Flame

***

Bhask sat with us for a little while before he went off to work.

"How long do you think she'll keep this up?" he asked, watching Ayasha endlessly humming, picking at the blanket.

"Who knows, with her? I would have thought she'd be thoroughly bored by now. But she doesn't even seem to notice how long she's been here."

"I don't know," Bhask replied, in a way that implied he disagreed. I looked at him and he sat forward, coming clean.

"You know what she did last night? She's sitting there as always, then she looks around, making sure no one was watching? Then she leans forward real slow, reaches out and pinches up his eyelids, one at a time."

" 'Where's daddy?' " I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

"Yeah, she was looking for him alright," Bhasks voice was taut with hurting.

I sat down beside her and rubbed her back gently. She beamed me a happy smile and went back to counting the tiny squares in the woven blanket.

"What goes on in that little head of yours?" I wondered aloud.

The breakfast trolley rattled past, drawing me back to the train journey back from Murmansk. Alex watched the forests stream past the window, and I practiced walking.

It was so totally Alex, I thought, deciding I didn't need to know I'd lost a part of my anatomy. I had discovered one of my little toes had fallen off from the frostbite before anyone had quite got around to telling me, and it was surprising how difficult it was to walk without the steadying influence of toenails and a toe.

Alex was thoroughly absorbed by the unchanging view, and had been for hours. It was hard to give him the silent treatment when he was ignoring you.

"Alright, enough," I said, dropping onto the opposite bunk in irritation. "Talk to me."

He pulled his gaze off the middle distance and settled it on me, his eyes troubled but his mouth silent.

"Come on, Alex! We've got another whole day and a half of this. Tell me what you were thinking about."

"You don't want to know," he said softly, his voice containing a hint of a warning note. I lay on my back and shoved my fingers into the springs of the mattress above. Oh right, that's why I asked, I thought, but looked for a more fruitful reply.

"Planning revenge on Vasily?" I guessed.

"Aah… no. That's… kind of, already taken care of."

I sat up to look at him: his tone was still guarded. What wasn't he telling me? He met my eyes briefly then looked away.

"Normally, under the zone regulations, he would have been killed. But… as you're a soul… they weren't sure if that applied so… I had to decide on his punishment."

Oh no… Alex got to decide the punishment for someone who'd tried to kill me? This wasn't good.

"You couldn't just let him go?"

"Ah…. No."

"So?" It was like pulling teeth.

"You really want to know?"

I just stared at him balefully, and he went on.

"I figured I'd kind of, do to him… what he did to you. Without all the freezing."

Shit.

"Flame…? Are you alright? You're looking kind of pale…?"

I was feeling distinctly sick.

"Ah, it's just that… I don't have any toenails just at the moment."

He shook his head, amused, and I started to feel relieved.

"No, I didn't pull out his toenails. Yours will grow back. I just cut off his toe."

"Just…?"

"It was really very quick."

"Oh my god…"

I reached for the bin and retched.

"You cut off his toe?" I said finally, my voice echoing inside the vile smells of the bin.

"Well," he said, shoving himself tighter into his corner, "what would you have done?"

"God, I don't know. I'm not really very good with this whole crime and punishment concept."

But Alex wasn't letting me off that easy. Not while I still hovered anxiously near the bin.

"Uh… cold storage?"

"A: Soul-free zone. No cold storage facilities and B : he supports his family, what are they going to do while he's gone?"

"Alright then… I don't know… Called Dorsey?"

"Not me?" he said, looking hurt.

"I already know what you would say: cut off his frikkin toe!"

He stared back at me.

"Ok, fine… Yelled at him?"

"You really think Vasily is going to be scared of me yelling at him?"

"If he's human he should fear for his life."

"He's not human. Trust me."

"Couldn't they just, send him away? Not have anything to do with him?"

"Up there, that's a death sentence anyway. Just slower."

I was giving up. I couldn't tell him what he should've done, and my conceptions of right and wrong were getting blurred.

"But jeez, Alex… Did you use the No Pain at least?"