Meredith reached for her phone and checked it, it was going on 1pm and she still hadn't heard from Izzie. She was getting worried; she had expected to hear from her by now.
"Meredith stop looking at your phone." The words came from Cristina's mouth, they were eating lunch together and it was the third time in fifteen minutes that she'd looked at it. "Izzie will phone you."
"I know," she sighed. "I'm just worried; I want to know she's okay."
"She's probably still sleeping. It probably took her half the night to open all those presents and who knows what else she did."
"I guess." Meredith used her fork to shove some salad into her mouth. Cristina was right, Izzie probably was still sleeping and she would phone her, when she was ready. They continued to eat lunch and the conversation drifted to the hospital the cases they were working on. They were almost finished when Meredith's phone started ringing.
"It's Izzie." She smiled looking at the ID.
"I told you she'd phone." Cristina smirked.
"Hey Iz," She said answering the phone. "Yeah sure I can come; I'll be there in ten minutes." Meredith hung up the phone started picking up her lunch. "It was great eating with you Cristina but I got to go get Izzie."
"See nothing to worry about."
"Yeah, I'll see you later."
Meredith started walking away from the table; she only made it ten feet before her pager started beeping. She glanced down at the call; it was a 911 to one of her patients. "Shit." She thought to herself, and looked back at Cristina; she was still at the table eating her lunch. She paused for a moment and walked back to the table.
"Cristina," She started. "Could you do me a favor?"
"What?" She asked biting into the sandwich.
"Could you get Izzie for me?" She paused for a moment to try and gauge Cristina's reaction, she didn't seem to have one so she kept talking. "I just got paged and I already told her I was coming."
"You want me to go get Izzie?" The question seemed to come from Cristina's mouth with a little bit of disbelief.
"Yes please. I don't want her waiting at the house worrying." She looked at Cristina and tried to look desperate, she needed to get to her patient but she really didn't want to leave Izzie waiting. As much as everyone kept telling her and even with how good Izzie sounded on the phone she didn't like the idea of leaving her, she didn't want her to feel forgotten or pushed aside. "Please."
-8-8-8-8-
"Okay." Cristina agreed to go. She didn't want to go, if anyone but Meredith had asked her to go she would have said no. But Meredith asked her to go, because Meredith couldn't seem to stop worrying about Izzie and if she didn't go she would only worry more.
"Thank you." Meredith told her before running off.
Slowly Cristina scooped her lunch up and threw what was left in the bin. "So much for an easy lunch." She thought to herself, not that any lunch was ever easy but today had so far been quiet. She went to her car in the parking lot and began the drive to Izzie's home.
The closer she got there the more she began to curse Meredith for making her do this, for making her spend time with Izzie. That wasn't really Meredith's intention, she knew that wasn't the reason she asked but that was part of the outcome. In the eight weeks since Alex had died she had hardly spoken to Izzie. She'd been intentionally avoiding her and the few times when they had been together the words spoken were merely pleasantries. She didn't know how to talk to her and she felt uncomfortable around her.
-8-8-8-8-
Izzie sat on the steps in front of her home, in her lap rested her handbag and on top of that her hands fidgeted. She was getting nervous and anxious again, she could feel her heart beginning to race and she was doing her best to stop it. She was starting to worry again, the feelings she'd had the night before of complete and total fear were starting to eat at her. She was second guessing the positive feeling she'd had when she'd awoken, she was questioning her dreams and whether they really meant something or if they really were only dreams. She wanted to hurry up and get to the hospital, she wanted to get some definitive answers or at the very least she needed to know where she stood.
She looked down the road, watching for Meredith's car but it wasn't coming. It had been fifteen minutes since she'd spoken to her, she said she'd be there in ten. She kept watching the road and fighting the urge to phone her again. She would be there she told herself and then a car pulled into the driveway. It wasn't the car she was expecting though, it was Cristina.
She stood up as Cristina walked towards her they were friends, kind of. They'd never been buddy buddy, there had always been a bit of a wall between them and it was their sheared friendship with Meredith with which made them friends. It had been even stranger these last few months, they'd hardly spoken to each other; instead they were both too consumed in them selves.
"Meredith got paged to something." Cristina told her when she was standing a few feet away. "She asked me to come get you."
"Okay." The explanation made sense, she'd worked in the hospital long enough to know the pager was always bound to go off when you didn't want it to.
"Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah." She said, starting to walk towards Cristina's car. She'd never been in Cristina's car, it was usually too full of junk to fit another person in it and she realized when she looked through the window it was still full of junk.
"I wasn't expecting passengers." She told her as she opened the door. She reached into the passenger seat and threw a pile of clothes and take away wrappers onto the back seat.
"It's okay." She sat down in the passenger seat and clutched her bag to her chest.
She felt uncomfortable in the car, being in the presence of Cristina made her feel uncomfortable, she was wasn't quite sure why there was just something about her energy she didn't like. She stared out the window and waited patiently for them to get to the hospital.
-8-8-8-8-
Cristina glanced over at Izzie and then back at the road, she knew she shouldn't be watching her but she couldn't help it, she couldn't help wanting to see what she looked like. She could see it in her whole body, Izzie was sad, there were dark rings around her eyes which she made no effort to hide with makeup. This Izzie was different from the one she had known for years and she couldn't help but feel responsible. She hadn't planned on saying anything, they could have easily sat in silence for the entire car ride but she felt an urge to say something.
"I did everything I could." The words came from her mouth in an almost inaudible rush.
"What did you say?" Izzie turned to look at her, she hadn't heard her. In that instance she could have said nothing she could have pretended she hadn't spoken but instead she kept talking.
"With Alex, I did everything I could to save him."
-8-8-8-8-
"Okay." The one word was all Izzie could form. She turned her head and went back to staring out the window. She couldn't say anything else, she didn't want to say anything else. The statement, what Cristina had said had caught her off guard, she wasn't expecting it and in that instance she didn't know how to take it, what to make of it. She'd hardly spoken to Cristina in the last couple months and when they did talk it was only about work or the weather. Not this, not Alex, she didn't talk to Cristina about Alex. She didn't say anything more, the car was silent for a moment and then Cristina started talking again.
"When he came in he was in a bad state. He had massive, massive internal injuries and …" The words kept coming from Cristina's mouth, she kept talking and soon Izzie found herself listening to her describe in minute detail everyone of Alex's injuries and everything she did in the OR. It was almost like a step by step play back of what had happened. Listening to it made her feel ill, she felt nauseas and found herself wrapping her arms tightly around her body but she didn't tell her to stop, somewhere a part of her wanted to hear it.
-8-8-8-8-
"I wanted to save him. I did everything I could to save him." The last sentence Cristina spoke slowly and clearly, she wanted to make sure it was clear, that Izzie heard her. They'd reached the hospital now and had parked the car park. She glanced over at Izzie, she was sitting in the passenger seat looking rather pale, she'd said only one word to her the entire ride.
"Izzie, are you okay?" Looking over at her she realized for the first time that saying those things might not have been a good idea. She'd said them because she needed to say them but she hadn't thought about what hearing them would do to Izzie.
Izzie turned her head to look at her, her eyes were full of tears fighting their way to come out. "Why did you say all that stuff? Did you think I wanted to hear it?"
"I didn't think." It was the truth, only now was she realizing Izzie probably didn't want to know every detail of Alex's last moments alive. "I just wanted you to know I did everything I could. I tried to save him. I wanted to save him."
"I know." Izzie tried to smile through her tears but the action only made them fall. "I don't blame you, I never have. You did everything you could, you always to do everything you can and still…It happens, people die, we can't stop that."
She could see the tears starting to run down her face and she felt a strange urge to do something "Izzie," She said but the other woman was already starting to pull away.
"I need to get inside." She said climbing out the car and walking away.
"Izzie!" Cristina called after her but, she didn't stop, she didn't turn around, she just kept walking. "I'm sorry." Those last words were whispered only to herself.