Previously…

I turned seeing Jasper leisurely leaning on a tree. I realize Edward is handsome, but damn this guy makes sexy a word unto itself. The way he smirks as he leans upon the tree, the way his eyes twinkle. Did I mention they guy can wear jeans like….mmmmm and he has a butt you could bounce quarters off of.

Quarters? Really I am a pervert now. Hearing a snicker I turned seeing Edward and Emmett were back and happily I flipped them off. They laughed, even Jasper chuckled.

"You need to get home darlin', it's late."

"You'll walk with me?"

"Anywhere."

You know Melanie was supposed to stay at my house. I stated simply as I walked beside him. He smiled, "Yes, she simply told her mother she was having trouble sleeping so she came home. Your mom dropped her off just so you know."

"I hope she doesn't call her."

"She won't."

We walked the rest of the way in silence. He followed me into my window and looked around. I was nervous with him being here, not that we hadn't been alone before but this was my room. My sanctuary so to speak and he was here with me.

He felt my unease and faced me, "I won't stay long."

"No, no it's ok I…" I stopped talking as my face fell. I could already feel my stupid heart speed up. How do you hide emotions from a man who feels everything? Well technically he is not a man but still. He lifted my cheeks in his hands, "I won't stay because you need to figure some things out, and I am not helping much in that department."

"I want you so much, it's hard to fight…I don't understand."

He closed his eyes inhaling deeply. "Gabby, please don't say things like that." He stepped back leaning against my wall. His eyes opened and I knew they were darker. I didn't need to state the obvious. He smiled, "You rest now, and I'll make sure you are safe."

"You are leaving?"

"Gabby, I have no choice."

"Well, you could lay with me. I mean we don't have to…but you could stay." He shook his head no, "I can't it's too much. We would do more than you think."

"Not if I don't want to." I explained trying to make myself believe what I said. He chuckled, "I bet you don't want to either?"

"I didn't say that."

"Exactly." He was in my face in a flash and kissed my forehead. "I'll see you for dinner tomorrow." I nodded watching as he left. I finally fell asleep after who knows how long, I couldn't help but think of him and all the things I wanted to do. I thought with him gone my theories on why I wanted to be with him would change but I still had no idea.

I slipped out of bed the next morning and went to my closet. I had a box, a safe little hidden box I kept all my important things. I had a lot of my Grans things in there. Things she had left me, things that were important to her. I got out her old locked diary. I knew it was for me to read. Somehow I never could bring it upon myself to unlock it. I knew where the key was. I don't know how but I knew. It would be with the one person she knew would keep it safe, Carlisle.

I dressed throwing my hair up and grabbing breakfast as I ran out to my car. He was at work today. I had overheard him talking to his wife. It would probably be the best place to see him. I didn't want Jasper to think I had a thing for his dad. I didn't want his beautiful wife Esme to worry either.

I went into the hospital unsure of where he would be. I knew he worked the Emergency Room, but in truth I felt kind of stupid asking for him. I walked down the hallway of rooms uncertain and past the nurse's station. They were busy running around and didn't notice I was even there. It was then I saw him walk out from a room full of people, I could hear someone crying and I saw him toss his bloody gloves in the biohazard. How he was strong enough to work around all of this blood amazed me.

He was walking away then suddenly I saw him stop and turn to meet my eyes. He washed his hands and quickly walked over grabbing my arms as his eyes assessed my body for injuries, "Are you ok? Are you hurt?"

"No, no I am fine."

He seemed to calm and relaxed, "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to…" I didn't finish. He looked to the nurse who was nearby watching us. "I'm going to take a few minutes. I'll be in my office."

"Yes, doctor." She said nodding. He gently took my arm and pulled me to his office shutting the door behind him. It was neat and tightly, just what I would expect from him. He leaned on his desk, "Have a seat please." I was nervous and I am sure he knew it. I felt him pull the nearby chair close and take my hands in his, "Gabby, what's wrong?"

"There are so many things I don't know."

He nodded, "I wish I could be of more help. I loved your grandmother. I don't know what else I can tell you. She was a very brave woman, and I respect her more than I can ever say."

"Am I normal?" I asked, I realize it's a stupid question but I never really felt normal. He laughed, "Well, I suppose you aren't your average run of the mill teenager. You are much too smart for your age, you have an old soul. If you are asking if you are human, then yes you are."

"I am different."

"Yes, quite. It makes you distinct. It is nothing to worry about."

I sighed looking down at our hands. I wanted to know so much more, I knew he knew but I guess some details are better left unsaid. I felt his fingers lift my chin, "Tillie and I weren't mean to be. We fought with many obstacles and it still didn't work. You can't change fate, I can see now there was a reason. That reason was you."

"What does that mean?"

"Simply put you were born for Jasper. Who knows how these things work exactly, but it is true. You feel an undeniable pull to him and he to you. You can fight it, but it won't change anything. My entire family has felt the pull to a certain person, Bella and Edward were the most intense case but it was the same."

"You and your wife?"

He smiled at me, "Yes, I felt it. Tillie was different, the feelings I felt. Esme is my other half, I am certain your grandmother knew that. She knew so many things."

"If she would have chosen you, would you have been with her?" I asked out of curiosity. He was silent a moment then smiled sadly, "I think destiny is a funny thing, if I would have met Esme there would still be no denying how I felt towards her. It wouldn't have changed that I loved Tillie but it would have affected our relationship."

I knew what he meant. It was probably why my Grans left things the way she did. A love meant for a certain time, but not forever, at least not in the physical sense. I looked into his eyes again, "She left me a diary and I think you have the key."

He smiled knowingly, "I wondered when you would ask." He stood reaching into his pocket and handing me a small silver key.

"How did you…?

"Alice told me to bring it." He said finishing my sentence for me. He sat back down, "I don't know what she wrote inside it, I do hope you find some answer's there."

"Why do I want to hate him so much?" I felt ashamed it was true. I did want to hate Jasper. I wanted to hate all vampires for the evil in this world, for taking my sisters life. I knew it was this Demetrius character, and I was certain we were not over either. It wasn't fair but it was how I felt. He moved closer resting his hands on my knees, "It is fair to say you have had bad experiences with our kind. I am certain it is not over, but Jasper is involved now. The wind has changed and you will be kept safe."

"He was sent to protect me?" I asked watching his face. He nodded, "Demetrius isn't the most pleasant person. I thought he had moved on until your sister's death. I didn't realize he would still punish your family. I didn't realize you were unsafe until Alice told me. Everything has a reason, and you will fulfill what your grandmother could not. If you choose to."

"You mean becoming one of you." I added knowingly. I don't know how I knew, of course there were a lot of things I couldn't figure out but it didn't change the fact I still knew the answer. He didn't answer me this time. Instead he stood extending his hand.

"You should go. I have an emergency on the way." I took his hand standing. It was the oddest thing it was as if a thousand memories came crashing into me. I felt my body going limp as I fought to control the onslaught of images and feelings. I felt myself falling into the abyss of blackness and suddenly I was lifted into two strong arms. I could hear talking but I couldn't seem to open my eyes.

"Take her to the house, she doesn't understand."

"Will she be ok?" I heard his beautiful voice. It was Jasper. I could feel myself being transferred into another pair of arms. "She's fine. It's just all new to her, Tillie graced her with some wonderful gifts but she has yet to obtain them. The time is now and it will be hard for her."

"Should I back away?" I heard him ask sadly. I felt a cool hand on my face and I knew it was Carlisle. He spoke again, "You can't son. It is done. The present is unfolding, Edward is waiting outside. Go before people see her."

I felt the breeze as he quickly carried me down some stairs into the parking garage. I guess I knew from the car sounds I could hear. I heard a door and felt another cool hand on my cheek.

"What is it?" Jasper asked concerned. I am assuming it was Edward because he sighed softly, "She is remembering her life, let's get her home."

I felt him holding me in the car. I could hear them talking softly, Jasper was worried but Edward seemed to be calm. "Jasper relax, she'll be fine. It's a lot for her to take in."

"Can you see her memories?"

"Yes." Edward said back. He then spoke again, "She is remembering Carlisle and why they couldn't be, she is seeing Demetrius and what happened between them. She is thinking of you, and how much she loves you and doesn't understand why."

I heard another voice, an unfamiliar female voice. "Jasper, it's ok. I'll help her. I'm still familiar with my human life it will be easier for me."

"Thanks Bella."

"It's no problem. She and I are going to be close anyway. That's what Alice says, and we all know not to test Alice." They all laughed softly. I still couldn't seem to open my heavy eyes as memories continued to flash. I did moan and turn my head restlessly. I felt Jaspers soothing breath on my cheek, "Shhh…darlin' I'm right here it will all be ok. I promise you." Who would have thought a week ago I would have been comforted by a vampire? Certainly not me.

I finally disappeared in a dark abyss. I awoke later unsure of how much time had passed. I opened my eyes to find myself in Jasper's room. He was looking out the window. Probably deep in thought or so it appeared. I closed my eyes again debating on if I actually wanted to wake up or not, this bed felt too warm and safe.

"Jasper?" I heard from the door. I felt the bed shift and the same cool hand on my face, "She's hot, how long?"

"I don't know, probably an hour or so. I didn't want to wake her. I wanted to wait until you got here to check on her."

"Get my bag for me." I heard him speak again, the voice I now recognized as Carlisle. I opened my foggy eyes again to see his face. He smiled, "Hello, how do you feel?"

"Tired."

"Yes, you have a fever." He took his bag from Jasper and slipped out a thermometer running it across my head. "101, I thought as much. I'll get you some Tylenol."

"Wait." I grabbed his arm which forced him to sit back down. He raised en eyebrow as I spoke. "Why am I sick? Is it coincidence or what? You spoke earlier like you knew this was coming."

"I knew you would remember things about her life, I don't know why you are sick. This was unexpected."

I closed my eyes again kicking at the covers, "It's so hot." He rested a hand on my leg after saying something to Jasper.

"Look at me." He said with authority. I turned to see his eyes, the same eyes it felt like I had looked into a lifetime. I am so confused. Her memories are something I would rather forget. I was way too comfortable around him, it frightened me. He grabbed a cool rag from the bedside, I assume Jasper had been using it and brushed it across my face. "I don't know what's going on, you could just be sick or it could be more. Tillie was doing things, wonderful things before they existed. She saw things like Alice, but her sight was more direct. She didn't have to depend on the changes one might make in their mind. Her sight was always the end result. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

He sighed, "She went through a change at your age, just as you are. She told me you would do the same, but I assumed it was just the ability to see the future as she did. She was not immortal. She was human just as you are. I can't explain why she could do the things she could. It's not normal."

I felt my pulse racing, and knew it was the fever. He rested a cool hand on my neck. It was much cooler than the rag he held. "Arelise look at me honey."

"Stop fighting this, let it happen."

"I'm scared." I answered honestly. He forced me to look at him, "Do you trust me?" I didn't know why but I did, I always had. He leaned closer, I was almost afraid he was going to kiss me but he was focused on my eyes. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Let go, whatever Tillie had in mind would never hurt you sweetheart, it would only serve to protect you. Let go."

I felt him lifting my head, "Here is some Tylenol." Jasper was soon at my side, he groaned when my hand touched his chest. I am sure to him I felt like an oven, but to me he felt so good. I saw the look that passed between them before he stood, "Jasper."

"I know."

How did everyone know something but me? Hello I am still laying here, maybe not all with it, but here none the less. I felt his hands slip to my waist and I immediately turned to him curling into his cold body. He sighed in my ear brushing my wet hair back, "Gabby?"

"Yes." I answered into his chest. His cool lips brushed my temple. "I want you to see me, see who I am where I come from."

"What?" I asked confused. I leaned back to look up. He ran his finger over my lips, "You have stronger sight when you touch, the stronger the connection the better."

"I don't…" I didn't get to finish the understand that was finding its way out of my mouth before his lips were on mine. It was like a burst of light, I could see him being changed, see him killing humans, everything he was, everything he had done flowing into my mind as if I were there, emotions and all. I shivered and stiffened. He released my lips meeting my eyes, "You need to know what I am before you decide this is what you want."

I always knew what he was, imagined what he had done, but seeing it through my own eyes was terrifying. He felt my fear and released me standing, "I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have to know, but I won't lie to you. You need to understand the animal I am."

I turned curling up into a ball. I could see his upset face, but I couldn't fight the fear that was growing inside. I think he knew it, he didn't ask me to he simply sat across the room quietly and looked away. I think he knew this would determine our future.

I fell asleep wondering about my mom, and that I didn't call to discuss why I wasn't home for dinner. I continued to dream of things, many were nice to know, others I would rather deny. I feel like my Grans was so much stronger than I could ever be.

I woke up late in the evening. I felt better, still weak but much better. I saw him sitting across the room watching me. I sat up sitting a moment to catch my bearings.

"My mom will be worried." I said suddenly.

"Carlisle called her and said you were having dinner with us. He promised to make it up to her." I have no doubt his smooth talking worked its way into my mom's heart just as it did Grans. I shook my head, "I need to go home. I want to take a shower."

"Ok, are you comfortable with me driving you?" There was an awkward silence. He nodded standing, "I'll ask Alice or Bella." I stopped him at the door. I could see the pain in his features.

"Please Jasper, don't be upset with me."

"I'm not." He smiled sadly kissing my head, "You have a right to make a choice. I can't blame you for making the right one."

"What is the right one?" I asked knowing what he would say.

"The one that keeps you safe and away from me." I began to speak but he walked out. I don't understand why he is assuming I decided not to be with him, I mean had I decided that? Alice's visions were subjective so what if I change my mind? Would I still be with him? Could I stay away from him?

The door opened again and Bella leaned in, "Hey, I can take you home." I nodded following her down. I didn't see Jasper but I saw everyone else. They were talking in the open living room. Edward was obviously reading my mind because he smiled and said it will all work out. The ride home was short and I thanked Bella for being so kind. I took a shower washing all of the disgusting sweat from my body and went to toss my jeans into the hamper when the key fell out.

I remember my initial plan, get the key and see what Grans had been thinking. I grabbed her large diary and opened it walking into a world I never knew existed.

Monday came all too soon and I actually arrived at school early. I hadn't attended any weekend dance classes but my mom didn't say a word. I think she thought I was still feeling bad. I had run a fever all weekend. I sat at my desk lost in thought when I saw him. He was talking to Edward outside my room. He cast me a glance then turned walking off. I can't believe what had happened in the span of the weekend.

"So, you and Hale over?" Thomas the school jock asked leaning in front of my desk. I caught Edward's eyes as he walked past taking his seat behind me.

"It's personal Thomas. You know I don't talk about my business."

"Well, the reason I ask is the dance is coming up and well…"

"No thanks, I don't date a lot. Thanks for asking though." He looked at me oddly, "You know you are going to end up old and alone if you don't date sometime, Hale is not the only male in this school you know."

"He's not the reason I said no, I just prefer to dance on the team or at the studio. Sorry."

He had always pursued me. It wasn't like this was anything different, except the Jasper thing. The Jasper thing…was there a Jasper and I?

"Gabby, come one I'll take you to a nice dinner, maybe we can go to my place afterwards. I am having a huge party, you'd like it. All of your friends will be there."

"I believe she said no." I heard behind me and knew it was Edward. I wish he hadn't said that, now Thomas would just be ugly.

"Cullen, defending your brother's old flame?"

"I am defending a friend, she said no leave it at that." His voice was dark and I knew he was serious. I think Thomas did too, he backed off.

"Fine, whatever she isn't worth it anyway." I guess that was supposed to hurt my feelings but it didn't. I couldn't help but think of Jasper, I don't know why but the entire class was filled with moments we had together. The bell rang and I grabbed my things.

"You know you should talk to him." Edward stopped and whispered in my ear. I met his eyes. Darn I forget he could probably hear every thought I had during class. He smiled, "Yes I could."

"Great."

He turned to walk off, "Think about it." I watched him leave and sighed, "I couldn't. I mean I could technically but what would I say? I avoided you all weekend because I am afraid of you? When I really think about it was I? Was I afraid of him or these feelings I buried so deep that now they threatened to overwhelm me. My Grans diary had went into detail about her and Carlisle. He was right, she did know I would come, she also knew Jasper was coming. Strange how that happened.

She was into herbal and natural cures, some old voodoo things I won't dare mention, but hey obviously they worked. She was strong to let Carlisle go, she did love him very much but there was one thing he had failed to mention, if it weren't for me she would not have let him go. He made it sound like he would've chosen Esme. Maybe he would have, I don't know but I can't help but wonder if he said that to make me and himself feel better.

I couldn't help but feel so loved. She let him go because she knew I would come. She knew I would find Jasper and we would be one. She wanted to pass on a legacy by having children. She wasn't supposed to be one of them, I however she mentioned would have the choice and it was mine alone to make. In other words she knew but was going to make me find out by myself.

She had the same fever when she started seeing the past, future, and whatever else she saw. I don't know the full extent of it. She didn't go into much detail. She knew I would read this one day. She wanted me safe, loved, and with Jasper. That much was apparent, she warned of Demetrius and his anger. I am scared to say, I still am uncertain what to do. I just don't know. I'm so drawn to him and afraid at the same time.

The day passed slowly and at lunch I watched him toy with his food, he never looked up. I saw his family joking and interacting but he didn't participate. He simply sat silent. I wanted so bad to go to him, to hold him. I saw Edward watching me with a smirk. I hate him, literally stupid mind reader. He chuckled and I frowned tossing my tray and passing them by quickly.

I made it to the door before I stopped and looked back. It was as if time stood still as Jasper's beautiful face lifted to meet mine. I couldn't focus on anything else. I turned and ran out the door to my car. Seriously, can I really be so weak?

I banged my head on my hands that were perched above my door. I felt him before I leaned up, his hands on both sides of my head. I turned meeting his beautiful golden eyes.

"I can't walk away." He whispered softly. I stared at him for a moment in shock then realized a very important fact, one that changes everything. No matter how I fight, no matter how I deny it. I loved him. My hands gripped his hair and pulled his lips to mine, and finally I felt whole.