Chapter Seventeen

"Whose room am I taking then?" Declan asked the minute they stepped through the door.

Brendan shrugged, collapsing onto the sofa. "Ah." Brendan said, realisation dawning on him. "There aren't any beds upstairs."

"Seriously?" Declan sat down beside him.

"I only just got the place back and seeing as I'm the only one who lives here…"

Declan bounced on the sofa. "I can sleep here, it's fine."

"Ye can have my bed." Brendan offered, resting his eyes for a moment.

"You and Ste will want that." Declan told him.

"Steven can sleep on here, I'll take the floor."

"Dad." Declan said firmly. "Ste will want to share the bed with you."

"Mmm." Brendan said, wondering why his chest tightened at the thought. "Still, ye are a guest and-"

"Ste's a guest too." Declan pointed out. "You should really get him to move in here. Get him away from that creepy dad of his."

"Deccy, ye can't say things like that when he arrives." Brendan told him, voice low. He didn't reveal how desperately he wanted that, but he was sure it was written all over his face by the way Declan smiled at him.

"I know, I know." Declan stretched out, wincing when his back clicked into place. "But I'm right."

Brendan sighed, standing up and indicating that Declan do the same. He handed him the pillows from the sofa before pulling it out into a sofa bed.

"Clever." Declan mused. "So you had time to buy a sofa bed but not real beds?"

"Enough of the attitude, hm?" Brendan replied good-naturedly.

Declan flung himself onto the mattress, groaning as he made himself comfortable. "This is mine, it's too comfortable."

Brendan looked at him steadily for a moment before throwing a pillow at him. Declan caught it easily, sitting up and grinning at him.

"You scared of getting him alone? You telling me you haven't…" Declan trailed off, gesturing with his hands.

"Deccy!" Brendan scolded him, flushing. "We don't talk about that. Ever."

"Alright!" Declan chuckled, holding the pillow to his chest. "Still, what is it?"

Brendan sighed, perching on the arm of the sofa. "Big deal, sharing a bed again like a… couple."

"You are, aren't you?" Declan asked, frowning.

"Should we be?" Brendan countered, voice light even though he was feeling anything but.

"You mean what I saw when I was younger?" Declan asked him. Brendan winced; he'd half-hoped Declan had blocked that incident from his memory.

"Yeah, that among other things." Brendan murmured.

Declan looked thoughtful for a moment. Brendan took the opportunity to look him over properly. He was much taller than when Brendan had last seen him, and broader in the shoulders. He had the same hairstyle, same cheeky grin. He was still his little boy, but now he was more of a man. Brendan felt incredibly proud but also sad that he had missed so much of it. Declan turned back to him, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Things are different now though, aren't they?"

"Of course." Brendan said firmly. "I want to make it right."

"And you will." Declan said softly. "I believe in you, and so does Ste."

"Deccy…" Brendan trailed off at a knock on the front door. He opened it swiftly, relaxing when he saw Steven.

Steven was holding a pillow under one arm and a duvet in the other. He smiled at Brendan sheepishly.

"I wasn't sure if you had anything to sleep in, or Declan." He swept past him, dumping them on one of the chairs.

"We were just talking about that." Brendan told him. He could barely disguise the tremor in his voice. Declan gave him a pointed look, urging him to address the sleeping arrangement. When Brendan didn't, he piped up himself.

"Where do you want to sleep, Ste? Bed, sofa or floor?"

"He ain't sleeping on the floor." Brendan said quietly.

"I could." Declan offered but Brendan shook his head resolutely.

Steven looked between the two of them, bewildered. "I don't get it. What's the big deal?"

"He's scared to sleep with you." Declan said, rolling his eyes.

Steven stared at Brendan for several moments before he slowly began to smile. "But we shared a bed last night."

"Yeah, well." Brendan glared at the floor. "That was different."

"How?" Steven asked incredulously.

Brendan shuffled from foot to foot. "Can we talk about this later?" He murmured.

"Alright." Steven sighed, kissing him on the cheek before finding his way to the kitchen. "Dinner might take a while so amuse yourselves."

Without further provocation, Declan grabbed the television remote, making himself comfortable.

Brendan left him to it, joining Steven in the kitchen instead. He leaned against the counter top, watching Steven as he began preparations for dinner.

"You gonna watch me the whole time?" Steven asked him after a while.

"Might do." Brendan said quietly. "The man I love cooking me a meal, doesn't get much better than that."

"Oh yeah?" Steven raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Well, that too." Brendan admitted with a wry smile.

Steven looked at him, then away as though considering something.

"What?" Brendan prompted, sliding closer to him.

"What was all that about sharing a bed?" Steven raised his eyebrows as he asked.

"Oh." Brendan shuffled about awkwardly. "It's stupid."

"Tell me." Steven said firmly, abandoning his cooking temporarily.

"We've had, what, three nights together?"

"Yeah, something like that." Steven answered slowly, waiting for Brendan to get to the point.

"We haven't just gone to bed together though. Except that first night." Brendan said softly.

Steven stared at him blankly. "You've lost me."

"We normally… ye know." Brendan lowered his voice further. "But tonight with Deccy here, we'll just sleep, won't we? And that's different."

"Is it?" Steven asked, scrunching up his face.

"It'll be… normal." Brendan said the word wonderingly. "And ye two here, like a family. It's…" Brendan struggled to find the right word.

"Great?" Steven supplied for him. His expression was soft.

"Yeah." Brendan muttered, embarrassed. "More than great."

Steven sighed happily, circling his arms around Brendan's waist. "We're gonna be alright, me and you."

"Ye reckon?"

"Of course. I've never seen you so… what's the word? Bashful or something?"

Brendan nodded, leaning in to Steven's touch.

"It's dead cute."

"Don't say that." Brendan groaned.

"But it is! You're all embarrassed and blushing." Steven rubbed his nose against Brendan's cheek. "Are you feeling odd because your Declan's here?"

"Not exactly." Brendan admitted. "I'm okay with all that, I think. It's all just a bit… overwhelming, ye know?"

Steven nodded, leaning his head against Brendan's shoulder. "One day at a time." He whispered.

Brendan nodded fervently, lightening the mood somewhat by swiping a bit of sauce from the pan.

"Hey! It's not finished yet."

"Best get to it then." Brendan smirked, some of his easy charm returning.

"And you best give Declan that duvet for tonight." Steven said, giving him a wide grin.

Xxx

"Bren?" Steven asked, sitting crossed legged in front of him on the bed. They'd finished dinner hours ago and after watching some television with Declan, he'd eventually told them to 'get lost and talk' so he could get some sleep.

"Mm?" Brendan murmured, feeling exhausted himself. Steven's face was bathed in half-light, eyes shining brightly, alert and curious.

"Why does tonight feel any different from that first night you came back?"

Brendan sighed, sitting up in the bed. He'd known Steven wouldn't let it drop; he had always wanted to know Brendan's every thought, even if it wasn't something he particularly wanted to hear.

"It's hard to explain." Brendan replied carefully.

"Try." Steven answered imploringly, curling up at Brendan's feet like an over-indulged cat.

"That first night," Brendan began, searching for the right way to explain. "It didn't feel real. I had ye but… I didn't know how long it would last."

Steven frowned at him. "Why not? I didn't give you any reason to think that."

"It's not yer fault. How could I believe that after all those years ye would want me back? Not only that, but to practically pick up from where we left off?"

"Is that bad?" Steven asked, resting up on his elbow.

"No. But things have changed; I've changed, you've changed."

"Me?" Steven crawled closer to him. "In what way?"

"Not in an obvious way, except to me." Brendan said softly, resting his hand against Steven's cheek.

"I'm gonna need more than that." Steven laughed, leaning in to Brendan's hand.

"I don't wanna offend ye." Brendan chuckled, thumb smoothing over Steven's jaw.

"Is it because I'm older?"

"Course not." Brendan said sharply. "Why would it be?"

"I'm not as smooth now." Steven said self-consciously.

"Who cares?" Brendan countered. How could Steven think he was anything but beautiful to him?

"I do." Steven murmured. "What if you want to trade up or something?"

"What?" Brendan started forwards suddenly, incredulous. Steven flinched away from him, eyes wide. They stared at each other for several beats. "I wasn't gonna…" Brendan trailed off, clasping his hands together.

"I know that."

"Ye flinched."

"You made me jump."

"That's not it though, is it?" Brendan stared into his eyes then, unblinking. "Ye are scared of me."

"No." Steven said firmly. A little too firmly.

"If ye aren't, ye have forgotten how to be."

"Don't be stupid, I've never been scared of ya."

"Steven…"

"Maybe after… you know, sometimes. But not like this." Steven reached out to take his hand but Brendan drew back, uncertain. "Bren…" Steven shuffled closer to him, close enough to reach out and brush his fingertips against his chest. "Do I look scared?"

Brendan stared at him, hard. Steven looked back at him steadily, perfectly relaxed once more.

"I guess not." Brendan answered eventually.

"Then let's keep talking, okay?"

Brendan nodded, attempting to relax his own posture. It was difficult; especially with Steven this close to him. As though reading his mind, Steven resumed his position at the end of the bed, staring at Brendan and waiting for him to speak again.

"Ye seem more… fragile." Brendan said, keeping his eyes on Steven's face to make sure he wasn't upset.

Steven barely reacted; he looked as though this wasn't news to him. Brendan wasn't sure if his self awareness was a good thing or not. Surely he'd have wanted to do everything he could to not feel that way?

"It hasn't been easy." Steven said, startling Brendan. "Not just you, but the kids as well. Being alone, no one to turn to." Steven stared into the middle distance, voice flat and lifeless as though he was back in that dark place once more. "Then dad showed up and things got… better. He took care of me."

Brendan opened and shut his mouth, restraining himself from saying what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry I put ye in that position."

"It's okay. Well, it isn't. But it's okay now." Steven smiled a little at him. "You're back, that's what matters."

"But ye don't seem sure." Brendan said, picking up on his tone. "Ye don't think I'll stay."

"How could I know something like that?" Steven argued.

"Ye don't. Ye are just used to the disappointment."

Steven lowered his gaze, speaking into the duvet as though it held all the answers.

"I think I lost a part of myself that day." He said so quietly that Brendan had to lean closer to hear him. "When you told me about your dad, everything just sort of clicked into place, you know? I suddenly understood things I hadn't before. It was terrifying. I didn't know what to do. When I came looking for you that night I wanted to make sure you were okay. You weren't answering your phone and I was scared, right. Then seeing you on that balcony, confessing everything, even Danny…" Steven swallowed thickly. "Was it me? Did you not want to be with me anymore? How could you do that, just give yourself up and leave me all alone? I must have done something wrong."

"Of course not." Brendan said gruffly, reaching forwards to take his hands. "Ye know why I did it, for Cheryl."

"It can't have just been that." Steven shook his head, releasing himself from Brendan's grip and striding across the room. "I thought for ages that you must have thought you were doing me a favour or something. Setting me free, letting me live my life."

"Because I thought I'd lost mine, I was as good as dead, Steven."

"But when you found out your sentence was shorter." Steven said, turning back to him. His eyes were shining now with unshed tears. "You could have gotten in touch, let me know you'd be back."

"But ye wouldn't have lived properly, waiting on me."

"It would have been better than what I did have." Steven said roughly. "Until dad came I had nothing."

"Good job he was around then." Brendan said, unable to disguise the bitterness in his tone.

"Yeah, it was actually. I know he's not perfect but he's my dad."

"That doesn't give him a free pass to lock ye in cellars, Steven."

"He explained all that." Steven replied, crossing his arms.

"He wants to control ye." Brendan said, rising from the bed and standing directly in front of him. "How can ye not see that?"

"And you never did that?" Steven retorted, angry now. "He's no worse than you."

"Steven." Brendan said, barely able to speak. "I don't wanna fight with ye. I get it, ye want him in yer life, he's important to ye."

"So are you." Steven replied haughtily. "But you gotta calm down, yeah? Don't treat me like I'm fragile otherwise how am I gonna learn not to be?"

"Has he been doing that, hm? What about yer nightmares? What does he do when they happen?"

"None of your business!" Steven raised his voice a little higher.

"Steven please, I just want to understand." Brendan begged, taking another step towards him.

"I don't wanna hear it, yeah?"

Brendan deflated at his words, the fight leaving him. "Alright." He said, stepping around the bed towards the door.

"Where you going?"

"To sleep outside." Brendan said gruffly, grabbing a pillow and bed sheet. "See ye in the morning." He shut the door behind him, trying not to wake Declan. He didn't want to alert the boy to his presence so instead he settled down just outside his room. The floor was hard and uncomfortable but he didn't care; it wasn't as though he'd be sleeping tonight.

At some point he must have dozed off because something roused him to full awareness, hitting him like a tonne of bricks. Steven was crying out from his bedroom and it didn't take a genius to work out what was going on. Brendan could have kicked himself for being so thoughtless.

He rushed into the room, closing the door shut after him. Steven was twisted around his bed covers, sweating and in obvious distress. Brendan went to the side of the bed, giving him a gentle shake.

"Steven. Wake up, Steven."

"Daddy." Steven sobbed. Brendan didn't know if he was awake or not but the very word sent a chill to his bones.

"It's me, Steven. It's Brendan." He tightened his grip, willing the boy to open his eyes. Eventually he did so, blinking in confusion and breathing hard.

"Brendan?"

"Yeah, it's me." Brendan replied, breathing out in relief.

"What happened?"

"Ye had a nightmare." Brendan told him, resting his forehead against Steven's shoulder. "Scared me." He said, laughing nervously.

"Funny, init? After what you said about my dad. Bet you think it's dead sad, me crying out for him. Sometimes he comes in and holds me, sleeps in the bed with me." Steven was biting his words out, hardly realising the effect they were having on Brendan.

He stiffened, drawing back in horror. "Steven…"

"It isn't like that." Steven said quickly, anger deflating as quickly as it had come. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Stop. Stop apologising." Brendan pushed his forehead against Steven's. "Don't ever apologise to me."

"I don't wanna fight." Steven said quietly, voice breaking around the words.

"Me neither." Brendan admitted.

"Get in to bed then." Steven said, shuffling back to give Brendan room. Brendan slid in gratefully, the soft mattress soothing the aches from sleeping on the floor. "You're such an idiot, sleeping out there." Steven said softly, tucking his head underneath Brendan's chin.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore." Brendan replied honestly. "Give ye space, look after ye, watch ye from a distance…"

"Definitely stay close." Steven said, curling his legs around Brendan's and holding him tightly in place.

"But I get it, ye wanna be yer own person again. If I'm stopping that in any way…"

"No, you aren't. You and dad though, this rivalry… it has to stop. I'll be talking to him too."

"Okay." Brendan breathed, wrapping his arms around Steven. "Whatever ye want."

"Good."

They were silent for a while; Brendan took the opportunity to hold Steven close and feel every tremor in his body. The nightmare had taken its toll and Brendan was almost certain Steven wouldn't be able to sleep again just yet.

"Steven?" He asked, somewhat croakily.

"Yeah?"

"What will help ye sleep?"

"I dunno." Steven answered, shrugging. "What did you have in mind?"

Brendan found himself smiling, pulling Steven to rest on top of him.

"You said with Declan here…" Steven began, mouth twitching into its own smile.

"If we're really quiet." Brendan said, placing a finger over Steven's already moistened lips.

"No promises." Steven said coyly, grinding his pelvis against him.

"Jesus." Brendan breathed, hands gripping his thighs. "Ye will be the death of me, Steven Hay."

Steven scrunched up his nose in distaste.

"What?" Brendan asked, wondering if he'd said the wrong thing again.

"I don't like my last name, especially now."

Brendan didn't like where this was heading. "Ye don't wanna be a Spencer?"

Steven shrugged. "Dad suggested it a while ago, I've been thinking about it."

Brendan bit his lip to prevent the words he really wanted to say from spilling out. "Yer choice, Steven."

"I'm still not sure yet." He said. "You gonna get these clothes off me or what?" He added, bringing Brendan's attention back to the task at hand.

Brendan smirked, brushing his hands up and down Steven's waist underneath his shirt.

"Take off yer clothes, Steven."

Steven raised his eyebrows, face full of recognition. "Want me to strip for ya?"

"Always." Brendan said, voice lulled with desire.

Steven did as he was told, slipping his shirt slowly off his head and pulling his boxers down around his ankles. Brendan re-positioned himself, pulling them all the way off with his teeth.

Steven grinned at him, placing himself at the head of the bed.

"Ye trying to get away, hm?" Brendan stalked towards him, eventually settling his hands either side of Steven's head.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Steven crooned, pushing his hips off the bed and rubbing himself against Brendan's groin.

Brendan closed his eyes, ducking his head to capture Steven's lips in a searing kiss. It was easy to forget his anxieties when Steven was spread out beneath him like this; open and willing for his touch. It made Brendan remember the numerous nights he spent in prison, imagining Steven's body, every crevice from memory, and pretending he was there beside him, soothing the ache in his heart and the noise in his head. Sometimes he would become so engrossed even his cock would react. It did the same now, straining in reaction to Steven's desire, itching to hit its target inside the warmth of Steven's pressed, hot body.

Steven was silent as Brendan slowly trailed his fingers down his smooth chest, circling his nipples with his tongue and playing with the soft strands of hair underneath his belly button. His lips moved further down, kissing his stomach almost reverently. Steven squirmed; he'd always been a little ticklish. Once Brendan spread his knees apart however, his gaze turned serious and intense, fixed on Brendan's own.

"Been a while since I done this." Brendan murmured, kissing down his shaft and balls, hovering outside his hole.

"Oh god." Steven breathed, evidently aware of what was to come. Brendan poked his tongue out, wetting the dark hair around, teasing where he knew Steven wanted him to touch. He arched a little off the bed, pounding his fist into the duvet. "Don't tease, not now."

Brendan made a soft, rumbling sound in his throat. "Don't tell me that. Now it's all I want to do." Steven groaned, fists tightening in the soft material, squeezing his eyes shut as Brendan's tongue darted out once more to flick against his entry, not quite touching long enough for a reaction, but getting one all the same.

"Fuck." Steven bit his lip, remembering Brendan's earlier words about keeping quiet.

"Ye gonna be good for me, Steven? Be quiet?"

Steven nodded hastily, leaning his head back and exposing his throat. Brendan reached up to graze the area he knew was incredibly sensitive to the lad before bringing his tongue out once more, this time coating the area.

Steven made soft, whimpering noises, shimmying himself further down the bed in the hope that it would make Brendan quicken his pace. It didn't.

Brendan smoothed his tongue flat against Steven's hole, spitting on it for good measure and making the spit bubble and froth enticingly. He held onto Steven's thighs, fingers digging into the soft flesh as he kissed and licked all over, tongue poking its way inside and coaxing Steven's hole open for him.

Steven was a mess above him, overcompensating for the lack of noise by moving all over the bed, unable to restrain himself. Brendan entertained the idea of tying him up but he knew Steven would break free at the climax like he always did. That small element of knowing he could escape made it all the more special, in an odd way. Steven pretended to relinquish control to Brendan but there was still a tiny part of him that knew the truth, and relaxed as a result. Brendan was a clear dominator, but he always held back that little bit, knowing the reality of being overtaken completely, and the unpleasantness that followed.

Brendan shook his head, clearing himself of such thoughts. Steven's eyes were on him, curious and concerned. He gave him the briefest of smiles, crawling on top of his body to reach his lips, wanting Steven to taste himself on his tongue. He recoiled at first, almost as reluctant as he had been the first time Brendan had rimmed him. But once Brendan's tongue was deep in his mouth, tangling with his own, Steven soon forgot about his reservations.

Brendan kept his hands busy as they kissed, replacing where his tongue had been and widening Steven in a way his tongue wasn't capable of doing. By the time Steven was fully open to him, they were both breathing hard into each others mouths, as though giving each other life.

Brendan grabbed a condom out of the drawer, rolling it onto himself and slicking himself up with lubricant. Steven watched him with avid interest, eyes fixated on his cock, marvelling at its size and the wondrous things he knew it could do to him.

Pausing, Brendan considered their positions, not knowing how he wanted it to be this time. Steven answered his thought, pulling his legs back and up, spreading them wide and pushing his hole into Brendan's direct line of sight. His eyes were shining with mischief and desire, and Brendan couldn't resist him for a moment longer.

He pushed in the tip, wetting his lips as he felt the familiar heat pulling him inside, daring him to push all the way in and take Steven whole. He wasn't sure if Steven was ready for that though so he tilted his hips further up, cock swallowed halfway inside before he looked at Steven for confirmation. Steven gave him the briefest of nods, not quite tensing in preparation but readying himself. Brendan didn't need telling twice; he hit his mark effortlessly, shuddering as he felt the friction and the tightness of Steven's body around him.

Brendan didn't move; relishing in the feel of him, the way his skin was raised in pleasure and anticipation. Steven rocked against him slightly, drawing him in. Brendan smirked, withdrawing halfway once more before slamming back inside the whole way, feeling as Steven's thighs shook all around him. They kept up this rhythm, Steven biting on his fist to prevent the cries threatening to escape his lips.

Brendan held his knees, using them as leverage to hit his mark accurately, loving the way Steven would tense as he withdrew and widen as he took him back in again. Brendan found himself watching the show, becoming lost in the enormity of what they were doing. Steven drew him back with a gentle hand to his cheek, wanting their eyes to meet for the moment of climax that followed.

Brendan must have came with him a million times already but this time was different. It was almost a promise; a promise that this was it for them now. No more prison, no more pushing each other away with insecurities and doubt. Brendan knew it would be impossible, that men like them were filled with raging thoughts, with deep-rooted fears and expectations. But it was comforting to know there was always each other, two sides of the same coin, one and the same. United.