Chapter Fifteen

Sam stared at his watch, foot tapping impatiently on the floor. It was eight o'clock in the morning and Steven hadn't been home all night. It wasn't as though his whereabouts was unknown; Sam knew very well where he'd spent the night.

He had gone to Brendan's at first, after leaving his date's place. Arriving home later than expected, he had worried himself silly thinking that Steven would be waiting for him. He wasn't. After receiving no answer at Brendan's he had hesitated outside Mitzeee's place. He didn't want to disturb her and Phoenix, especially this late. He couldn't justify to Steven his concerns either. He'd come back to the flat, hoping that Steven would return at some point as promised. Sam had woken up in the morning face first into the sofa, Steven's bed not slept in.

He left him a voicemail message once he'd woken up. Nothing too demanding, just a little probing to find out when exactly he would be home. Sam longed for the days when it had been just the two of them. It had been a mistake sending Steven to work at the club, and it had been a mistake allowing Brendan back into his life.

Sam wasn't quite at the stage of drastic measures yet but it was a close thing. He had spent well over twenty years trying to be a father and now after finally getting that chance it was getting swept out from under him by yet another male figure in Steven's life; once again a thug.

When the front door went Sam sprung to his feet, smoothing down his clothes. Luckily he'd had the sense to change. He didn't want Steven knowing he'd slept in his clothes from yesterday.

"Hey, Dad." Steven greeted him with a bright smile.

"Where have you been, son?" Sam asked, attempting to keep his voice neutral.

Steven blushed. "I fell asleep at Mitzeee's. We ended up staying the night."

"We?" Sam asked, eyebrows rising.

"Yeah, me and Brendan." Steven answered awkwardly.

"He let you have the bed of course." Sam said briskly, dreading the answer.

Steven averted his eyes, laying his keys down on the kitchen counter. "Um, not exactly. Mitzeee has a double in the guest room."

"I see." Sam said tightly.

"Don't be weird, Dad." Steven laughed nervously.

"Of course." Sam answered breezily, stepping towards him. "Have you had breakfast?"

"No, err I wanted to get back actually." Steven was acting strange. He darted from one foot to the other, avoiding Sam's gaze.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, course not." Steven swept past him to his bedroom. Sam followed without hesitation.

"Got any plans for the day?" Sam asked brightly, leaning against the doorframe.

"Sort of." Steven said, his back to him. He slipped his shirt over his head.

"What happened?" Sam asked worriedly, noticing the fading finger marks on Steven's waist.

"Oh." Steven turned, examining himself with difficulty. "Dunno."

"You would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?" Sam asked carefully.

"Course I would!" Steven replied, a little too easily. He slipped past Sam towards the bathroom. "Just gotta take a shower."

The door was closed abruptly in Sam's face. He thought that he'd avoided the troubled teenage years but this was something else entirely. Steven was definitely hiding something and Sam needed to find out what.

Xxx

Brendan swept through the village, coffee in one hand, bagel in his mouth. Mitzeee was beside him, jogging to keep up with him.

"Where are we going?" She asked, almost out of breath.

"Something's wrong with Steven." Brendan said tightly.

"What?" Mitzeee grabbed his arm, slowing him to a stop. "Is he in trouble?"

"I don't know."

"Then what-"

"He left in a hurry this morning." Brendan said quickly, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. "Last night was… momentous. But he just left straight away, didn't even want to stay for breakfast." Brendan took a large bite out of the bagel, crumbs flying everywhere.

"Perhaps he wanted to get back to Sam?" Mitzeee suggested.

Brendan turned his gaze to her, face as stiff as though it had been carved out of stone.

"I'm only saying!" Mitzeee said quickly, holding up her hands.

"He wouldn't just leave like that though." Brendan muttered, a million conflicting thoughts running through his mind.

"Nothing happened last night to… I don't know, worry him?"

Brendan shrugged, non-committal. "We had a good talk."

"Okay…" Mitzeee said slowly, seemingly not wanting to pry further. "Did he get a phone call or something?"

"Yes." Brendan said suddenly, remembering. "He did."

"Maybe it was Sam." Mitzeee said cautiously, gauging Brendan's reaction.

"What was Sam?"

Mitzeee jumped visibly but Brendan didn't. He looked Samuel over coolly.

"Talking about ye, not to ye."

"Brendan." Mitzeee chastised. "We were just wondering where Ste was." She directed to Samuel. His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"He isn't with you?"

"Does it look like it?" Brendan smarted back, but now his palms were beginning to itch with anxiety.

"He said he had somewhere to be, left about an hour ago."

"He didn't say where?" Brendan asked urgently.

"No." Samuel said slowly. "I didn't want to pry."

"Didn't want to pry?" Brendan growled.

"Brendan, for God's sake I'm sure he's fine." Mitzeee said in exasperation. Brendan was sure he and Samuel were wearing identical expressions of anxiety by the way she was glaring at both of them. "He's a big boy, you both need to back off a bit." She kissed Brendan on the cheek before she slipped away from them. Brendan didn't miss the flash of annoyance that passed from Samuel at their exchange. Brendan took a small amount of satisfaction in it.

"If you hear anything." Samuel nodded briefly, also taking his leave.

Brendan stared hopelessly around the village, wondering where on earth Steven had gone. He glanced over at the deli, spotting Douglas carrying the specials board outside. He walked in his direction, purposeful and confident. Douglas rolled his eyes when he approached.

"Brendan." He said, nodding.

"Ye seen Steven?" Brendan asked, getting straight to the point.

"No." Douglas said, crossing his arms. "Lost him already, have you?"

Brendan sighed, stepping closer. "No time for games, Dougie boy."

"Neither have I. In case you hadn't noticed I have a business to run."

Brendan glanced behind him in disinterest. "I see that."

"Look," Douglas began, lowering his voice. "I'm sure he's fine. He's always disappearing these days."

"What?"

Douglas gave him a hard look. "He likes his own company, that's for sure."

Brendan scoffed. "Just because he isn't licking yer shoes, Dougie doesn't mean he likes being alone."

"What are you on about now?" Douglas asked in exasperation.

"You." Brendan said quietly, leaning closer and speaking directly into Douglas' ear. "Ye still can't deal with the fact he chose me, can ye?"

"Don't be soft." Douglas snorted. "Yeah, I loved him but I'm well past all that. It's you who can't forget about the past."

"If ye know where he is-"

"I don't! And I don't care." Douglas stepped away from him, lips pressed firmly together. "Get a grip, Brendan."

"Is everything okay, Mr Carter?" A timid voice asked from behind them. Brendan recognised the young lad he had met his first day back in the village.

"It's fine, Rory." Douglas said shortly. "And I told you to call me Doug."

"Sorry." Rory blushed. He looked no older than twenty, dark-haired and slight. Brendan barely registered him but Douglas blocked him from view imperceptibly.

"Anything else?" Douglas asked briskly.

"No." Brendan said, realising that arguing with him was futile and he still had to find Steven.

Brendan walked in the direction of the club absently until he realised it wasn't his anymore and he had no business using it as a sanctuary. He went home instead, feeling just as lost in the emptiness of the place. There was still furniture to be replaced, belongings to unpack. He hadn't even contacted Cheryl to let her know he was out of prison. He wasn't quite ready for that conversation yet.

His bedroom still at least had the semblance of familiarity. Sometimes he would forget that he lived here alone now. He half expected to hear Cheryl stomping around upstairs like she was prone to do, tottering in heels and inevitably stumbling in them first thing in the morning.

Instead he laid his head down on his pillow and became swallowed up by silence. He must have drifted off because the next thing he knew, someone was shaking him gently by the shoulders.

"Bren?" Steven was beside him, warm and reassuring.

Brendan rolled onto his side, pulling Steven against him and groaning.

"What's wrong?" Steven asked in concern, nose grazing Brendan's face as he kissed him lightly.

"Lost ye." Brendan murmured, still half asleep.

"No you haven't." Steven said, misunderstanding his words.

"I mean, ye were gone." Brendan said, opening his eyes to peer at him. "Where did ye go?"

Steven looked guilty, hardly able to look him in the eye. "If I ask you to trust me, can you do that?"

"Steven." Brendan pressed, raising himself from the pillow.

"I can't tell you just yet." Steven said carefully. "But it's nothing bad, okay?"

"That doesn't exactly reassure me." Brendan replied guardedly.

Steven laughed, curling himself around Brendan. "You just don't like being left in the dark."

Brendan brushed his lips over his hair. "No, not particularly."

"Shit." Steven looked up, eyes wide and apologetic. "I didn't mean-"

"Steven," Brendan muttered. "Ye don't have to freak out every time ye say something slightly ambiguous about… that."

"I don't know how to be." Steven admitted, as though the thought pained him deeply.

"Ye don't have to be anything, this is on me."

"No it isn't." Steven said stubbornly.

"Steven-"

"No. We deal together, yeah? That's what it's all about, init?"

"Hmm." Brendan replied thoughtfully. He pulled Steven close again, hoping to soothe his troubled thoughts away. "How did ye get in here anyway?" Brendan asked, suddenly realising Steven's presence in his home.

Steven laughed against him. "You idiot, the door was unlocked. Anyone could get in."

"Besides yer Da, I don't think I have anyone to worry about anymore."

Steven looked up sharply at that. "What do you mean besides my dad?"

Brendan froze, cursing himself for his thoughtless words. "Nothing, Steven. Forget it."

"No, tell me." Steven sat up in the bed, crossing his legs defiantly and pulling his body out of Brendan's reach. He knew how crazy that would drive Brendan, especially after being without him for so long.

Brendan sighed, knowing that lying to him would be pointless. "I don't think he likes having me around." He said truthfully, staring into Steven's face for a reaction.

"Why would he give you a job then?" Steven frowned.

"Exactly." Brendan said, willing Steven to understand.

"You're not making sense."

Brendan sat up with him, attempting to shuffle closer. Steven pulled himself further out of reach, staring at Brendan in consternation.

Brendan felt his nerves begin to fray once more without Steven's reassuring warmth nearby.

"I don't trust him." Brendan blurted out, deciding that brutal honesty was the only way forward.

"Why not?" Steven frowned deeper, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I think he… locked ye in the cellar." Brendan winced at how ridiculous those words sounded. Steven obviously thought so too; his lips began to quirk into a smile.

"Seriously?"

"I'm not lying, Steven. He admitted it to me."

Steven's smile faded then, uncertain. "Why would he do that?"

"So he could talk to me without yer interference."

"That's stupid though." Steven said, shaking his head. "He wouldn't do that."

Brendan felt a sense of dread settle around him. His mind shot back to three and a half years ago and Kevin's accusations alongside Steven's doubts. Steven must have read the hurt on his face because he softened, taking hold of one of Brendan's hands.

"I'll ask him though, of course I will. I do believe you, but maybe…" Steven trailed off, unsure. Brendan relaxed a little. Steven wasn't doubting him, he was clinging to his father's goodness, his trustworthiness. Brendan remembered that feeling, distant and obscure as it was to him.

Brendan pulled him towards him by the hand, turning Steven in his arms so that he settled back against Brendan. He wrapped his arms around his waist, chin resting on Steven's head.

"It's so quiet in here." Steven said thoughtfully.

Brendan had to smile; it was never quiet with Steven here.

"Lack of Cheryl." He replied, smoothing his hand up Steven's bare arm.

"Have you spoken to her yet?" Steven asked, making himself more comfortable in Brendan's embrace.

"No." Brendan said slowly. "I'm not sure I can just yet."

Steven nodded in apparent understanding. "What about your boys?"

"God, no." Brendan shook his head. "I don't even know what Eileen told them exactly. They probably hate me."

"You didn't get to speak to them?" Steven asked, turning in his arms.

"I thought a clean break would be best, they deserve better."

"Like me?" Steven asked, gaze sad.

"Ye all deserve better than me, Steven."

"Yeah but that's our choice." Steven said firmly.

Brendan was about to argue until he felt something vibrate against him.

"Oh, that's me." Steven said, squirming.

"Ye vibrate now? How long was I gone for?"

Steven gave him a playful nudge, answering his phone. "Hello? Oh. Yep." Steven glanced at Brendan warily. "I'm on my way now, don't go anywhere." Steven frowned. "Yeah, yeah okay." He smiled a little. "Be there soon."

Brendan stared at him, barely able to contain the million questions he wanted to ask.

"I have to go." Steven said quickly, attempting to pull himself out of Brendan's arms. Brendan held him firmly. "Bren!"

"Who was that?"

"I have to-"

"Tell me."

"I told ya to trust me!"

Brendan hesitated, grip slackening. Steven sighed, sensing the uncertainty in him.

"Come to mine later, about an hour from now. I promise I'll be there."

Brendan released his grip reluctantly. "Promise?" Brendan repeated.

Steven held his face in his hands, giving him a quick kiss. "You have my word."

Brendan didn't hold much weight to a man and his word, but it was Steven and therefore the same rules didn't apply.

"Alright." He agreed, somewhat reluctantly. "Please don't be long." When had he become so reliant on the boy for his well-being? Stupid question; Brendan couldn't remember a time when it hadn't been that way.

"You'll barely notice I'm gone!" Steven said cheerfully as he jumped from the bed quickly as though worried Brendan would change his mind.

"We'll see about that." Brendan murmured to himself, watching as Steven sped out of the room.