Dancing Fools 5

Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Sunbow Entertainment. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos. Dancing with the Stars belongs to ABC.

Chapter 5: Not So Shining Starla

The author ranted on the phone,

What do you mean; I had something to do with his disappearance? What makes you think I know where Rev. Stryker is? I don't care if he's supposed to be hosting Bingo tonight, it's not my problem! He says he was coming here? I haven't seen him! Oh, so you're gonna call the cops, are ya? Go ahead; get the whole force down here! I'm at ABC studios.

The author hung up and laughed evilly,

I can't wait to see the looks on their faces.

Cyclops sighed,

"It's official. He's as crazy as Red Witch."

I'd keep my mouth shut if I were you, Summers. Not unless you want people to know there are fics with you in a gay romance with Wolverine.

Wolverine cringed,

"That's horrible! Who comes up with this stuff?"

Red Witch shrugged,

"Beats me. And I though I was crazy. Speaking of which…"

Red Witch fired the bean bag gun randomly into the audience, knocking out Cyclops, Jean, and Gambit. Emma Frost shook her head,

"He should have never given that thing to her. Now, she won't stop."

Red Witch cackled maniacally,

"DIE! DIE! DIE! HAHAHAHAHA!

I suppose you think this is my fault, right? Guess what; it's not. She's the one with the gun.

Beast yelled,

"You gave it to her!"

Hmm, I wonder if the fans would like to know about a Beast/Selene fic I heard about. It's supposed to be good.

Beast was horrified,

"YOU WOULDN'T TELL THEM!"

It's listed in my favorites section on my profile. You should read it; it's very good.

Selene shuddered,

"I don't even want to know."

Actually, it's when Beast turns into a cat.

Catseye blinked,

"Beast turns into a cat?"

Yeah, here's a photo.

The author showed a photo of cat Beast. Catseye drooled,

"Catseye like kitty Beast!"

She turned to Beast,

"Catseye wants to mate."

Catseye pounced. Beast narrowly missed and a chase was on,

"HELP! PERSIANA13! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"

The chase went off camera.

Now that we've got that settled…

The author turned and noticed Magma using a forklift to bring in a crate,

Uh, Magma. What's in the crate?

Magma grinned,

"Oh, just some things I'm going to be needing."

She opened the crate,

"Let's see; 100,000 volt taser, gasoline, stick with nails through it, assault rifle, dynamite, heat seeking rocket, leather whip, shackles, tranquilizer gun, torture rack…"

Farrah smirked,

"Sounds like stuff I'd keep in my naughty drawer."

Diablos blinked,

"Do I even want to know what you would want with any of those?"

Farrah purred,

"Come to my trailer later and I'll show you."

Wanda asked,

"Is she always this shameless?"
Diablos held his head,

"You have no idea, Wanda. You have no idea."

Well, anyway, as you can guess from Magma's nuclear stockpile over here-.

Magma slapped her head,

"I knew I forgot something!"

She dashed away, returning with a twenty kiloton nuclear bomb. She smiled,

"That's better."

Magma, unless you want to recreate Fallout 3 in my studio, you'll not use my bomb. It was a present from a former regime.

The author's eyes shifted left and right quickly. Magma pouted,

"Can I still use the rest of the stuff?"
What the hell? You've only cleaned out about one percent of my arsenal. Now, let's introduce to you…Starla and Roberto! Tonight, these two will be performing the ramba.

Roberto entered in ramba wear, pleading,

"Amara, please. Don't ruin this for me."

Magma yelled,

"Like you ruined ME! You cheated on me! I was happy with you, Roberto!"

Starla entered in a scandalous dress,

"Well, now he's happy with me. Go bother the Human Torch; you two have so much in common. You're both whiny, sissy, girlish bitches!"
Magma turned into her fiery form,

"YOU DIE NOW!"

She grabbed a board with nails in it and attempted to perforate Starla. Starla screamed and ran around,

"HELP! HELP! ROBERTO, DO SOMETHING!"

Magma shrieked,

"DIE! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"
She swung and missed Starla, hitting Roberto. Roberto (swallowed,

"Help."

He fell unconscious. Starla rolled her eyes, shouting,

"Oh, yeah. Fall asleep, why don't you? I'm only in MORTAL DANGER!"

She ducked again and the chase went off camera. Magma, grabbing a rocket launcher, roared,

"YOU DIE!"

She fired and girlish screams could be heard. Deadpool shouted,

"Hey, Nancy and I are performing surgery! Keep it down!"

'Nancy' screamed,

"Persiana13! You're getting sued for this!"

Deadpool yelled,

"Shut up, Nancy, and pass me the scalpel. We need to make his outty parts inny!"

Deadpool paused and said,

"Is blood supposed to be leaking out of there? I can't tell."

How long do you think Magma will do this before she gets tired?

Red Witch said,

"Not likely. She wants to make Starla suffer, and Roberto."

She looked at the downed Roberto,

"He doesn't look so good. I'm gonna go draw on him."

Hey, Red. I got the perfect thing to wake him up.

The author pulled out a can,

After you draw on him, put these in his pants. They're carnivorous ants.

Red Witch grinned,

"You are devious and evil. I like you."

Diablos sighed,

"Too bad the rest of us don't."

He got hit with a bean bag,

"OW!"

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it looks like Starla and Roberto won't be able to perform tonight. I guess they couldn't take the heat.

A fireball whizzed by and Starla screamed. On fire, she yelled,

"PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!"

Magma had a maniacally grin,

"Not yet! We need to douse you in gasoline first!"

I don't even want to think about how much this is going to cost me.

Cobra Commander groaned,

"I wish we had some alcohol."

I keep hard liquor in the cabinet. I'll get it.

Next Chapter:

More Dancing, more fighting!