Izzie watched George leave the room, she watched him close the door behind him and listened for his foot steps head down the hall. When she was sure he was gone she closed her eyes again. She pulled Alex's pillow closer to her and she breathed in his scent. She filled her mind with images of him, images of them together, and she waited for sleep to come. She waited to be taken to a place where they were together.
-8-8-8-8-
Meredith sighed as she threw her bag onto her shoulder and slipped a smaller bag into her pocket. This bag wasn't hers, it had something in it which now belonged to Izzie, something which had been Alex's, not something from his locker, that was all still sitting exactly where it had been left, no one had touched that. No this was something from the accident, or more specifically his wedding ring. They'd taken it off him at some point in emergency, and never put it back, somehow that detail had been missed during funeral preparations, and it was only now that it had been found.
She pushed the ring deeper into her pocket, and began walking out the hospital. She'd just come off a thirty six hour shift. The first shift she'd worked since the accident. It had been a long hard shift, there had been lots of patients with lots of things wrong with them, lots of interns running around with their heads cut off, and the hospital was still under staffed. And to add to everything, she couldn't help worrying about Izzie.
When George had phoned her and said Izzie was missing she'd almost stopped and run out the hospital but then her pager had gone off and she couldn't run out the hospital. She never stopped worrying though, not until George had phoned to say she was found but even then she still wasn't ok. She couldn't concentrate on her work, she couldn't stop herself worrying.
-8-8-8-8-
"Hello!"
Izzie's eyes flew open, she lay very still and listened, she thought she'd heard Alex's voice.
"Oh hey, it's Alex."
It was him! She jumped out of her bed and started running down the hall way. "Alex!" She called opening doors frantically searching for him, she allowed herself to think for a moment that maybe this had all been some horrible dream and then she heard it, the sound of his laugh, followed by hers and their voices say together through laughs.
"Actually, we're not home, leave a message after the tone."
She froze, her heart was racing, but as the answering machine flipped over she felt it stop and break. An overly chirpy woman's voice then filled the house.
"Hi, this is Alice from Portrait Palace, just letting you know the proofs for your wedding photos are in. So when you get back from your honeymoon give us a phone call and we can arrange a viewing."
The answering machine flicked off and the house became eerily quiet again. This was no bad dream, everything about it was real, she began moving slowly back to her bedroom. As she walked she began to become aware of the physical pain she was in, how much her chest hurt when she breathed, how much her arm ached every time she moved. She moved to the bedroom and walked to the ensuite, she opened the medicine cupboard and pulled out a bottle of painkillers, she swallowed a couple and walked back into the bedroom. She sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to calm herself, she was shaking though and on the verge of crying again.
She stood up and started walking in small circles, she was trying to get herself under control but it wasn't going to happen, her head was spinning and she felt like she was going to pass out. She needed to do something though, she couldn't stay there but she didn't know what. She could remember what happened the day before, there were still red marks on her hand from the muffin tray, and then she got lost, she didn't want that to happen again. She thought maybe she could go out still, just somewhere local, maybe being out of the house would make her feel better. She walked over to the closet and opened the door, she stepped inside and turned on the light. Hanging along the walls were hers and Alex's clothes. The shirts and jackets she'd given him, the dresses he'd given her. It was too much, instead of getting changed she found herself sliding down the wall. On the floor in the corner sat a pile of their dirty clothes, she reached for his shirts and wrapped herself up in them. Then she lay down on the floor and let herself cry.
-8-8-8-8-
Meredith pulled her car into Izzie's driveway, not a single light was on in the house. She felt her chest tighten, afraid that Izzie might have gone wondering again. At the front door she knocked, there was no answer, she twisted the handle, the door was locked.
"Shit" she whispered under her breath and she tried to remember where they'd hidden the spear key. It took five minutes of searching before she found it buried in a pot plant. She unlocked the door and walked inside.
"Izzie," she began calling as she walked through the house. The deeper into the house she got the more worried she became, and then she heard it, a very quiet sobbing coming from the bedroom.
"Izzie?" she called opening the door, "are you in here?"
The room was dark though and there was no reply, then she saw the light coming out from under the door. "Izzie?" she opened the door slowly, not knowing quite what to expect but what she saw did not surprise her. Izzie was lying on the ground, wrapped up in several of Alex's shirts, sobbing.
"Oh, Iz." Meredith whispered, sitting on the ground beside her. She waited for her friend to open her eyes. Izzie looked up at her, she blinked and tears ran down her face. "Come here." She offered holding out her arms but Izzie didn't move. She gazed up at her and then pulled Alex's shirts tighter around her.
Meredith reached down and brushed some of her hair away from her face. She didn't say anything, not yet, she wanted to give Izzie the chance to speak. But Izzie didn't want to talk, she wasn't ready to talk, instead she kept pulling Alex's shirts tighter around her, she kept breathing them in. Sometimes she'd open her eyes, she'd check to see If Meredith was still sitting there. She was always sitting there, watching her, waiting for her to be ready.
Meredith watched as Izzie opened her eyes again, she blinked and tears trickled down. They'd been sitting in silence for a long time. She was trying to work out what she should say, she didn't know what to say but they couldn't keep sitting there forever.
"Have you been laying here all day?" She finally asked, Izzie didn't say anything, she wasn't expecting her to say anything, instead she closed her eyes again and a shiver ran though her body. "You can't stay here." Meredith whispered "this isn't healthy." Izzie opened her eyes, she blinked back more tears but she still didn't say anything. "Have you eaten anything today?" Meredith asked but Izzie still didn't say anything. She pulled the shirts tighter around her and closed her eyes again.
"Iz," Meredith whispered to her again. She lay down beside her and reached for her hand. She wrapped her fingers around it and squeezed. "Iz, I know you're hurting but you need to get up. You can't stay here. This isn't healthy." She paused and waited for Izzie to react. She opened her eyes, they looked so sad.
"I don't want to get up." She whispered very quietly, she pulled the shirts up around her face and breathed them in again. "I want to stay here."
Meredith watched as Izzie breathed into the shirts and closed her eyes again. She didn't want to fight her friend, she wouldn't make her get up if she didn't want to but she needed to get up. She couldn't stay on the floor in the closet forever, just like she couldn't stay on the bathroom floor forever. "Okay." Meredith said and she started to sit up. She gave Izzie's arm another squeeze. "I'm going to go and make something to eat, I'll bring some up for you when I'm done."
Izzie watched as Meredith stood and walked out the room. She listened to her footsteps head down the hallway toward the kitchen. She wondered if Meredith was seriously going to try and cook something in her kitchen. Meredith didn't cook, in the four years she'd known her not once had she produced something editable. From the other end of the house though she could hear pots and pan banging. She closed her eyes again and tried to imagine herself with Alex somewhere far away. Breathing in his shirt the images became clearer they were together just like she wanted but ten minutes later she began to smell smoke and the smoke detector started wailing.