Chapter Twenty Two

Brendan imagined a mad dash to the hospital, Nate in complete panic not knowing what to do with himself. Brendan remembered being the same when Declan was born, more anxious after what happened to Niamh. Instead what transpired was a calm collection of night bags, a call to the midwife and Nate and Brendan carefully helping Cheryl downstairs. Steven went outside to open the car door for her, running back inside to grab the bags. His eyes were bright and excited; he thrived on this kind of joy and activity.

The contractions had already begun but were fairly far apart. Cheryl gritted her teeth, a sheen of sweat already developing on her forehead. Brendan drove with Steven in the front, Nate in the back holding Cheryl's hand tightly and murmuring reassuring words to her.

Brendan wished there was something he could do to take the pain away, to help Cheryl somehow. Steven, as if reading his thoughts, turned the radio on. Bewitched was on one of the stations, making Brendan wince and turn his head to look at Cheryl.

"Anything but this, eh?"

Cheryl grinned at him, tears in her eyes. Nate looked at her wonderingly as if he hadn't seen her smile like that for a long time. Brendan smiled in return, turning back to the road before Cheryl could see the gleam in his own eyes. Steven gave him a soft smile, squeezing his arm knowingly.

They arrived in record time. Once Cheryl was comfortable in her room and being monitored, Steven offered to get the three of them some coffee. Brendan followed him out of the room, wanting to give Cheryl and Nate some privacy.

"Mad, init?" Steven said, stopping in the middle of the corridor to wait for him. "You're talking to her one minute and the next she's about to pop!"

"I must have that effect." Brendan said dryly.

Steven grinned at him. "Are you excited to meet your niece or nephew?"

Brendan shrugged, staring at his shoes. "Yeah." He mumbled.

He knew Steven was frowning at him without even looking in his direction.

He didn't ask him what was wrong, knew better than that by now, instead he took Brendan's hand in his own and didn't let go until they were back in the room with Cheryl and Nate.

"Ye alright, sis?" Brendan asked, taking a seat beside the bed. Steven perched on the arm of the chair, leaning slightly into Brendan's shoulder.

"I'm doing okay." Cheryl said bravely, smiling and gripping the covers tightly. "They warn you about the pain but you think you can handle it, you know?"

"I know." Brendan said gently, reaching out to touch her arm. "Ye need anything? Need me to call anyone?"

Cheryl shook her head. "We've got everyone we need." She said, evidently emotional.

"You should go back to ours." Nate offered. "It's going to be a long wait and we can call you when the time's approaching."

"Bren?" Steven left the decision at his door. Brendan looked at Cheryl, his baby sister, and made his decision straight away.

"I want to stay." He said carefully. "If that's alright."

"Of course." Nate said, nodding as though his answer wasn't a surprise.

A few hours passed by uneventfully. Doctors and nurses came in at intervals to check on Cheryl's progress. Steven asked them all sorts of questions Brendan didn't understand, like how far dilated she was. Brendan didn't want to think about what that meant.

When five o'clock came around, Steven offered to find them some dinner. He came back with sandwiches from the hospital café, double helpings for Brendan as usual. Brendan wolfed one cheese and pickle sandwich down in two bites. Steven rolled his eyes, nibbling on an egg and cress. Brendan eyed him suspiciously.

"How much are ye eating these days, Steven?"

Steven looked at him in some surprise. "What you on about?"

Brendan leaned forwards in his chair, eyes fixed on Steven's face. Steven held his ground for as long as he could, crumbling when it looked as though Brendan wasn't going to give in any time soon.

"A bit, why?"

"Elaborate." Brendan said slowly, still staring him down.

Steven finally glanced away, sighing deeply. "Enough."

"Enough?" Brendan scraped his chair closer, resting his hand on Steven's thigh.

"Big deal, my appetite isn't what it used to be."

"Ye need to eat, Steven. Look at ye."

"Cheers!" Steven said sarcastically, leaning back heavily in his chair. "And I suppose I should be eating like you, yeah?"

"If it adds a little meat to the bones-"

"You saying I'm bony? Fuck off."

"Steven." Brendan said, gentler now. He leaned in closer until he was directly by Steven's ear. Steven crossed his arms haughtily, not giving him an inch. "I'm worried about ye."

"Well I'm worried about you."

"Forget me for a minute." Brendan said dismissively, making Steven scoff derisively. "Ye have to take care of yerself, ye know that don't ye?"

"Course." Steven said below his breath. "You sound like my dad."

Brendan flinched a little at that but continued regardless. "When we get home, things have gotta change."

"Like what?" Steven asked quickly, finally looking at him again. His eyes were wide and panicked and it made Brendan regret his vagueness.

"I just mean we've both got to… get better."

"It's not that simple." Steven said plainly, relaxing an inch. "I mean…" Steven's expression changed, looking at Brendan in discomfort. "Would you consider counselling again?"

Brendan looked down immediately, hands twisting into knots in his lap. "I don't know, Steven."

"There's obviously a lot to work through." Steven said carefully.

"But how can I be honest to a stranger?" Brendan said. "Especially when anything I say could be taken back to the police."

"What are you talking about? You're out, you did your time."

"Yeah, for a crime I committed." Cheryl said, walking into the room. Nate was at her side, helping her back into bed.

"Did the walk help?" Steven asked.

"Maybe a little." Cheryl said, collapsing back onto the covers.

"I'm sorry, Chez. We shouldn't be talking about this here."

Cheryl shook her head. "It's fine, Bren. Ste's right though, we all need help."

"We?" Brendan questioned, confused. Nate glanced at Cheryl with an odd expression on his face, one Brendan couldn't work out.

Cheryl sighed heavily, hands crossed on her stomach. "I have to do right by this little one in here. I can't be like I have been."

"And what have ye been like?" Brendan asked, glancing from Nate to Cheryl.

"Bren…" Steven said, touching his arm. "Maybe not here."

"It's okay, Ste." Cheryl said, smiling tightly. "The first step is to the honest, right?"

Brendan rolled his eyes. "That counsellor got us nowhere."

"And I know why now." Cheryl said, her voice hard. "When you talked about your childhood, about dad… I had no idea what had really gone on. Now though-"

"I'm not-" Brendan took a breath. "I'm not okay with talking about it." Each word came out like a punch. Steven's grip tightened on his arm, a constant, reassuring presence.

"Cheryl needs to." Nate said suddenly, warily. "If you knew what happened-"

"Nate." Cheryl said, wincing a little as another contraction came.

Steven took her hand quickly. "We shouldn't be doing this here." He hissed. "When the baby's born-"

"No. I need to do this before he or she arrives." Cheryl said desperately, breathing hard through her nose. "Bren." She held out her hand to Brendan which he took instantly.

"What happened?" Brendan asked quietly.

Cheryl squeezed her eyes shut. "About a year after you went to prison, I tried to kill myself."

Silence descended on the room. Brendan blinked, unable to process what she was saying. Nate came closer now, sitting beside Cheryl on the bed. Steven beside him was still and quiet.

"Why?" He eventually managed to choke out. It seemed like a stupid question but he had to understand.

"I was in a dark place." Cheryl said, looking away from them. "I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. Nate couldn't get through to me. Ste was too damaged to do anything." She glanced apologetically at Steven. "Nate found me before I took a fatal dose, I went straight to hospital to have my stomach pumped and that was it. Nate made me promise to get help after that and I tried, I really did try. But I couldn't tell a professional what was really wrong, just like you said, and I couldn't bear the idea of you rotting away in prison for something I did." She took a breath, dabbing hastily at her wet eyes. "I gave myself a stern talking to though; told myself that after everything you'd done to save me it would be selfish to end it all now. I went through the motions for a while, tried everything I could to find peace; spiritualism, church, silent retreats. Then I found out I was pregnant." Cheryl's expression glowed. "And it changed everything. Suddenly I had someone else to provide for, to be strong for. I had to be better for the sake of my baby. That feeling hasn't changed and now you're here," she pulled his hand to her lips to kiss, "that can really happen."

"Cheryl…" Brendan said brokenly, hardly able to voice what he wanted to say.

"Shh, don't say anything now. I just had to tell you that. We have to promise to always be honest with each other now, no matter how bad. We can get through it together."

Brendan nodded, moving across the bed to hold her in his arms.

For the next few hours they spoke in gentle voices about nothing in particular. Cheryl dozed now and again, woken only by another contraction. When evening came, Steven curled up in the chair, knees almost to his chin, sound asleep. Brendan laid his jacket over him. Nate was already snoring in the other chair.

Cheryl blinked her eyes open, smiling when she saw Brendan.

"I'm really glad you're here." She said gently.

"I'm not going anywhere." Brendan said, bending forwards to kiss her forehead.

Cheryl sighed, looking over at Nate and laughing quietly to herself. "Look at him; it'll be me doing the night feeds."

Brendan's face darkened, an expression Cheryl didn't miss.

"He really tried, Bren. I didn't make it easy on him."

"He should have tried harder."

"He didn't leave though, did he?"

Brendan sighed, rubbing his temple. "Unlike some people."

Cheryl gave him a sympathetic look. "Let's talk about something else. How about you and Ste? How's that going?"

Brendan relaxed then, looking over at Steven with the utmost affection.

"I can't explain it. It's like a fresh start. He's been amazing."

Cheryl smiled, nodding in agreement. "You met his dad?"

Brendan frowned, turning back to her. "Have ye met him too?"

"No." Cheryl said softly. "But I heard all about him on the phone. Ste started to sound a little like his own self again, it gave me hope."

"Saint Samuel." Brendan scoffed, unable to stop himself.

"I said a little." Cheryl said pointedly. "You don't like him then?"

"Not particularly."

"What's he done?"

"Nothing yet, he's too clever for that."

"Did it ever occur to you he might just be looking out for his son?"

Brendan looked at her. "Is that even possible in our world?"

"Maybe not in ours, but Ste's."

"He's had it just as bad, Chez. I just don't trust this guy. Ye know he locked Steven in the cellar?"

Cheryl's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Why?"

"So he could talk to me privately."

"That's pretty… unhinged."

"Tell me about it."

"Then again…" Cheryl smiled now. "Ste told me you locked him in the cellar a few times."

Brendan reddened, aghast. "That was different!"

"I know, love I'm only teasing." She looked over at Steven again. "He's doing okay though?"

"Besides the non-eating and father worship? Sure. Not to mention having to deal with me on a daily basis."

"He loves you." Cheryl said, exasperated. "He won't leave you; you know that, right?"

"Yeah." Brendan said idly, remembering when he'd tried and Steven had actually physically restrained him. "But he has Samuel to look after him now."

"He doesn't need looking after, he's not a boy anymore." Cheryl pointed out. "He's a grown man and he can make his own choices. If he chooses to be with you, you have to respect that."

"I don't get a choice then?" Brendan quirked an eyebrow, amused in spite of himself.

"Do you need one?" Cheryl countered.

"Point."

A nurse came in then to check on her. She smiled kindly at her, Brendan turning away awkwardly.

"I think you're almost there." The nurse said. "Another hour perhaps and we'll be ready to prepare you."

"Jesus." Cheryl breathed, then collected herself. "Thank you."

She left the room and Cheryl turned back to Brendan. "Let's not wake them up just yet."

"Agreed." Brendan said.

"Here." Cheryl shifted an inch, giving Brendan more room to lay beside her on the bed. Brendan put his arm around her, pulling her close.

"Ye excited to be a mum?"

"You think I'll do a good job?"

"Course ye will." Brendan murmured, kissing the top of her head.

Nate and Steven woke again when the doctor came in to prepare Cheryl.

"This is it." Nate said, looking terrified.

"You'll be fine." Steven said reassuringly. "Do you want us to wait outside?"

Cheryl nodded. "Not quite ready for you to see me poo."

"Ew." Steven wrinkled his nose, kissing her on the cheek. "Don't scream too much."

"Thanks." Cheryl said, her expression contorting in pain the next moment.

Steven ushered a reluctant Brendan from the room, finding them seats right outside.

Brendan's leg bounced up and down in irritation after only a few minutes.

"Poo, seriously?" He said eventually.

"Yeah." Steven grinned. "Eileen didn't do that?"

"Not as far as I knew." Brendan admitted. "Mostly she just screamed blue murder at me."

Steven laughed. "Why am I not surprised? Gotta be better than giving birth on the kitchen floor."

"Poor Amy, eh?"

"Yeah." Steven laughed, looking wistful. "One of the best days of my life, when Lucas was born." He said after a pause.

"One of?" Brendan raised his eyebrows.

"There's been four." Steven said, holding his hand up. "When I became a dad to our Leah, when Lucas was born, Dublin and…" he trailed off, embarrassed. "When you came back."

Brendan ducked his head, smile on his lips. "It's a privilege to be regarded so highly."

"I'm being serious!" Steven gave him a nudge.

"So am I." Brendan said, smile not leaving his face.

A while later and Nate was running out of the room, erratic and grinning brightly.

"The baby's out!"

Brendan stood up abruptly, Steven eager by his side.

"Boy or girl?" Steven asked straight away.

"Come see." Nate said proudly.

Cheryl grinned at them when they entered the room. There was a wrapped bundle in her arms. She looked exhausted but happy. Brendan approached the bed slowly, Steven two steps behind him.

"Bren." Cheryl touched his arm gently. "Meet…" Cheryl took a deep breath, nodding and smiling across the room at Nate. Evidently they had pre-agreed on a name. "Brendan."

Brendan felt as though he'd missed a step. Steven gave a gasp from beside him, catching on quicker than him.

"Brendan?" He said wonderingly.

"Yes." Cheryl said, tears in her eyes. "Or Brendan Junior, if you prefer."

"Seriously?" Brendan made a sound halfway between a cry and a laugh. Cheryl did the same.

"We agreed, Nate insisted." Cheryl beamed at him. "It felt right, it feels right."

"That's proper lovely, Cheryl." Steven said from behind him.

"Are ye sure?" Brendan whispered, heart swelling with emotion.

"Positive." Cheryl said. "You wanna hold him?"

Brendan looked over at Nate.

"Oh I held him first, don't worry about me." He said quickly. Brendan looked back at Cheryl, holding out his arms for the baby.

He wasn't quite used to doing this and Steven helped him adjust the baby properly.

"He's got your eyes." Steven told him, as little Brendan opened them tiredly.

"He looks like his Ma." Brendan said wonderingly.

"He's got his dad's hair." Steven said, earning himself a chuckle around the room.

Brendan gave the baby to Steven after. Steven was a natural; rocking him gently in his arms. The sight was an odd one to Brendan, even though he'd seen Steven around children countless times before. Steven carefully gave him back to Cheryl, leaning against Brendan and letting out a whoop of air.

They went back to the estate afterwards with a new sense of urgency for each other. Before they were even through the door Brendan had Steven pushed up against the wall, hands wrapped around his waist in a tight grip.

Their clothes fell away as they moved backwards together, lips barely parting except to breathe. They collapsed onto the living room floor, naked and grappling hands against bare skin. Brendan was on top of him, pulling his legs around his waist and spitting on his fingers hastily.

Steven ground himself into the rug on the floor, legs tightening with each push of Brendan's fingers. Before he was even fully loose he was begging Brendan to get inside. Brendan didn't need telling twice; his cock was teasing against Steven's hole before Steven dug his fingernails hard into Brendan's flesh, ordering him to fuck him and to do it now.

Brendan knew the times when Steven didn't want him to gentle. He always held back regardless, always afraid of the pain he knew he could inflict. Sometimes when Steven was fired up like he was currently, there was no escaping the inevitable. Brendan's thrusts were hard and Steven was rubbed raw against the material of the rug. There were red patches on both of their skin where they'd gripped each other too tight throughout, hard enough to surely bruise. Brendan kissed the soreness away as best he could but Steven was full of life; ready to be re-born and to take Brendan with him.

They climaxed almost simultaneously, their cries echoing through the distant corridors of the large estate. Brendan was suddenly grateful for the lack of neighbours.

Afterwards they curled together on the floor, roasting beside the fire that Brendan had started up for them. It really was an incredible house.

Brendan kissed a particularly sensitive area on Steven's shoulder. The bite marks were still faintly visible.

"We might have gone a bit far this time." Brendan murmured into his skin.

"It's been a long, weird and wonderful day. I just had to have you, nothing holding us back."

"Ye can say that again." Brendan brushed his hand over Steven's bare stomach, resting on his thigh where a bruise was beginning to bloom. "I don't know if it's right, Steven. To want this so badly."

"Of course it's not right." Steven said, matter-of-fact. "But it's us and I don't care."

"Yer dad will care." Brendan said, resigned already to what awaited them when they eventually went home.

"He'll see that I'm happy and that's all that matters." Steven said contently. "I can hear my phone." He said suddenly, reaching over to his trousers a little way across the floor. Brendan kept a hold of him, feeling tense, as though the spell was about to be shattered. "Hiya!" Steven said into his phone, very cheerfully. Brendan laughed, moving his hand to cup Steven buttocks and making him squirm in his arms. "Dad, I'm a bit busy right now. Can I call you later?"

Brendan's hand stilled. Steven hesitated then too, talking in a low voice.

"Of course I'm okay. We're just knackered. Cheryl's just had her baby." Steven paused to listen to his reply before he continued. "I dunno when we'll be home, is there a problem with the club?"

Brendan knew there wasn't. Samuel was getting antsy about how long they'd been away. Perhaps he was starting to doubt them ever coming back. Brendan was beginning to wonder the same himself.

"I'll call you tomorrow after I've slept a bit, okay?" Steven hung up soon after. Before Brendan opened his mouth to comment he was talking again, changing the subject. "I think it's wonderful they named the baby Brendan."

"Ye don't think the name is cursed?" Brendan asked, a thought that had been nagging at him all the way home from the hospital.

"Of course not." Steven frowned. "It's like, he'll be his own Brendan. A Brendan with two loving parents and the best uncle in the world."

Brendan smiled, pressing his lips to Steven's shoulder blade. "Ye reckon?"

"His step-uncle will be pretty cool as well." Steven continued, hardly realising what he was saying and the effect it had on Brendan. "We can visit, right? I can't even imagine leaving yet with her just giving birth."

"We have to let them be parents, Steven. We can come back when they've settled down a bit."

"You're right." Steven sighed, turning in his arms to look at him through long eyelashes. "Speaking of names, I'm not sure about changing mine anymore."

"Oh?"

Brendan wasn't even aware he was still considering it, but the thought of him not going through with it soothed him more than he thought it would.

"It doesn't really feel right, becoming a Spencer. I don't know if it's me."

"What is ye then?"

"I don't know yet." Steven frowned. "I think I just want to figure that out first, you know? When I talked to Nate it just made me think about it more, and about other stuff. And then Cheryl today…" Steven trailed off, looking saddened. "I want to focus on us, yeah? Starting when we go home. We should talk about maybe moving in together again."

"Really?" Brendan was completely stunned. "Ye wanna?"

"We'll have to sort it with dad first but I don't see why not. I don't want to spend another night away from you."

"Same." Brendan said quietly, pulling Steven further into his arms.

"That's settled then." Steven said triumphantly.

"I'll book our flights for a few days time, we promised to see Deccy again remember."

"He's got a baby cousin, how weird is that?"

"Weird and wonderful, like ye said, Steven. Weird and wonderful."