Chapter Two – Love Changes Everything

Off into the world we go,

Planning futures, shaping years,

Love bursts in and suddenly

All our wisdom disappears;

Love makes fools of everyone

All the rules we make are broken.

"Love Changes Everything", Andrew Lloyd Webber ~

Author's Note: Chapter Two! Yay! I hope you're enjoying it so far! Don't forget to leave a review at the end - I would love to hear your thoughts:-)

It's amazing how quickly one can come to terms with being in love, even when it isn't exactly what one would have chosen for oneself. Yeah, I know I'm strange, but this really couldn't have come at a more inconvenient time. I mean only Nymphadora Tonks would fall in love with a freaking 35 year old werewolf just when she really needs to be able to focus on doing her job properly so that freaking Voldemort doesn't freaking murder everyone in their beds when they least expect it. Ok, did I say I had come to terms with it? Well…let's just say that I'm working on it. I mean there's not really anything I can do about it anyway, is there? (That was a rhetorical question).

The thing that makes it hardest to come to terms with is the fact that it isn't hard at all. And yes, I know that's an oxymoron – bear with me. Once I realised that I was falling in love with Remus Lupin, it was like someone said "lumos", and suddenly all I could think about was him, and all my dreams were full of wolves bearing roses in their mouths (beware of wolves bearing gifts…) and whenever I saw a full moon my stomach would start to do all kinds of weird things as if I had just swallowed an entire bagful of Jeremy Juniper's Jumping Jellybeans. However, this was nothing, but nothing, compared to the trick my wonky genes decided to play on me – whenever I least expected it and always at the most inopportune moments, my hair would involuntarily turn light brown with streaks of premature grey…This happened once in front of Sirius and I couldn't figure out why he was looking at me with a knowing smirk on his face until I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror of Grimmauld Place and blushed to the roots of my all-too-telling hair. My mortification was made even worse by a sly voice from the mirror snidely remarking that "your hair colour really doesn't suit your complexion. It makes you look all pale and worn".

However, apart from the change in the tenor of my thoughts and feelings, life went on pretty much as usual. I forced myself to focus on my work at the Ministry of Magic and took liberal quantities of Madame Piureves' 100%-guaranteed-or-your-money-back potion for dreamless sleep so that dreams of ridiculously romantic wolves flossing their teeth with flower stalks did not disturb my slumber, thereby detracting from my ability to fulfill my shifts at the Department of Mysteries. As for my erratic hair colour, there was not much I could do except for trying very hard to not think about Remus when in the company of others. Easier said than done, let me tell you. I even resorted to trying some Muggle hair dye in the desperate hope that it would disguise the embarrassing changes in my hair colour….Apparently Muggle appearance changing products do not work on Metamorphmagi – my hair stubbornly remained the same colour. The hair dye on the other hand turned a shocking pink (my hair colour at the time) and took on the scent of my favourite shampoo. So much for that….

Well, as I said, life went on as usual, as it always seems to do before tragedy strikes. No warning, no words in the clouds or signs in the stars (well, except for those that the centaurs could read and they never tell anyway). In short, nothing to let me know that life as I knew it was about to change forever. Every morning I would wake up, go to work, daydream about Remus Lupin, try not to daydream about Remus Lupin when I saw the funny looks I was getting and realised that my hair had changed colour yet again, did my shift uneventfully and went to bed again after a generous cupful of sleeping potion to ensure a restful night's sleep. On the morning of the day, nothing was different. I went through my routine as usual, had a rather boring and quiet day and went home in the evening to a quiet supper. Only when the white doe Patronus appeared suddenly in my living room did I realise that today was not going to be like other days after all. And when it opened its mouth and spoke in Snape's flat voice, my fear was confirmed. "Harry has been lured into the Department of Mysteries by Voldemort. He may or may not have other students with him. Contact as many of the Order as you can and meet at the Ministry as soon as possible", it intoned before disappearing in a puff of white smoke.

I immediately contacted Kingsley and Mad-Eye and apparated to the Ministry where the surrounding popping sounds indicated that the others had got the message as well. Sirius was there for some reason, despite Dumbledore's clear instructions, with a wild, reckless look in his eyes. Remus was also there (my stomach gave a little jolt of excitement despite the complete inappropriateness of such a feeling at such a time), looking pale and frustrated (probably with Sirius for insisting on coming, I reflected). There was no time to make Sirius go back however, and we could always do with an extra wand, and so without further ado, we hurried towards the Department of Mysteries, sending out tracking charms as we went to try to find which room Harry might be in.

Once we managed to locate him, we ran as fast as we could towards the room he was in, bursting through the door to find Harry about to give up and hand Lucius Malfoy the prophecy. We each tackled the first Death Eater we saw which in my case was Bellatrix Lestrange. "Oh, it's my little half-blood cousin!" she shrieked in a horrible imitation of a baby voice, "Mommy isn't here to protect you now, is she, Nymphadora?" I ignored her taunts, knowing that they were just a ploy to distract me and rile me up so that I wouldn't be able to think straight and instead focussed my attention on firing every spell I could think of in her direction. However, just when I thought I was starting to get the better of her, I caught sight of Remus out of the corner of my eye, desperately battling a large Death Eater, and was momentarily (and foolishly) distracted as a pang of anxiety for him throbbed through me. This went against everything I had ever been taught in Auror training, and just as our instructors had told us time and time again, that moment was all it took for Bellatrix to get a spell in, and the last thing I was conscious of before darkness overtook me was a flash of bright light and an annoying baby voice shrieking some unrecognisable words at me.

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The sound of a quill scratching on parchment. Someone coughing loudly somewhere in the vicinity of my left ear. Snatches of murmured conversation fading in and out of my awareness – "….concussion…..could be worse…..so glad she's alive…." And then another voice, "….how are you going to tell her…..Remus is distraught….." Remus? What? Where am I? Why is Remus distraught? What happened? And why is my head pounding like the Wyrd Sisters' bass?

I slowly opened my eyes, wincing at the bright light that was flooding the room, and as my eyes adjusted to the brightness, I managed to make out my mother and Molly Weasley standing together at the foot of my bed, talking in hushed voices. "Mom?" I croaked, "Where am I?"

At the sound of my voice, they both turned and hurried to the side of my bed. "Nymphadora!" My mother cried, relief palpable in her voice, "You're in St Mungo's. How are you feeling darling?"

"I'm OK, Mom. Well my head hurts, but otherwise I'm fine. Why am I here though? And why is Remus distraught?"

"Oh, you heard that did you?" she asked with a worried expression on her face, "Well, let's start at the beginning shall we? What do you remember?"

"Well…" I thought for a moment. What did I remember? "I remember we had to go to the Ministry to rescue Harry….and when we arrived, he was about to give the prophecy to Lucius Malfoy…and then I was fighting Bellatrix and I saw Remus out of the corner of my eye and…oh gosh, is Remus OK??"

"He's fine Tonks", Molly interjected, "Just keep telling us what you remember."

"Well, I saw Remus fighting a huge Death Eater and I was momentarily distracted by concern for him…" I trailed off and blushed, feeling that I had given away too much. However, Molly smiled at me encouragingly, hinting for me to go on, so I continued, "…and then the last thing I remember was a flash of bright light and Bellatrix shrieking something I couldn't quite make out. And then…nothing. Until now."

"Nothing at all?" Molly pushed, concern creasing her forehead.

"No, nothing," I repeated, confused. What did I miss?

"Well Tonks, I don't know how to tell you this…" Molly hesitated and my heart sank as I realised that whatever she was going to tell me wasn't good news, "After Bellatrix Stunned you, you fell down the stairs, knocking your head quite badly. Sirius came and he took over from you with Bellatrix and…I'm afraid he didn't make it Tonks", Molly's voice quavered and her eyes filled with tears as she finished speaking.

I looked over at my mother and saw that she had tears in her eyes too. I couldn't cry. I couldn't do anything. I felt numb and could hear a strange buzzing sound in my ears as the phrase "he took over from you with Bellatrix" repeated itself over and over in my mind like some kind of sick mantra. It was my fault Sirius was dead. It was my fault that Remus had lost his other best friend. If I hadn't allowed myself to be distracted by my feelings for him, if I hadn't been so irresponsible, Sirius would probably still be alive. It was All. My. Fault.

I looked at Molly and my mother in despair and opened my mouth to speak. Nothing came out except a desperate croak. I cleared my throat nervously and tried again. "How is Remus holding up?" My only thought was whether he would blame me for Sirius' death and not want to have anything more to do with me. If I had been thinking more clearly I would have realised that Remus would never treat anyone like that and that he certainly wouldn't blame me for Sirius' death (especially when he didn't know why Bellatrix had succeeded in Stunning me in the first place). However, I was not thinking clearly and I was desperately afraid that I would lose his friendship which had come to mean more to me than anyone else could know.

Molly sighed heavily, distracting me from my morbid thoughts. "Remus is…not doing so well, "she said, "he blames himself for what happened" (what?? How could he? It was my fault – didn't he know that?) "He tried to persuade Sirius to stay at Grimmauld Place, you see, but Sirius insisted on coming. I think he feels that he didn't try hard enough and was too reluctant to resort to using force on his best friend and that it is therefore his fault that Sirius died. He probably feels terrible, especially when he thinks of what it's done to Harry. Remus has a very soft spot where Harry is concerned you know, and he must feel like he has taken Harry's father from him all over again."

"No!" I shouted, surprising even myself with my vehemence. "It's not his fault. It's my fault. Sirius took over with Bellatrix from me. If I hadn't been distracted, if I hadn't…been…so…stupid…" and to my intense mortification I began to sob desperately.

"Shh, Tonks. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. Sirius was a grown man and he knew what he was doing. Neither you nor Remus are to blame for what happened", Molly soothed.

"I am. I am to blame," I cried hysterically. "I must speak to Remus. I must tell him that it's not his fault. I must see him!"

OK. Just to interject here. I know I sound remarkably melodramatic at this point, but honestly I wasn't thinking straight and I truly felt terrible for what had happened. Plus, my head was throbbing fit to kill. Can you honestly blame me for overreacting a little?

"Alright, Tonks," Molly said. "I'll ask him to come visit you later today. You're only going to be allowed out tomorrow morning anyway – you've been unconscious for two days!"

I brushed this last piece of information aside, interesting as it was. Remus was going to come and see me. Today. I would tell him the truth. He wouldn't need to blame himself anymore. And maybe, just maybe, he would find it in himself to forgive me.

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