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Chapter 19.
A.J.
It's happening. I am sitting in G. Callen's Jag, on our way to my place with pizza and beer in the back.
It's sweet that he's worried about me. I know I haven't dressed in the most presentable way in the last week, and I don't look any better right now. My hair is greasy, I look tired, I've been wearing the same jumper all week.
Ever since I told Nate about Michael, I find myself getting closer to him. That almost-there kiss...
This week I find myself torn between Callen and Nate. I have this on-going debate in my head of which guy is better. I'm keeping it to myself, though. I thought about asking Lucy, but that girl has such a huge mouth she won't last the day without telling either one of them.
Callen looks extremely sexy today. A midnight-blue button-down, and black jeans. Only a guy like him could pull off something as simple as that.
We pull into my driveway, and we exit the car. Me carrying the pizza, and Callen carrying the six pack of beer.
I fumble for my keys in my bag. I find them, and because it was dark, I could barely see which key was which, and it took another (embarrassing) minute to unlock the door.
I place my keys where I always do, and throw my bag on the couch.
"Sit, I'll put the beer in the fridge." I say to Callen, taking the beer and putting it in the fridge, and taking out my two remaining cold ones. I return to find Callen sitting in the exact same spot Nate was when we...
"Here." I say, handing the beer to him.
He pops the lid on it. "Nice place."
"Yeah, I quite like it." I say, sitting down beside him.
"It has a lot more furniture than my place." He says with a laugh.
"Yeah, Nell told me you don't like furniture."
"It's not that I don't like furniture, It's just-"
"I get it. You like to move around." I say with a laugh.
"Nell told you about all my different houses."
"No, actually, Sam did. It was my first week here, when I was partnered up with you, and you were gone to get coffee. Sam told me not to worry, that you'll warm up to me, you just don't trust people right off the bat because you grew up in so many different places, and learned not to trust anyone." I explain, almost sympathetically.
He smirks, but stays silent.
"Look," I say, "I can't pretend to understand what it was like living in so many different homes. Hell, the first time I moved houses was when I moved to California the first time, to go to college. But, I want you to know that you can trust me, because I know what its like to lose someone, Lord knows I've lost more than one important person in my life. I've never lost a team member though, mainly because I wouldn't be able to live if I lost someone on my team."
He looks at me with a questioning look, as if trying to figure out what I mean by 'I lost more than one person'.
"I do trust you, A.J. Not just because I have to when we're in the field, but because I really, genuinely trust you. I've never found it this easy to trust someone in my life, not even Sam. Not even Hetty." He says.
I take a sip of my beer. "I trust you too, G. I just..." I trail off.
"You don't want to tell me what's going on with you. I get it."
"It's not that, I want to tell you, but I'm afraid you'll look at me differently if I do tell you."
"A.J.," he says turning to me, and placing his hands on my shoulders, a comforting gesture, the same one Nate showed in this very spot, less than a week ago, "I could never see you any other way than I do now, exept maybe if I saw you as even more bad-ass than before."
That comment solicits a small chuckle from me.
"So you can tell me. I would never tell anyone else, unless you say so." He says, his bright blue eyes looking into my green ones.
I take a deep breath, and say, "Okay, I'll tell you." And I repeated the same story that I had told Nate.
"A.J...I am so sorry." He says, sympathetically.
"He always said that it was my fault- My fault for losing his kid. That's what he always called him. His kid. Not our kid. His."
I hang my head. "I know it wasn't my fault, but for years, I believed him. I still believed him after he went to prison. He kept calling me and calling me, saying as soon as he got out, he would kill me and everyone I love. And now he's getting out and..." I stop, thinking of the consequences. "I don't want to lose my family, my friends. My team."
"We can put your family in protective custody." He suggests.
"Under what grounds? Until he hurts someone, my whole family and my friends are at risk."
"He hurt you." He says bluntly.
"And served his time. Nothing will stop this monster, G. Nothing."
My phone rings. Its OPS.
"Connors." I say.
"We've got a case. Hetty wants you in OPS ASAP." Eric says through the phone.
"I'll be right there." I hang up the phone.
"Case?" Callen asks.
I nod, and sure enough, a few nanoseconds later, his phone rings.
"Callen." He says."Yeah, Nell, I'll be right there."
"Let's go." I say.
"What will people think when we show up in the same car?"
"That we went out to get beers, which we did." I say matter-of-factly.
He nods, and we make our way to the car.
"So much for that pizza." I say.
He smiles, and we drive down the street towards OPS.
At OPS.
"This is Naval Intelligence Officer Rachael Matthews." Eric says as Callen and I, the last members of our team to arrive, enter.
He pulls a picture of her up onscreen. I freeze, taking in a sharp breath. Not because this death photo was a gruesome one to look at, I've seen far worse, but because of the face on the screen.
"A.J., you okay?" Nate asks, noticing my shock.
I stay still.
"A.J.?" Nate asks again.
"I-I know her." I stammer.
All the eyes in the room turn to me.
"We went to college here, in U.C. She lived across the hall from me. We...we were friends." I say, the remanants of my shock still noticable.
"Oh, A.J., I'm so sorry." Kensi says to me.
I nod and say, "I haven't talked to her in years. Not since I moved to Boston." I pause. "Eric, where was she shot?"
"Just right of her heart. M.E says she was alive for about 15 minutes prior to death."
"The same place I was shot." I half-whisper.
Only Callen and Nate know what I'm talking about.