A Healing

A/N: I know I said this would be the last chapter (again), but while I know exactly what will go in the epilogue, the change would be far too abrupt. While this chapter IS horrendously short, the next will come soon. Sooner than usual, hopefully. And I think it's better this short, tbh.

Hem sank through the layers of his mind, seeking that oblivion in which he was nothing and in which he could transform into an animal. It was so easy, so beautifully easy, to become something other until only some small figment of his consciousness existed to keep him from non-existence. He did not will himself into some shape or form, he simply floated in the nothingness. There was nothing in his mind. Nothing around him. Nothing at all to indicate that he had a life, somewhere outside. That he had a name...

Outside the numbness of his mind, Hem's body changed. His breathing slowed, becoming fainter and fainter, until only a small fluttering remained, like a dying baby bird struggling to escape from a vice. Limbs stiffened as if frozen, and yet remained perfectly warm, heated by the fires of impending self-knowledge and of peace. All creases faded from his young face, transforming him into a beautiful, serene god who slept there, in a trance, upon a hospital bed, slowly fading from reality in a way that no-one ever had before. He was not becoming unreal; rather, he was becoming far more real than anything around him. Hem was truly enlightened now, or at least his body gave that impression. Inside, the truth was beginning to show. Latent Elidhu powers connected with a supreme fact unknown by humans could not fully soothe to eternal sleep the mind of a disturbed boy.

Do you truly want this? The voice was implacable and otherworldly, cool and uncaring, but impossibly familiar. The dream-Hem opened his eyes. The figure which stood before him, contrasting against a background of soft dove greys emanating kindness and warmth, was handsome – hugely so. Black hair like his own drifted in lazy waves to cover his shoulders, just beginning to cover brilliant blue eyes eclipsing even his sister's in startling strangeness. The man appeared to be in his mid-twenties, but Hem could not be sure, for he was cloaked in an air of uncertainty which seemed to complement strangely the omniscient glow of his face and eyes. Tall and tranquil, he was a vision of perfection.

"W-who are you, sir?" asked Hem when the temptation to know proved too much.

You. Or rather, the person you wish you were...answered the other Hem. He felt his own disappointment, and knew that it was only a confirmation of something the real Hem had already known. I am sorry. But your time – my time – is running out. You must make the final choice now, before it is decided for you. So. Do you wish to fade from existence forever? It is not death. It is more than death, for there is no expectation of an afterlife, untrue as it may be, for comfort. This is the truest death.

Hem answered immediately. This was the answer to all his hours spent suffering, presented to him by himself on a platter made of nothing. "Yes! I do, definitely. All I ever do is cause pain to others. To my parents, to Saliman, Zelika, and Ela, to Maerad! Please!"

As you wish, I suppose. And it ended.

Hem? Can you hear me? I'm so sorry for everything. I was too wrapped up in my own pains and in my love for Cadvan...I guess I didn't notice that you were feeling horrible too. Or at least, not to the extent that you were. And now I've been punished for it by myself. But you'll help me, won't you? We'll survive together, you and me. We can't give up now! Hem? Hem? Hem, can't you hear me? Hem...!

Into the eye of blackness rushed Hem, flying faster than when he had fallen from the cliff. He breathed in the beautiful scent of eternity, becoming nothing as he fell, fizzling out on the outside as well as inside. By the end of a microsecond, the hole was already obliterating his whole vision. He could sense it, the end of all his worries coming gradually towards him and taking him away on a horse of death that was not there. When he heard Maerad's voice...horrible...won't...together...me...can't give up now! Hem? He strained to hear, suddenly afraid of this horse and of the road which he had chosen. One last message from his sister couldn't hurt, could it? HEM!!! Where are you?! I can't lose you! Hear me, Hem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No. This couldn't happen. Maerad needed him, Maerad truly needed him. But he was gone now. This wasn't going to happen. He had chosen, hadn't he? He had chosen to ignore all the people in his life who loved him. It wasn't just Maerad. Saliman, even that girl called Ela and Cadvan. They all needed him to exist, if only for their worlds to be truly complete. They had lost him so many times already, especially Maerad. He had been taken from her as a child, and she had thought him dead after the Fall of Turbansk, and again when they had conquered the Nameless. He had become as a wraith after Zelika's death, had jumped from a cliff...and now he would leave her finally and most devastatingly.

Now, he would die. He could not let it happen. Could he?

A/N: Please tell me if that was too morbid or too melodramatic! I felt it kind of suited the feel of the chapter, but let me know if you feel otherwise. I normally disapprove of too many exclamation marks...heh. Again, sorry for the wait. Now I shall surely see if all of my readers have deserted me...