Frozen in Ink
Chapter 9- I Read Your Letter
"I read your letter, the one you left when you broke into my house.
I'm retracing every step you made. And you said you meant it.
And there's a piece of me in every single second of every single day.
But if it's true then tell me how it got this way?"
-Jack's Mannequin [The Mixed Tape]
Two Months Later
Peyton was more upset at herself than anything. She rested her hands on the steering wheel and parked across the street from Lucas's house. She knew he was out of town traveling with The Raven's and figured this was the best time to do this. She wouldn't have to see him, she wouldn't have to explain why she'd been avoiding him for the past two months. She'd just waltz in his house and do what she'd come here to do. Peyton walked across the street and crept into his lawn. She kept turning around to make sure that no one could see what she was doing. She reached the front door, it was locked, and that really didn't surprise her. Peyton walked to the back side of the house where the door to Lucas's room was. Peyton slowly turned the knob and it didn't open. She was now frustrated, aggravated, and nauseous. She ran her hand through her hair and she realized that she had a few bobby pins in her hair. Smiling, she took one out and stuck the pin into the lock of the door. She remembered how to pick a lock from her days of high school. She smiled as she jimmied the lock free and twisted the door knob open. She walked into the doorway and frowned at the condition of Luke's room. It was a mess and he wasn't a messy person. She found clothes piled on the floor and pictures of her scattered all over the carpet. She wanted to cry, and she wasn't sure if was the hormones or she actually felt bad for Lucas. Peyton walked over to his desk and dug into her purse. She pulled out an envelope with his name on the front and frowned. She was really going to do this, she was really going to kick him out of her life. Peyton wiped her eyes and placed the letter she'd written on top of his desk, where he'd see it. She reached over his computer and got a post-it note and pen out of the cup on his desk. Clean this place up! She wrote. She tore the note off of the deck and stuck it on the back of the letter. She felt more tears come to her eyes and began to walk out of the room. She stood in the doorway and looked around the bedroom, memories of high school flooded her mind. Peyton closed the door behind her, and walked to her car.
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Lucas sat on the bus back to Tree Hill. The team had lost and he was pissed at himself more than the team. He hadn't been a very good coach to them lately and Nathan didn't even have the balls to come support them anymore. He just sat on his fat ass all day at Mouth's apartment, probably looking at porn. Lucas shook his head disgusted and thought about how much his brother needed help. He looked out the window it was dark and the landscape just rolled by. Lucas pressed his head against the cool glass and clasped his blue eyes shut. He listened to the sound of his ipod playing Peyton's play list and felt himself drift off to sleep.
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"Hey, where did you run off to?" Brooke asked peering over the couch as Peyton closed the door to their house behind her. "Went for a drive, I figured I'd pass time until Julian got here." Peyton said coming to sit next to Brooke. "I can't even fathom the fact that there's going to be a boy here, P. especially one of your exs." Peyton propped her feet up on the coffee table and rolled her eyes. "You just want to know if he's cute." Peyton taunted her. "Did I say that?" Brooke asked. Peyton gave her a look. "Okay! So is he?" Brooke said excited. "You'll have to wait and see." Brooke laughed. "So, the guest bedroom's all set up. You have an appointment tomorrow, right?" Peyton nodded. "Yep, tomorrow at one." Brooke sighed. "So, I'm guessing your going with Julian." Peyton giggled. "God No! You think you could go with me. It's silly but I was wondering since Nathan wants to be out of the picture you could be my partner in this." Brooke took Peyton's hand. "I'd love to P. Sawyer." Peyton smiled. "Thanks B. Davis." Brooke nodded. "So, have you talked to the people at the agency?" Peyton asked. "I decided to foster Sam. I think it's a good thing, to help her you know?" "I think it's the best thing in the world, really Brooke. You can really help her. You're going to be a good mom." Brooke smiled. "Right back at you P. Sawyer. In fact we're both going to be really great moms. I know it." Peyton smiled and snuggled into Brooke's shoulder. "I hope I can be a good mom Brooke. The past two months I've just been thinking about this baby. It wasn't planned, it won't have a father. I'm going to be a single mom, this whole situation reminds me of Karen only I don't have a Keith." Peyton felt tears come to her eyes. "I miss him. I miss him a lot. This wasn't supposed to be like this. This is supposed to be me and Luke's baby. We're suppose to be happy and married and in love. I'm alone. I have to do this by myself." Peyton sobbed into Brooke's shoulder. Brooke ran her fingers through Peyton's curly blonde hair. "I know baby, but you have me. You're not alone in this. I've got you."
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Lucas awoke with a start as the bus slammed on the breaks. They were a few minutes out of Charleston and Lucas was highly annoyed. The team had been gone for the whole weekend and he hadn't slept a wink. In fact, for the last two months he had suffered extreme insomnia. It was now about 5 o'clock PM on a Sunday. He knew if they didn't get back soon, all the boys mothers would be on his ass about not getting the player back on time. It wasn't his fault that they got asked to play an out of district game in Virginia nor was his fault that the bus had broken down earlier that day. Nothing was in Lucas's control and the fact that nothing was going right, really pissed him off. He didn't hang out with anyone anymore. Most of the time it was just him and Haley. He hadn't heard from Brooke or Peyton in forever and apparently Haley hadn't either. Lindsey called once and that was when she arrived in New York, just to let him know she was okay. Lucas rubbed his temples and sighed. He couldn't help shake the gnawing feeling in his gut that back home in Tree Hill something was going on he just couldn't put his finger on it.
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After the crying session with Brooke, Peyton had left for the airport to pick up Julian. Brooke and Peyton had talked about Julian coming to stay a few weeks ago. Peyton told Brooke that Julian was an ex-boyfriend of hers. He was a movie producer and they met back in LA. They were in love or whatever but he wasn't Lucas. So, the two broke up but remained friends for a year or so and then lost touch. Now, he was coming to help her with the baby situation, he was ready to stand next to Peyton and support her. Julian's job required him to be in London longer than he excepted so it took him two months to get the clearance to come and stay with Peyton in Tree Hill. Brooke didn't trust this guy but just because she didn't trust Julian didn't mean she wasn't intrigued by him. The name actually sounded quite familiar to her. "Julian Baker." She whispered letting it roll off of her tongue. Brooke shook her head and pulled out her cell phone, to call Marley from the adoption agency.
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Lucas pulled his car in the driveway at about seven. He was pissed off and had been a lot. Since Lindsey left, he really had to come to terms with his life, who he was as a person, and who he loved. He loved Peyton. But he knew she'd been avoiding him and he could understand it. He had hurt her. Lucas walked to the back off the house and pulled his house key out of his pocket. As he stood at the door he noticed the lock had been picked. Lucas grunted in frustration and kicked the door open. The house was exactly how he left it, a mess. Lucas combed the house for anything out of place and about twenty minutes later found that everything was just as he left it. Lucas collapsed into his desk chair and noticed that there was a letter sitting on his desk. This wasn't Lindsey's letter that was put away. As soon as he realized whose handwriting was on the envelope and had printed his name on the front, he felt his heart clench. Peyton had written him a letter. He tore the envelope quickly, like a child tearing wrapping paper on Christmas and unfolded the lined paper. Peyton's words were scrolled across it.
Luke,
I talked to Lindsey. Well actually she found me today and told me what happened. I'm sorry, I know you loved her. This is harder than I thought. You can write a whole novel, 500 freaking pages, and I can barely get out what I need to. A lot of things have happened since you married her, Luke. A lot of things that as of right now I can take back and I can't change. It doesn't mean I don't love you any less. God, I love you. I love you, a lot. More than I could write, more than I could even say. But do me a favor Lucas. Don't pick up your life and come back to me. It's too late. If you only knew. You were semi-right Lucas, it's not three years ago and even if I have a hard time accepting it, I'm letting you go. I hope you understand. Don't be a spinster or anything but I hope maybe one day in the future you can love me. Today is just not the day, Lucas. But soon you're going to hate me, I predict it. Can you do me a favor, please? If you really love me do one little thing for me. Give me space, time, distance. I'm doing this for you really. I know you don't understand but trust me. If you stay away now, it'll be better later on. I love you Lucas. I know this is short but it's taken me like a half hour in between crying to do this. We really are true love always. I'll love you till the day I die. I know that. I know you are it for me Lucas. Just wait. I need time to heal from the damage. I need to breathe. Don't forget me, still love me. I'm not going to forget what we share. I know it, I feel it. You're apart of me, you're apart of my life, you're apart of who I'm going to be. I wish it didn't have to be this way.
Love,
Peyton
Lucas sighed as he finished the letter. She loved him but she wanted him out of her life. Lucas was massively confused but he knew Peyton still loved him. And that fact was all he really needed.
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Peyton waited at the security gate for Julian's plane to arrive. She tapped her finger up against the small bump on her stomach. She was now at that point in her pregnancy where she was staring to show. Brooke always teased her when she was trying to get ready in the morning and button her jeans and cover the small bump on her lower stomach. She didn't feel like it had to be a big secret that only she, Brooke, Julian, and Nathan knew, but yet she couldn't bear the thought of Lucas or Haley finding out about this baby. It killed her. How could she tell Haley that she was carrying her husband's baby? How could she tell that to Luke? The whole situation made her look dirty and sleazy. She didn't mean for it to happen, this baby being conceived didn't make her a bad person. But she loved it, she knew that the 'little worm' as Brooke liked to call it, was really something special. She wouldn't and couldn't take that back. Peyton looked up from her thoughts and saw Julian walking toward her, his hair had grown out, he was in need of a haircut, his face had gotten all scruffy, and his hazel eyes looked extremely tired. "Jue." She grinned. Julian stepped in and hugged her tightly. They pulled apart and he smiled at her. "Hey, Peyton. God you look great." Peyton laughed at him. "Thanks for being nice to the hormonal, fat, pregnant lady." Julian adjusted his laptop bag's shoulder strap and the two began to walk toward baggage claim. "Really, I think pregnant works for you," He said laughing. They both reached the carousel of bags and Julian studied them closely to find his own. "London looks like it killed you." Julian chuckled and reached out toward two tan pieces of luggage. "Yep, I've been working hard, I feel bad though. I should have been here to hold you hair or something while you were vomiting." Peyton laughed deeply. "I don't think you want to see that. Brooke was here and if you want I'm sure a little vomiting can be arranged. Right 'little worm'?" Peyton said placing her hands on her stomach. The two set off for the parking lot and Julian rolled his luggage along. "Poor baby, please don't tell me you're going to call her 'little worm' her whole life?" "No, I plan on naming my baby. What gives you the idea that I'm having a girl?" The two made their way toward the door and Julian held it open for her. "I can't imagine you with anything else." He said firm in his word. "Well they can find out tomorrow, which is pretty exciting. So I guess we shall see." Julian nodded and Peyton guided him towards her car. "I can't believe you still have the Comet!" Peyton laughed at him. "I can't believe you'd think I could ever get rid of it. It's my baby." Julian laughed at her comment as she unlocked the doors. They both got in, him on the passenger side and her on the drivers. Lucas was the only one she ever let drive her car besides herself. Julian knew to never ask. Peyton backed out of the parking lot and headed toward the home she and Brooke shared. Julian talked about L.A she talked about Red Bedroom Records, and Mia who was out on tour. It was in that moment that Peyton put the top down and exposed her and Julian to the cold November air. She did it a lot when she was driving alone, just to clear her head. Julian looked at her dumbfounded. "Peyton, its fucking cold! What the hell are you doing?" He held his arms up against his chest and shivered. "Driving, crazy! What are you doing?" She said grinning.
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Haley sat at the dinner table and picked at her plate of spaghetti. She looked up at Jamie and smiled. He had tomato sauce all over his face and was twirling his noodles on his fork. "Is it good, Jamie?" She asked him chuckling. Jamie nodded his mouth full of noodles. Haley then heard a knock on the door and got up from the table. "Don't get up James Lucas Scott, let mommy answer the door. I'll be right back." She said walking toward the door. She opened it to find Lucas, eyes blood shot, and a tear soaked letter in his hand. He looked a wreck. "Peyton, Peyton…" he studded. Haley looked at him eyes wide. "Peyton she still…Peyton still loves me, Hales." He said and he walked right into her house raving like a mad man.
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Brooke heard the tone of Marley Kittson's telephone. She sighed and hung up the phone. Apparently no one was in the office, but then again it was Sunday. Brooke leaned into the back off the couch. She heard Peyton laughing and keys being stuck into the door. She turned around and smiled as Peyton and Julian walked through the door.
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"Luke are you okay?" She asked as he stepped into her living room, shivering. He wasn't wearing a coat and it had to have been 45 degrees outside. "She broke into my house, while I was gone, Haley. She wrote me a letter two months ago. After Lindsey left. She told me she loves me." Haley guided her best friend toward the couch. Jamie appeared in front of her. "Hey, baby boy why don't you go into my room and watch TV? Uncle Lucas and I have to have a grown up talk." Jamie smiled, "Okay Mama." He said and ran off toward her room. "Lucas, she said that?" "Yep." He said sinking into the pillows on the couch. "Then why the hell are you sitting on my couch?" Lucas shrugged his shoulders. It was then that Haley could tell that Lucas had enjoyed a few beers before making his way here. "She told me, that we can't be together. Peyton can't handle it right now." Haley's mouth turned into an o. "Let me see that!" She said and snatched the piece of paper away from him. Haley's eyes glazed over the words and she sighed as she read it. "She has every right to feel that way and you know it." She said folding the letter and handing it back to him. "I miss her Hales." "Then it's about time you start acting like it." She said folding her arms over her chest.
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Peyton turned the knob to find her best friend, Brooke peaking up from over the couch smiling. "Hey, P. Sawyer" She said voice husky. "Hi, Brookie, I'm home and look I found a strange man on the interstate, figured he needed a place to stay. Isn't he great?" Peyton said holding out her arm toward Julian, like those models on a game show, showing off some prize. Brooke stood up and looked at the man. Brooke smiled a signature Brooke Davis smile at him. "He's a prize, all right Peyton." Brooke said making her and Peyton both giggle. Julian stuck his hand out. "I'm Julian Baker." "And this is my friend…" Peyton started. "I'm Brooke, Brooke Davis." Brooke said taking his hand and shaking it. "Nice to meet you Brooke. I've heard a lot about you and read a little too." Brooke laughed. "Page Six? Because I swear none of those rumors are true." Julian shook his head firmly. "No, The Unkindness. I read about you in Lucas Scott's book."
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"Then it's about time you start to acting like it." Haley said facing Lucas, folding her arms over her chest. "I…I… I have to go." Lucas said standing up quickly. "Where are you going?" Haley asked shooting up next to him. "Home, I think I know how to fix this." Haley looked at him confused. "How?" "The only way I know how. I've got to write her another novel." Lucas quickly made his way to the door. "Luke!" Haley called but the only response she got was the slamming of her front door.
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Pure silence rushed over the living room. Brooke and Peyton's eyes were wide and Brooke started at Julian, shocked. You didn't say Lucas Scott's name is this house and you surely didn't mention the novel anywhere near Peyton. She'd mostly likely have an emotional breakdown with the mention of one and Julian Baker just went and brought them both up, like Brooke and Peyton talked about it all the time. "Oh." Brooke finally sputtered out. "Is there a place you want me to put my bags?" Julian asked. "Yeah, Jue. I'll show you to the guest bedroom." Peyton said showing him up the stairs. "Damn, Peyton I was really hoping to sleep beside you." Peyton laughed at his comment and showed him the way. "This," She said opening the door at the other end of the hall from Brooke's room. "Is your room, Brooke made it up, so don't be shocked if you find a few surprises in here." Peyton snorted. Julian gave her a look. "Now, don't be a baby," She said rolling her eyes at him. "My rooms downstairs but I'm up here a lot, in Brooke's room." Julian nodded. "Get unpacked, we were going to order dinner soon, so come down stairs when you're ready." Peyton walked toward the door and reached out to touch the handle. She turned around quickly. "By the way, we don't say his name here. I'm asking you, not to bring it up, please." Peyton told him firm. She pushed her hair behind her ear and walked out of the room and down the stairs.
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Lucas sat at his desk, staring at the blank word document. The cursor mocked him and just sat there blinking and no words were coming to him. They were in his head but for some reason they weren't coming out of him. Word constipation that was a way to put it. He knew he had to tell Peyton how much he still loved her and it had to be different then The Unkindness or The Comet, this time Lucas Scott had to stand up and finally tell Peyton how much he loved her, he had to fight to be with her, he had to be a man and finally show her his heart. Lucas looked back up to the monitor as fingers sat on the keyboard. He clasped his eyes shut, and an image of Peyton came to his mind. He opened his eyes, and his fingers began to graze across the keys like a wildfire.
TBC
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A/N: I was supposed to include Peyton's sonogram in this chapter but I felt like it would be dragged out too long. Next chapter will also be in the new [better] format that is more reader friendly. :D Hopefully all will be happy with me and I apologize about how fanfiction is treating my format. I'm now only one chapter ahead of what I'm posting. So that means a few things, not that I'm running out of ideas but I'm trying to find the right way to get there. Soap Net has been a miracle as well as my wonderful new DVR thanks to my mom's boyfriend. I'm catching up and still love leyton. :D I also noticed that I talk too much to you guys on these little author's notes. I just talk too much in general [I guess] and it's my only time for you to see what I'm really about. Didn't get to much love last chapter, hold on guys, don't give up on this story just yet. So, comments?! Please be nice and help me prevent some word constipation of my own. Ha-ha. -Kelsey