The short walk from the elevator back to his room felt like a marathon run in quicksand. As he reached out for the doorknob, he watched his hand move as if caught in slow motion.
Finallybeing inside he sunk down on the couch. The thoughts and memories of the last half hour ran through his head so quickly that they formed nothing but a numbing buzz.
You are just like him.
You know what...you are worse.
He was happy…and look where that got him.
I can't believe you would do that to me!
I am done.
He was still sitting there, frozen to the spot with his whole bodyaching from her words and the look in her eyes, aching from knowing that he screwed up – again – when there was a knock on the door.
He didn't move, didn't say anything. Another knock and then the door opened, revealing Al.
"Fish?"she smiled, before she caught sight of him sitting on the couch and the smile died on her lips. "What is wrong?"
Hisanswer was stuck in his throat. When he turned his face to look at her, he couldn't gather enough strength to come off as even slightly okay,
"Jeez, mate," Al breathed. "What the hell happened?"
"I messed up." He managed to choke out, barelyrecognizing his own voice. It sounded too hoarse and too strained.
"You messed up?" Al repeated, raising her eyebrows in question. "So then why are you sitting here moping?" She continued even though they both understood that 'moping' didn't really encapsulate his current state of mind.
Her question threw him, and he shot her a confused look.
"Go fix it!" Al exclaimed bewildered. "Don't just sit here! Apologize! Do whatever you need to do, just make it right again!"
It was almost ten o'clock at night when he finally stepped out of the car outside her building.
He would fight for her; he had made up his mind. Sure, she hurt him too, but he couldn't help but feel that he deserved it.
He fucked up, but he loved her and she loved him.
Right?
He knocked on her door, and waited nervously for her to open. When she finally did, he had never been able to prepare for what awaited him.
She was undoubtedly intoxicated - dressed only in a pink, lacy slip - and the look in her eyes nearly stopped his heart in its tracks.
"Blair." He managed to choke out, but as he reached out for her hand she snatched it away. "Can I talk to you? Please?"
She didn't reply.
"Please." Herepeated, fearing that he might lose his mind at any second if she didn't say something.
When a new voice was unexpectedly heard from her room, he was caught completely off guard.
"Who is it?" Asked the voice, and suddenly a blonde,well built guy showed up behind Blair - clad in nothing but a pair of jeans that hung low on his hips.
The guy raised his eyebrow at himcuriously as he slipped his arm around her waist from behind.
"No one." She replied soullessly, but for a second he could see a flicker of hurt flashing in her eyes. "I have no idea who he is."
If he had thought so before, this time he knew for sure that his heart had stopped. It felt like one of those dreams when you fall through nothing but darkness and you're panicking because it feels like you'll never hit the ground.
Once again he was stuck in quicksand, and searched her eyes for any trace of her – his Blair. She simply glared back at him and then chose to ignore him completely, turning around in the arms of the blonde.
He swallowed the words burning on his tongue, and shut his eyes to keep out the image of her lips on that thing. Then he turned around and walked away.
She had promised him a long time ago - standing in 1812 in the middle of the night and asking him if he wanted her there – that she would run with him if he ran from her. At that time, her words had been what saved him.
This time she didn't call out for him as he walked away, and she didn't run after him.
Andthis time he didn't want her to.
("I told you! You weren't supposed to be there!" He bites back. "I can't believe you went back to him…did you see a soul mate in his cheating ways?")
"Don't you even go there, Bass!" She yells back, and in sheer horror she can feel tears starting to burn in the corners of her eyes.
All the questions she wants answers to are mixing with the memories of last night, another night long ago and that damn feeling she gets every time he looks at her. It's too much.
"Why would you do that? Do you hate me that much?"
Her question assumption is so far from the truth – the truth he would still very much prefer to keep to himself, thank you – that it is bordering on comical.
"What part of 'you weren't supposed to be there' is it that you don't understand?" He growls, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "He cheated on you!"
"Yes!" She yells back, and now he can see the tears that are starting to well up in her eyes. "He did! That seems to be common protocol for the men in my life!"
"Well he couldn't just get away with that, could he?" He spits back, and as soon as the words escape his lips, he realizes hit mistake.
Fucking great, Bass. Just fucking great.
"You are the most…what?" She is about to begin another insulting tirade before his words hits her.
It is like throwing a bucket of water on a roaring fire. Confusion washing over her, seeping into her very core.
"You set him up on my behalf? To get back at him for cheating on me?"
No.I did no such thing.
Liar.
"Don't flatter yourself, Waldorf." He sneers, but he knows his mask is slipping. He can feel it.
She looks back at him with an almost eerie calm in her eyes. Eyes that seconds ago were blazing with fury and brimming with hot, angry tears.
Tears that are still threatening to spill over, but now reflects both bewilderment and conviction at the same time.
"You are lying." She states, and silences him with a look when he opens his mouth to object. "You did that for me. Do you want the prerogative of hurting me all to yourself, is that it? You don't give a shit about me; but God forbid someone else plays with your discarded toys?"
She is confused, he can tell. But the anger is once again simmering underneath and he jumps at the chance to push her over the edge. Make her leave and take all her questions with her.
"Something like that." He shrugs, not able to look at her as he lies. If he did she would know.
"You are so fucking messed up!" She shrieks, and knows that she has to get out of there now. Right this instant.
"Still you keep coming back for more." He replies tauntingly, but there is something off about his reply that she can't really put her finger on.
"Believe me when I say that will never ever happen again." She replies harshly, and then she turns on her heels and storms right back out of his office. Slamming the door behind her, and ignoring the tears that have begun to fall down her cheeks.
tbc