A/N: This is just a short update to tide things over until i get something more substantial together. I hope people are still reading this and thanks to everyone who has been leaving reviews.

Izzie sat on the edge of Meredith's spear bed, down the hall she could hear the rhythmic sound of Meredith's snoring. The sound had never bothered her before, she grew up on the side of a highway she could sleep through anything, the problem was she couldn't sleep period. She couldn't get her mind to shut down long enough for sleep to come, the events of the last few weeks kept running through her head. Her wedding day, the honeymoon, they had been the happiest days of her life, she tried to hold onto those thoughts but it always came back to the accident and the moment her life as she knew it was changed forever. She kept playing through her mind everything she'd done since then. She'd done things she never thought she would do, bad things that even as she was doing them she knew were wrong but she kept doing them because on some level she though it might help.

She bent down and retrieved her bag from the floor. She wrapped her hand around the bottle of sleeping pills and pulled them out. They were one of those bad things. She knew she shouldn't be taking them, she'd promised Meredith she wouldn't take them but she needed sleep. Tomorrow was going to be hell and there was no way she could do it without sleep, even with sleep it was going to be difficult. She tipped two pills on to her hand and sealed the bottle again. She wouldn't take more than two, as much as she wanted to she wouldn't. She'd already scared her friends half to death once; she wouldn't put them through that again. She swallowed the pills without water and lay down, then she closed her eyes and waited for sleep to come.

-8-8-8-8-

"Izzie," Meredith called as she knocked on the bedroom door. It was getting late in the morning, if they were going to head to the hospital they needed to get going soon. "Izzie, are you awake?" She opened the door and stepped inside. On the bed she could see Izzie's figure curled up in a ball under the covers, her back was to her but she could see her face was buried into Alex's pillow. "Izzie," she spoke again as she stepped further into the room. "Are you awake?" Izzie hadn't moved though and as Meredith stepped even further into the room she saw the yellow bottle laying in Izzie's open bag.

The sight of the bottle made her freeze for a moment then she stopped moving cautiously into the room. She moved as fast as she could the final steps to Izzie's bed then grabbed her shoulder and shook her. "Izzie wake up!" In the five seconds it took for Izzie to react Meredith felt her heart rate increase, she felt her insides twist into a knot and she felt ill. She was meant to be looking after Izzie, she was meant to be making sure this didn't happen again.

-8-8-8-8-

Izzie pulled Alex's pillow against her face and tried savour his sent. She could hear Meredith walking into the room and it would only be a matter of minutes before she made her get up. She didn't want to get up, she liked being in the bed, it was warm and safe.

"Izzie wake up!" She hadn't been expecting that, the forcefulness of Meredith's shake or the urgency in her voice.

"I'm awake," She moaned, slowly rolling over in the bed.

-8-8-8-8-

Those two words and Izzie's slow movement, allowed Meredith to relax for just a moment, she hadn't overdosed on the medication again but that still didn't explain why it was there in the first place.

"Izzie what is this?" She asked holding the bottle of pills up.

-8-8-8-8-

Izzie recognized the small bottle Meredith held, it was the bottle of sleeping pills she'd taken the night before. The bottle of pills Meredith wasn't supposed to know she had.

"A bottle of pills." She didn't want to talk about it, she didn't want to explain herself.

"I know that, but what are they doing here?" The tone of Meredith's voice was one of concern but there was something else to it.

"I brought them here in case I needed them."

"In case you needed them?" Meredith sat down on the edge of the bed and let out a sigh. "You don't need these Iz, these are bad for you, they're not going to help."

"What would you know?" She reached for the bottle and yanked it out of Meredith's hand. "I can't sleep, every time I close my eyes I see him, I see everything and it just keeps going over and over inside my head. My mind won't let me sleep, it won't let me go to a happy place. I need them, so I can sleep, so I can escape."

"Iz," Meredith reached for the bottle and gently pulled it from her hands."Why didn't you tell me this? I would have helped, there are other things you can use besides medication to help you sleep."

"I know, I tried them," That wasn't a total lie, she had tried them, but not really long enough for it to work. "this is just easier."

"Izzie," The way she said her name said so much, concern, pity, worry, and fear all came across with that one word. "I don't want you taking these anymore. In the long run they're only going to make things worse." Meredith stood up before Izzie had a chance to stop her. "I'm going to get rid of these, okay?"

"No, Meredith." Izzie clambered off the bed and ran after her. She saw her walk into the bathroom and then she heard the sound of the toilet flushing. Meredith had flushed the pills and she immediately felt her chest tighten, she felt angry and hurt. "I need them." She said barely hiding the quiver from her voice.

Meredith turned around and smiled at her. "You don't need them Iz. We'll find something else to help you sleep." She walked towards her with her arms held out, she was offering her a hug but shee didn't want to be hugged. Instead she walked out the bathroom and back towards the bedroom. She was trying to compose herself, trying to work out what to do. She needed them, even if she wasn't going to take them she needed to have them there, she needed to know they were there just in case. In the bedroom she pulled a change of clothes from her bag.

"Izzie." Meredith had followed her into the bedroom and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Please don't be mad. This is for the best."

"Whatever." She pushed Meredith's hand away and scooped up the clothes. "I'm going to have a shower and then we're going down to the hospital."

She walked back to the bathroom and closed the door. She made sure it was locked and then she started to cry. She didn't want to go down to the hospital, she'd suggested it the night before because she thought it was what Meredith wanted, because she thought it was the right thing to do. She didn't want to do it though and now she had no choice she had to go to the hospital.