Still March 17, 1999 9:17 PM
I got off the hayloft and walked toward the door.
I could do what I want now. No parents. No Jake.
After all, I was an Animorph.
"David?" a voice asked.
Fuck. I turned around. It was Cassie. Cassie with extreme worry and sadness in her eyes looked at me in total disbelief.
Damnit! She came back. Why? Why couldn't she just leave me alone?!
I stood defiantly at her, but I did not say a word. If it had been Jake, Marco, or Rachel, I would have told them to go fuck themselves and various other colloquialisms. If it had been the bird or the Andalite I would have told them something similar, but probably with less hatred.
But this was Cassie. Goddamn her. Goddamn her eyes.
"What are you doing?" She asked me.
"Going out." I said with forced anger and defiance.
"But David, you have to stay here."
"Oh. I sorry massa Cassie." I replied in a slave/minstrel-accent. "I sorry. Please don't tell massa Jake o' he go'a whip me good."
Cassie looked as if I slapped her.
Good move, David. I thought to myself bitterly. Just in case you didn't feel shitty enough about yourself, this should bring you down to absolute scum of the universe.
"I'm sorry, Cassie. I'm not really a racist. I don't think like that." I said. Cassie turned away from me. "It was shitty of me to say that. I need to you to get away from me and leave me alone."
"Why?!" She said angrily as she turned to face me again. "So you can leave, break into some hotel. I'm trying to help you, David? Why can't you see that?"
"I see just fine!" I said equally angrily. "Maybe it's you can't see the whole picture." She looked at me, the anger gone replaced with concern and worry. "Well, let me paint you one. I have no home. My family wants to turn me over to the Yeerks, and I'm living in a fucking barn! You have a family. You have a home. You all have homes. You all sleep in beds at night and watch TV and eat at tables."
"Not all of us." She said.
"What, the Andalite? Tobias, the hawk? They aren't human. I am. I'm not some fucking animal that can build a home in a forest or a barn. I'm a human like you and Marco and Rachel and Jake." I said Jake's name as if it were a curse word.
"You don't like Ax or Tobias because they aren't human? Are you sure you don't think like a racist?"
"All those guys are different species. Humans are all one species. Not really a good comparison." I said, quoting her from this afternoon.
Cassie sat down. She looked like she was about to say something. Something defensive, but I interrupted her. "Look, don't think I haven't noticed all you're trying to do for me." I said squatting down, looking into her eyes. Which in retrospect, may have accounted for why I became so calm right then. "You out of all the others have treated me more like person and less like a fucking chess piece, but you still treat me like one of your animals, and I can't live like that."
I stood up. A power trip, I know, but I wanted my message across. "So from now on, when there's a mission, I'll play the good little soldier. Jake says 'Jump'-I say 'How high?' Jake says 'Sing'-I say 'Name that tune.' But when the mission is over, the only one responsible for me is me. I'll take care of myself, and you don't have to worry about me any more."
"No, I won't have to." Cassie said seemingly agreeing with me while her head was down. She then looked up at me. "But I will."
"Will what?" I asked stupidly.
"Worry. I can't help it, David. I'll worry about you. I care for you."
Did she just say what I think she said? "Care like how?" No! No! Stupid Question!
But she just shrugged her shoulders like it was no big deal. "You're one of us. Even if you don't feel that way. Even if the others don't feel that way. I feel that way. That's why I care. That's why I would worry."
"I'm not worth your worry." I spat bitterly and looked down on the ground.
Cassie let out a sympathizing moan and stood up. She put her hand on my cheek and moved my head so I could not help but look at her eyes. Those eyes. "Don't say that, David. Don't say that you're not worth anything. You are part of the planet's salvation. You are worth a lot."
"I don't give a damn about the planet. I only care about people. People who care about me. My family. My g-, my friends." Why do I keep doing that? I thought as I looked into Cassie's eyes. And well, I'm ashamed to admit it, all thoughts of Stephanie were buried, forgotten.
"You care for the people who care about you?" Cassie asked.
"Yeah. I guess that means you too."
Cassie kinda smiled, but it was a troubled smile like something was bothering her from far off. "Come with me." She said as she grabbed my hand.
"We are we going?" I asked as she led me in back of the barn where the stables are. There, sleeping, was a gray mare.
"This is Tierra. She's my horse. Also the first animal I ever morphed." She said. Then, she looked at me. "Acquire her."
I did. I put my hand on her sleeping neck and absorbed her DNA into me. When I was done, Cassie took my hand again and told me to follow her. As if I had a choice.
We went outside. Cassie looked at me. She took off her pajamas to reveal a leotard. Her morphing suit. Despite what I wished she was doing, I knew she was prompting me to morph. I was already only wearing a T-shirt and sweat-pants, so I didn't have shed any clothing.
My hair went gray. My arm hair went gray as did my locks. My nose jutted forward. Middle fingers elongated as the rest of my fingers and most of each hand withered away. My legs elongated and hooves grew out of the toes that remained. My back grew stronger. I grew a tail which was actually shorter than it appeared. The rest was just hair. A minute later I was a horse.
As instincts go, this horse seemed to be just nervous about everything. The snakes that were in the forest. The animals she smelled in the barn, but they were easy to get a hold of. I turned my big horse head and saw that Cassie had also morphed an identical horse. Duh. She said it was her first morph.
Cool. Jittery, but cool. I said.
I'll race you. she said to me.
I'll beat you. I replied.
We're identical horses. We go the same speed.
I guess we'll just have to rely on talent and skeells. Sorry, you're at such a disadvantage. I said teasingly.
Disadavantage?! Ha! I've been in horse morph more than you. We'll see who has the talent and skeells.
Fine, fine. Well go at the count of three. Three! I yell as I take off leaving Cassie in the dust.
Hey! Cheater! She yelled as she zooms to catch up to me.
She did catch up to me. She won the first race. And the second. I won the third.
And then I lost count. We ran and ran and raced and then ran some more. We ran for what felt like one of those eternities in a second, but was actually only two hours. We had to demorph. Didn't want to become trapped as horses.
We came back into the barn as humans, still laughing, trying to recap all the races and the final score.
"You know, Ax has been complaining lately about not having a kind of home. He's thinking about building a scoop for himself." Cassie told me.
"Scoop?" I asked.
"Yeah, that's how Andalites live. They scoop a huge chunk of dirt. Put a roof over part of it, and live that way with all their computers and such."
"And you think I should help him and then live with him. Me and the Andalite, roomies?"
"Maybe." She said adding a cute little shrug. "Until then will you consider my hayloft as an alternative to breaking and entering?"
I nodded, and she gave me a happy little smile.
I love it when she does that.
Ug!" Cassie said with humourous exhaustion. "It's after 11:00. I'm going to say good night now, okay David."
"All right. Good night, Cassie" I said. She opened the door to go inside her house. "Cassie?" I said quite suddenly without thinking.
"Yes?" She said turning around, oblivious to the internal battle in my head.
Just tell her. It's three little words. It wasn't this hard with Stephanie.
Stephanie.
"Um . . . I don't really like Ruffles."
She kind of giggled. "Okay. I'll remember that. Good night David."
"Good night Cassie." I said. Then she left.
Stephanie. Jesus, how can I be such an idiot! I felt a pang of guilt.
I still loved Stephanie.
But I also loved Cassie.