Frozen in Ink
Chapter 4: Don't Remind Me, I'd Like To Forget-Peyton
"I want to be forgotten and I don't want to be reminded. You say
'Please don't make this harder' No I won't yet."
– The Strokes (What Ever Happened?)"
It's still raining. I thought for sure it stopped, but now I'm lying down on the cool cement at the river court, and it is hitting me in the face. Right now I don't really care that my hair is a mess, it's spread out around me like a golden halo, curly and unmanageable. I've got bigger things on my mind. What if I'm really pregnant? What if that night with Nathan produced something that I can even imagine? I didn't want this to happen. God, if I wanted kids with anyone it was Luke. But now he's with Lindsey, their probably have their own kids, blonde haired and blued eyed. The thing with life is that you cannot change the past, and there are some many pieces of that past I love. In that past both my mothers' died, I tried to drugs, and even got shot. I don't love these things but I can't take those back, and I don't want to, they brought me to Lucas.
I hate that I had sex with Nate, I love him to death, but not a romantic love, a friend love, and the fact that I would stoop that low after I know about what happened with Carrie and Haley, drives me insane. I choose to do that, when I should have known better. Now I could be bearing the consequences of carrying his child. What am I going to do?
I'm waiting until I run into Luke. I know he and Lindsey came back from their honeymoon and I'm just waiting to awkwardly bump into him, how fun that will be. It's not that I don't still love him, but I have to let go. Especially if it's possible that I could be pregnant. I was so drunk. I really don't know what happened. Nathan isn't just some old flame, he's Lucas's brother, Lucas's best friend husband, my friend's husband. That doesn't make it any better.
I was with someone in L.A. I wanted to tell him that, when he told me how much he loved Lindsey. I was with a movie producer for two and a half years, and yes we were in love. I would have loved to say that. His name was Julian Baker, and he was a great guy, but I was sadly clutching on to Lucas's book. I realized I was still in love with him, and just like Jake, Julian sent me back to Tree Hill.
I thought he'd wait. I didn't think he'd be happy, when I couldn't be. Everything with Julian was a lie, and I thought that's what he had with Lindsey. But he married her, so that can't be it. He was my soul mate, but I guess he doesn't think I'm his.
I look up and I realize that I'm soaking wet, the rain is coming down harder, and the stars are shining. But I don't care. Then there's the sound of a basketball bouncing on the concrete. I look up and it's him.
"Peyton?" I sit up and wave at him. "Hi, Lucas." He runs his hands through his short blonde hair and smiles at me. "Blondie, what are you doing out here? You're getting all wet." "I could ask you the same thing, Lucas." He dribbles the basket ball a little bit, and looks down at the concrete like he searching for the memory of what use to be there. "Lindsey and I got in a really big fight," He said throwing the ball towards the basket. He misses. "She left." I wonder if she left forever, or just for work. He's playing with my head. Lucas studies me for a moment. He can read my thoughts, almost. "I don't know if she's coming back, she wants space." "Oh." I choke out. "I know that…" He starts but I cut him off. "Listen Lucas, you have been making this really hard for me. Everything. You were gone for two-weeks, that time you spent fucking your wife, I spent crying my eyes out. I can't do this anymore. You married her Lucas. I know you're going to stick by your promise and be with her, okay?" Lucas nods his head. "I still love you." I whisper and I get up and walk off of the river court back to my house in the rain. I don't want to ever look back and say, "Remember your soul mate Lucas Scott?" A lot of people say it's better to love than never loved at all. But I say to that, Please don't' remind me, I just want to pretend for a moment that I never loved Lucas Scott, at least right now, while it still stings.
TBC
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A/N: What did you guys think? I really like the song I choose as the header because it fits Peyton really well. It's from the Marie Antoinette Soundtrack so if you've seen the movie, you've probably heard the song. Hope you like the Chapter! :D Someone left me a comment for last chapter telling me the format was looking retarded. Honestly I don't know what happened. Because this is a filler it looks okay but next chapter, I'll try to fix it. :D
-Kelsey