Chapter Twenty

"Are you okay, Ste?"

Cheryl's hands were on him, attempting to soothe. He brushed her off, not too unkindly, and started following Brendan out of the building.

Cheryl stopped him with a firm hand; he'd almost forgotten how strong she was.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, love."

Ste whirled on her, incredulous.

"Did you see him? He's a mess, Cheryl! After everything he's been through-"

"I'm not denying that, believe me!" Cheryl interrupted hastily. "I'm just saying in that mood, Ste… you know what he's capable of."

Ste blinked, hardly able to absorb her words.

"After everything he did for you…"

"Ste!" Cheryl pleaded, hands gripping his shoulders tightly. Her face was pinched with worry, for him and for Brendan. Ste regretted his tone and bowed his head.

"I'm sorry, Cheryl. He has changed though, you haven't seen it."

Cheryl's shoulders deflated, hunching in on herself. "He wouldn't even call me to tell me he's out, how do you think that makes me feel?"

"He had his reasons." Ste mumbled, growing impatient. "I still need to go find him."

"But-"

Nate intercepted her next words by striding forwards, handing Ste a number.

"Call us if you need anything; that's where we're staying."

Ste nodded gratefully, slipping the piece of paper into his pocket.

"Give us your phone." He said suddenly. Nate did so, watching as Ste typed in a number. "It's Brendan's, just in case?"

Nate nodded solemnly. He reached forwards as though to pat Ste on the shoulder but then seemingly thought better of it.

"I remember when Brendan told me to not let his father near our future children." Nate began, resting his fingertips against Cheryl's belly. "I can't thank him enough for that."

"I think it's Cheryl you should be thanking." Ste said. "But I'll tell him, if I find him."

"Be careful." Cheryl said, lips pursed together in anxiety.

"Always am." Ste said, drifting off down the stairs at a quickened pace. His phone was in his hand simultaneously. He had to find him; he didn't like to think of the alternative if he didn't.

He went to all the places he knew of in Dublin that might mean something to Brendan. He started with the Ha'Penny bridge, jostling past adoring couples as his eyes scanned the area. No sight of him. Just as he was about to try somewhere else, his eyes caught on something. He stepped closer to get a better look, heart in his mouth.

One of the locks read 'Brendan and Steven' in Brendan's unmistakeable handwriting. Ste choked back a sob, wondering when Brendan had found time to do such a thing. Was it before prison, or after? Was it during their last trip to Dublin, or Brendan's? Ste touched the lock fondly, the key missing and cast somewhere out in the water.

Ste wasn't the type to read into things; for him life was pretty simple when it needed to be. Except for when it came to Brendan. It felt like a message; a call for help.

With this revelation Ste found a new resolve. He didn't need to find Brendan, not yet. He knew how he could help him. Seamus needed to be purged from their lives, once and for all. Only then could they be free from the past and its restraints.

He tried calling Brendan again but of course no one answered. He left a message instead, keeping his voice as steady and clear as he was able to. His voice stuck on the last words, tears springing to his eyes as he said them.

"I love you, okay? Don't give up on us, not again. Please, Bren."

He fingered the lighter in his pocket, back straightening in confidence he wasn't sure he felt. He knew what he had to do.

Xxx

Brendan sat on the edge of the pier, bottle of whiskey in one hand, the other raking through his hair. His phone buzzed for perhaps the hundredth time. Brendan had half a mind to throw it out into the ocean.

He took another long swig of the bottle, eyes tearful and bloodshot, pulse hammering madly at his throat. He was uncontrollable like this; nothing could penetrate through the fog in his brain. All those years of repressing his rage in prison had finally taken its toll. He couldn't be fixed, there was no happy ending here.

His phone buzzed again, this time a message. Blearily he stared at the screen, realising that he had a voicemail message. He put the phone to his ear, eyes blinking shut as he heard the familiar lilt of Steven's voice.

"Brendan. You need to stop this, it was an accident. You shouldn't be on your own right now. Please come by the pub… I think you'll be happy with what you see… I love you, okay? Don't give up on us, not again. Please, Bren."

Brendan frowned, re-listening to the message. What did he mean by 'you'll be happy with what you see'? What on earth was he supposed to find? Through the haze in his mind Brendan felt the prickling of unease. He didn't like Steven's tone; so resolute and sure that his words held meaning, that Brendan would understand the implication. He didn't, and he had to find out.

It wasn't easy in his state to find transportation. He decided to walk it; it hadn't seemed far last time Steven and him had made the journey. He remembered it well, the way their hands brushed the entire way, just that little bit out of reach. Brendan hadn't even been able to give him that then, that one simple desire. He didn't like to think what else he could be incapable of now. Had he made a mistake, coming back into Steven's life? Wasn't he doing okay with Sam until Brendan had interfered?

His questions clouded his mind as he walked, the journey taking twice as long without Steven's soothing voice to distract him. He listened to the message several more times, listening particularly hard to the last line.

"I love you, okay? Don't give up on us, not again. Please, Bren."

That word, please, reverberated around Brendan's head, giving him far too much hope than he deserved. It was only when he arrived outside the pub did Steven's meaning begin to make sense to him. He sped up then, throwing open the door at the same moment he saw Steven flick his lighter, pure intent in his clear blue eyes.

"What are ye doing?!" Brendan exclaimed, not wanting to make a sudden movement in case he startled Steven into dropping the lighter. The whole place reeked of spirits.

"I'm getting rid." Steven said, voice calm and collected. "I'm gonna burn the place to the ground."

"Are ye insane?" Brendan started forwards, manic and terrified. "With ye inside still? What the fuck do ye think you're doing?!"

Steven blinked then, confused. "What-?"

"Ye think ye can just leave me like that?!" Brendan shouted, darting forwards and grabbing Steven around the middle.

"Bren!" Steven staggered, clicking the lighter shut.

"Ye can't do that, okay?" Brendan clung to him tightly, nose buried against Steven's neck, inhaling the scent of his boy, wanting nothing more than to carry him out of this wretched place.

"I wasn't gonna stay in here." Steven said, no more than a whisper. He seemed more relaxed now, body moulding against Brendan's own.

"Still fucking risky." Brendan growled, holding him even tighter, vice-like grip.

"I had to do something!" Steven exclaimed, struggling to break free. "You didn't leave me with much choice!"

"What am I supposed to do, huh? Let ye get hurt by me again, time and time again? I can't do it, Steven. I won't do it."

"That is my choice." Steven said roughly, finally disengaging himself from Brendan's arms. "And there's nothing you can do about it."

Brendan was rendered speechless. He felt like he had the last time they were here, when Steven had told him the past existed only in dust and couldn't hurt him anymore.

"But-"

"No." Steven said fiercely, striding forwards those few feet between them and kissing Brendan violently on the mouth.

Everything after that became crystal clear. The tearing of clothes, skin and lips torn and bitten, tight press of bodies entwined on the floor. Brendan scarcely knew where he ended and Steven began. The boy was feral; Brendan hadn't ever seen him that way before. He laid his hands upon Brendan possessively but with absolute devotion. His hands guided Brendan's to his arse cheeks, spreading and clenching around Brendan's tentative fingers, slicked up with spit.

Steven wasn't tentative in his movements; fucked himself wide open on Brendan's fingers; hot, tight heat almost unbearable in the stifling atmosphere of the room. Steven drew Brendan back to himself every time he wavered, putting on a show for him with every movement. His pale, soft skin glimmered in the light slanting in through the boarded up windows as he moved on Brendan's cock, pulling out and slamming back down to the root, stuttering cries and digging fingers into Brendan's flushed chest.

The climax was almost unbearable in its intensity and Brendan lost himself in the moment, crying out like an enraged animal, pulling Steven impossibly close.

They breathed hard against each other after, bodies slick with sweat and dust. Steven had a cloud of dust in his hair, almost halo-like. Brendan bit down a laugh at the thought.

"What?" Steven asked, beginning to smile.

Brendan mussed his hair, causing Steven to shut his eyes tightly to avoid being blinded by the dust.

"Ugh."

"Just think how much worse it could have been," Brendan told him, expression soft. "Ash would have been a lot harder to shake out."

Steven rolled his eyes, tightening his legs around Brendan's waist. His cock was still inside, not that he was eager to remove it yet.

"I'm not gonna live this one down, am I?"

"Done yer best to make me forget it, so there's that." Brendan said, cupping Steven's face in his hands. "But please don't do anything so stupid ever again."

"If we end up doing that again though-"

"Steven." Brendan said warningly, voice sharp and tight.

Steven stared at him knowingly, allowing Brendan to pull him against his bare chest.

"I'm sorry I scared you. It worked though, didn't it? You feel better now?"

Brendan wasn't sure how he felt. He ran his fingers up and down Steven's bare back, doing his best to avoid his scar from the last fire.

Brendan's silence made Steven pull back to look into his face.

"Listen. I had a back-up idea."

"Oh yeah?" Brendan asked sceptically.

"That money Seamus left me-"

Brendan drew in a sharp intake of breath. It took a while for him to come back to himself; his eyes glazed over and his head became hazy again. Steven had to dig his fingernails into his flesh hard and shout his name to gain his attention.

"Brendan!" He gave him a shake, not even attempting to be gentle. "That money, right? I'm gonna use it to get this place knocked down."

Brendan blinked a few times, trying to absorb Steven's words. "Knocked down?" He said blankly.

"Yes! Gone forever, no more than dust." Steven said, his voice strong and unwavering. Brendan could feel him shaking against him however; his distance had frightened him evidently.

"That… that could work." Brendan said, voice hoarse.

"It will." Steven said firmly. "Then I'm gonna go and piss on the old gits grave-"

"Steven." Brendan laughed, feeling more like himself. "I think what you're doing is enough."

"Well, alright." Steven agreed reluctantly. He shifted uncomfortably on Brendan's lap. "I think I'd better get off, you know."

Brendan groaned under his breath.

"I can't stay with your cock inside me forever!"

"Why not?" Brendan grumbled, burying his lips against Steven's neck, making him sigh.

"We gotta tell Cheryl you're okay."

Brendan frowned, feeling a pang of guilt. "Is she okay?"

"Just worried about you, like always." Steven said softly, brushing Brendan's hair flat. "This is a fresh start for both of you; you can finally be a proper brother and sister, no more secrets."

"Ye think so?" Brendan asked doubtfully. "After everything I told her… we never got the chance to talk about it, after."

"You mean like with murdering your nan?"

"Steven!" Brendan scolded him, amused and horrified in equal measure by how blunt he was being.

"I get it, she let you down big time. You were a mess; Walker was messing with ya, weren't he?"

Brendan twitched uncomfortably at the mention of him. "There might be more to tell ye on that…" He began awkwardly.

"Don't." Steven said, and he sounded so agonised that Brendan grasped his thighs tightly in fear. "I know about that."

"What?" Brendan hadn't expected to hear that.

"You think I don't know you, Brendan? Of course you two slept together."

"Steven… it wasn't… I didn't, he tricked-"

"I get it, it doesn't matter anymore. He was… you know." Steven shrugged awkwardly. "I don't really blame you."

Brendan froze then, giving him a hard look. "He was what exactly?"

Colour rose in Steven's cheeks. "He was pretty alright looking, weren't he?"

"Excuse me?" Brendan said coldly.

"Don't give me that!" Steven sighed, extricating himself with great difficulty from Brendan's body. "He's got nothing on you."

"I swear to God if ye would have gone there-"

"Ugh, don't be soft!" Steven rolled his eyes. "You're being silly."

"Me?" Brendan rose to a standing position, looming over Steven in all his naked glory.

"Yes, you! I was about to commit arson for you!"

"Very romantic, Steven. Shame ye could have gotten yerself killed in the process." Brendan tutted, locating his boxers. "But hey, least ye would have been with yer old mate Walker."

"Shut up." Steven said giving him a shove and almost unbalancing him as he attempted to put his boxers on.

Brendan glowered at him, eyes raking down Steven's smaller but lithe body.

"Jesus." He said, anger stuttering out. Steven was sporting an erection. A fucking erection.

Steven held out a finger warningly. "Don't you dare." He said, lips twitching in amusement.

Brendan growled low under his breath before launching forwards, grabbing him around the middle. Steven squealed in delight, rubbing himself shamelessly against Brendan's stiffening cock.

"Ye fucking-"

"Just be quiet, Brendan." Steven said exasperatingly, twisting in his arms to give him a kiss.

It wasn't as rough as the first time; Brendan laid Steven out on the hard floor, kissing down his body and sucking against his skin. His hole was already loose and open to him but Brendan took the opportunity to lick a trail from his balls to entry, hand moving across his chest and stroking his hardened nipples.

"Brendan." Steven groaned, eyes rolling back.

"Still want Walker now, hm?" Brendan asked him, knowing that he was being a dick but not particularly caring.

Steven didn't reply; instead he bucked his hips up against Brendan, inviting him to take him again.

The second time was always different, especially so soon after the first. Brendan could feel the remnants of his previous orgasm coiling through him with each thrust. Steven was satisfyingly vocal and responsive, shifting his hips upwards to Brendan's movements, fingers scraping noisily against the floor. Brendan loved the complete lack of care Steven took to the building. It wasn't until after that he realised Steven had been writing something definitive into the floor, something that made Brendan's breath hitch and his eyes water.

Mine.