Happy Fun Quiz Show!
A SpongeBob fanfic by Ptarmy (the P is silent)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I use a different style of writing, similar to what you'd find on a script. I'm not very good at the standard style, and I also find this makes the fic more dialogue oriented. Hopefully, you, the readers, won't mind.
Yeah, just wanted to get that out of the way. Now, on with the story!
Chapter 1: The Invitation
One lazy afternoon at the Krusty Krab…
Patrick: Gooooood morning, Krusty Krew!
Squidward: Well, you got half of that right.
Patrick: All right, a new record! I deserve some kind of award for that. Give me one-
Squidward: Let me guess, one Krabby Patty?
Patrick: …I was gonna say one million dollars, but I guess a Krabby Patty will do. How'd you know, Squidward?
Squidward: You always come here for lunch. That'll be $3.99.
Patrick searches his pockets…
Patrick: Uh… uh… um… let's see, three pennies, a paperclip, a wad of gum, uh… some round thing, a paper thing… uh…
Krabs: Oh no, not this again. Patrick, haven't I told you before that you can't eat here if you can't pay?
Patrick: Uh… all I've got left is this thing I found in the mail this morning. What'll that get me?
Krabs: It'll get you a one way ticket to the dump… hey, what's on that paper? Is it an advertisement?
Squidward: It's so nauseatingly colorful. What else could it be?
Krabs: Hmm… Oh. Oh. Oh! Looky here, Squidward! It's an invitation to be a contestant on the newest TV sensation, Happy Fun Quiz Show!
Squidward: Patrick got an invitation to be on a quiz show?
Patrick: Hey, I'm smart! Two plus two equals five!
Squidward: Thank you for proving my point.
Krabs: Excitement, entertainment, and most importantly, massive cash prizes! It even says you're allowed to bring three friends to be contestants along with you! You gotta take me, Patrick!
Patrick: Five and a half?
Squidward: I'd love to go, but I've got some magazines to catch up with. Now, if you'll excuse me…
Mr. Krabs glares at Squidward.
Squidward: Huh? No, I don't have any eye drops, Mr. Krabs.
Still glaring.
Squidward: Do you mind? I'm trying to slack off here!
Krabs's glare intensifies.
Squidward: Uh… can you just… turn around…
Krabs's pupils suddenly light on fire.
Squidward: All right, all right! I'll go! Here, I was even lying about the eye drops! Just stop staring at me like that!
Krabs takes the eye drops and douses his pupils.
Krabs: Ah, much better. I hate it when me eyes do that. Now, we just need one more pawn… uh, I mean contestant to come along with us. Who's smart around here?
Squidward: Nobody, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to give Sandy a call. She knows a thing or two about science.
Patrick: But I'm still hungry…
Spongebob suddenly bursts out of the kitchen, clutching a Krabby Patty. He hands it to Patrick.
Spongebob: Here ya go, pal! One Krabby Patty, ready for consumption.
Patrick: Yaaaaay!
Spongebob: Don't worry about the money, Patrick. I'll just have Mr. Krabs deduct it from my salary, that's all!
Patrick: Thanks, Spongebob! Hey, you wanna come with me and Squidward and the red guy on this quiz show? It's gonna be so much fun!
Spongebob: That sounds great, Pat! Quiz shows are the best! Whenever I watch one, my brain just seems to burst with knowledge.
Squidward: Well, so much for winning.
Krabs: Don't say that, Squidward! I'm sure if we try hard enough, that cash prize will be all mine! …Ours!
Spongebob: Say, when are we supposed to get there?
Krabs: This paper says twelve o'clock sharp, today!
Spongebob: Uh, Mr. Krabs, sir? That was five minutes ago.
Krabs: That's impossible. It's five past eleven.
Spongebob: No, it's five past twelve. The clocks were pushed ahead an hour last night, remember?
Krabs: No no, that's not until… next month…
Awkward silence.
Krabs: Gaaah! Blasted daylight savings time! We gotta get there now, before they disqualify us!
Krabs grabs Patrick, Squidward, and Spongebob before running out the door at a blinding speed.
Squidward: Aah! Slow down! I'm gonna get whiplash!
Krabs: Quit yer whining!
Spongebob: Good thing we don't have necks, eh Patrick?
Squidward: It's a real shame.
To be continued…