in front of her. This wasn't possible. Cassie looked stunning, her blonde hair falling over her shoulders and a hesitant smile on her face. Rachel hadn't dared imagine a context in which they actually would dance together again but, if she had, she wouldn't have dared hope that Cassie would appear on her doorstep looking quite so incredibly alluring.
Cassie had stepped into the apartment, closed the door behind her and slipped off her coat in the time it had taken Rachel to take a pace backwards and place the flowers on the table as well as find the co-ordination to drag her jaw up from the floor. Her gaze never left Cassie's face but now hundreds of questions were racing through her brain along with half composed statements of shock. All that was offset by a massive feeling of excitement and anticipation that was coursing through her veins as a sensible part of her brain pleaded with her to be calm because wonderful things like this didn't happen to people like her. There had to be a catch.
Cassie could see Rachel was readying herself to speak so she stepped forward and raised her two index fingers in a manner identical to that which had preceeded the 'All that jazz' routine only this time Cassie's expression held an affectionate and warm smile. She hit play on her phone and held her hand out to Rachel, surprised to note the tremble in her own hand. Rachel gently reached out her hand and without processing the idea Cassie brought the hand to her lips and tenderly kissed the back of Rachel's hand. It was at that point a smile played across Rachel's lips accompanying the look of dazed happiness on her face. Cassie kept her eyes on Rachel as she kicked off her heels to make their heights similar, pushed her shoes aside and slid her arm around Rachel's waist to bring their bodies lightly together. It was a moment she'd been frequently imagining although the jolt of pleasure was far more intense than she'd anticipated. From the involuntary and momentary eye close on Rachel's part she hadn't been alone in that sensory overload.
The tinny sounding music from her phone was just audible over the sound of their ragged breathing as she led Rachel through a few simple steps. It was hard to do anything complicated as she lost herself in those expressive dark brown eyes and focused on the feel of Rachel's hand resting lightly on her back. The realisation that Rachel's thumb was gently caressing the bare skin under her hand encouraged Cassie to tighten her hold and press the girl closer to her. As she fought down the urge to moan, a small part of her brain wondered how such a small touch could have such a huge impact on her level of arousal. This wasn't dancing, it was just an excuse to have Rachel pressed up against her and to soak up the experience to tide her through the drought that would need to follow.
Rachel was weak kneed from excitement and light headed with want after just a few minutes of being held in Cassie's embrace. She was fighting the urge to drag Cassie into her room and beg her to ravish her. Ravish might be an old fashioned way of putting it but the end result would be the same. She knew from the tightness in her nipples and the pool of desire building between her legs that those lips on her aching breasts would be enough for her to experience an earth shattering orgasm considering how far along that road she was just from dancing. This was probably, no make that definitely, the most intensely erotic experience of her life and they were just swaying against each other. Her thoughts were suddenly clouded by realising she was in danger of being that 'virginal novice who climaxed at the merest hint of foreplay' that Cassie had accused her off mere weeks ago. It was like suddenly being doused in cold water. How could she possibly think that this was anything other than some kind of set up?
Cassie watched a flicker of doubt pass over Rachel's features and realised she was being selfish immersing herself in the reassuring feel of Rachel wrapped in her arms when in fact an explanation and a grovelling long overdue apology and a plea for forgiveness were needed. She hugged Rachel to her, stroked her hair and husked in Rachel's ear
"We need to talk first and then tango later," it sounded far more suggestive than she'd intended," if you still want to," she added slightly hesitantly because this could still all go wrong.
Rachel clung to her for a brief moment and gave her a quick squeeze before releasing her. Her head was warning her to be wary but her body was craving contact. Cassie kept hold of Rachel's hand and began to guide her towards the table. At least with a table between them it would be harder for her to act on the impulse to pull Rachel into her and meld their lips together. Just before they were about to be seated she noticed Rachel's eyes sweeping over her then looking at herself and she hesitated.
"I need to ..I should change," muttered Rachel suddenly aware of the disparity in their appearances. She felt awkward and a bit ridiculous at the contrast between a glamourous Cassie and a sloppily dressed her. How could she seriously believe that Cassie was here for her?
"Rachel, you look beautiful," Cassie tried to reassure her but Rachel was in the full on grip of her insecurities. Beautiful, as if. Cassie had overestimated her gullibility if she thought Rachel would seriously believe that. She could make herself more attractive but beautiful? She knew she wasn't and she was okay with that.
"Only if the 'big nosed ethnic look' has suddenly come into fashion. Don't treat me like an idiot," whispered Rachel as she drew her hand back from Cassie's grasp.
Cassie recognised her own phrase instantly and her heart immediately sank. Everything was suddenly going wrong, the intimate atmosphere so carefully created was slipping away and she wasn't even sure why.
"Rachel, please," she pleaded as her voice wavered. She reached out to Rachel but her hand was left untouched as Rachel wrapped her arms around herself and her expression changed to neutral. Suddenly it was a young and vulnerable Rachel in front of her and Cassie's heart ached.
"I shouldn't have..I didn't," Cassie took in a shaky breath and tried to order her thoughts as she felt tears gather in her eyes. She had no right to be upset she told herself sternly. They gazed warily at each other.
"You are beautiful" Cassie managed because she wasn't going to back down on the truth," I' m so sorry about all those hurtful hateful things I said. I know I don't deserve it but please," she looked imploringly at Rachel " please," her voice was barely above a whisper," give me a chance to " she tailed off. Explain? Grovel? Make it right? Would any of them undo the damage? She wiped the moisture from her eyes.
Rachel's natural urge to comfort someone upset fought with her attempt to be more worldly wise.
"Don't just give me a chance, give us a chance," Cassie pleaded. She could sense Rachel was wavering. "Please?"
This time when she reached out a tentative hand she thought carefully what to say.
"For you and me " She suggested, her heart now racing in fear. There was an extended pause as Rachel's eyes looked from the extended hand and met Cassie's gaze as if assessing her honesty. Finally a hesitant Rachel reached out her hand to take the proffered hand. Cassie clasped it gratefully in both of hers.
"Thank you," she said in relief as she guided Rachel towards the table, unwilling to let go of her hand as if it was the only thing stopping Rachel from running away.
Rachel's thoughts were racing. She wished she could forget what Cassie had said to her in her office but it was now in the forefront of her brain along with a nagging doubt that this could possibly be really happening. She wanted to dare hope but really, look at her relationship track record, it was hardly as if people fell over themselves to go out with her. E mails were one thing but the reality was, in the flesh, most peope found her irritating in anything other than small doses and weren't shy about telling her. She didn't know what Cassie was really after, a complicated humiliation scheme? Some kind of notch on the bedpost?, and she wasn't really sure where she stood because she'd take a one night stand eagerly and gratefully (even if that made her a doormat or 'easy') and deal with the emotional fallout later. And yet she wanted to believe, however naive, pathetic or unlikely it might be, that Cassie was here for love. That just maybe Cassie might feel a fraction of what she did.
Cassie realised she was standing on the edge of an emotional minefield mostly of her own making. This wasn't the time for subtlety or timidity. For once in her life she needed to be honest about how she felt even though there was a risk she wouldn't be believed. Rachel was looking at her as if she were afraid of what Cassie might say. A shaky breath, a nervous swallow and she was ready.
"Almost from the first moment I saw you I've been incredibly drawn to you and such a strong attraction terrified me. I tried to protect myself by lashing out at you rather than dealing with the maelstrom of emotions you make me feel by just being near," Cassie's words were heartfelt but Rachel wasn't looking at her. Cassie felt her opportunity slipping slowly away. Words were never going to be enough. She pulled Rachel's hand to her and placed it over where her heart lay racing with fear in her chest.
"Here, this is what you do to me," she waited. Surely Rachel could feel the thundering under her fingertips?
A small smile began to form on Rachel's face at the sudden ridiculousness of being able to feel a heartbeat over the pounding of her own and the distraction of Cassie pressing her hand against her chest.
Emboldened Cassie reached for Rachel's other hand and pulled it in to join the first. She waited for Rachel to raise her gaze from her hands to look at her. All that wide-eyed vulnerability just made Cassie want to melt.
"My heart is in your hands," she said softly watching Rachel's eyes grow watery. Only the sound of breathing could be heard. Then Rachel placed Cassie's hand on her chest even though she knew the jumper she was wearing would prevent Cassie from feeling the her own heartbeat.
"And mine is in yours," stated Rachel softly, her voice heavy with emotion as she wrestled with her doubts.
It was an intense shared moment; one Cassie didn't want to end. Whatever the future held this moment would always be one to treasure, when she first began to dare hope. She couldn't stay in this dizzy with anticipation state. She needed to repair the havoc she'd wreaked with her deliberate designed-to-wound words.
"I need to apologise for all those dreadfully hurtful things I said. I'm so sorry, more than I can express for being such a cruel, deliberately spiteful bitch. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I'm a jealous, hateful,.."
"Shh Cassie," Rachel leaned forward and her hand squeeze " we both need to work on putting all that behind us." The fact Rachel aimed a tentative smile at her was far more important than her words. Cassie knew blubbering in relief and gratitude wouldn't be helpful so she fought down the strong emotions threatening to engulf her. She really needed to be discussing with Rachel the reason for her presence in her apartment. Rachel's hands in hers, she drew in a steadying breath and stated her intentions.
"You're probably wondering why I'm here. It's because I'm hoping we can explore whatever this is between us," Cassie freed her hand to indicate, rather unnecessarily, that she and Rachel were the us she referred to even as she winced at her clumsy phrasing.
Rachel was slowly figuring it all out. No doubt Cassie had seduced Brody with a dance, probably one requiring more input than that little shuffle they'd done earlier, but she'd probably not needed the flowers for him. 'Explore whatever this is' wasn't exactly the most romantic invitation she'd ever had but then she was hardly an expert. Maybe it was above Finn's 'let's do it' on her chart of worst propositions ever. Cassie was a smooth operator she'd give her that, with her flowers, invitation to dance and that hand on heart moment that just made her want to cry. But she was responsible for keeping herself from being overawed no matter how tempting. She needed to put her schoolgirl fantasies of ever lasting love behind her and join the adult world. Cassie wanted to sleep with her, she was desperate to sleep with Cassie, and they had a few hours before Kurt would return so why was she so disappointed?
Cassie watched Rachel take in the flowers and then her eyes narrowed and there was a slight straightening of the shoulders before she said matter of factly
"A one night stand."
Cassie had practice at keeping her face expressionless but Rachel's words wounded her. So Rachel just wanted to tick 'sleep with a teacher' off her must do list of college experiences whereas she was looking for something far less fickle. Something far more committed, emotionally engaged and adult. Still, she'd take it. She just needed a moment to shrug off her intense disappointment and put her hopes in perspective.
"I .. Er. If that's all you want," Cassie managed to choke out in a somewhat strangled tone.
Rachel stared at her intently and carefully considered Cassie's words turning over the 'all' in her mind before throwing caution to the wind.
"God no, I want so much more than that," confessed Rachel before slapping her hand over her mouth before she said too much, if she hadn't already.
She'd always been dreadful at the 'playing hard to get' that people who were successful in relationships could master so well. Rachel knew she came across as desperate, needy and clingy as she'd had the feedback to prove it and yet she seemed powerless to change herself. She could feel embarrassment rising up her cheeks. What an unflattering picture she must present, red-faced, awkward and clothed in polka dots. She really hadn't changed that much from high school despite the make over. This would be the ideal moment for some caustic Cassie put down now that she'd finally revealed too much. If she'd dared to look she'd have seen Cassie's surprise transform into a broad smile as Rachel's words sunk in.
"Me too," Cassie didn't try and keep the excitement out of her voice.
She watched Rachel's face break into a broad grin as the meaning of Cassie's words had an effect. They sat for a moment just smiling at each other, hand holding and probably looking like a pair of idiots. They were momentarily at a safe place and Cassie wanted to savour that for a moment before embarking on the roller coaster of emotions that seemed to come from her conversations so far with Rachel.
After a suitable pause Cassie knew she needed to move the conversation along before she gave in to the urge to abandon all attempts at restraint and just kissed the desirable girl in front of her.
"I've resigned from NYADA," she said noting Rachel's immediate surprise.
"You've decided to try out for Broadway, that's fabulous," an excited Rachel replied almost bouncing in her seat.
"Er no," responded Cassie wondering quite where that thought process had come from.
"You should," gushed Rachel, "You're such an amazingly talented dancer. Everyone needs to have the opportunity to see you on stage."
Cassie waved away the compliment, " I..well.." she wasn't sure what to say in the face of Rachel's earnest conviction of her brilliance.
"Cassie," said Rachel assertively," from one outstanding talent to another, promise me you'll at least think about it."
Cassie smiled at the brief glimpse of the confident Rachel she usually saw in her classes before she shrugged non-committedly. She should have known Rachel wasn't going to let it go and quickly caved in the face of Rachel's pleading expression with a
"Okay."
Rachel had a pleased with herself look on her face for a moment before her attention snapped back to the initial remark.
"So why are you leaving NYADA?" asked Rachel in genuine puzzlement because beyond a role on that stage why would anyone leave the highly regarded post on the teaching staff?
"Because I'm currently your teacher," explained Cassie as if everything was obvious from that one statement. Rachel was having difficulty putting the pieces together. They agreed they wanted to 'explore whatever this was' but why was Cassie being her teacher a problem beyond the obvious one of maintaining professional decorum in the classroom? Cassie registered just how cute Rachel's puzzled face was with furrowed brow.
'Rachel, we can't be involved while I'm your teacher," Cassie explained gently.
"But you and Brody," exclaimed Rachel because she genuinely didn't understand. Cassie's smile immediately faded and a blush appeared on her face making Rachel feel guilty about mentioning it. For Cassie the memory was almost painful to think about. She tried to remove her hands from Rachel's but Rachel just strengthened her hold wishing she hadn't said anything.
"It should never have happened. It's something I'll always regret," Cassie sighed closing her eyes as if she could hide from her actions," I behaved inappropriately, recklessly and stupidly."
She snapped her eyes open to look at Rachel surprised to be met by a sympathetic rather than disgusted look.
"Besides you deserve more than some tawdry illicit affair," Cassie said sincerely.
"But your job," began Rachel.
"Rachel,' Cassie interrupted," I want to do this right,' she indicated Rachel and her,"I've done many things wrong but this, this I'm determined to do right."
Rachel felt a rush of affection for the older woman.
"Your career," managed Rachel to an ironic snort from Cassie. Cassie leaned closer into Rachel.
"You're going to be a big star, we both know it, and showbiz is incredibly bitchy. You don't need to be dogged by gossip about an involvement with a teacher from your NYADA days and no matter how discreet we are, that would happen."
"But you shouldn't..I mean it's a big step," managed Rachel suddenly wondering whether it would add a pressure to their potential relationship that they really didn't need.
Cassie raised a hand to gently stroke Rachel's cheek touched that Rachel's concern was about Cassie rather than herself.
"Rachel, I've already resigned. Before I knew how you felt or even if there would be an 'us'. This is about me, not you. I'm ready for a change," said Cassie seriously
Rachel searched Cassie's face for the truth of her words unable to escape the feeling that she was a major part of the reason for Cassie's decision. She was both moved and slightly scared by the idea.
"So about there being an us, you're still currently my teacher," stated a puzzled Rachel.
"Ah but nothing's going to happen," began Cassie before Rachel's raised eyebrow as she looked pointedly at their entwined hands made her laugh," Well I only came tonight because you saw me at NYADA and when I read your email afterwards I didn't want you to think I'd deliberately ignored your wishes," a touched Rachel smiled at her,"I originally intended to wait much longer before talking to you but.." Cassie gave a helpless shrug,"so after this evening's conversation we need to ..um..keep a distance between us until a decent amount of time has passed.."
"Decent amount of time?' queried Rachel were they talking days, weeks, or heaven forbid months because she wasn't sure she had the patience, will power or self-restraint. She was ready to drag Cassie into the bedroom now and only fear of scaring Cassie off or coming across as 'easy' was stopping her.
"Um well I'll need to work off my notice which will only be four weeks as I've accumulated so much leave," began Cassie noting Rachel's displeasure at four weeks," so during that time I'll still be your teacher so," Cassie sighed, "I'll need to resist the almost overwhelming urge to touch you and I'll be relying on you not to," another sigh but this time with a hint of embarrassment," tempt me."
"Puritan mouse behaviour?" asked Rachel with amusement, "Even that seems to provoke you."
Cassie reluctantly acknowledged the truth of that statement. Rachel's mere existence provoked her into channeling her desire into annoyance.
"Well you'll need to be more explicit Cassie, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable" said Rachel with her most sincere expression.
"Well," replied Cassie as she eyed Rachel to judge how much detail was needed," you know, think about what you're wearing to class."
"What I'm wearing?" asked Rachel not believing Cassie was really going down that path.
"You know, nothing too..ah," Cassie licked her lips wondering how she'd got herself to this point, "provocative."
The stage was set for a bit of fun. Rachel then proceeded with astraight to name items from her wardrobe with a detailed description about how low, tight or revealing each item was along with illustrations with her hands on her body. Cassie was dismissing each one as unsuitable, her voice becoming progressively croakier as images of Rachel wearing each of these items burned into her overheated brain. Perhaps just banning Rachel from the rest of her lessons was the only answer. She was slow to catch on that Rachel was deliberately teasing her until Rachel was unable to hide her smirk.
"Those polka dot leggings would be ideal," huffed Cassie in mock offence before throwing her hands up, "Okay that was silly of me, but you know what I mean."
Rachel grinned at her obviously pleased with herself.
"So for four weeks we're back to how things have been although maybe you can avoid giving me such a hard time," sounded out Rachel," and then?"
"And then there needs to be a suitable interval between my employment ending and us beginning to date" Cassie explained. It had all seemed so easy in her head but now she was explaining it to Rachel it all sounded a bit ridiculous.
"So no interaction in the meantime?" asked Rachel.
"Well we could still email or maybe text," replied Cassie tentatively," and maybe the odd phone call but definitely no face to face contact."
"So definitely no dancing," clarified Rachel. Cassie shook her head
"No hugging, no hand holding," Rachel waited for Cassie to confirm that each was not allowed before finishing with," and definitely no," she wet her lips with the tip of her tongue and then purred, "Kissing."
Cassie's eye close and slight moan was the reassurance Rachel needed. She wouldn't be suffering alone.
"In that case can I have a hug now?" asked Rachel. She'd hardly finished the question before Cassie was pulling her up from her chair and holding her tightly. If only she could just stay like this, warm and secure.
Eventually and reluctantly Cassie drew away slightly
"I still need to dance you off your feet and then I need to go before your flat mate returns." She reached for her phone to avoid looking at the disappointment on Rachel's face that no doubt reflected what she was feeling.
"A last tango?" asked Cassie extending her hand.
"Definitely not the last," replied Rachel as she stepped into the offered embrace.
It was a far more charged dance than before. The touches were firmer, bolder and more intimate. The tension was electric between them and this time Rachel fully relaxed into being led by Cassie. It was all over too soon and as they stood fighting for breath at the end, eyes locked and chests heaving. Cassie was struck bythe enormity of the task of keeping her distance from Rachel. She just wanted to take her right then and judging from Rachel's darkened eyes and glazed expression, she'd let her.
"You are so very beautiful," Cassie managed to say taking the opportunity to yet again stroke the soft skin on Rachel's face.
Rachel suddenly buried her face in Cassie's shoulder.
"I don't think I can do this, you know, wait," she mumbled into Cassie's shoulder.
"We owe it to ourselves," reassured Cassie gently stroking Rachel's hair, "We're worth waiting for."
It took another half an hour between hugs, trembling bottom lips and exchanging phone numbers before an elated Cassie finally made it out of the apartment and barely avoided bumping into Kurt in the street. She could probably float back to her home but a cab would be quicker. Her face seemed to be fixed in permanently smiling mode. She couldn't remember the last time she was so exhilarated and hopeful.
Rachel barely had time to process the events of the evening - that Cassie was attracted to her, that Cassie was giving up her job to pursue a relationship with her, that she had never felt quite so desirable or as incredibly happy - before Kurt was back. He was busy giving a detailed account of the show he'd seen - wasn't it amazing that Carmen had given him last minute tickets? - as he rustled up hot chocolate for the pair of them. It was as he finished recounting all his thoughts on the show it began to dawn on him that something was slightly different. Okay, so the fact Rachel had hardly spoken was incredibly unusual but it was more than that. Her sparkly bright-eyed look wasn't too unusual but the barely contained waves of excitement positively rolling off her were. Rachel rarely held back on her smiles but the current beam on her face was putting her previous efforts into the shade. He followed her gaze to settle on a bunch of tasteful elegantly arranged flowers on the coffee table that positively screamed expensive taste.
"So, what's with the flowers?" he asked. Rachel shot him a slightly coy look.
"I thought the apartment needed cheering up." Her teasing smile didn't convince him, besides these weren't a bunch of flowers you'd be able to purchase anywhere in their neighbourhood.
"Secret admirer?" he hazarded watching Rachel blush in response. His raised eyebrow and encouraging look failed to persuade her to elucidate further.
"Anyone I know?" Kurt wheedled. Well that little embarrassed look was a definite yes.
Rachel placed her empty mug on the table and stood up. She knew deception wasn't one of her strengths and that combined with a desire to share her newfound euphoria was probably a recipe for disaster if she stayed around Kurt.
"Kurt, I'm choosing not to tell you as is my prerogative," announced Rachel,"See you in the morning."
He watched her skip excitedly to her room. Rachel, you had to love her. She couldn't keep a secret to save her life. That 'prerogative' was a massive clue. Kurt sipped on the last of his drink and grinned. It was good to know that Quinn had finally, finally got her act together. He was impressed at the classy way Quinn was choosing to woo Rachel, what those flowers probably cost would feed a student for a month. Quinn and Rachel would make such a lovely couple. He smiled, maybe he should play along and let the pair of them think they could keep a secret.