Flame

***

"Daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!" Ayasha ran out of the lift with the ball as soon as the door opened.

Bhask came out of the room, staring at her in dismay.

"You brought her back?" he said with a mixture of despair and disbelief

"Yeah?" I said, annoyed, staring him down. What, did he I think would leave her at home, alone?

"Ah, Hungry Flame, I was hoping to be able to speak to you," a steely looking Soul came out of the room behind him. I smoothed my face of weariness and irritation. "Comforter Constant Green."

"She's a child psychologist," Bhask muttered darkly. I peeked inside the room to see Yashie balance the ball on Alex's chest and settling down to wait, overflowing with anticipation. Alex, of course, may as well have been made out of stone.

"I understand this must be very difficult situation for you all…," the comforter said, trying to catch my eye. I led her away to the visitor's area.

"I was wandering if I might be able to help" she continued. I sat down and listened tolerantly, trying to keep my face pleasant. Or at least pleasantly impassive.

"They tell me Ayasha has been spending a lot of time here."

"She misses her Daddy. We all do."

"Of course. But perhaps sitting on a hospital bed 24 hours a day is not the best environment in which to bring up a child."

I was taken aback at her directness, and searched for a reply.

"Normally her aunt lives with us, she looks after her too… she's away at the moment-"

"Can she not be recalled?"

"She's… fairly remote."

"Ah, I see; a human settlement?"

"Yes."

I understood from the comforter's careful, sour smile that this was not an avenue she would be pursuing.

"I just think Ayasha might benefit from a more stable and… stimulating environment for a while. Her development is very… retarded."

The word stung, and I knew she used it deliberately. I had heard similar things about Bhask. But I wasn't blind, I knew she was not just being prejudiced. Ayasha was slower than other kids her age, to stand, to walk to talk... and it couldn't be blamed on her early start in life any longer.

Still, Soul targets for normal human development were so narrow . What did it matter if she didn't say anything til a few years ago? That she still only used baby talk? She was still a baby. They couldn't take her away from me for being a baby, could they?

"She was born premature. You can't expect her to reach standards in the same manner as other children. She wasn't supposed to live. But she did. And then she stood, walked… I see these things as progress, not retardation," I said, keeping my voice as even as I could.

"I understand her history. But it's clear we are coming from quite different perspectives. I think your closeting and your poor expectations of her may be holding her back from better progress. I know it is difficult bringing her up without a father-"

"She has a father! He's right there!" I couldn't help but explode. Loudly.

"Without an active father then," she corrected diplomatically, refusing to be appalled by my behavior, "I'm sure he would want the best for her."

I wished heartily Alex would get up and defend his daughter. She wouldn't get away with speaking to him like this. Alex, wake up, we need you…

"And I know this is not an environment that you do well in either," the Comforter was saying, and I realized I'd not been listening. Get a grip, Flame! Focus! Her words came back to me and I realized what she meant: she'd read my file. She knew I'd been a long term care patient for months. She'd think we were all insane. What was the point in arguing further?

"Her vocabulary is poor, her sentence structure is underdeveloped," the comforter was still talking, "The nurses have told me her social skills are poor… Does she sleep in her own bed at home?"

"Sometimes," I mumbled. I omitted the 'in the afternoon' and 'when her daddy isn't home'. But she'd play for hours with Etty, and her vocabulary beat Etty's hands down. And Etty was much older. Of course, Etty wasn't a beacon of normality. But who was?

"We are just trying to help, Hungry Flame."

She waited for me to reply, and I gathered my strength.

"I know, and I'm sorry to have to oppose you on this. But telling me you are going to take my children from me is not going to help either me or them."

I gave her my best granite stare.

"What will help then?" she said tightly.

Wake up my husband? That would be a really big help… I squashed the thought and cast about for something she would be happy with.

"If he could be moved to a larger room, we could fit another single bed there-"

"We do not want to encourage your whole family to live in the healing centre."

"Just until he wakes up. Please. I'll, I'll look into daycare again for Ayasha. We'll make an effort to improve her vocabulary."

She looked at me long and hard.

"Alright."

***

"Where's Yash?" I said, looking around the room. It was empty bar Alex's negative presence and Bhask sitting defensively in a chair in front of the closet.

"She's in the loo," Bhask said overloudly, looking behind me.

"She's gone," I murmured, and he got up and opened the door, revealing Yashie sitting in the darkness, looking at me wide eyed. I pulled her out and set her back on the bed.

"I wasn't going to let them take her, Bhask," I said softly, feeling about ready to break with fatigue already and it was only morning.

"Neither was I," he muttered, "Yashie didn't like her either. You yelled at her. Yashie would have put Alex in the cupboard if she could've. I told her we were just waiting for you to give us a hand."

I looked down the list of words she was supposed to know, sitting close to Alex as if his presence might ward away any more such 'helpful' Souls, rubbing Yash's back.

"She knows half of these!" Bhask said angrily, reading over my shoulder.

"Yeah, but they want to hear her say them. And on cue. Have you ever heard her say them?"

"She's not some circus act to be trained."

I sighed quietly and looked at Ayasha. She watched me carefully.

"Door," I said clearly, pointing at the door, "That's a door."

She looked at me like her opinion of my intelligence had just plummeted.

"See, she knows that's a door. She just has no need to actually say it," Bhask said, slouching in his chair, "She gets along fine. Look at Etty!"

I sat up on the bed and pulled Yashie onto my lap.

"You know about sharing right?" I told her quietly. She nodded almost imperceptibly, distracted, worried I was trying to take her away from her daddy.

"Alright. So it's not nice when someone has all the toys, it makes other people sad. And it's not nice when someone has to do all the work, it makes them sad too, right?"

She glanced at me and nodded again, one eye still on Alex, but starting to hope I wasn't there to separate her from him.

"Well, that's what words are like. The people want to share words with you. They don't like it that they have to all the talking. We know you understand, but they want to hear the words from you, not us. Ok?"

She watched me for a full second.

"So can you say door for me?" I prompted.

She looked between me and Bhask, then curled her arms up and buried them in her lap.

"Door," she said softly, throwing me a sparkling, mischievous glance.

"You are Mummy's most favouritest girl in the whole word."