Thanks to the usual stalwart reviewers - this is for your unfailing loyalty. Big thanks to Eyghon for the proof reading and improving...
Cassie would have been in a state of disbelief about her NYADA days being numbered if Lydia Fairweather hadn't made a point of mentioning it at every conceivable opportunity. The irritating woman obviously had her eye on taking dance 101 for the remainder of the academic year, if not moving on to running the course permanently in the future. Cassie steered a neutral course through such conversations, side stepping Lydia's prompts for her approval and only being stirred into action over Lydia's rather scathing criticism of 'that pushy overachiever, Rachel Berry - one of those relentlessly ambitious performers who wouldn't be averse to sleeping her way to success.' She'd tried a mild rebuke of 'That's a bit harsh Lydia' even as she seethed internally. She tried to steer a Lydia-free course after that but that fateful Thursday kicked off with a short staff meeting and Lydia had her cornered as soon as Carmen had finished the briefing. Cassie couldn't decide what was more disconcerting, Lydia's obsequious expression or the fact she'd placed her cold damp hand on Cassie's arm.
"Oh Cassie, I hope you didn't take my criticism of Rachel too seriously," smarmed Lydia as Cassie settled for a neutral expression to hide her distaste.
"I gather from my sources that Rachel has moved from person non grata into the position of teacher's pet so I wouldn't want to cause offense," Lydia scanned Cassie's face for a reaction with little luck. Mind you, Cassie always was a stony-faced cold one, but worth staying on the right side of if she wanted to take over her dance class permanently. The thought about restraining her behaviour was fleeting - what Lydia really wanted to do was rattle Cassie's cage.
"I'm sure she didn't have to sleep with you in order to have the chance to perform at your leaving gathering but others are not, of course, so generous in their conclusions. I thought you should know," added a rather-pleased-with-herself Lydia. Was that a flash of anger or fear she just saw in the ice queen's eyes? She tried to disguise her surge of delight.
"Lydia, please don't waste my time with idle student gossip and baseless innuendo," Cassie managed to say politely having to filter out swear words and epithets as she spoke, "Carmen organised all the performers for the leaving party and I'm sure she'd be horrified to hear any suggestions of impropriety not to mention how angry she'd be about staff members perpetuating such malicious stories."
It wasn't the 'fuck off, you talentless manipulative scheming bitch' that she wanted to say but it served a similar purpose as Lydia paled noticeably and withdrew her hand from Cassie's arm. As Lydia slunk away from the encounter Cassie reflected on the exchange. On the plus side it served as a timely reminder that she wouldn't miss the back-biting and vicious gossiping that being in a performance college seemed to inspire and not just amongst the students. All those egos, limited opportunities and a propensity for the dramatic...well it was hardly surprising that the rumour mill worked overtime and then some. On the minus side, the phrase 'teacher's pet' and the fact there seemed to be rumours that Rachel was sleeping with her for the right to perform were far more worrying. The suggestion she might take advantage of her students' ambitiousness only irked her but the trashing of Rachel's character was uncalled for and unnecessarily vindictive. And she knew just who would be responsible for that - wasn't beefcake now dating Alexandra Beloushi? No prizes for figuring out his motivation then. She just wasn't sure how to close him down. Had she inadvertently done something in her lessons to give the game away about her feelings for Rachel? It was an unsettled Cassie who finally headed off for her first class.
It was while fumbling around in the cupboard next to what was her first teaching room that Lydia's words were to return to Cassie. The cupboard was obviously being used more as a dumping ground for old equipment rather than a storage space judging by the rickety chairs and broken furniture cluttering up the cramped space. Cassie was searching for a set of small cones that she'd once used to liven up a dancing lesson years ago back when she was younger and enthusiastic enough to try and make her lessons interesting. Fox trotting around the dance floor staying within a route marked out by cones without looking like you were trying to do that had proved a popular crowd pleaser in the past. Maybe it was time to ease up on dance 101 a little bit and inject a small element of fun. The problem was in the low light and dusty conditions her enthusiasm for the idea was rapidly waning. Cassie was trying not to make too much noise, as the walls of the cupboard were flimsy partition walls obviously installed in a bid to cheaply turn one massive room into two smaller sized classrooms plus rather useless storage space. She could hear on one side Bertrand extolling the virtues of Shakespeare's comedies as a means of drawing the working classes into the wonders of live performances whereas on the other she could hear the idle chitchat of students readying themselves for Improv and drama. Her attention was suddenly focussed on the student chat as Rachel Berry was mentioned. She headed closer to the wall, the search for cones all but forgotten.
"No, that's just Michael being Michael. What I'm saying is there's no smoke without fire and I think if you just dare to look carefully there is something going on between Rachel and car crash," stated a female voice matter of factly only to be greeted by much scepticism by whoever was listening.
Cassie almost couldn't muster the energy to be outraged at her unimaginative nickname. Car crash Cassie - at least it taught the students alliteration if nothing else.
"Dream on Lucinda," joined in a male voice. Lucinda. Cassie racked her brains before a meek quiet girl sprang to mind. Average in an able group. Obviously one of life's observers so possibly worth listening to.
"From the hazing of that first lesson through the incessant nose centred insults and small town girl digs, on to that dance off and then that infamous death by plié lesson - well if that's how car crash shows her affection you really wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of her," continued the male voice to laughter from his peers. They'd all seen the level of animosity directed Rachel's way for just daring to exist. They'd even been appalled enough to actually complain about it.
Cassie tried not to cringe at the reminder of her unprofessional behaviour.
"Ah but if you put all that aside," responded Lucinda to loud protests.
"If you ignore all evidence to the contrary your argument will always be right," quipped another voice.
"Just think about that tango," Lucinda insisted over the hubbub.
"Which we're all now making more of than it actually was. Ms July was trying to intimidate and humiliate Rach but it backfired because Rach met the challenge," insisted another voice. 'Muffin top?' wondered Cassie. A loyal defence for Rachel but an entirely inaccurate description of Cassie's motives.
"Just hear me out," stated an increasingly exasperated Lucinda. "It all changed around then, suddenly Rachel is Car crash's biggest advocate during her absence and then once car crash is back it's all first names and minimal insults to anyone. Surely I'm not the only one to see a glaring omission once Dumbo had been brought up." There was a pause as voices were raised but Cassie couldn't decide whether they were in agreement or protesting about what was said.
"And anyway," Lucinda's voice rose to make itself heard above the swell of noise, "Rachel's singing at Crash's farewell - doesn't anyone find that just a bit odd?"
"Not if she's going to sing a farewell and good riddance song," interrupted yet another voice, "all the better if it's done in a hauntingly beautiful note perfect manner."
Cassie rolled her eyes, revenge through song? Were these students really older than five?
"More than that it's not about what's said, it's about what's not said. The significant looks on both sides for almost the entirety of the lessons. Group activity? Crash is watching Rachel. Pair work - watching Rachel. Stretching in front of the mirror Rachel's watching Crash. They watch each other in what they think is a surreptitious manner continuously. It's barely been more than a week and it's obvious."
Cassie could feel her levels of anxiety rising.
"So obvious that no-one else has noticed," protested muffin top gamely. Cassie sighed, well only one person until now. She knew she'd been sneaking glances but she hadn't realised it had been noticed. Drastic damage control was needed.
"I s'pose the allegedly 'casual' touches have evaded your notice too," groused Lucinda. "Something's going on between the pair so why don't you all just open your eyes for the next lesson and see what's in front of you. Just watch Crash when Rachel enters the room."
Cassie's thoughts were racing. First Lydia and now this. She'd be out of it soon but Rachel's reputation needed some protection.
"Yeah whatever so what's this I hear about Natasha, Sebastian and..." continued the conversation on the other side of the wall as Cassie threaded her way back through the jumble in the cupboard. She was too preoccupied to even register the pile of cones she'd initially set out to find.
Cassie still had no firm plan in mind by the time dance 101 rolled round other than to try and not look at Rachel. She could almost feel the gazes of her students upon her, their eyes snapping to watch her every time someone new walked through the classroom doorway. Her attempts not to look directly at whoever entered the room meant she was resorting to shifty sideways glances as her self-consciousness levels grew. Cassie reluctantly acknowledged that ignoring Rachel was going to be beyond her. Where was she anyway - since when did being late to her lesson suddenly become okay? It felt as if the anticipation within the classroom was mounting. Only Rachel was left to still arrive. Cassie gathered the class together for a joint warm-up as her mind veered between concern at where Rachel could be and annoyance that Rachel's absence meant she was under a disproportionate amount of scrutiny. Even if she'd been aware that Carmen had waylaid Rachel on her way to the lesson her mood wouldn't have improved any in the unnatural silence of the dance room.
Rachel hurried down the corridor and raced through the doorway to Cassie's class before skidding to a halt, heart racing and breathing laboured. She hated being late. Cassie could hear the class wide intake of breath and felt her skin crawl as twenty two pairs of eyes suddenly fixed their attention on her trying to gauge her feelings and form a judgment of her motivations based on how she responded to this moment - or at least that was how it felt. She could feel the colour rising on her face as she momentarily registered the beauty of an out of breath, bright-eyed Rachel. It was performance time. She just needed to persuade her current audience that there was nothing going on between her and Rachel.
"Schwimmer, how nice of you to finally decide to grace us with your presence," drawled Cassie schooling her features to impassive even as the use of that old nickname had the same effect as a slap in the face on Rachel's features. The effect was momentary before the trademark straightening of Rachel's shoulders. Out of the corner of her eye she could see a smirk on Lucinda's face. Okay maybe she needed to up the insults a notch.
"Your sense of entitlement is breathtakingly arrogant even for you," Cassie said injecting disapproval into her voice. "One winter showcase win over a woefully talentless field and you think you can just turn up to a lesson when you're ready rather than when it really starts. Although to be fair your nose was here on time it was just the long wait for the rest of you to arrive that made you late."
Rachel allowed the insults and disparaging tone to wash around her as she fought back her shock. She could spend time processing, analysing and determining what this all meant later. Maybe she was extra vulnerable because of the unexpectedness of the attack however her priority now was tear-free survival in front of her peers. She had to bite back the urge to lash out in return and settled instead for her stock response of a look of defiance.
Cassie closed the gap between them and stood hands on hips trying to intimidate Rachel with her height.
"Something you wanted to say Schwim?" she goaded, pleased she'd managed to handle that all-important first contact. Lucinda was looking distinctly confused. Cassie's triumph was short-lived as her eyes read the bewilderment in Rachel's. She'd explain it all later she reassured herself, they'd laugh and everything would be back to what passed for normal between them. Her surge of being pleased with herself at her quick thinking solution to a potentially risky problem led her then into a bit of drama as a grand finale just for drama's sake. As Rachel strode into the group to take a position near the back Cassie couldn't resist a further verbal poke.
"I consider it one of my greatest achievements that I've managed to teach you when not to answer back," Cassie added sarcastically.
There was a slight flip of Rachel's hair and an attempt to let the remark go but Rachel was fighting a losing battle over her outrage as she turned to face Cassie.
"And there was me thinking my parents $35,000 annual fees were for me to be taught dancing," replied an eerily calm Rachel to an audible gasp," by an inspirational and sober member of the faculty." She allowed her words time to sink in before adding a perfectly timed, "But hey, I guess life's full of disappointments." The Implication being that Cassie was a major one.
There was a moment as the thrown down gauntlet rested between them and Cassie reeled in shock at Rachel's inferred insult about her sobriety or rather lack of it. She resisted the urge to lash out in response to her hurt, trying to keep in mind that she'd provoked all this without Rachel having any idea about what was going on. Yet she needed to respond to Rachel's apparent challenge to her authority.
So her comments were just for show. Her predictable reply was that even Rachel's parents investing such a sum on a nose job, with the extra supplement for heavy lifting equipment, wouldn't be enough to guarantee a showbiz career in much the same way as a vast sum wouldn't make it possible to teach her miserably unco-ordinated self how to dance. NYADA was about learning to keep it real. The uncomfortable silence that accompanied her comments was reminiscent of her first term lessons as were Rachel's avoidance of any eye contact and her stoic refusal to comment any further on Cassie's pronouncements. She chose Rachel to demonstrate 'how not to do it' and picked holes in all her efforts. By the end of the lesson no one, however deluded, would be foolish enough to suggest anything other than intense dislike between the pair of them - job done.
Rachel had been counting down the minutes to when she could make her escape as a means to avoiding thinking too deeply about what was happening. She quickly realised that giving in to the temptation to answer back only made the situation worse so focussed instead on a steady countdown to when she could finally escape the classroom and Cassie's unwanted attention. No other thoughts were allowed. There was no way she could allow herself to think about just how humiliated she was feeling. Five and a half minutes. Nor could she devote time to pondering Cassie's motives. Four minutes three quarters. Why send her daily texts about how beautiful she was, she'd had one this morning even, if this was always on the cards? Three minutes. Did it increase Cassie's enjoyment in some way to catch her so off guard? Two and a quarter minutes. And thinking about the pain in her chest was definitely off limits. One minute. She managed a controlled and she liked to think dignified exit at the end of the class even if there was a strong urge to lie on the floor curled up in a foetal position crying. There was no way she'd give Cassie or anyone else the satisfaction of seeing her upset. Rachel was on autopilot as she headed out of NYADA and back to her apartment. She had an intense wish to be on her own with her racing thoughts.
Cassie realised she'd left her phone in her office so a text to Rachel would have to wait until the stragglers had cleared her room. Muffin top was the last to head to the exit after a torturously slow gathering together of her belongings. She hesitated on her journey and then suddenly with a set of her shoulders changed direction to head towards Cassie. The girl was either shaking with fear or trembling with rage as she met Cassie's gaze.
"Yes Lydia?" prompted Cassie.
"If you weren't already leaving I'd put in a complaint about how mean you just were to Rachel," Lydia managed to say, pleased to have got her words out in the correct order without her voice wobbling too much. Her annoyance increased at Cassie's eye roll on her use of the word mean.
"Maybe your time would be better spent consoling Schwimmer rather than berating me," replied Cassie after some thought and the careful dismissal of responses designed to insult Lydia.
Lydia's eyes flickered to the phone in her hand and then back to holding Cassie's gaze.
"She wants to be on her own," Lydia shook her head sadly, "I think you've finally got your way and she won't be in any more of your lessons in the future," Lydia took a few steps to the door before turning round again, "You're not a very nice person Ms July."
Cassie stood bemused by the table. Things must be serious if Lydia was outraged enough to be calling her 'not a very nice person'. She smiled; Rachel would be impressed to hear her timid, far too 'nice' friend had stood up for her. Her next class was gradually filing into the room. Her call to Rachel would need to wait.
Rachel had managed to remain mostly tear-free on the journey home by judicious choice of tunes to listen to through her headphones. Her control wavered when the downstairs neighbours had given her the bunch of flowers they'd taken in on her behalf but beyond the quivering of her lower lip she'd managed to hold herself together until the sliding door of the apartment was closed behind her. Then she slid to the floor, back against the door, arms around her knees and finally allowed the tears to roll down her cheeks. She couldn't distinguish between the various contributing factors of her tears - hurt, humiliation, disappointment, even anger at herself for so quickly being lulled into a vulnerable state. She just allowed herself to feel rather than trying to make sense of what had happened or discern motivations. The one big plus was that the true extent of her humiliation was unknown to nearly everyone. It was scant consolation, as the hurt she felt was independent of the number of people aware of her pain. A glance at the flowers on the floor beside her was enough to provoke a fresh wave of tears. She would allow herself to wallow in self-pity just for a little longer and then she'd focus on a plan of action.
Cassie finally made it back to her office and settled herself in her chair with her phone in hand. Rachel's timetable was up on her computer screen so she knew if she rang now she wouldn't be in a lesson. She pressed the button to make the call, amused at the fact she still felt a thrill at the prospect of speaking to Rachel. Cassie's smile faded slightly when the phone wasn't answered by the third ring.
Rachel pulled the vibrating phone out of her pocket and hastily wiped her eyes free of tears so she could focus on the name of the caller. Cassie. It took no time to make the decision to decline the call.
Cassie was surprised when her call went to voicemail but the perky "Sorry I can't take your call at the moment but I'm busy pursuing my dreams!" made her smile. "Leave your message after the middle C," followed by a sung 'la' just made her smile wider. Just when she thought Rachel couldn't get any cuter.
"Rachel honey, it's Cassie. I just.." Rachel hit the delete button without hesitation. Cassie had overestimated her gullibility if she thought she could talk her way out of what had happened in the lesson today. Was she hoping to have another go after softening her up again? Or was she calling to check just how much impact she'd had? Rachel wasn't going to play these games. She stood up and placed the flowers on the table. She resisted the urge to throw them away. Too many questions from Kurt and then she caught her red-eyed look in the mirror - definitely too many questions from Kurt. What she needed was to be left alone.
Her phone lit up with a text - Hi Rachel, I just wanted to check... again she hit delete. She had no interest in what Cassie 'just wanted to check'. She might not have learned to keep her hopes on planet reality - really those idle moments of imagining her and Cassie being a future Broadway power couple were just wishful thinking - but high school had taught her (eventually, admittedly) that you didn't keep giving people further opportunities to hurt you.
Rachel realised she definitely needed to get away and she needed to go now. She couldn't stay here looking at those flowers, trying not to think about that evening and hiding from Kurt who would have the best of intentions at heart but would be unable to just let her be. Lima was off the cards too. Not only did she not have the money for the flight but there would also be her Dads' overeagerness to be involved in her life to negotiate. Her Dads made Kurt appear incredibly restrained and tactful in comparison. Her options had been limited to start with but now she was down to testing out her relatively new close friendship with Quinn. Could she invite herself to New Haven? She didn't allow herself time to overthink it. Quinn answered on the second ring.
"Hi Rachel, is everything alright?" Quinn's friendly greeting had Rachel blinking back tears.
"Hmm," Rachel replied side-stepping the question. Quinn was instantly alert to the evasion. Rachel's usual variation on the 'living her dreams' response was notably absent.
"Quinn, I need a few days away. I was wondering if I could come and visit," Rachel managed to enunciate clearly despite the new onslaught of tears at hearing a friendly voice.
"Of course, it'd be great to see you," enthused Quinn, "when are you thinking of coming?"
"Tonight." stated Rachel only to have her confidence thrown by Quinn's startled echo of "tonight?"
"Look don't worry about it. It was a stupid idea," rushed Rachel suddenly keen to end the call, "No idea what I was thinking, of course you'd..."
"Rachel," said Quinn loudly cutting across Rachel's mutterings, "tonight's fine. Just let me know what time your train is due to arrive and I'll meet you."
"No that's not necessary," insisted Rachel, slightly irritated at the implication she needed to be met, "I'm perfectly capable of finding my way to your place."
Quinn could now hear the tell tale quiver in Rachel's voice.
"I'm not doubting your ability to use Google maps, it's just as a friend I want to come and meet you," reassured Quinn choosing to ignore Rachel's irritated tone.
"Oh," Rachel managed.
"Besides you sound like you need a hug sooner rather than later," ventured Quinn softly.
"I don't want to talk about it," whispered Rachel.
"And I won't make you," soothed Quinn,"Just get yourself here and we'll take things from there."
It was all Rachel could do not to sob down the phone with relief. As she threw a weekend case of clothes together Quinn was busy texting her with the various possible train times. Now that she had a plan to focus on and a friendly face awaiting her, she began to feel a little better. She still packed some tissues just in case.
Cassie wasn't sure at what point during the day she realised all was not well as it was a creeping realisation. Okay, Rachel had never not replied to a phone call but she had called at an unusual time and without a pre-warning text. The fact the text she sent remained unanswered an hour later was the first hint of something being wrong. She initially put it down to texting at an inconvenient time - well if you didn't have time to talk you'd hardly have time to text right? But time continued to pass without a response to either of her attempts to contact Rachel and that was just odd on two counts. The first was that there had never been anything more than a four minute delay between her texting Rachel and receiving a reply of some sort even if it was just to say now wasn't a good time. The second was that Rachel had thanked her after that encounter in her office when she'd been so obnoxiously rude which suggested good manners had been drilled into Rachel and hence surely she'd feel she'd need to text even if it were to explain that she wouldn't be texting? Perhaps she'd misplaced her phone?
In the end, as Cassie's disquiet at not hearing from Rachel rose, she decided decisive action was needed and hence found herself outside the small classroom where René's class on 'soliloquys and monologues' was being held. She found herself inventing a completely spurious reason to interrupt the last few minutes just to check whether Rachel was in his lesson. The irony of René delivering his views on the topic in an unchallenged well-worn series of lectures failed to amuse her today. Rachel wasn't present so her invented message from Carmen failed to be called into play. Cassie retreated to her office in the vain hope that maybe Rachel would now be answering her phone. The phone just rang unanswered only now without the possibility of leaving a message. Cassie sat at her desk trying not to overreact. There would be a simple explanation. Rachel couldn't have thought she meant what she'd said in class today could she? She dismissed the thought almost as quickly as she had it. Rachel knew her better than that by now, all their conversations had to count for something. Rachel would receive her flowers on her return home and the pair of them would no doubt be laughing at this miscommunication when they finally chatted at their usual time that evening.
Friday hadn't been a kind day to Kurt. He was only mildly irritated that Rachel had just ducked out of her agreement to accompany him and Stefan on a Bee Gees number at Callbacks that evening even though it hinted at a lack of professionalism that would hinder Rachel's chances of a successful Broadway career. Nor was he put out by her disappearing act last night when it was her turn to cook or the fact she left him a note propped up against yet another ostentatious bunch of flowers, completely unmentioned in the brief 'I need to get away' note. He could even let slide her increasingly ridiculous pretence that there was nothing going on between her and Quinn even as she'd skipped a whole college day for an extended weekend stay with her not-so-secret admirer. No, it was the fact he found himself having to cover up for her as he dealt with a succession of queries about where Rachel was and whether she was okay. He'd made rather vague allusions to her being under the weather but just the sheer volume of enquiries he'd had to deal with was irritating him. Kurt hadn't realised quite how many friends Rachel had made at NYADA and he was just a tiny bit envious. Just when he thought the worst was over Ms July had stopped him in the corridor and practically hauled him into her office for a chat. She had a vaguely maniacal gleam in her eye and the smile she directed at him was probably identical to the last thing a seal saw before becoming a shark's supper.
"So M...Miss July," Kurt cursed his wavering voice but something about this woman just scared him, "how can I help?"
Cassie had been so intent on tracking Kurt down after Rachel had failed to appear in her lesson that morning that she hadn't really thought about what to say. She stared at him as she gathered her thoughts. She'd managed to stop herself from appearing uninvited at Rachel's apartment last night wanting to demand answers but that restraint meant she'd only had a fitful night's sleep and now the payback was acting on impulse rather than carefully considered thought.
Kurt could feel his embarrassment and discomfort grow under Ms July's glare.
"Rachel's not in today because she's ill," he ventured helpfully. He wouldn't have had Ms July pegged as someone who'd be concerned about her students, and let's face it particularly not about Rachel, but then he hadn't realised just how many students would be asking either.
Cassie struggled hard to contain her immense relief. She'd always known there'd be a simple explanation.
"Ill?" she queried. Perhaps she should go mop a fevered brow or rush round with whatever the vegan equivalent of chicken soup was?
"Um yes," managed Kurt. Did Ms July just smile on hearing Rachel was ill - what a bitch.
"Migraine? Fever? Vomiting?" asked Cassie finding herself listing the symptoms on the yellowing 'beware of Meningitis' poster positioned just behind his head. It would need to be something serious to stop Rachel making it in to College. She knew because she'd had a death-warmed-up Rachel in her lessons before.
"Er yes," spluttered Kurt. He hadn't really been asked about Rachel's symptoms before now but maybe the more she was suffering the happier Ms July would be.
"And you thought it would be a good idea to leave her at home on her own?" accused Cassie hearing her voice rise in a cross between outrage and concern.
"Well I, no. I mean," Kurt managed to reply under the withering gaze of an outraged Ms July. He drew in a shaky breath. She looked ready to rip him apart and as much as he liked Rachel he hadn't signed up for this.
"So someone's looking after her?" asked Cassie.
"Um yes well," prevaricated Kurt as his mind momentarily provided an unwelcome image of how Quinn might be looking after Rachel.
"You don't seem very sure," challenged Cassie," Is she getting better or has her condition worsened during the day?" Cassie noted his rattled expression,"I'm assuming you're a good enough friend to keep tabs on her condition? You realise you've described the symptoms of Meningitis?"
Kurt was outraged at the suggestion he was uncaring and ignorant so channeled his irritations to give him the courage to speak. As if he'd have left Rachel at death's door, no matter how irritating she could be.
"Look Ms July, the only thing Rachel's suffering from is being lovesick," groused Kurt surprised to see Ms July's startled look," so she's skipped college in order to spend an extended weekend in New Haven with her not-as-secret-as-she-thinks girlfriend."
The look of shock on Ms July's face was priceless. Surely as a Broadway performer, however briefly, she couldn't be homophobic?
"Although we'll be having words when she returns Sunday afternoon because I don't see why I..."Kurt allowed himself to vent.
Cassie could see Kurt's mouth moving but all she could hear in her head were the words 'New Haven' and 'girlfriend'. She held her hand up to stop him mid-rant, mildly amused when he flinched as if he thought she was going to hit him. She desperately needed some time and space to think. Or fall apart. Or something.
"Thank you for your honesty," Cassie managed as she hurried Kurt towards the door. She closed the door firmly behind him and ran a hand over her face as she headed for her desk.
Nothing made any sense - she ignored the tiny voice in her head telling her it all made perfect sense, that she was just too stubborn or deluded to see it. She reached for her phone in the rather forlorn hope that this time her call would be answered. It just rang and rang. Cassie kept pressing redial as the office around her disappeared behind a blur of tears. So this was how being truly hopeless felt. Maybe she just needed to start getting used to it.