His words felt like a punch in the face, reverberating through her body all the way to her heart. Then she felt nothing but anger. Tears fell down her cheeks, scorching her skin as she walked out of the coffee shop and the door closed behind her with a bang.
She kept walking aimlessly down the street, tears silently falling as the anger raged her insides. His words played over and over in her mind with each violent beat of her heart.
She wasn't sure how long it tookor how long she walked, but eventually the fire settled and her tears dried in the cold January wind.
Thetiny voice at the back of her mind, whose whispering objection had been shut out before, increased in volume. When she finally calmed down a little, she realized something that had her stopping abruptly in her steps.
You know him, she thought to herself. You know him and that wasn't him; it was the old Chuck. The Chuck that left her waiting on a helipad at seventeen because he was scared out of his right mind that she would run if the real him was uncovered. The Chuck that went AWOL after his father's funeral and told her that he didn't want you around once she finally found him. The Chuck that trashed his office at Victrola rather than telling her what was wrong.
You know him.
He has changed, you know that. He loves you. He freaked out just like you are freaking out. Isn't that why you haven't even taken that damn test yet?
Theinsight hit her like a ton of bricks and she started running. She ran all the way back to the coffee shop, rushing inside, only to find their table empty and him nowhere to be seen.
He just freaked out. He had a meeting so he couldn't stay. Everything is going to be just fine.
Right?
He called her later that night but she didn't answer. He called her over and over again but she just sat on her bed, watching her phone cast a pale light in the dark room, listening to the buzzing sound of the phone's vibrations against the table.
She didn't know what to say or how to say it. She couldn't completely get over the fact that he had actually said those words to her. And even though she didn't believe that he truly meant them, they still would have to have been somewhere at the back of his mind to even surface during their conversation.
It scared her. All she wanted to do was to talk to him but she didn't want to have a conversation like the one they were bound to have over the phone.
She just couldn't have a conversation like that over the phone.
When her phone stopped ringing for what seemed like the hundredth time, she picked it up and sent him a message. Telling him she would come by tomorrow, finishing it off with an 'I love you', because even though she might be angry and disappointed, that wasn't likely to change anytime in the nearest future. Or ever.
When she woke up the next morning only to bepresented with unquestionable evidence that she wasn't the least bit pregnant, she felt like an idiot and cursed herself as well as the heavens, for forcing her into a situation that had required her to even tell him about her worries.
Shehad barely slept all night, and even though it was scarcely past the break of dawn she gave up all efforts to even try and get some more sleep, and headed for Harvard.
As she stepped out of the car outside his building she couldn't help but feel nervous and kept trying to convince herself that everything would be fine.
Getting out of the elevator, she made her way toward his door. The corridor was empty since it was early on a Sunday morning. Swallowing hard and telling herself to stop acting like an idiot, she made her way down the hall.
Suddenly there was the sound of a door being opened interrupting the silence.
She could hear voices speaking in hushed tones and smiled to herself as she pictured the walk of shame that was most likely taking place around the corner.
While turning the corner, she immediately froze in her step. Her heart – that only mere seconds ago had been fluttering nervously - sank in her chest as her eyes landed on something that she would never have expected to see.
The door that wasopen was his door. The mumbling voices were coming from him –her Chuck - and someone else. Someone with wavy hair, dressed in a familiar looking pair of pyjamas that pooled around her bare feet.
Someone who was currently leaning in and placing a kiss on her Chuck's cheek before heading down the hall.
He called out tothe curvaceous girl, telling her something she couldn't hear, and in turn the girl shot him a radiant smile and laughed before turning the next corner and disappearing out of sight.
Her head was spinning as she found herself sinking down to the floor with her back against the yellow wall of the corridor. The recent events were playing over and over in her head as she buried her face in her hands and forced herself to breathe in and out.
Suddenly everything that she had been socertain about was falling apart around her.
So that was why he'd freaked out. He never changed, did he?
He is sick of you, of course he is.
You are never enough.
Never have been, never will be.
For awhile she didn't know whether to fight or flight - because she was pretty sure her world had just tilted to the side, leaving her to hang on to the edge - and she wasn't positive she could fight without loosing her grip and fall.
How did she not see this coming?
With an effort that demanded more strength than she had ever thought herself capable of, she got to her feet, filled her lungs to the rim with oxygen, and locked away the painful thoughts.
She was focusing on the rage - which had once again started to glow and was growing with every click of her heels against the floor - as she walked the short route up to his door. Her heart was hammering in time with the knocking sound her closed fist made against his door.
She was going to handle this like a lady.
He openedthe door within seconds, "…forgot something?" He drawled, and then his appearance changed into a look of surprise as his eyes landed on her face. His shocked expression only added fuel to the fire that was glowing inside of her.
The next sound audible in the empty corridor was the sound of her open palm striking against his cheek. Then came her voice, filled with barely contained rage.
"You make me sick!"
tbc