Izzie was very quiet on the drive to Meredith's. George looked over at her, her eyes were closed, she was breathing very slowly. He pulled the car up at a stop sign, light reflected on to her face highlighting her tears. He reached over and placed his hand on her leg.
"How are you doing?" he asked.
She opened her eyes and turned to face him. She reached down and pushed his hand away. "Please just drive." She said and closed her eyes again. She wished she could fall asleep, she was so tired. George gave her leg a small squeeze and he put his hand back on the steering wheel. He didn't try to talk to her again until they pulled into Meredith's driveway.
"We're here." He said shutting off the engine.
Izzie opened her eyes and adjusted her position in the seat. They were in Meredith's driveway. She looked around; she could see dozens of cars parked down the street. From inside she heard people laughing. Her body tensed a little. George reached over and touched her hand. "Iz…" he began.
"I'm okay." She said before he could finish what he was saying. She opened her door and stepped out.
George watched Izzie step out of the car. He quickly pulled away from her and climbed out his side. He shut his door and walked over to her. She was standing a few steps away from the car. He could see her swaying just a little. He grabbed hold of her; afraid she might fall down or faint.
"George I'm okay." She said again stepping away from him and walking towards the door. With every step she could here the noise inside getting louder and louder. People were laughing, people were happy. At the door she stopped, the people inside were happy, or at least they sounded that way, she wasn't sure she could go inside, she wasn't sure she could stand to be around them.
"Are we going inside?" George asked from behind her. She swallowed hard and reached for the door handle, she twisted it slowly and they stepped inside. She walked the few steps to the doorway of the sitting room. As she entered the doorway the whole room went silent. Everyone stopped and stared at her, some people got up and left, others started walking towards her. She reached for George and gripped tightly onto him.
"Get me out of here." She whispered. She couldn't handle other people, she didn't want to deal with, talk to Alex's friends, relatives, she didn't know them.
"Okay." He whispered back and started walking her towards the kitchen where he could just here Meredith and Christina.
Meredith and Christina were sitting on chairs in the kitchen. Their official excuse for being in there was they were keeping the food rolling but they were really hiding from everyone else. The house was full of people who Alex's mother had invited. They didn't know any of them and found being surrounded by them overwhelming. Meredith was filling Christina in on the details of the funeral, on what had happened, how Izzie was doing.
"She's taking it really hard." Meredith was saying. "She laughed during the funeral and then at the end she could not stop crying."
"Wow." Christina sighed just before the door opened and George entered with Izzie.
"Hey" Meredith smiled. Izzie gave her a weak smile back but she didn't say anything. "Here have something to eat." Meredith held out one of the many plates of food she'd put together. George reached for the plate, there were dim sums, and quiches, and little pies on it. He took a dim sum and offered the plate to Izzie.
"I'm not hungry." She said shaking her head. He put the plate back on the table. There was a silence in the room and then Meredith picked up the plate and showed it to Izzie again.
"Iz, you should eat something." She said but Izzie shock her head again.
"I'm not hungry." She said again and after a moment of uncomfortable silence she continued. "'I think I might go up stairs and lie down, I'm really tired."
She let go of George and started walking towards the door before they could tell her to eat again. She didn't want to eat, all she wanted to do was sleep. Upstairs she stopped in the bathroom and filled a glass with water. She carried the glass back to Meredith's guest room and placed it on a bedside table. Four weeks earlier the room had still technically been hers, some of her things were still in. She sat down on the edge of the bed and opened her bag. She pulled out the bottle of pills she'd taken from the hospital and bit down on the lid. She twisted it in her mouth and the lid came lose. Pills went flying everywhere.
"Shit." She whispered under her breath and she bent down on her knees and started picking them up. When they were all back safely in the bottle she put the lid back on and hid the bottle in her bag again. She'd left five pills out. One by one she swallowed them and then she curled up on the bed and waited for sleep to come.