Chapter 4: No

The first time they got lucky. Mrs. and Mrs. Robbins-Torres had been blessed with Arden. They got pregnant very quickly and there were very few complications. Someone somewhere was bound and determined to make that not the case again.

The first eight months of trying to have their second baby were much like the three leading up to Arden's conception; full of want and need, sexy hidden glances, laughter, and love. But as the months progressed, each 'not pregnant' ticked away at their perfect happy dream. Sometime after eight months of trying to make a baby together, Callie and Arizona started going through the motions. Arizona stopped looking at Callie like she couldn't wait to create new life with her, and Callie –who was always willing to make love to her wife- wasn't feeling very sexy or desired anymore. And so the baby-making became routine; a little foreplay with and eventual at home insemination, and the hope that this time it would finally stick.

But it didn't happen like that. And they were both getting so tired of the 'no's.' Callie would cry, and Arizona would comfort her, and then they'd try again. Callie blamed her body, Arizona blamed her egg, and somehow the idea that maybe it wasn't meant to be was plastered in both of their brains.

Arizona and Callie sat on the ledge of the tub in their master bathroom, waiting for results of a pregnancy test for what felt like the millionth time. Arizona was thankful that Arden was at a play-date because she was expecting another no, and she needed them to stop if it was; she needed them to stop bickering, to stop crying, to stop being sad and disappointed and resentful of the life they were trying so hard to create because they were missing out on the one they were supposed to be having. She thought her words might break Callie's heart, but she didn't know another way.

"Calliope," Arizona started, with her eyes closed and her right hand slowly placing itself over her wife's left, "if this is a 'no,' I need us to stop. We have to take a break with this. I can't really stand what it's doing to us-" Arizona was cut off by the timer going off, but neither of them moved. The air in the room had gotten heavier and the ball was in Callie's court, should she let her wife make peace or check the stick that she was sure was a 'no' as well.

Callie let out a loud sigh and squeezed Arizona's hand, a quiet gesture asking her to please continue, knowing that her wife's words were loaded but that she needed to say them, especially if that little white stick was negative. Arizona finally opened her eyes and turned to her wife.

"Cal, I love you with all of my heart, and I know you know that but I can't handle more 'no's.' I love our life and I know that we talked about more kids but maybe this isn't how we were meant to do this. I bullied you into letting me have Arden first, I took your dream and now," she sighs, "now we're having so much trouble. Maybe it's because we waited so long, maybe it's my eggs, maybe it's a hundred other reasons, but I'm taking away your dream. And I can't keep doing that. I need us to go back to happy, sexy, baby making and not desperate, sad, trying."

Callie moves her eye from her wife's gaze, trying to comprehend the words she'd just spoken.

"It was our dream, wasn't it?" she asks.

"What?"

"Arizona, it was our dream; the house, the marriage, the babies. You're not taking away my dream, your taking away our dream." Callie says with tears running down her face. "Are you saying you don't want me to have your baby, or that you don't want to have more babies with me?" Callie pleaded, brown eyes finally meeting equally teary blue ones.

"Neither Calliope, neither." Arizona replied, "I just need a break; I want to make love to my wife without the disappointment that follows from a negative test, I want to meet you the on call room to make out before lunch instead of holding you while you're crying because we haven't gotten pregnant yet. Can't you see the toll it's taking on you, on us? Even Arden can tell something is wrong."

"Baby, I love you." Arizona continued, "I. Love. You. And I want this, I really, really do, but if that stick over there is negative, I need us to not try next month, is that okay?" Arizona asked, her blue eyes begging brown to feel the same, but finding no solace.

When Callie looked away, Arizona retreated; she'd said her peace and she knew her wife really heard her, evident by the tear tracks streaming down her face. And leaving the room solidified her point, the trying was breaking them; a year ago, Arizona would have held Callie while she cried. Today, she is not only the reason Callie is crying but has no comfort to offer her wife.

It was an hour later when Callie finally got up of the ledge of the tub to look at the test, and it was almost poetic the way the words 'not pregnant' mocked her; the final nail in the coffin, the part in Romeo and Juliet where you find out they'd done it all for nothing; but her life wasn't really over in that moment and she knew that, somewhere under the weight of the last twelve months and her wife's confessions she knew that. And so they'd wait, and they'd try again soon, and they'd get their dream; at least she could hope.

A/N: I'm not really a fan of these so I'll make this short. What's the point of negative reviews? This is fanFICTION, its an outlet, its where people like me who get silly ideas share them with wonderful people like you; that being said, I maintain that this story is IN PROGRESS, and maybe my summary doesn't make sense yet, but it will. Furthermore, if you don't like it, don't look at it.

But for all those of you that do like it, please let me know what you think. The story is in my head, so I get where I'm going. Lol