AN: This chapter is supposed to be very emotional. I borrowed lines from the Goo Goo Doll's song, "Name", we'll see if you can catch it. It's a little confusing at the beginning, so please bear with me, don't give up, it makes sense. Anyway, the story is coming to an end soon, preferably the next chapter. So soak all of this up. Please review, that' shows you're actually reading and I actually have a reason to be writing. This is proofread by me, so there should be little to no mistakes.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
A jolt to the heart burdened him greatly as he walked further into the ever-changing brightness that surrounded them, with each step an additional heaviness added itself to his body.
Iruka's breath was erratic and uneven, his pace even more so. Not only had this light rendered him blind, but it carried an amount of uncertainty with it.
Minutes ago, he had been in his house. Then, that boy intruded, Sai had taken him out. After that, Iruka's mind drifted off on his own, and now here he was, surrounded by blinding light, walking a painful stride into nothingness.
He desperately wanted to rest. His breathing weighed him down and strained his heart, he needed to find a place to rest. But with this brightness, where on earth could he sit? On the ground he walked on? But would It not disappeared in a matter of moments like it had done so before, would it not rearrange itself so that he was reduced to a mere speck floating in this whiteness? Was he to keep walking, despite the fact that his body was so close to breaking?
He needed help. But who in this void could offer it? How long had he traveled alone, forced his body to work past exhaustion? Resting on the ground meant it changing at any second, so he was to continue forward? Fear suddenly flooded him. A thought crossed him, would he be forced to walk alone in this void forever? Was this death?
He began to think it was. Regrets pierced through the void like a needle to a balloon, memories rushed at him altogether, things he didn't say, things he couldn't say, things he wanted to say…He saw Naruto and their most recent argument, he saw the people in the missions room, people he'd been rude to, he'd seen the students at the Academy and thought of the things he'd never be able to tell them, he saw his argument with Kakashi during the Chunin exams, the anger radiating off of him clouding his vision in the form of dark red. Then he saw his life as an active ninja, saw the mutiny he'd caused with his own hands, he'd seen his turning point to remain a chunin. He could see the blood of his enemies, the very image caused his stomach to church much like the guts of those he'd decimated.
Suddenly, happier memories began to pierce through the red. He'd seen Naruto as a child, saw how the boy practically shadowed him. He relieved his time spent with his parents and felt the joy and the happiness he'd been subjected. He relieved his time living near the coast, remembered the texture of each glossy shell he collected, remembered the feeling of the dull brown sand squishing in between his toes, remembered the hidden sun shining down on him.
He'd seen his old friends. Kotetsu, Izumo, Anko before she practically abandoned him after her "Orochimaru" incident, he'd seen Tsubaki and Mizuki.
Mizuki…what a terrible fate for him. Iruka assumed that since he might have been dying, that he'd finally see Mizuki again. He shuddered at the thought however.
Mizuki did bad things, surely he and Iruka would not be going to the same place. But Iruka, while active as a ninja, had done equally worse things. Though he killed for self-defense at times, at the end of the day, he still took a life. So why would his soul be spared?
"Iruka…"
As the images evaporated, the whiteness replaced their empty space. He whipped his head around, looking for the source of the distant voice.
"Iruka…over here…follow me."
But how, he couldn't see where he was going, he couldn't see where this voice was coming from. And to make matters worse, this physical pain was getting worse, as if a boost had been added to whatever ailment he'd had moments earlier.
"Damnet Iruka, don't use your eyes, use the one thing you've been so good at. Your heart, follow it and follow me."
Not only did this voice sound very familiar, but Iruka could pinpoint exactly who it was. Now a new set of questions bombarded his mind, and he felt himself wanting to shout them out.
"Idiot! Find me first, use your heart, just do it! I don't have all day, I'll answer your questions when you_"
"Mizuki?"
As if on queue, the whiteness around him greyed, molted like wet paint on a wall. The scene around him was surreal, nothing but blackness remained as the paint suddenly fell into oblivion below him. And as the walls had collapsed, so had the ground.
Iruka felt himself falling.
OOOOOO
He hadn't hit the ground as hard as he'd expected himself to, in fact, the landing was quite cushioned. The scenery around him was breathtaking. Below him was vibrant green grass, above him the sky was blue and clear, save for a few clouds that seemed rightfully there. The sun beckoned down on him, its rays gently warming his exposed face.
In the distance, he could hear birds chirping, and maybe far far away, he heard water running. He wanted to explore, wanted to run around and jump. In fact, he felt like a child again, youthful and curious. He supposed this was Heaven? It surely seemed like it, though he hadn't seen angels or anything he'd been taught he'd see. Perhaps they were hiding away somewhere. He'd only seen so much, and from his position on his back it was hard to look around.
So he began to move…except, he couldn't move.
The panic had settled back in when he'd tried again to move his body only to realize that he had very little control of it. The exhaustion kicked back in, the pain magnified, and Iruka suddenly reminded himself of an injured shinobi left alone to die on the battlefield.
Certainly, this was hell.
"I'd think again," the all too familiar voice called from above him.
How he had gotten there, Iruka wasn't entirely sure of. But he was certain that above him stood his old friend, a cocky smirk glued to his face as always, and staring down dispointly at Iurka.
Iruka was at a loss for words.
"Mizuki…that voice, it was you?" bewildered, Iruka looked up at his old friend. He thought this would be different, that if he ever saw Mizuki again that he'd surely think differently of him, that he'd hate him for trying to kill Naruto. But all mal intent melted at the shining figure standing above him.
"Yep," Mizuki replied, "that was me and boy, do we have a lot to talk about."
"Like what? Like the fact that I can't move and that my body hurts, or…or considering you're here, that I may be in hell?" The sudden burst of anger internally startled him. He hadn't meant to blow up on Mizuki, but his current situation deeply upset him.
"You're not in hell, far from it actually," Mizuki paused for a while, thinking of words to sum the current situation up, "more like...purgatory, limbo."
"Limbo?" Iruka inquired, "what do you mean by that?"
"Your life, Iruka, it's on the line. You have one foot in the grave, literally, that's why you can still feel pain, but you're not like a spirit, angel or whatever you'd want to call it, that's why you can't move. You're stuck in between."
Iruka sighed. He had contemplated on yelling at Mizuki a little bit more, yelling at him until his screamed himself hoarse. But where would it get him? At least he was actually laying on something solid, something physical, no longer a spec floating in nothingness. The pain was numbing, fluctuating from one limb to another.
"How long will I be like this?"
"Until you live or die."
"Do you know which one it is_I mean, do you know if i'll live or die?" Mizuki, most likely tired of standing, sat down and laid beside Iruka, staring up into the beautiful sky.
"Yes, I do," solemnly, he replied, closing his eyes as he said so.
"You can't tell me, can you?" Iruka inclined, turning his head towards his friend.
"Oh, no, I can tell you," in a chiding manner, Mizuki answered Iruka's question, "But that's up to you."
The air suddenly shifted around the couple, but Iruka doubted anything spectacular was going to happen. He believed, however, that the sudden tension resulted in their clashing of thoughts, his clashing of emotions. The answer, his fate was just a person away from him, a whisper to the ear. Death or life, the very knowledge could have such an impact on Iruka, positive or negative. He breathed. If he was dead, then what was the point of delaying the news, what was the point of having false hope?
Iruka closed his eyes, preparing for the worse. With a silent yet stern voice, Iruka issued the command.
"Tell me."
OOOOOOOO
After his breakdown, he'd finally been allowed into the house. The other two left them alone, both retreated to their own rooms. Meanwhile, Chris took Naruto to his.
"Whiskers! These_these books, these are mine!" Chris exclaimed joyfully as he toured Naruto around his room, standing in the center, pointing things out "stuffed animals_MINE!"
Naruto couldn't' stop himself from giggling at his new nickname as his son gave him a personal tour of his room. This was all too real to be true. The room was different from Naruto's childhood room. The walls weren't peeling or lacking paint, instead, bright ocean blue laced the four walls, pictures of his family hung scattered against them, as well as various cut outs from different animals.
There was a bed, a small one with a sea shell bed sheet, a shelf beside it with eons of childrens books stacked neatly in the spaces, and stuffed toys scattered messily on the wooden floor.
A rustling noise broke Naruto's concentration as the redhead racked his small fingers through his head, "Yeah...my room. Do you like it!"
Naruto smiled at his son and stretched out a hand, beckoning the boy to come closer. Wobbling slightly, Chris made his way towards Naruto, a goofy grin stretching across his pale features.
Chris fell into Naruto's legs, grabbing them to steady himself and looking up at the blond.
"You like it?"
Acceptance for such a menial this….Naruto wondered if this acceptance was a quality of an actual childhood, not one spent submerged in hate. He found it funny. At Chris' age, he sought social acceptance, but Chris, he only wanted Naruto to like his room.
"Yeah," Naruto ruffled the red locks, "I like it a lot."
Chris giggled as Naruto did this, stretching his neck just slightly in order to gave Naruto more space to rub his head. Naruto could feel tiny hands fisting into his pant leg, just leaning in to get more.
Naruto sighed, he wouldn't be here for much longer. He still had a lot to do, apologizing to Sakura and Iruka Sensei being two of the most crucial. He'd already been here with Chris for too long. He did what he was trying to avoid.
He grew attached to him, he didn't want to part from him. He knew, he was certain that this would happen, the very thought remained in the back of his head the moment he'd made his decision to visit Chris. He just wanted to see his son before he knew the truth, before he knew why he was conceived and how. He thought that if he didn't, his image of the boy would be tarnished before he even met him. Now he was beginning to regret it, regret visiting him, regret being attached to him.
Naruto supposed this was one of the few situations he took a logical approach to. Seeing his son meant leverage for his enemies, for the Akatsuki, for anyone else who wanted him or the Kyuubi. He loved Chris, he wanted to live with Chris, be with him forever, but he didn't want him dead. He didn't want to see his son's lifeless eyes staring back at him, gurgling blood as his body lay on the ground, cut into pieces.
He exerted the thought from his brain, he'd protect him even if he could not be with him.
He didn't want to see him hated either, shunned or avoided.
A feeling arose in his stomach, guilt and sadness condensed into one ball, making it hard for him to breathe, tears obscured his vision.
Chris quizzically looked at the boy above him, again wondering why he began to cry again. Naruto smiled though, through the tears, rubbing at his eyes quickly. "Whiskers, why do you cry all the time?
"Because," Naruto sniffled a bid, pulling himself together again, "I'm just sad you know, I have to go soon."
"Go, but why! You just got here!" Chris screamed, "I like you!"
"I like you too Chris," Naruto began, kneeling down so he met Chris' level, "But i've got some friends I have to take care of now. I accidentally said something mean to them, I hurt their feelings_Do you know what it means to hurt someone's feeling?"
"Uh-huh, when you are mean and they cry_Did someone hurt your feeling?!" Chris suddenly exclaimed, "cause you cried!"
He shook his head, "No, no one hurt my feelings, I hurt theirs and i'm sad because of it, I have to go apologize."
Chris starred, not sure of what to make of it. He was so young, the exact opposite of Naruto. Naruto himself had grown up way too fast with nothing to believe in. Chris wasn't like him, Chris was innocent. Naruto had no intention of tainting his son with his words. He spared Christ the details.
Firmly gripping Chris' shoulders, Naruto looked the boy in the eyes and told him something he'd sure his own father what have told him had he been alive.
"Listen Chris...things, they're going to get hard...okay. Life will be sorta...you know, unfair, but you just have to get past all that. People are going to be mean to you, treat you like scum, but you just have to ignore them and rise up against them…" he sighed, taking a deep breath of resignation, he'd never see this boy again, "and I love you...I love you a lot Chris_" "Love you too, Whiskers! I love you like I love that weird guy with the line on his face...he hangs like a spider upside down, funny!"
"Oh, Iruka Sensei...I love him too, he has a lot of love to give, doesn't he Chris?"
Chris nodded with a smile on his face, " He smells good too, and he's soft and he looks like a girl! But he looks like a pretty girl!"
"Yeah," Naruto giggled, hugging Chris to silence the boy, burying his head in the mess of red in order to hide his newly formed tears, "that's Iruka Sensei for you."
"Are you going to have to leave too, like he leaves all the time?" Chris sounded saddened by the prospect, "I don't want you to leave, i will be sad. I love you Whiskers!"
Naruto breathed in slowly, he was about to lose it.
"I...I love you...t..too Chris, but I have to… but I have to go," he gathered himself, steadily standing away from Chris, avoiding the boys gaze.
It would be too painful.
OOOOOO
He left the small family waving at him as he departed down their sidewalk, out into the darkness of the night. With a powerful crouch, he fathered his chakra into the soles of his feet and jumped away. He'd made his departure as smooth as he could make it, lingering only intensified the sadness of the action. Naruto didn't need that now, he just needed to apologize to Sakura and Iruka, Iruka first though.
He'd hurt him the most, yet felt himself thanking his Sensei whenever he laid his eyes on Chris. He prided Iruka for making the decision, making such a heart wrenching decision. He was selfish to assume that Iruka wanted to split them up.
Clearly, he'd done if for Naruto's own good. Because now, Naruto's insides were tearing away. To be with his son, he'd be giving up his dream of being a ninja. He'd be giving up everything he knew, everything he lived for.
"Thanks Sensei," the mantra repeated itself over and over again in Naruto's brain. Iruka had done what Naruto would not be able to, and he publicly tormented him for it. He felt like an ass, a jerk. He could fully understand if Iruka never wanted to see him again, and though the thought of it hurt, it was something he'd have to live with.
Already he was nearing his Sensei's home, an apology already thought out.
OOOOO
The door was unlocked, lopsided as if someone had carelessly left it open. As Naruto crept inside, the distinct smell of blood filled his nostrils. The feeling of urgency ignited in his blood as he took off to his Sensei's room, praying that his words hadn't driven his Sensei to his demise.
He gasped when beside him, rubble had accumulated into a huge pile, a hole the size of a person pierced through the wall.
He hadn't even gone far when he noticed the puddle, almost dry and rusty brown. Blood, it was defiantly blood, and by the feeling creeping up his spine, he already knew whose it was.
Without further hesitation, Naruto turned towards the direction of the Hokage.
Well, the end was rushed.
My computer is broken...so i'll be updating less frequently. This goes for all of my stories. Initially, I had planned for this to be longer, but, meh...this is what I could give you. Anyway, what are your thoughts on the Naruto manga, I think it's going downhill. Currently, i'm searching for a new fandom.
Btw, I wasn't proud of this chapter, it was rushed kinda, at least towards the end. I hope the emotions I intended to capture remained within the text. Anyway, reviews, please review, if you review, i'll update. So for those of you whom favorite this story or put it on your alert, if you want me to update PLEASE REVIEW! I WANT FEEDBACK OR ELSE I DON'T UPDATE! so, please review, tell me what you think. Have a nice week, pray for America and that we come to a decision, and God bless.