A/N: This is my favourite chapter so far, be warned its a bit of a heavy one. Hope you all enjoy x

Greg found himself in a daze, completely detached from reality as he floated around the hospital. The hustle and bustle of the emergency room carried on around him as he sat on the cold plastic chairs with his head in his hands. People came and went, the intoxicated tourists, the drug overdoses, the hooker who'd taken a beating...it was all business as usual here. But not for him.

A couple argued in the corner, their daughter sat near Greg with her legs swinging back and forth as she watched him. He couldn't see her, wouldn't dare force himself to make eye contact with anyone but he could feel the sympathy radiating from her. Even a child could see he was broken and yet, he didn't seem to acknowledge it. perhaps' he couldn't, the part of his brain that dealt with his emotions and logical thought had shut down as a defence mechanism, instead he was stuck in this limbo state.

"Greg, I got here as fast as I could..." Morgan's voice, somewhere to the right of his body. He had never heard it sounding so concerned, so frightened. He could feel her hand resting on his shoulder and knead the tight muscles there forcing him to acknowledge her presence.

"I...I'm waiting for the doctor" He mumbled.

It was probably the only fact he could force himself to deal with at this moment. Morgan sat carefully in the chair beside him, her hand reaching out to take his own as it rested on his leg. It was only then he noticed the blood, it seemed to take him by surprise as he held out his hands and stared at them with wide frightened eyes. Morgan watched him intently, sliding the backpack she had brought there across the floor to his feet.

"You'll need to change..." She explained.

His eyes moved slowly up his arms, his skin painted a bright red. His sleeves were stained with the blood of his friend, his jeans dappled with splatter and tissue. That was probably what the little girl was staring at, he was a monster to her. A blood soaked monster sitting there with his best friends blood all over him.

He nodded slowly, going into autopilot as people often did in these situations. He grasped the backpack and took to his feet, wavering slightly with the sudden rush of blood to his head. His glazed eyes swept over the corridor looking for a sign to show him where the bathroom was but he was getting nowhere, all he could see was blood on everything. It coated the walls, the floors, the doctors, even Morgan.

"Greg, come on. I'll take you to the changing room"

Her hand held onto his elbow as he stared vacantly down at her. He could hear the words, he could see her lips moving and he knew what she meant and yet somehow the act of absorbing what she said and following her instructions failed to happen.

She did, eventually, get him into the room. It was a tiny wet room with a shower on the wall and a full length mirror by the sink. He stood there staring at his reflection, analyzing the blood as memories flashed through his mind from the event.

It was a strange sort of experience. If he had been asked to verbalise it he would have come up empty, his brain couldn't seem to accept it as fact but when he stood there staring at the shape of the blood on his shirt, the hand print on his arm, the spatter on his trousers, he could see the events happening in flashes of action like a comic strip.

He removed his clothes while standing there, robotically and methodically, being careful not to smear any of the evidence. The investigator in him knew how important that was and the friend in him needed to find justice for Sara, whatever the outcome.

It wasn't until he was in the shower it really hit him. He had folded his clothes with paper sheets like he had been taught, being careful to preserve the blood evidence. Finn would take one look at them and know exactly what had happened, that he was sure of but as he stood under the water and watched the blood slip from his skin and swirl in the drain he was suddenly hit by a wave of sheer, horrifying emotion.

It was like washing her away, even although he hadn't heard the words yet, even though there was still a chance she could make it through surgery Greg felt the loss of her blood as much as he would have felt the loss of her life and it was so physically painful he couldn't even stand.

Morgan loitered outside nervously, passing polite smiles to passing doctors and patients. She was worried about Greg, she had never seen a person shut down so entirely before and she knew that before long he would have to break. A young doctor approached her, wringing his hands nervously with a sombre expression on his face. She figured the LVPD windbreaker had given her away, or the fact that she was standing guard outside the male shower room.

"I'm looking for the family of Ms Sidle?" He asked in a quiet, calm voice she knew could only mean bad news.

Morgan nodded, taking a protective step closer the the shower room door.

"Greg is...he's in the shower but I am her work colleague" She explained before deciding that it sounded altogether too detached for her liking "and her friend, I'm her friend too"

The young doctor nodded, seemingly considering his options carefully. Morgan felt a sense of desperation at the thought of him neglecting to tell her what was going on. It was a little less curiosity and a little bit more fear that what she would be hearing would be bad.

"Is...is Sara going to be ok?"

Morgan sought out his eye contact and his expression told her everything she needed to know. He shook his head, a tiny little movement that would barely be noticeable to anyone else and yet that tiny little movement shattered her more than the words ever could.

She felt dizzy, a strange need to sit down coming over her as she milled it over in her head. Sara wasn't going to be ok, she wasn't going to be slating them for eating junk food in the break room anymore or teasing Nick about his newest girl or teaching her pearls of wisdom on the field like it was second nature. It felt like an emptiness had been placed firmly in the part of her heart reserved for Sara and she could feel it growing with every passing second.

"I'm sorry" Began the doctor. She wondered how many times he had to give this speech in a week. She knew how the words became second nature after a while, she knew how they slipped off your tongue without really meaning anything after the first few times. She knew how stale they felt. "We tried everything we could but the damage was too great. She's on a supported life system at the moment to preserve her organs pending permission..."

He was asking for Sara's organs. Asking her, someone who had no real attachment to Sara to speak of. Sure, they were friends. She would probably consider Sara a good friend but they had never discussed organ donation or death wishes. She suspected it was something Sara believed in, she had spent her living years trying to solve and prevent death it would make sense that after her death she would want to continue that legacy but it wasn't her decision to make. It was far from her decision.

"Who is her next of kin?" She found herself asking. It struck her as a little strange that there was no-one she could think of who would immediately take that position of trust. She knew Sara had been married at one stage, it was something Sara avoided talking about most of the time and whenever she did there was a tint of sadness in her words.

The doctor shuffled some papers, referring to the file and dipping his glasses further down his nose. Morgan watched him intently like he was about to give her the answer to the meaning of life.

"It's umm..Gregory Sanders. Do you know this man?"

Morgan smiled a little, of course it was Greg. If she had thought about it logically it made so much sense that it would be and she knew that she would trust him with her life just as much as Sara had. She nudged her head towards the shower room indicating he was inside and the doctor nodded.

"I'll get them to page you as soon as he's free Dr. Joseph" Morgan promised.

With that the doctor disappeared into the waiting area and behind the huge triage desk. Morgan shifted uncomfortably on her feet realising she was going to have to break the news to Greg. She suddenly had a huge library of Sara memories at the forefront of her mind, all the times they had laughed together, drunk together, worked together, cried together. Sara had been somewhat of a role model for Morgan, despite the close proximity of their ages she looked up to this strong independent woman in their workplace frequently. She was highly skilled at her job but she was modest with it and she always had time to share her knowledge with her.

Greg seemed to be taking a long time in the shower. She couldn't claim to have kept track but the waiting room held an entirely new group of people now and the nurses seemed to be working through shift change which told her they had been there for a long time. Biting down on her bottom lip she hesitantly knocked on the door.

"Greg...is everything ok in there?"

There was no answer, despite her attempt to block out the hospital noise buzzing all around her. She pressed her ear against the hollow wood of the door and all she could hear was the steady flow of the shower hitting tiles.

"Greg...?" She pushed against the door a touch, just enough to allow her voice to echo off the walls and leave no room for confusion. There was either something wrong here or he was ignoring her.

Exasperated, Morgan broke into a panicked run in search of the doctor she had spoken to. She was suddenly terrified that the shock had all been too much for Greg, he could have collapsed in there and she had wasted precious minutes waiting around completely oblivious to his plight. She simply couldn't lose two friends in one day.

As she rounded a corner she collided dramatically into Nick. She would have muttered an apology and kept searching if his strong arms hadn't closed in around her and his deep, soothing voice hadn't filled her ears.

"Hey, hey calm down...what's going on?"

Nick read her fear well, he could sense there was nothing particularly right with this situation just by looking at her.

"Its...It's Greg...he's in the shower room...I think somethings wrong"

With merely a nod Nick was following her back along the corridor to the tiny shower room. He caught her eye before he went inside, calling out as he slowly pushed open the door.

"Greg...?" No response but Nick didn't have to spare Greg's pride or dignity he swung the door wider and side-stepped into the room leaving Morgan standing outside looking terrified. "I'm coming in buddy!"

He tried to keep his voice upbeat and positive when in actual fact he was anything but. Brass had broken the news to the rest of the team as soon as word got back from the hospital. Nick placed his feet carefully on the tiled floor, listening to the sound echoing back at him. It was eerily quiet and all the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. His heartbreak at losing Sara was instantly replaced by fear that Greg had done something stupid as a result. He had always been so close with Sara, right from the start they had created this amazing mutual closeness he had never been able to achieve with anyone but Warrick.

"Greg...talk to me man, come on now" He waited in silence, hoping that as he stepped through the water now pooling on the floor he would find Greg simply sleeping or taking an age to style his hair like he did in the good old days.

What he found was something completely different and something that would stay with him for the rest of his life. Greg wasn't in the shower at all, the water was pouring needlessly down the drain, steam filling the air from the heat. Nick quickly killed the flow and approached Greg. He was crouched in the far corner of the room, his legs tucked up against his body and his hands stretched out in front of his face. His body shook and trembled as he sobbed, deep gutteral sobs of sheer sorrow that felt like they stabbed right into Nick's heart with their rawness and honesty. Blood streaked down his arms and pooled on the floor around his body and at first Nick thought he was injured. As he got closer it became clear that the blood wasn't Greg's at all, it was Sara's.

Nick had seen more crime scene's than he dared to count, he had seen entire rooms soaked in blood and families obliterated but this scene, this image turned his stomach violently. He fought to stay in control, well aware he had to be the strong one in this situation. He had to be the one to take control and let Greg know that he was going to be ok because right now Greg was broken.

He crouched down beside his friend, resting a hand on his shoulder and demanding attention. Greg's eyes, brimming with tears and bloodshot looked back at him with unspoken desperation.

"Is she ok?" He muttered through his tears, Nick couldn't answer the question. He knew telling Greg the truth right now wouldn't help, he had to get the man back on an even keel. He had to regain the Greg he knew.

"Lets finish this shower and go see the doctor, yeah?" He said in a soft voice, as though he was speaking to a child.

Greg seemed to respond to this though, he clumsily made his way to his feet nodding the entire time as though the thought of showering had only just occurred to him. Nick turned the shower back on and stepped back to let Greg wash the blood from his body without any interruption from him.

He stayed in the room, by the door, until Greg was finished. He didn't watch, or speak just stood there in silent camaraderie as Greg dressed in fresh clothes and ruffled his hair in the mirror. He eventually sought out his eye, looking like an entirely more together person than he had earlier and nodded his thanks in Nick's direction before they left the tiny room together and faced the hospital corridor again.

"Thank god you're ok!" Morgan cried as she rushed towards them, she quickly scanned Greg for injuries and hazarded a glance towards Nick who simply tilted his head slightly "The doctor needs to speak to you, is that ok?"

Greg nodded, his eyes searching the congregated staff looking for the doctor he was supposed to speak to. He was guided into a small room painted light blue with a vase of fresh flowers on the table. He knew this room, he had been in this room before, to collect evidence or track down witnesses. The smell of lavender hit him as he took a seat, a scent that reminded him of Sara. He would always tease her saying it was an old lady smell when in truth it was a scent he loved and one that reminded him of her every time he smelt it.

"Mr Sanders...I'm afraid I need to seek your consent to use Sara's organs for transplant" The doctor began.

Greg frowned immediately. He couldn't understand how the man could be asking this question of him, surely Sara was recovering from her surgery in a quiet little hospital bay. She would wake up and recover like he had read about people doing in those trashy magazines Morgan brought in on Wednesday mornings.

"You...you can't have her organs" He mumbled "She...she needs them"

Doctor Joseph cleared his throat nervously and slid nearer to the edge of his seat. He leaned his body towards Greg as though they were sharing some kind of secret but Greg was shaking his head over and over again as he tossed the words around inside his head.

"I'm sorry...but Sara is not going to get better Sir. We couldn't save her"