Chapter Five

Ste blinked slowly as everything came into focus once more. His dad was crouched in front of him, searching his face in concern.

"Steven?"

"Bren?" Ste found himself murmuring, hands reaching out blindly. But no, Brendan wasn't here. Brendan had never been here. Ste must have gotten confused; it was Sam in front of him, not Brendan.

"What?" Sam whispered urgently. "Steven?"

"Sorry." Ste shook his head, attempting to sit up.

"Don't move, the paramedics are coming."

"I'm fine, I just hit my head."

Sam smiled tightly. "I shouldn't have sent you out alone with all that money, it was misguided of me."

"I can be trusted." Ste responded indignantly.

"You misunderstand me. Of course you can be trusted, but it was too soon. I should have seen you weren't feeling up for it."

Ste found himself giggling at the phrase 'up for it', a distant memory threatening to overwhelm him. Sam looked at him, brow furrowed.

"They're here now, stay still." Sam went off to fetch the paramedics, leaving Ste on his own. He felt something warm covering him and was confused to see a dark coat draped across him.

"Whose is…?" Ste trailed off, feeling the smooth leather. He didn't recognise it but as he brought it close to his face, the smell hit him full force. He shook his head, thinking that he must be going insane. His heart was fluttering, his breath coming in short gasps. It wasn't Brendan, it couldn't be Brendan. He wasn't here, he never would be.

Ste picked himself up carefully, tottering away from the mass of people surrounding the ambulance car. His dad's back was to him, giving him the opportunity to slip away. He didn't know where he was going, nor did he care. Mitzeee's place was too close to all the activity so he stumbled elsewhere. He found himself climbing the stone steps, vision still out of focus. He had just reached the top when he heard a voice.

"Ste?" It was Doug. He bent down to pick him up by the shoulders. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Get off me, like you care." Ste pushed him roughly aside.

"You don't make it easy." Doug said, which was true. "I'm gonna call your dad."

"No!" Ste gasped. "He'll make me stay away, and I have to find him."

"Find who?" Doug asked, exasperation beginning to turn to concern.

"Brendan."

Xxx

"Anne!" Brendan rapped his knuckles on her front door, glancing rapidly behind himself.

She opened the door in one fluid motion, eyes wide. "Brendan? What on earth's the matter?"

Brendan slipped inside quickly, breathing heavily. "Steven."

"What's happened?" Mitzeee closed the door hastily.

"He got attacked."

"What? Is he okay?" Mitzeee asked fearfully.

"Yeah, Samuel was there." Brendan said darkly.

"Then what is it?"

"I… I held him." Brendan said shakily.

"You spoke to him?" Mitzeee asked incredulously.

"No. He didn't see me. Well, he did but ye know, he was out of it so-"

"Brendan!" Mitzeee gave him a gentle nudge. "What the hell are you playing at? What if he remembers?"

"He won't." Brendan said resolutely. He didn't feel that sure though.

Mitzeee stared at him in consternation. She opened her mouth to say more until her phone buzzed. She didn't take her eyes off of Brendan as she stepped back to answer it.

"Hello? Doug?" She sounded surprised. "What? Where is he?"

Brendan froze, staring at Mitzeee with unblinking eyes.

"I'm on my way." Mitzeee hung up, shooting Brendan a glare. "That was Doug. He found Ste outside your old flat in a right state."

"Is he okay?" Brendan stepped forwards, hands shaking visibly. The adrenaline and fear was pumping through him, somehow keeping him upright. Touching Steven again had sparked something inside of him. He wasn't so sure he could stay away now.

"He will be. You stay here; Phoenix is taking a nap. Don't go anywhere."

Brendan nodded numbly.

Xxx

Mitzeee tottered across the road, cursing herself inwardly for wearing her best heels on today of all days. It wasn't long before she came across the commotion near the alleyway. Sam was in her line of sight before she had a moment to compose herself.

"Sam!" She said, startled.

"Mitzeee," Sam replied, voice low. "Have you seen Steven? I'm very worried."

"Oh, yes," Mitzeee said quickly. "I'm just going to see him now."

"I'll accompany you." Sam responded, unwavering. Mitzeee knew there was no arguing with him.

"He's at Doug's."

This gave Sam pause. He was rarely ruffled and Mitzeee was startled to see how Ste's attack had unsettled him so heavily.

"Lead the way." He said after a moment's beat.

Doug let them in with a small grimace. He and Ste hadn't spoken in a long time, not since the fire. Mitzeee wanted to thank him for looking after Ste all the same but the words stuck in her throat at the sight of her best friend.

"Ste!" She rushed towards him, laying his head against her shoulder. "You look terrible."

"Thanks a bunch, Mitz." Ste slurred back at her.

"What's happened to him?" Mitzeee demanded, glancing between Sam and Doug.

"He hit his head on the wall." Sam replied, voice level. "The paramedics were about to check him over when he disappeared."

"Brendan!" Ste mumbled, grasping the front of Mitzeee's dress. "Where is he?"

Mitzeee stared at him in alarm, tears springing to her eyes. "Ste, love-"

"Steven, do you seem to think someone else was there?" Sam interjected.

"I… I don't know." Ste said, confused now.

"It was just me, son. No one else."

Mitzeee glanced up sharply at Sam. He stared back at her, expression giving nothing away.

"Oh." Ste said dully, deflating in Mitzeee's arms.

"It's still all about him, is it?" Doug asked bitingly. "I thought we were past all that."

"Doug," Mitzeee said warningly. "Leave it."

Doug pursed his lips, saying no more.

"I'll take him now." Sam said, giving Doug a brief glance.

"Maybe I should, my place is closer." Mitzeee said quickly. Brendan needed to see this; perhaps she could finally spur some resolve in him to come clean. It wasn't fair on Ste, or fair on her to lie for him. Apparently Sam had no such qualms, if he indeed even knew who Brendan was, or that he'd been with Ste earlier. Mitzeee stared at him again but he didn't meet her eyes this time.

"Alright. But he should really see a doctor first."

Mitzeee nodded grimly, helping Ste to his feet. "Lean on me." She told him.

"Where we going?" Ste asked groggily.

"To mine. Phoenix loves to play doctor, remember?"

"He'll get the flannel on me again."

Mitzeee smiled. "You love it really."

"I do." Ste admitted, head lolling on Mitzeee's shoulder.

Sam supported his other side, arm secure around his waist. He didn't say a word as they led Ste to the paramedic who checked him over for concussion and bleeding. Once he was given the all clear Mitzeee took him back to hers. She'd texted Brendan a warning while Ste had been checked over. She was both relieved and disappointed to see him vacant from the room when they arrived.

"Who's been watching Phoenix?" Ste asked, beginning to become more aware.

Mitzeee paused. "Nancy."

"Where is she now?"

"Probably in the bedroom." Mitzeee lied. "You lay down, love."

Ste didn't need much convincing. He settled himself comfortably on the sofa, resting his eyes. Mitzeee took that as an opportunity to slip quietly into her bedroom. Brendan was sitting on the edge of her bed, head in his hands.

Brendan looked up as she entered but before he could speak Mitzeee put a finger over her lips.

"Why did ye bring him here?" Brendan whispered urgently.

"To make you see sense. He needs you, Brendan."

"No." Brendan said shortly. "I'm no good for him. He needs to… move on."

"He's tried." Mitzeee pressed, exasperated. "But you left things so unfinished, you both need that closure, even if nothing else happens."

"It's not… I can't just…" Brendan trailed off, opening the door a crack. "Is he asleep?" He asked quietly.

Mitzeee peered over his shoulder. "Yeah, looks that way."

"Is that safe?"

"He hasn't got concussion. The knock to the head just left him disoriented for a while. He'll be fine once he sleeps it off."

"I'm surprised Samuel didn't want to take him home." Brendan commented, stepping out into the living room.

"He did, but I insisted." Mitzeee said softly. She watched as Brendan sat beside Ste on the sofa, raising his head to rest on his lap. "Brendan-"

"He won't wake up, he never used to." Brendan said calmly, trailing his fingers through Ste's hair.

"That was before, he doesn't sleep so well now."

"What do ye mean?" Brendan asked, frowning.

"After that night at the club, and the fire…" Mitzeee sighed. "He has pretty severe nightmares."

"All the more reason for me to stay clear." Brendan said confidently.

"You can't hide from this forever." Mitzeee told him. "And you obviously can't stay away from him either." She added, gesturing to the way Brendan was smoothing Ste's hair back from his forehead.

"When ye love someone, sometimes ye have to set them free." Brendan said quietly.

"Don't you think Ste deserves a choice in the matter though?" Mitzeee pressed. "It isn't fair to lie to him."

"Ye saw what he did today; it would be a thousand times worse if he knew I was here. Or maybe it wouldn't, I don't know how he feels anymore."

Ste shifted a little in his sleep, curling up into a ball.

Brendan smiled softly. "Thanks anyway, Anne."

Mitzeee sighed, knowing that she wouldn't get anywhere today. "You best go. Phoenix will be up soon."

"He's a sweet kid, a credit to ye." Brendan said, gently placing Ste's head on a pillow.

"Thank you." Mitzeee said, genuinely touched. "I'll call you, yeah?"

Brendan nodded, giving Ste another once over before disappearing out the front door.

Xxx

Ste's eyes felt like they were being peeled open when he eventually woke up. Phoenix was sitting beside him, laying his head against Ste's leg.

"Ste!" He said happily when he saw that he was awake.

"Hey," Ste replied croakily, opening his arms for Phoenix to slot into. "Where's your mum?"

"Right here." Mitzeee said, appearing with a coffee. "You were out for a while."

"I'm really sorry." Ste said groggily. "I must have sounded like a lunatic."

"Course not." Mitzeee answered gently, handing him the mug of coffee. "But Ste, maybe we should talk about the things you said."

Ste looked away, focusing in on the top of Phoenix's head. "I don't want to."

"Ste," Mitzeee reached forwards to take one of his hands in hers. "You clearly have some left over feelings for him. Don't you think you owe it to yourself to explore that?"

"Why? He's in prison." Ste said bitterly. "He won't let me see him, he's clearly forgotten all about me."

"I'm sure that isn't true." Mitzeee said softly. "What would you say to him if he was here right now?"

"I don't know." Ste admitted truthfully. "I'd probably want to hit him for leaving me, and kiss him because I miss him. But it's too much." He said, sniffling a little.

"Don't cry." Phoenix said sadly, wiping his face. "Brendan's here."

Ste blinked, smoothing his hand over Phoenix's soft hair. "No, Phoenix that's just a picture."

"No. Brendan's here."

"What?" Ste stared at the little boy in confusion.

"I've seen him." Phoenix said confidently. Ste looked up at Mitzeee, aghast.

"Is this true?"

Mitzeee looked incredibly uncomfortable. "I wanted to tell you, Ste." She said quietly.

Ste stood up abruptly, still feeling a little unsteady on his feet. "Are you telling me he really did help me after I got attacked?"

Mitzeee nodded, looking both relieved and worried to finally be revealing the truth.

"Where is he?" Ste asked quickly, but he already knew the answer. "I have to go."

"Ste!" Mitzeee jumped out of her seat. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I am!" Ste was already half way to the door.

He found himself outside within moments. It was dark and there were people milling about on their way to the pub or the club. Mitzeee appeared behind him with Phoenix in her arms.

"Do you want us to come?"

"No, I gotta do this." Ste said, sounding more confident than he felt.

He went all the way home, suspecting correctly that Brendan was staying above him. There was no response from the flat however so he gave up with a final pound of his fist on the door.

He went back out to the village, scouring every face for signs of him. It was starting to rain and he felt himself getting soaked all the way through. Maybe this was another of his nightmares and soon he would wake up in his own bed, alone again and screaming. He turned towards the club, debating whether to go to his dad and seek comfort. It was what he always did after a nightmare. But then he saw a dark figure silhouetted against the lights of the club, hood pulled back, eyes dark, face half shrouded in thick hair.

"Brendan?" Ste called out, his voice sounded croaky and broken to his own ears.

The figure started and moved back, alarmed.

"Brendan!" Ste called more fiercely. "Don't you run away from me!" He hurtled towards him, completely soaked to his very bones now, getting closer and closer to that pure oblivion that was Brendan Brady.