The room was colder than every where else. She shivered as she began walking forward. In the centre of the room she could see Alex. He lay on a hard metal table and had a sheet covering all but his head. She moved toward him very slowly, she was afraid of what she was going to see. A small part of her was still trying to tell her this was all a bad dream, that it wasn't true. As soon as she saw him that delusion would be over.
She reached his body and looked down at it. His skin had gone pale and slightly gray. She reached down and touched his face, it was cold. She grabbed hold of his shoulder and started shaking it. "Wake up Alex." She cried but he didn't move. He was really gone, and this time it hit harder than when Meredith had simply told her. She collapsed on top of his body and she began violently sobbing. Her whole body shook and with every sob pain radiated across her chest and down her arm and back. The painkillers as well as the sedatives she'd been given at the other hospital had now completely worn off. She was only vaguely aware of the physical pain she was in, the emotional pain was over riding her and the physical pain was almost comforting.
Meredith watched Izzie through the door. Tears welled up in her eyes as she saw Izzie sobbing. She let her cry for more than twenty minutes before she ventured inside the room. Her sobs had slowed down when Meredith entered; she appeared to be almost sleeping.
"Izzie," Meredith reached out and touched her shoulder. She opened her eyes and stared back but she didn't say anything, she didn't have to, the pain she was in was written all over her face. "We have to go. You can't stay here."
She pulled her arms around him tighter. "I can't leave him." She said and she started sobbing again.
Meredith stepped back. She didn't know what she was supposed to do. She wasn't going to physically pull her off him but she needed to do something and then she remembered Alex. She remembered what he'd told Izzie after Denny had died, when no one else knew what to do.
"Izzie, this isn't Alex anymore. He stopped being Alex the minute he stopped breathing and his heart stopped." She gently placed her hand on Izzie's shoulder and pulled up. This time Izzie went with her. She let go of Alex and stood beside Meredith. She was shaking very badly now. She gripped tightly on to Meredith to steady herself and the two of them walked slowly back to her room.
-8-8-8-
Meredith helped Izzie into bed and pulled the blanket up over her. Izzie rolled onto her side and pulled her knees up to her chest. With broken ribs and a broken arm the position hurt but she wanted to crawl up into a ball and the pain wasn't so bad, she liked the physical pain. She started quietly sobbing, tears streamed down her face but her whole body was no longer shaking.
"I'm going to get something to help you sleep." Meredith told her before walking out the room. When she returned Izzie let her inject something into her IV line. She didn't know what it was, she didn't really care. She let the drugs run through her system and she cried herself to sleep.
Meredith stayed with Izzie until she was asleep then she quietly slipped out the room. She was going to go home. She was emotionally drained and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. She was almost at the door when she heard someone call her name.
"Meredith, Dr Grey." Someone said from behind her. She turned around and saw Alex's mother standing there. Her eyes were red and swollen; it was obvious she'd been crying. "Can I talk to you?"
Meredith nodded and walked over to the seats at the front of the hospital and sat down. "What can I do for you?" She asked. She didn't particularly want to talk to Alex's mother, she didn't know the woman and she was having a hard enough time dealing with her own grief and Izzie's, she couldn't handle anyone else's.
"I just want to talk. I need someone to talk to. A mother is not meant to bury her son. It's not right."
"I know." Meredith sighed. There was nothing about the situation which was right.
"I saw him on Saturday at the wedding. He was so happy…and Isobel…How is Isobel?"
Meredith thought for a moment, she wasn't sure how to describe Izzie. "Not good." She eventually replied before adding. "They've given her a sedative for tonight. We'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow."
"The poor girl. This would be horrible for her." Alex's mom said between her own sobs. "I never realized how much paper work there is when someone dies. All the death certificates and life insurance, and funeral arrangements, permits to move the body."
"Move the body?"She wasn't sure she'd heard right.
"Back to Iowa." His mother continued. "He's going to be buried next to his grandfather."
"Oh." Meredith said. The thought that Alex's family might want to take his body home hadn't crossed her mind yet. She'd just assumed he would be buried somewhere in Seattle. This had been his home for the last four year. They'd been his family for the last four years. She didn't have the energy to argue this point with her now but she made a mental note to bring it up tomorrow. "I've got to go." She said standing up and walking out.