Day 3 of living this nightmare. It was like I was now living a double life. The life I believed to be real and the life that everyone around me continued shove down my throat. Whenever Rebecca's father (whose name I was told is Luke Whitman) came, a waterfall of apologies came with him, and I couldn't bear to break the poor man's heart any further.
I had learned through conversations with Winry that his wife had died during childbirth, and it had only been Rebecca and him for the past 16 years.
His visits were exhausting mentally and emotionally. I tried to console the man whenever possible, but my lack of knowledge about their life made it nearly impossible. Pinako warned him that with traumas such as this theres was sometimes memory repression, and that he should be patient with me, and patient he was. Everyday at 6 he showed up, trinkets in hand. Photos, drawings, old school report cards, things that he all hoped would jog a memory that wasn't even there. And with every new scrap book all I could do was smile and nod, and wait for visiting hours to be over.
Luke had just finished leafing through a scrap book such as this when Pinako called up that I needed to rest. With a kiss on the forehead, and a promise to return the following day Luke disappeared. The moment the door closed I allowed the smile to fall from my face and sighed. A small headache had formed between my eyes, I made to bring a hand up to pinch the pressure points and relieve the pain when the cruel reality that I had lost that arm hit me. With an annoyed huff I fell back into the pillows, bringing my left hand up instead, though instead of trying to fix my headache I now wiped away the angry tears that leaked from the corners of my eyes.
I lay there for a moment, crying softly to myself before a knock startled me out of my state. Quickly I wiped the back of my hand across my face, catching any stray tears. Clearing my throat I mustered up my cheeriest voice, but grimaced when It cracked.
"Come in," A sympathetic Winry opened the door, and even though I was positive she knew of my distressed state, the only words out of her mouth were about the tray of food she balanced against her right hip.
As she moved to the bedside table a small black shadow darted into the room, I startled for a moment when a pair of chocolate eyes popped up beside me before chuckling. The dog had propped it's paws up on the bed, resting his head lazily upon them.
"Why hello, aren't you adorable."
"Denn, I told you to stay in the hallway." Winry scolded. Though by the smile on her face I doubted she really minded.
Moving to pet the dog a glint of silver caught my eye. Zeroing in on his paws upon the bed I reached to touch the metal appendage, curious at the sight.
"Winry, what is on his leg?"
"Oh, that's automail. When Denn was younger he lost a leg, so I manufactured that so he could still move around normally. Pretty cool huh?"
"Automail huh? So you just made a metal leg and attached it to him, and he is fixed?" she chuckeled.
"Well it's not quite that easy, the limbs take a lot of work and calibration, and before you can put it on there needs to be an attachment sight that connects the nerves of the body to the artificial limb so that your brain can send signals to the extremities of the limb. It's all really complicated and I wont bore you with all the technicalities, but I guess in simple terms yes, I made that leg out of metal and then attached it."
I stared in awe at the leg as she explained, it was so amazing. Back home if one were to loose a limb it was replaced by a wooden stump, if they were lucky.
"Can you make things like this for people too?" I asked. She set down the bowl of soup she was spooning up.
"Of course I can, it's one of my favorite past times." A smile grew upon my lips and I reached out with my left hand, grabbing onto her wrist. She startled looking at me.
"Could you make automail for me?" suddenly the smile was gone from her face, and she looked down at my hand instead of my eyes. It was silent for a moment, and as every second passed my heart sank a little deeper. Finally after a deep breath she spoke.
"Hayden, automail is…well it's complicated. To put your body under the stress it takes to prepare the lost limb is often life threatening in itself. Not to mention the pain that comes with it. Even grown men have trouble dealing with it."
"Men are babies," I scoffed and Winry's face softened slightly. Her eyes flickered as if remembering a distant memory.
"Be that as it may it's not that simple. Even if you make it through surgery, and the pain that comes with connecting the artificial limb to your viable nerves, it could take years of physical therapy to regain full motion and control of the limb. Not to mention the costs."
With those final words my heart felt like it had been ripped in two. I removed my grip on her arm and brought my only remaining hand into my chest, hugging it close to myself.
"So in other words, it's not going to happen, not for me at least."
"No! No, that's not what I meant at all. I just meant that there is a lot to consider and think about she amended, placing a reassuring hand on my good shoulder. After a small smile in my direction she busied herself with finishing up her previous task of spooning hot soup into the bowl before moving to help guide my left hand through the process of eating.
It was like being a child all over again. My left hand was so uncoordinated, it was utterly frustrating. A few curses from spilled soup later and I was moving the spoon from bowl to my mouth and back again on my own. Once Winry saw that I was managing she sat down in the chair next to my bed.
As I continued to sip at the soup Winry chatted animatedly about the weather, latest town gossip and other mundane things. The tense air slowly dissipated as the weight of the previous conversation was lifted with her carefree words and I found myself smiling. If I had to be stuck in a strange place, in someone else's body, I was sure glad it was here with Winry, Pinako, and Luke, that way I didn't feel so alone.
"You know it's a good thing your doing for Luke pretending to be his daughter and all." I looked up at her with a sad smile.
"I didn't know what else to do, he looked so sad, so desperate standing there. I couldn't bear to hurt him any further." I confessed. She smiled softly in my direction.
"So still no memories of a past life in which you were Rebecca?" she asked and I shook my head.
"No, and I know you probably think I'm crazy, but I'm not! I told you I was in trouble in my world and I cast a spell I had seen in my mothers books, and then there-"
"Was a gate and next thing you know you're here. I know." Winry sighed.
"I know it sounds crazy, I mean if our roles were reversed I would think you were a loon!" she laughed for a moment, before offering me another smile.
"You know most people would think you're crazy. But grandma and I, we've seen our fair share of crazy."
Two day's later I found myself out of bed and in the Rockbells yard.
"Who would have guessed that losing an arm would cause my legs to not work?" I grunted, taking another cautious step. Winry stood beside me, arms held out to catch me if I lost my balance again.
"Don't worry, it is normal. Your body is trying to find your center again." Pinako comforted from her spot on the porch. The ever present pipe held in one hand as she watched my trek through the yard. After another deep inhale of smoke she continued on. "Winry mentioned that you two talked about automail the other day" she began, catching my full attention. I nodded before taking another step.
"Yes, but she explained that it would be really hard to do, and expensive. I thought about it after she left and I realized that I don't have any currency here, and I couldn't ask Luke to pay for such a thing, even if I am his daughter. So no need to explain further, I understand." I turned my eyes back to the ground in front of me as I took another small step.
"Well I was thinking, Rebecca did babysit Winry whenever I got called away. And I see no reason why that credit couldn't transfer to you." I paused mid step, looking up to Pinako in amazement, Winry doing the same.
"Are you serious?" she nodded her gray head and I let out a hoot, jumping into the air albeit landing quite ungracefully ultimately ending with Winry and I in a pile on the floor.
"Now before we continue with this any further we must have a proper consultation. I do have to warn you that like Winry said, that it is quite painful, like nothing you have ever experienced, and once we get started there is no turning back." She cautioned. I sat up, helping Winry do the same before returning my attention to Pianko. "In some cases we have to amputate more than your already lost so that we can properly fit the prosthetic. With that being said comes the matter of the pain accompanied with not only the surgery but after," She looked to make sure I was listening and when she was satisfied I was turned back to her pipe. "It will take maintenance and every so often will have to be unattached, recalibrated, then reattached again which is not an easy nor pain free task"
"You will have to be diligent in up keeping its condition and the recovery time for such a procedure is roughly three years. Do you still wish to proceed?" I nodded firmly. Sighing, she blew out a puff of smoke before smiling gently.
"Well then Winry I think it's time we start taking measurements and get this show on the road." Winry nodded and helped me back upstairs. The next few hours were spent by Winry poking, prodding, moving, weighing, scratching numbers down, more measurements, more words and numbers, more prodding, and more scratches against her paper.