Charlotte

***

The doorbell chimed far into the house. She stood behind my knees, taking it in turns to stare at the street and then back at the door. This was not the greatest idea, I knew, but there were not a whole lot of other options.

Paolo was a regular house visit for me. He'd been bitten by a dog some weeks ago, and hadn't yet left the house. But at least he was talking. I felt I couldn't put him on the backburner while I had this girl staying with me; who knew how long that would be?

Last week I'd tried leaving her at home with Sam and a babysitter, a young comforter, who had strict instructions to leave her be. This had resulted in frantic phone call halfway through Paolo's session, informing me that my previously solid child had irretrievably vanished into thin air.

"I can't open the door to her room, but I went outside to look in through the window, and she's definitely not there, and I've searched everywhere, she must have run away-"

This was the child that refused to go into the backyard without me.

"Where's Sam?" I'd asked calmly.

"The dog?"

"Uh huh."

"He's uh, he's lying in the kitchen?"

"Ok." Sam wasn't worried by the sounds of it. But she was obviously not comfortable with the babysitter. "I'll be right over."

I apologized to Paolo and went to find his parents. "I'm sorry, my other charge and the babysitter aren't getting on."

"Oh dear," Mrs Hutchden said, while her husband looked worried.

"I'm afraid I'll have to cut it short this time," I said, making for the door.

"We'll see you next week though?"

"Ah, I guess that depends on my finding a new babysitter," I said, glancing back and smiling apologetically.

"Well, why don't you bring her here? It would be good for Paulie to see some other kids."

"Aah, she's… really shy."

"Well. Better than too loud!" Mr Hutchden said.

"At least you wouldn't be worrying about her, if she was here?" Mrs Hutchden added.

It was hard to say no to their hopeful faces. Besides which, I didn't know if I'd have another option.

"That's kind of you. I'll let you know what she thinks," I'd said.

When I got home the first thing to do was to loudly send the babysitter away. Then I waited outside her bedroom door. Sam loped up, sniffed it, and loped back down to the kitchen to collapse where the floor was cooler.

"She's really gone," I called to the blank door, "unless it's me you're mad at?"

There was a sound of scuffling and the door opened to reveal her lying on her belly, legs still half under the bed, dragging the chair away. Sam heaved himself up and came to join us.

"Was she that bad, honey?" I asked softly.

"She asked questions," came the shuttered reply.

"Bugger. I told her to leave you alone."

"I know."

***

So the next week she came with me. At least this way I could intervene if someone was scaring her.

She stilled as footsteps approached the door. Mr and Mrs Hutchden greeted us together, wedged side by side in the doorway like some two headed monster.

"Hi there," they said staring at the shape hiding behind my knees, "Nice to meet you, what's your name?"

Shit. Name, name, name… what would she respond to?

"Honey," I said, returning their smiles, "Her name's Honey."

She looked up at me thoughtfully, but made no protest.

"Hi Honey," the Hutchden's intoned as one.

'Honey' stared back at them doubtfully.

"Like I said, she's pretty shy," I said, stepping forward so they would let us in.

"How about we put you over here," I set Honey's bag of goodies by the bookcase where I could keep an eye on her, and went to say hello to Paolo. She plugged herself into the ipod, carefully avoiding making eye contact with anyone.

"Hey, Paolo, how's it going?" I asked, sitting in front of him at the table. He'd have to turn away from her to look at me, and consequently didn't.

"She's pretty," he breathed.

I looked at her to assess this. I'd never looked at her that way. Black curls, almond eyes. She was pretty. She was also entirely stiff and staring right through her ipod, frowning.

"Well, yeah I guess she is. But she's real shy too, so we're going to leave her alone today. Unless I'm not pretty enough for you to talk to anymore?"

I picked up one of the drawings he was working on.

"This is a great picture," I said, examining it closely. It was of a dog headed monster in garish colours. "Really powerful. It kinda lets me know what you're feeling."

He dragged his eyes away from her and back to the picture.

"Sometimes it's nice to have that out, huh?" I said, glancing over at Honey as she turned her volume all the way up, drowning us out.

***

"What did you think of Paulo?" I asked her, driving home.

"He's a woos," she said, gazing at the passing scene like it was a movie. "He just pretends he's afraid cause he likes talking to you."

Interesting perspective.

"We should bring Sammy next time," she said casually. I didn't whether to laugh or frown. Bring Sammy to visit a child with a crippling phobia of dogs. It was downright cruel, and I wondered if her lack of empathy stemmed from not understanding the problem or not believing it.

"Well, maybe I am going too slow with him," I said, seeking a compromise, "Maybe we'll take him outside next time, hey?"

"Copy that," she said, still glued to the window.