Chapter Thirty

Brendan woke up early the next morning, not through his own volition. The flat was eerily quiet and still. He glanced over at the bedside clock, registering the time. Six thirty am. The kids would probably wake first, as children often did. Steven, Brendan knew, had grown accustomed to sleeping in. He glanced over at his prone, sleeping form. He was curled up as usual, bed sheets tangled between his folded legs.

Brendan slipped out of bed quietly, locating some clothes from the wardrobe they now shared. He decided to go for a run to clear his head and to prepare himself for the days events. The steady thrum through his muscles as his feet hit the pavement gave him a satisfied thrill in his blood. It was pleasant when the village was near empty and the sun wasn't yet warm on his skin. He did a circuit of the surrounding area, finishing up outside the flat.

Amy was outside on the steps when he stopped short, panting heavily. His legs were shaking with the effort; red flaring up his thigh from the heat of his muscles working. She eyed him impassively, drawing her legs up protectively to her chest.

"Alright?" Brendan grunted, taking a long swig from his water bottle.

"You're up early." She noted.

"Could say the same to ye."

She pursed her lips in response, glancing behind her.

"Kids woke me up. Sam's getting them breakfast."

"Course he is." Brendan murmured. Amy's eyes snapped to his face.

"Oh that's a surprise; you don't like him."

"Not a crime is it?" Brendan countered, stretching himself out.

"No, not particularly." Amy frowned a little. "Why then?"

"Ye really wanna know?" Brendan took a seat beside her. Amy shuffled away, holding her nose.

"You smell, be quick."

Brendan barked a laugh. "I don't think he's good for Steven."

Now it was Amy's turn to laugh. "You are kidding, right?"

"No." Brendan looked at her. "As hard as it is to believe, I do have his best interests at heart."

"And Sam doesn't I suppose?" Amy raised her eyebrows sceptically.

"Unknown." Brendan replied simply. "But he hasn't given me reason to think otherwise."

"I could say the same about you." Amy pointed out.

"Don't be like that. I never stood a chance; ye hated me from day one."

"No I didn't!" Amy argued, voice shrill. "It was only after…" she trailed off, thoughtful. "Things could have been different you know."

"Well they aren't." Brendan said shortly.

Amy lowered her head, wisps of hair blowing into her mouth. "What happened to you, Brendan?" She asked quietly.

"What?" Brendan said, taken aback.

"To make you like this." Amy said, not unkindly.

Brendan stared straight ahead. "It's not yer concern."

"I'm not saying it excuses anything but…" Amy paused a moment. "Ste had a rotten childhood, you know?"

"I know."

"And with Sam around, some of that pain has been taken away for him. I'd hate to see him lose that."

"I'm not gonna take Samuel away from him." Brendan told her truthfully.

She nodded as though she might just believe him. "He wants rid of you though, right?"

Brendan turned to her sharply. "What do ye know?"

"Call it intuition." She said with a sad smile. "The thing is, Brendan… Maybe it would be the right thing to do."

"What do ye mean?" Brendan didn't like where this was heading.

Amy sighed. "I can't lie to you. Ste was unhappy without you, that was pretty clear. But Sam helped him an awful lot. I think he'd be okay if you… left."

The kindness in her voice made it worse somehow. Brendan blinked, only now beginning to feel the chill in the air properly.

"Samuel's talked to ye, hasn't he?" Brendan said bluntly. "And there was me thinking ye had yer own mind."

Amy sighed sadly. "We have discussed it, yes. But I'd still say the same if he wasn't around."

"No ye wouldn't. Ye would be yelling at me by now to get out of his life or else. Somehow that's preferable."

"Really?"

"I've always respected ye, Amy. Ye spoke yer own mind, stuck up for yerself and Steven. This speaking through others… it doesn't suit ye."

"He hasn't put me up to it." Amy said firmly.

"Of course he hasn't." Brendan said, standing up. "Ye can tell him the answer is no, by the way. I understand he's too scared to slip up right now but this is fucked up." Brendan pushed open the front door, leaving Amy alone on the door step.

Samuel glanced up at him as he entered. Brendan stared him down, not saying a word. He went straight to the bathroom, stripping off his sweaty clothes before stepping underneath the shower.

Someone knocked on the door after a few minutes.

"Bren? That you?"

"Yeah!" Brendan called back. He heard the door open and close.

"You alright?" Steven was pulling his own clothes off, yawning.

"Sure." Brendan stepped back to allow Steven space in the bathtub. They had one of those attached showerheads Brendan had installed before he'd gone to prison.

Steven frowned at him, eyebrows thick and drawn together. "Really?"

"No." Brendan admitted, leaning back against the bathroom wall. He was too weary to hide the truth from him.

"What is it?" Steven stepped closer, the hot water steaming over him.

Brendan shook his head wordlessly. He could feel himself sinking to the floor. Steven knelt down with him, holding him by the shoulders.

"What's happened?" He pressed. His hands were firm on Brendan's skin. "Tell me."

Brendan leaned forwards, pushing their foreheads together. "Ye know I love ye?"

"You're scaring me now." Steven said, feet squeaking against the tub as he pulled himself closer.

"I'm sorry." Brendan hit the floor of the tub fully now, legs drawn up to his chest protectively.

"Don't be sorry, okay? Just tell me."

"Amy thinks it would be best if I left ye."

"What?" Steven frowned, utterly bewildered.

"Ye can't be surprised by that?"

"I thought things were getting better. It seemed like last night-"

"I know." Brendan interrupted. "But apparently not."

Steven took a moment to absorb his words. "I'll talk to her."

"No." Brendan shook his head. "Leave it."

"She can't just say things like that without speaking to me about it." Steven said incredulously. "It's not on."

"She has a point though."

"No." Steven said, always stubborn.

"She said Samuel could take care of ye."

"Fuck sake." Steven nearly stood up but Brendan grabbed his hands.

"Listen, it's not worth it. They ain't ever going to accept me, Steven. There isn't going to be some epiphany for either of them. I screwed up too much with Amy, that's it. It's done."

"But…" Steven looked lost, helpless. "The kids love you."

"The kids don't know the half of it, do they?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Steven," Brendan cradled his face in his hands. "It's the way it has to be, okay? I can't just be accepted by everyone that loves you, it just isn't… plausible."

"What even is that? Don't use big words." Steven was growing upset now, the opposite of what Brendan wanted.

"Shh, I'm sorry." Brendan pulled him close, wet bodies sliding against each other.

"I don't like this." Steven said, muffled against his skin. "Don't leave."

"Steven…"

"I told you before, right. You leave, I'll just follow you."

"Steven-"

"No! It ain't happening, alright?"

"I know." Brendan pulled away to look him in the face. "I wouldn't dream of it." He smiled in spite of himself. "It might be better if I disappeared for today though." Steven began to protest until Brendan kissed him. "Ye don't want any trouble, not in front of the kids. I got stuff to do, it's fine."

Steven shook his head sadly. "It's not fair though."

"That's just…" Brendan almost said 'life' but it sounded too cruel. "That's just the way it's gotta be." He finished instead. "I'll come back later, okay?"

"I guess." Steven agreed.

"That's my boy." Brendan smiled, and kissed him again.

The kisses soon turned passionate and before Brendan knew it Steven had climbed into his lap, kisses wet and sloppy against his mouth. Brendan drew him closer by the waist until their groins were pressed against each other. The water from the shower still running overhead gave them an increased level of lubrication between their sliding bodies. Brendan slicked Steven's hair back, away from his face.

"Getting long again." He noted, kissing against his jaw line.

"I know you like it that way." Steven mused, hands tangling in Brendan's own hair, tugging until his lips were at the jut of his throat, licking the water cascading down his Adam's apple.

Brendan tightened his hold on Steven's waist as Steven re-positioned himself so he was fully straddling him, legs either side of Brendan's thighs.

"Shouldn't be doing this now." Steven whispered, arching his back when Brendan's fingers reached behind him.

"We should never be doing this." Brendan pointed out, half meaning it.

Steven stared at him, eyes glazed over with lust. "What do you mean?" He whimpered as Brendan's moist fingers rubbed and stretched him open.

"Bad for ye, apparently." Brendan grunted, trying to get the rhythm right without being able to see his target.

"Pretty good for me right now." Steven pointed out, lifting his arse cheeks upwards to give Brendan better access.

"Ye would say that." Brendan murmured, kissing along his neck.

Steven lifted himself clean of Brendan's fingers, resting his hands on Brendan's shoulders. He lowered himself carefully onto Brendan, legs shaking with the effort of holding himself up and the promise of further pleasure.

"Bit of a tight fit." Steven said, meaning the slide of their bodies in the bath tub. Brendan grinned wickedly.

"Always is." He teased, earning himself a shove. "Watch it, it's slippery."

"You are filthy." Steven scolded, grinding down into Brendan's lap as punishment.

"Jesus. Fuck." Brendan grabbed Steven again, burying his face against his chest to muffle his moans.

"Oh yeah, now you're speechless." Steven sighed, gyrating irresistibly on top of him. "Now try leaving me, huh?"

"Ye know I won't."

Steven pulled Brendan's head back, cradling his face so their eyes were locked.

"Promise me." He stilled his movements.

"Don't stop." Brendan growled, digging his fingers into Steven's flesh.

"Promise me then."

"Okay, okay. I will never willingly leave ye."

"That's better." Steven smiled, tipping his head back. Brendan attached himself to Steven's throat, teeth grazing his favourite spot.

Just when they were getting into the right rhythm in the confines of the tub, there was a rap of knuckles against the door. Brendan groaned inwardly, clutching Steven to his chest possessively.

"Everything alright?" Samuel's voice travelled through the door. Steven buried his face against Brendan's neck to stifle his giggles.

"Hey, ye have to answer." Brendan nudged him in the stomach. "He won't believe me."

Steven composed himself enough to call back. "Fine, Dad! Brendan, err, fell over in the bath!"

"Steven." Brendan hissed, nipping his earlobe.

"Ow! Bastard." Steven pushed against his chest. "Be out soon!"

Once they were satisfied Samuel was gone, Steven collapsed bonelessly against him, giggling once more.

"Hey, it ain't funny. I'm balls deep in his son here, the guy could murder me."

"I didn't even lock the door." Steven wheezed, apparently finding the entire situation hilarious.

"Ye idiot." Brendan sighed, rolling his eyes. "Well, maybe we should pick this up later then."

"Aw, no." Steven pouted.

"Surely ye can feel I'm not at my… best."

"Well come on then." Steven kissed him again. "Doesn't normally take much."

"If ye insist."

When they finally emerged from the bathroom, Steven's skin was wrinkly from the water and he was positively glowing.

"You know what? Sod it. You're coming with us today." Steven told him once they were safely back in their bedroom to get changed.

"Steven, we talked about this-"

"No. You talked about this. I'm not having you pushed out just because Amy says so."

"No one wants me there, Steven."

"I want you there! The kids want you there!"

Brendan sighed, sitting heavily on their bed. "I'll be back to say goodbye before the kids leave."

"And where are you supposed to go?"

Brendan shrugged. "Maybe I'll go see an old friend."

"Oh yeah?" Steven sat down beside him, skin warm and tempting.

"Don't give me that." Brendan said, resting his hand against Steven's thigh.

"What? I didn't say anything!"

"I know what you're thinking."

"Oh right. Mind reader now, are ya?"

"I wish." Brendan turned his head, smile easy when it was just the two of them.

"You will come back though?" Steven frowned.

Brendan reached out with the pad of his thumb to stroke against Steven's cheek. "I promised, didn't I? Spend time with yer kids. I'll be here when ye get back."

Steven nodded, albeit reluctantly. "I'll pick us something up for dinner."

"Brilliant." Brendan smiled reassuringly at him. "Go on, get dressed."

Brendan waited until they'd all left before he emerged from the bedroom. He dressed casually, ensuring that his cross was nestled against his chest, visible and comforting. It had been a long time since he'd been to church. He walked there feeling uncertain if he'd even be welcome. He'd visited the prison chapel a few times; if nothing else than to escape the constant noise of the other inmates. He'd found some peace there; had spent a long time reflecting on things he had tried not to think about in his cell.

The church was quiet when he arrived with only a few people exiting through the main doors. Brendan stepped aside to let them pass and once they had cleared, Father Des came into view.

"Brendan!" He exclaimed in absolute astonishment.

"Bet ye never expected to see me again."

"Well, no." Father Des still appeared stunned. "Why don't you come in? We can talk."

Brendan nodded, stepping over the threshold. He suddenly felt like a vampire invited into someone's home. He shook his head, trying not to laugh at himself.

Des led him to his private chambers, the place Brendan had stayed many years ago. The same worn furniture remained, musky scent permeating the air. Brendan took a seat across from Des who was still staring at him.

"Can I get you a coffee or something?"

"No, that's alright." Brendan leaned forwards, clasping his hands together. "I'm sorry, Father."

"What for?" Des asked calmly.

"Dropping in without any warning."

"Quite alright." Des replied. "How can I help you, Brendan?"

"Aren't ye going to ask where I've been all this time?"

Des coughed, shifting uncomfortably. "I know where you've been."

Brendan raised his eyebrows. "Ye serious?"

"Word gets around, and I am, ahem, familiar with the McQueen family…"

"Say no more." Brendan held up a hand. "I'm just a little surprised ye would let me in here, knowing what ye know."

Des gazed at him levelly. "I only help those I believe can be saved."

"And that's me, is it?" Brendan couldn't help being sceptical.

"You made quite the impression." Des responded, smiling. "So tell me; how's life been treating you since you left prison?"

Brendan shrugged dismissively. "Well enough."

Des quirked an eyebrow. "I always wondered what happened with… Steven, was it?"

"Yeah, Steven." Brendan sighed. "A lot happened but he's with me now."

Des smiled with genuine delight. "That's wonderful!"

"It is." Brendan agreed, bowing his head. "It's still a little complicated but when isn't it?"

"Complicated how?" Des asked soberly.

"His dad came into the picture while I was gone. He's not exactly accepting of me."

"His dad hadn't been a prominent figure in his life before?"

"No. Only just found each other." Brendan breathed heavily through his nose. "I want to believe that I can be better, for Steven. But Samuel, his dad, isn't helping."

"How so?"

"He's messing with me." Brendan said, trying to fight the anger rising inside of him. "He won't let it be."

"Have you confronted him?"

"Yeah, several times. He's sneaky though."

"Have you told Steven?"

"He knows, mostly. He's given his dad another chance to prove himself."

"And he's already broken that chance?"

"As far as Steven knows he hasn't."

"I see." Des looked pensive, staring off into the far distance.

"I know the bible says to love thy enemy, but he's not making it easy."

"No, I see that." Des paused, seemingly considering his words carefully. "I can only advise you, Brendan. You know Steven better than me. But I believe the best course of action is to speak to him."

"He thinks I'm gonna leave him." Brendan admitted. "Like I would."

"He's most likely feeling scared and confused. You were gone from his life for so long and he established new connections, with his father. Now he's trying to balance that out. You can only reassure him, and his father, that you aren't going anywhere."

Brendan nodded, letting his words sink in. "And if that doesn't work?"

Des smiled then. "By all means, my door is always open."

Xxx

Steven and the rest returned later that afternoon. Leah made a beeline for him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Where were you? We went to the cinema."

"I had some business I had to attend to, very important business." Brendan winked.

"Tell me later?"

"Maybe." Brendan said, ruffling Lucas' hair as he ran past him.

Samuel and Amy entered after the kids, giving Brendan the once over.

"Where's Steven?" Brendan asked immediately.

"Here!" Steven said, pushing his way through the door. He was carrying several shopping bags. "Next time I'm taking you, these are proper heavy."

Brendan strode forwards to take one of the heavier bags from him, giving Samuel a glare for not offering to help himself.

"He insisted he was fine." Samuel murmured, embarrassed.

"Brendan's strong." Leah piped up. "He could lift me above my head."

"Let's not test that theory." Amy said warningly at the playful curve of Brendan's mouth.

"You're the boss." Brendan said, helping Steven to unload the shopping.

"We really shouldn't stay for dinner, Ste. I have to get the kids back tonight."

"Aw, but I bought them nuggets." Steven said, looking crestfallen.

"I'm hungry now!" Lucas said, tugging on Amy's arm.

"You only had popcorn a few hours ago!" Amy said, exasperated.

"Growing boys need all the food they can get." Brendan said reasonably.

"Well I suppose they could just have the nuggets…" Amy said carefully.

Leah bounced up and down gleefully. "Can we bake a cake?"

"No." Amy and Steven said in unison, flashing each other a smile at the familiarity.

While Steven was putting the nuggets onto a tray, Brendan wrapped an arm around his waist, kissing the side of his head.

"What was that for?" Steven asked, grinning widely.

"Missed ye." Brendan shrugged.

"Did you see your friend?"

"Father Des." Brendan supplied, giving Steven a pointed look.

"Yeah?" Steven's eyes lit up, turning to look at Brendan expectantly. "Did he help?"

"Yeah, very much so."

"What did you two talk about?"

"Oh, ye know, this and that." Brendan smirked.

"Did you talk about me?" Steven asked eagerly.

"Now why would we do that?" Brendan answered teasingly.

"Oi." Steven gave him a gentle nudge. "Will you see him again do you think?"

Brendan shrugged. "If need be."

"What does that mean?" Steven frowned.

"Don't worry." Brendan said, striding into the living room. "Anyone want a drink?" He offered graciously. Amy eyed him suspiciously.

"Tea." She said succinctly.

"Coming right up."

"I like it-"

"I remember."

Amy allowed a small smile to grace her lips momentarily. Samuel watched this exchange with interest.

"I'll help you." He offered, following Brendan back to the kitchen.

"Very kind of ye, Samuel." Brendan said pleasantly. Steven gave him a wide grin as he went past.

Samuel kept his own smile in place until Steven was out of earshot.

"What's happened to you today, hm? Personality transplant?"

"Just following good old fashioned advice." Brendan replied neutrally. "I know what ye tried to do with Amy." He added, lowering his voice.

"I don't know what you-"

"Don't insult my intelligence, Samuel. Ye know what ye were doing, I know what ye were doing. Let's leave it there."

"You're going to tell Steven then?" Samuel asked, blocking their faces from view by standing directly in front of Brendan.

"Whatever ye may think of me, I love that boy more than life itself." Brendan said slowly, all good humour gone. "And I won't see him hurting, even if it is for a waste of space like you."

"I don't believe you." Samuel said harshly.

"I don't care what ye believe." Brendan said bitingly. "Just know that I'm not going anywhere. Got it?"

"Got it." Samuel said tightly.

"Tea's ready." Brendan announced to the room. "For the lovely Amy." Amy rolled her eyes but took the offered cup. Brendan smiled down at the kids, wrapping his arms around Steven again warmly. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Samuel watching over the scene. If he didn't hate Brendan before, he most certainly did now.