Izzie lent over the toilet and vomited, it was violent and painful. It made her whole body hurt and her eyes water. She didn't hear Meredith walk in behind her but she felt her, she lifted her hair away from her face and knelt down beside her. "I'm sorry" she started whispering to her. "I should have told you they were there or moved them." Izzie didn't even acknowledge that she'd heard her; she vomited again and then slumped against the side of the bathtub.

"I should have known they'd be there." She started saying. "They had to go somewhere. I just…"

"Forgot about them." Meredith said finishing the sentence.

"Yeah." Izzie let out a long sigh and the room went silent. After a moment Meredith stood up and filled a glass with water from the sink.

"You should drink something." She said offering the glass to Izzie. She took it and sipped it slowly, she tried to wash the metallic taste from her mouth but it didn't work. She closed her eyes and tried to convince herself again that she was okay, that she could handle this. But she wasn't okay and she knew it, and Meredith knew it.

"Would you like me to stay with you today?" Meredith asked her after a while. They'd been sitting in the bathroom for nearly twenty minutes listening to the tap drip, neither one of them had said much.

"You have to go to work." Izzie said not actually answering the question. She didn't know what she wanted. She didn't like the idea of being alone, the thought, kind of scared her but at the same time she needed to work through this on her own.

"I'll stay if you want me to." Meredith reached for Izzie's hand squeezed it. "You don't have to do this on your own."

She pushed Meredith's hand away. "Yes I do." She whispered under her breath. None of her friends knew what she was feeling, none of them understood, or could relate. This was something she needed to do on her own and she didn't want to impose on them anymore than she already was. "You should go to work." She said not looking at Meredith. "If I need anything, I'll…I'll phone you."

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked she'd heard the hesitation in Izzie's voice, the quiver, and shakiness. She'd been hoping she'd ask her to stay. Now that Izzie was home, she could see she wasn't coping nearly as well as she thought she was. She was barely holding herself together, on the verge of falling to pieces. It worried her; she didn't trust Izzie on her own.

"I'll be fine." Izzie replied, trying to sound as brave and confident as she could. She wasn't fine, but she would be fine, she'd make sure of it. "You should go."

Meredith stood up slowly, she didn't want to leave, she didn't want to leave Izzie on her own but she couldn't stay now, not when she'd said she had to go to work. "Promise me you'll phone." She said instead.

"I will." Izzie replied but she didn't look at her. "Mere, can you shut the door on your way out?"

Meredith paused for a moment before responding. It seemed Izzie was ready for her to go even if she wasn't. She gave Izzie's shoulder a squeeze. "Sure." She said before adding "I'll stop by on my way home." Izzie didn't even respond to her, she was gazing at something on the wall. Meredith lingered in the room for a little and then began walking slowly toward the front door. With every step she hoped Izzie would call her back but she didn't. At the front room she pulled the door shut so Izzie wouldn't have to see the presents and then she walked out the front door.

Izzie listened to the sound of the front door close and Meredith's car drive away. She felt her heart rate increase and tears run down the side of her face. She was alone, really completely, totally alone, she'd hoped Meredith wouldn't leave but she didn't want to ask her to stay. Meredith had other things she needed to do; she couldn't sit here with her all day.

A shiver ran over her body and she told herself she was okay but she was a long was from being okay, she was so sad and lost and confused, she didn't know what she was supposed to do. She stared at the walls and started to catalogue her surrounding. They'd only been living in the house for two weeks; the bathroom was one of the few rooms which actually looked lived in. Hanging in the shower were soaps and shampoos, on the basin sat toothbrushes and toothpaste. As she looked at the things she realized none of them were actually Alex's everything was hers or theirs. Even his razor wasn't his; she'd brought it for him with the intension of using it for herself.

She stayed in the bathroom for hours trying to process everything around her, trying to convince herself that the things around her were just objects, not memories or things she could hold on to. She thought if she could do this in the bathroom she might have half a chance of doing it in the rest of the house but she couldn't do it. She couldn't get the images of Alex out of her head. Tears slowly ran down the side of her face and she wished she wasn't alone. She thought about phoning someone, asking them to come over but she didn't want to phone anyone, she didn't want to ask for help. Instead she stood up and started walking toward the front door. She looked down at her feet so she wouldn't accidentally see something. At the door she picked up the bag she'd dropped on the way in and walked out. She started walking down the street; she had absolutely no idea where she was going.