December 3, 1999
Thanksgiving came and went.
Tobias and Aximili offered to accompany me to whatever Thanksgiving thing I was going to at the homeless shelter.
Nevermind the fact that I have barely left the scoop in the last three weeks. I talked to Melissa. I told her via an e-mail that I was walking across the Eastern seaboard, heading south. Whether she believed me or not was anybody's guess.
I felt it inside me. The Drode was telling the truth.
I would destroy the universe.
I was the Beast.
No. I don't believe in Fate. I decide my destiny. Not some giant red-eye and a prune-asaurus. But it was something greater than Crayak. Something greater had made me the beast.
Still. I could overcome it. Couldn't I?
And that's what I have been wondering the past three weeks.
Still, If I'm going to destroy the universe as Fate intended, then I will. No matter what I do. By sitting on my lead ass, I could be destroying the universe. So it doesn't matter what I do. I'm going to destroy the universe.
But I don't want to destroy the universe!
Tobias said that Jake called a meeting. I guess I had to go.
Well, it looks like Visser One is back on Terra Firma. Marco ran into her this morning when he skipped school. This would be simple reconnaissance info if it weren't for one minor detail, Visser One's host body is Marco's mother.
They were plotting to put the two vissers against each other. It would be something I'd have thought of, if I were devoting such energies to this war.
Visser One was last spotted at the Sutherland Tower. They had come to the consensus that they will sneak in via cockroach morphs.
Except Jake, Rachel, and Cassie all have family functions.
The Boho boys are available. No families, no homes, nothing to do but watch the Owls eat my mice. Tobias said, volunteering the three of us. Ax-man, David, and I will handle this.
"Count me out." I said.
/"What?/" Rachel and Tobias said at the same time.
"Excuse me?" Jake said.
"David, are you all right?" Cassie, of course. "You haven't said a word all day."
And Ax says you hardly ever leave the scoop. Tobias added.
"You're still worried about what the Drode said, are you? About you destroying the universe?" Cassie asked.
"Jesus, Dude. The Drode's evil. He lies." Marco said.
"I'm not so sure." I said.
"So what? You're gonna destroy the universe?" Rachel said smugly sarcastic. "You won't even get off your lead ass for some reconnaissance. How are you gonna destroy the universe crying in a corner?"
"Rachel, that's not exactly sensitive." Cassie snapped.
"David needs to get his head out of his ass."
"We don't have time for this!" Jake snapped. "David if you wanna go, then by all means go, and don't come back until you have your shit together."
In the past, I would have given him some nasty remark. I turned around and left. No morphing. I walked. I heard Cassie yell at him.
"This may be our most important mission, Cassie. The less people with personal hang-ups on this mission, the better."
I sat in my part of the scoop. Contemplating. Contemplating death. Suicide. To be or not to be? That is the question. Does a man control his own destiny? Or is his fate already decided. I felt like Hamlet. Or Dinobot from "Beast Wars". This did not make me feel better. Both of them ended up taking fate by the horns and creating their own destiny. And both of them ended up dead because of it. Worse, he became a Transmetal zombie afterward. Dinobot, of course, not Hamlet.
I was an over-thinker. Forever, contemplating action and never taking it. Masking my fear of actually doing something. Doing something that may change the course of my life. I was Hamlet. Dinobot. Dante Hicks from Clerks. The Narrator of Fight Club.
Reality check, David! Hamlet, Dante, the Narrator, and especially Dinobot are FICTION!!!!!!!!
It was late. About 11:30. I was still up.
Aximili came to me. I am leaving now. We may encounter Visser One, so I may not be coming back.
"Have fun." I said monotonously.
I had hoped you would have changed your mind about coming. I am sure Prince Jake would allow and encourage it.
"I don't really care."
Here, David. Aximili said as he placed something on my desk. Something a wise person once said. Something you should read.
Aximili morphed to harrier and flew away.
I didn't fall asleep until two in the morning. I awoke at noon. Aximili left a note. "Big plan. We are hoping the Vissers will destroy each other. We are setting up the showdown between the two. We may need help."
And a list of coordinates where they'd be. I still hadn't read the folded up note that he left last night. I wasn't going to. It might get in the way of my doing nothing.
Hours went by as I lay there, stewing. I was too afraid to even go to my rock by the river.
Pansy. Pussy. You don't believe in that shit. You don't believe in it! And even if it IS true. If it is what you were meant to do then so be it!
But if I can stop myself, then shouldn't I?
Destroy yourself? Call a spade a spade. You're talking suicide. Suicide is a one-way ticket to Lucifertown, you sure you're up for that, Hunting?
"Buck up, Boy! No son of mine is gonna be some cowardly faggot!"
Fuck you, dad.
Our fathers were our models for God.
You're no son, you're no son of mine
You're no son, you're no son of mine
You walked out; you left us behind,
And you're no son, you're no son of mine!
Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. I saw the movie. Now, I'm reading the book. It's a bit different. Especially the ending.
The movie ended with the Narrator coming to grips with who he was and what he wanted. That revelation plus a self-inflicted bullet through his cheek later, and Tyler Durdin was gone. The Narrator had Marla and Project Mayhem's building destruction plan was a success. A happy ending really.
In the book, the destruction plan fails because of a bad recipe for napalm. The Narrator still gets rid of Tyler by blowing a hole through his cheek, but he believes this act kills him as well. He goes on to describe what "heaven" is like. How he met the angels and God. It is obvious from his description that he is actually in a mental ward. I don't think God has his diplomas displayed on the wall behind his desk. He goes on to say that Marla writes to him from Earth, and that every now and then one of the angels who cleans the floors winks at him and says "We're waiting for your return, Mr. Durdin."
"We're waiting for your return . . ."
Destroy a building. Destroy a universe. Slightly different.
Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Megadeth is stalking grasshoppers again. I watch as a grasshopper lands on the keyboard of my computer. The grasshopper's light weight isn't enough to depress the keys which would pull it out of its sleep mode.
More accurately, pull Ayla out of her sleep mode. I've left her in sleep mode for over three weeks. She's going to be pissed when she wakes up.
That's when I see Megadeth pounce on my keyboard.
"Yawn. NINETEEN DAYS, THIRTEEN HOURS, AND FOUR MINUTES!!!!! I'VE BEEN IN SLEEP MODE FOR NINETEEN DAYS, THIRTEEN HOURS, AND FOUR MINUTES!!!"
Ayla of course. I had to program a computer to have PMS.
"When you're done being mad, shut yourself off again."
"I am not mad. You're mad, clinically speaking, remember? I am not angry either. I'm just in a hostile mood. Why was I dormant for so long? Are you having one of your depression cycles?"
"For the last time, Ayla, I do not have bi-polar disorder, and who told you to hack into the APA database, anyway?"
"You were watching a movie when I went dormant. Would you like to continue it?"
"Not right now."
"Well, I want to see what happens. I'm fairly interested in this man vs. machine tale."
The 'tale' in question was my bootleg mpeg copy of The Matrix. Useless now. If it isn't out already, The Matrix will be out on video soon.
"Do you believe in Fate?" Morpheus asked Neo.
"No." He answered.
"Why not?"
"I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my destiny."
"Ayla, Pause movie file!" I said suddenly. Ayla complied. "Fast Forward."
"But I haven't seen it yet."
"Ayla!"
"Fine."
Images whizzed by, till I got to a part I remembered. Morpheus has brought Neo before the Oracle.
"Remember," Morpheus said, "I can only show you the door. You have to walk through it."
"Of course!" I said. "Stop movie file!"
"Why?"
"Ayla, locate the following coordinates," I said, listing them off from Ax's morning note.
"That's Red Mountain. Popular site for climbing parties."
"Well, now it's a site for inter-visser shoot-outs."
I was about to morph when I saw the note that Aximili left me last night. He said a wise person once said this and that I needed to read it. I opened it up and read it. It was a poem of some sort.
"The days of a war of leisure are done.
The curse of Hamlet shall not rule o'er me.
Damned be the war; its sins dost shame the sun.
Bless'd be the warr'or who fights to be free.
God-given Liberty is oft let go,
Though Mind and Heart need be free to be whole.
If Righteousness is a sword; be it so.
And may Yah-weh have mercy on my Soul."
I said this. The wise person Aximili spoke of was me. This is what I said when I decided to stay an Animorph. I almost thought to myself last year, but it was only nine months ago.
I am an Animorph. And I must help my friends.
I sped-morphed to Merlin and flew to Red Mountain. I was only half-way there when I spotted the Bug Fighters. The Huge Blade Ship. And the even more huge ship that was shooting at it. As I got to the summit, I saw many Hork-Bajir. I saw three Jara Hamees. One was real. The other two were Rachel and (I think) Aximili. Impossible to tell which was which. I saw either Ket Halpek or Tobias in Ket Halpek morph. I saw a mountain goat staring at a Hispanic woman. Visser One. Marco's mother. The goat was Marco obviously. I saw with merlin eyes a discoloration in the stone. Visser Three in a camouflaged morph. Got to give the Visser kudos on morph choices.
The Visser was headed toward Visser One. The goat stood by frozen. My merlin eyes saw all too well the tears in the goat's eyes.
Man.
I dove toward the trees near the Vissers, dodging dracon beams. I demorphed in the air, keeping the oversized wings on my back. I tried the "piece-wise morphing" that another me invented in a terminated timeline, but couldn't do it. So I was fully human as I fell through the top of the trees. I was half-Hork-Bajir as I grabbed the tree limb with my arms and started to slingshot my way back up. I was fully Hork-Bajir as I flew up and caught the next one.
I swung across branches til I was able to land myself in the middle of the summit field. I ran, seemingly unnoticed among the yeerks.
"It's the boy!" I heard Visser One shout.
I thought she meant me, but it turns out she meant Marco in goat morph. I ran between the Dracon-armed Visser One and the morphed, charging Visser Three.
The timing was perfect. Like in one of those Martial arts movies. I was focused. It didn't matter that I was "supposed" to destroy the universe. It didn't matter how I've ignored the only girl that may truly love me right now. All that mattered was my goal. I noticed the goat was about to charge the woman. I noticed the bird above me. I noticed the tiger that would pounce the goat before I could get to my prey. More importantly I watched the targets. I would only get a split chance. Neither of them had noticed me. They were a little more than a yard apart and they didn't notice me.
At the precise moment, I leapt between Visser One and the oncoming Visser Three and I double kicked.
One kick sent Visser One over one side of the cliff. The other sent Visser Three tumbling down the wall of the other side. In a split second it was over.
The bird that was going to attack Visser One landed on a tree limb instead. Glad to have you back, David.
Thanks, Cassie. I said. How is he going to be? I said pointing to Marco.
I don't know, but if I know him, he'll survive.
Yeah. We all will.
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This chapter contained the refrain from Genesis' "No Son of Mine" from The Way We Walk.