WARNINGS: mentions of abortion, tiny scene with some KankuroNeji, Promiscuous!Gaara.
Chapter 3:
Blue. Blue was all that registered in Neji's cold numb mind. The small stick in his hand snapped from the pressure it was under and the pieces fell from his clenching fist in splinters of plastic. But he didn't notice. A small choked sob escaped his tightly pressed lips and the tears began to fall, coursing their way down his face and into his lap. His mantra of I will not cry, Shinobi don't cry was forgotten and he allowed himself the small luxury of making his panic and fear known inside this deserted place with only marble and porcelain there to witness this one moment of weakness.
With every tear leaking out of his tightly shut eyes, his panic and anger and hurt became too much. He stood up and drove his fist into the wood of the cabinet, feeling it snap and break, his knuckles splitting open and bleeding from the force. He opened his fist, ignoring the sting of his abused hand. The sole shard of the pregnancy test still remaining in his hand was bright sky blue, glaring up at him as though mocking him. He had done everything exactly right. Twice. You pricked your finger and smeared the blood on the small white stick and it changed color. Red meant negative and blue meant positive. Both times it had turned blue.
He was pregnant.
He sunk down onto the floor, his uninjured hand buried in his hair, feeling suddenly void of emotion. Why did it have to be now? He was about to go in for ANBU, and the Hyuuga Clan elders were just beginning to see him as a stronger Shinobi than even Hiashi. And now it was ruined. The elders would scorn him for not being able to keep his legs closed and he would fall from grace in the Hyuuga Clan faster than a stone dropped off a building. A bastard child who would never know his own father. That was what he was carrying right now, minute and insignificant at the moment though it may have been. And his hopes of joining ANBU would be shattered the moment Tsunade found out about his accident.
Because that was what it was: an accident. It was nothing more than a mistake generated from an hour of lost inhibitions and imbibed aphrodisiac.
And the villagers? What would they think? Neji knew that Naruto had been on the end of their hatred because of his own abnormalities and he knew that they wouldn't think that this was all that different. He didn't want to have to put up with what Naruto had. It was only now when faced with the same close-minded bigots that the blond had dealt with since his childhood; that he realized that the blond was braver than Neji had given him credit for. He felt his respect for the future Hokage soar, especially when he recalled the reaction that the villagers (especially the fan girls) had had when Uchiha Sasuke had returned only to reveal that he and Naruto were now an item. They had been horrified that the Uchiha prodigy was engaging in a relationship with the demon vessel and immediately came to the conclusion that Naruto must have drugged the other Shinobi or used some kind of evil jutsu on him to make him fall in love with the blond. It eventually died down when their close friends had "talked" to various members of the village about the way they were treating Naruto. This meant that Sakura had smashed up plenty of boulders. While Neji had informed them that he could kill with a short jab of his finger, and Gaara...
No, that was too painful. It was best not to think about him. But, no matter what he told himself, he couldn't help but remember the way the red head felt in his arms. He had to face the facts. Somewhere during the two weeks after they had had sex, he had developed romantic feelings for the red head, and he was confident that it had nothing to do with Gaara's status as the other father of his child. Whenever he thought about those stunning exotic eyes rimmed in kohl and that fiery red hair which matched Gaara's personality and the solid muscles the red head had managed to accumulate over the years, he felt his cock harden. Yet he still had a feeling of self loathing situated in his gut. It was undeniably strange.
He placed his hand on his still flat stomach, his thoughts returning to the problem at hand. He had two choices. Keep it or have an abortion.
He stood up. No, he didn't have a choice at all. It was going to have to be the latter option. As much as he hated abortion, the thought of becoming a father so early in his young life was too much to bear. He was nearly seventeen, certainly, but that was no age to carry a child. He told himself that it was the only way, that it would be kinder to the baby if it died now rather than suffer from Neji's poor parenting skills. He couldn't help but have misgivings, though. It was still a life that he was taking.
Looking in the mirror, he conceded that he looked like hell. His cheeks were flushed and tear stained, his eyes puffy and red rimmed from the crying he had been doing (yet shouldn't have been doing in the first place, he reminded himself). His hair was, thankfully, relatively neat, which he counted as a small blessing.
He had planned on exiting his bathroom and sneaking off to see Tsunade-sama on the spot about abortion, but that idea was foiled when he stepped into his room to find Hinata sitting on his bed, putting yutakas onto hangers ready for the wardrobe. He started when he saw her, and she looked up, surprised.
"Nii-san?" she asked worriedly. He looked away, "Nii-san, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," he replied calmly, "I'm fine,"
But she was having none of it. She made her way over to him and looked him in the eye, though she had to tilt her head back due to Neji's relatively impressive height. Sighing, he gave in to the fact that he would have to tell her the truth. Maybe she could have helped him.
"Can you get me an appointment with Tsunade-sama please?" he asked, his fist gripping the remaining splinter of pregnancy test which was digging into his palm.
Her expression became fearful and she threw her arms around him. Evidently, that wasn't the best way to phrase it. This, coupled with the tear tracks on his cheeks, probably led her to believe that he had some kind of deadly disease.
"You're ill!" she said, "Nii-san, you don't think it's... serious do you?"
"No, I'm not ill," he told her, exasperation coloring his tone, "I'm...I think I'm pregnant,"
It was so much easier to tell her than he had anticipated. He knew he could trust her with this secret. She was the only other person beside Hiashi-sama, Tsunade-sama and one of the elders who knew about his ability. He just hoped she didn't faint, because he didn't want to have to explain to a medic the reason she had passed out. Luckily, she didn't. Shocked, she clapped her hands to her mouth and sat down heavily in the plush white armchair beside the window.
"Are you sure?" she asked uncertainly. In response, he held out the piece of pregnancy test for confirmation, not trusting himself to speak. She gingerly took it from him and turned it over in her palm, examining it. Neji noticed, with embarrassment, that his own hands were as womanly as hers with soft slender fingers and rounded silvery fingernails, though his were a lot bigger.
"You're pregnant, Nii-san," she whispered after a tense pause, handing it back to him, "How...How far along are you?"
"About two weeks," he sighed.
"Can you get me an appointment with Tsunade-sama?" Neji repeated his earlier question. She nodded slowly.
"Why, though?" she asked, "If you wanted confirmation that you're pregnant, you could have come to me. And you've got that now."
"I already knew that I was pregnant before I came in here. I want an appointment-" He took a deep breath and looked straight at her, "- for an abortion,"
Judging by the way she looked at him, that wasn't what she had expected. There was shock and nervousness and even a hint of horror reflected in her eyes.
"Nii-san, don't make any rash decisions," she pleaded, "Remember, it's a baby, not a...a parasite. Think about it before you decide,"
"I've already decided," He said, "I wouldn't make a very good parent and I don't want anyone to find out about this. You know how I feel about my condition,"
"You make it seem as though it's a disease," she said, frowning with disappointment.
"Isn't it, though?" The brunette asked, only half joking. Her eyes narrowed with disapproval.
"Nii-san, I'm serious!" She snapped. He stared back at her with wide eyes, amazed that this usually timid girl had the gall to do so. She immediately realized her mistake and blushed.
"Gomen," She said softly, "But, please; promise me that you'll give it a few days to think about it,"
There was a tense pause during which Neji stared at her and she stared back. There was hope in her eyes, hope that he would keep the child, raise it and allow Hinata to play favourite Aunt with it, but also a hint of concern that he would go ahead with the abortion despite what she felt was best.
"I'll give it two days, Hinata," He told her in a voice that allowed no arguments, "After that I'll make my decision and you won't interfere. And you won't tell Hiashi-sama about this. Agreed?"
She nodded slowly, satisfied for the moment. He was certain that she was going to be spending the next two days trying to convince him to keep the baby, but he had no intention of caving. This child was conceived out of wedlock in a dusty wine store behind the bar. Just the thought made him want to cringe with shame. He wasn't showing yet; it would be a while before he did, but he felt very conscious of his pregnant state and worried that somebody would notice and reveal it to the world.
In fact, even a day later he was still obsessing over his stomach and had taken to wearing obscenely baggy clothes, at least two sizes too big. He knew that his strange behavior would attract scrutiny from people, but he couldn't help it. He felt as though a massive neon sign was floating above his head, proclaiming "PREGNANT", and couldn't help but want to make himself appear smaller.
It was on this day that he saw Gaara for the first time since the engagement party and their subsequent copulation. The sight of him drove a spike of pain through Neji's heart, not least because of the way he had his arm wrapped around a brunette girl, who was giggling giddily as she rested her head against his chest.
"I feel sorry for the poor girl, don't you?" Neji heard someone say, "He'll just have her then move on to someone else,"
He nodded at Kankuro, who was leaning against the wall beside him, his face void of paint for once. He was wearing a black tank top and baggy combats, a combination which Neji felt made him look quite attractive. Well, attractive for Kankuro, at any rate.
"Why does he do it, though?" Neji asked, frowning slightly, "Doesn't he realize that he's hurting people?"
Kankuro tilted his head back and laughed,
"No, he doesn't, actually," He said, "When it comes to feelings, Gaara's completely clueless. He thinks he's showing people how much he loves them by letting them have him for one night, when he's really only doing the opposite,"
Neji snorted quietly.
"I'll bet that he doesn't know about STIs either," Kankuro continued. Neji felt slight panic at his words, wondering if he had contracted syphilis from the promiscuous red head.
"How many people has he slept with?" He asked, pushing away thoughts of sexual infections from his mind. If it wasn't bad enough that he was a pregnant teenager, barely older than a kid himself, he now had the possibility of STIs hanging over his head.
"Approximately? Half the world," The puppet master sniggered, causing Neji to shoot him a withering glare.
"Seriously, though," Kankuro said, "Probably about fifty different people that I know about,"
"That you know about?" Neji asked, trying to keep the incredulous tone out of his voice, "So there's probably more?"
The puppet master shrugged, unconcerned.
"So it's just women he sleeps with?" The brunette inquired casually.
"Yes. I'd know if he'd been with a guy,"
"Don't be so sure about that," Neji muttered dryly, confident that Kankuro wouldn't have heard him. Unfortunately, his confidence was misplaced.
"What?" The puppet master asked, confused, "What do you mean?"
"Nothing, just forget I said anything," Neji sighed, gesturing with his hand.
"Do you mean that you-?"
In an instant, Neji's hand was pressed against his mouth, impairing further speech. His eyes, however, communicated everything that his mouth could not. He was staring at the brunette with bewilderment and shock, not even making a move to remove the fingers away from his mouth. When he was certain that Kankuro wasn't going to yell, Neji carefully moved away, all the time sending the puppet master a warning glare.
"You fucked my brother?" The puppet master hissed. Neji shook his head reluctantly. He cursed himself for being so careless. Well, he couldn't lie to Kankuro now, not when he knew the truth. The other shinobi wasn't the sharpest kunai in the weapons pouch, but his training would have covered knowing when somebody was lying to you.
"No. He was seme," Neji said in an equally soft voice, flushing in spite of himself. Kankuro raised an eyebrow but, thankfully, didn't say anything.
"And now you're pining for him?" the puppet master asked. Neji shook his head frantically. He couldn't stand the thought of having unrequited love for somebody.
"No, but he left me with a bit of a...problem," He said, "And, before you ask, I'm not telling you what it is,"
Kankuro's mouth snapped shut again and he narrowed his eyes.
"He hasn't infected you with anything, has he?"
Again Neji shook his head. The other shinobi looked relieved.
"Good. It's bad enough that he sleeps around so much as it is. If he starts infecting people with the clap, he won't be Kazekage much longer," He said. He shook his head, an amused smile on his face.
"I can't believe that he slept with you of all people. Not that I'm trying to insult you or anything. It's just...well, you're a guy. I didn't peg him as the bisexual type," He looked Neji up and down, making the brunette distinctly uncomfortable with this blatant appraisal.
"Though you are kind of feminine, so maybe that's the reason." He continued.
"Somebody had drugged us, too," Neji said, "I told him that it wasn't a good idea, but he looked as though it was almost painful, so I gave in," He shrugged at the irony. He had planned on saving his virginity for his future husband. Hiashi wouldn't object to him marrying another man, so long as he produced children. In fact, his Uncle was looking at several prospects already, according to Hinata, and had narrowed down the list to four healthy males a few years older than him. Whoever he married wasn't going to get the chance to deflower him now.
Kankuro nodded thoughtfully. "I suppose he wouldn't have given a damn who he fucked as long as he got off, then," He said, causing Neji to flinch. The puppet master sent him an apologetic look, "No offense. You're pretty easy on the eyes, Hyuuga. I'd give you a go if I had the chance," He sent the brunette a grin, causing a light pink to surface on Neji's cheeks.
"Thanks," He said awkwardly, not quite knowing how to respond to that. He'd never been complimented like that by another good looking guy, and it felt nice, although a bit strange.
"Y'know, if you're looking for someone to fool around with once in a while, I'll be happy to help out," Kankuro said lecherously. Neji jerked slightly, wondering if he'd heard right or had accidentally misinterpreted it.
"Come again?" he asked.
"I said, if you're looking for someone to fool around with once in a while, I'll be happy to help out,"
"Fool around?" Neji asked nervously, though he kept it out of his voice. He was aware that the puppet master was slowly drawing closer to him and swallowed, his eyes fixed on Kankuro's. He could feel the other nin's breath on his face as he inhaled deeply, one calloused hand gently cupping Neji's face.
"You smell really good," Kankuro whispered, his lips drawing closer and closer until they were a mere centimeters apart. Gaara's face came into Neji's mind, and he shoved Kankuro backwards, startling even himself.
"Kankuro, what are you doing?" A cold voice snarled. Upon hearing this, Neji's eyes widened and he leapt backwards, leaving a thoroughly pissed looking sand nin to deal with his younger, scarier, even more pissed brother. Neji realized that he had forgotten to add hotter to that list of adjectives, and then shook his head when he picked up on what he was thinking about. He wouldn't get attached to Gaara because he was the other father of this child, not when the bastard didn't want him in return. It would only cause him pain in the end.
"I'll ask you again, Kankuro. What are you doing?" Gaara hissed his voice pure poison. Neji winced. He couldn't understand why the red head was so angry. He supposed that it could be because he didn't want his brother to carry on with one of his conquests. That made his rage bubble to the surface.
He looked up. Kankuro was cowering as he apologized to Gaara profusely, which Neji couldn't understand because he hadn't done anything wrong. For some reason, this made him angry again and he felt as though he'd like nothing more than to lash out at somebody and cause them pain, so that they would understand what he was going through. Alone and pregnant and scared in a world where that, to his Clan, he was nothing more than a common whore
"Grow a fucking backbone!" He snapped at the puppet master, his famed poise and control slipping due to those damn hormones, "You don't have to answer to him because it's got nothing to do with him!"
He saw, with satisfaction, that Kankuro was slack-jawed, though Gaara remained oddly cool despite the circumstances. The red head jerked his head towards an alley, and Neji shook his head defiantly.
"That wasn't a request, Hyuuga Neji," He said. Neji followed, shooting dirty looks at anyone who looked at him for longer than a second.
They reached the back of the side street and faced each other, Neji angry and Gaara seemingly indifferent.
"My brother propositioned you," The red head said after a moment of silence. It wasn't a question.
"Yes," Neji ground out.
"Why?"
"I don't know," The brunet replied, folding his arms rebelliously.
"But you're not attracted to him," Gaara stated.
"No. But that doesn't mean that I don't think he's good looking. I could grow to find him attractive," Neji said, knowing that he sounded sulky and put out but not really caring. It was better than his outburst from before, at any rate.
"You're pining for me," The red head said, as though daring Neji to disagree with him.
"No," Neji snapped, "Why does the fact that your brother likes me automatically make you think that!. And people say I have a huge ego,"
Unnervingly, Gaara didn't rise to the bait. He simply gazed back, his eyes a tranquil sea blue, paler than when he was overcome by lust. He was serene, perhaps drawing his calm from Neji's complete loss of control over his own emotions.
"So you don't desire me?" He asked, cocking his head to the side. He seemed honestly curious.
"I didn't say that," Neji bit out.
"So you do desire me?"
The brunette remained stubbornly silent, glaring back challengingly.
"Hm. Interesting," Gaara said, "You like me?"
"I said I desired you. Liking you and desiring you are two different things," Neji said, evading the question.
"But do you like me?" Gaara asked, and Neji knew that the red head had caught onto what he was doing. He felt anger at the question and wanted to lash out again, to defend his already tattered pride. He was Hyuuga Neji, and Hyuuga Neji was supposed to be a cold heartless bastard who hated people and wanted to be left alone as much as possible. What had happened?
Oh, yes, that's right. He got knocked up by the Kazekage, the brunette thought sourly.
"Why do you care?" Was what came out of his mouth. Gaara's eyes narrowed.
"I don't," He said sharply, though his expression instantly turned remorseful when he caught sight of Neji's stricken look.
To the Hyuuga, it felt as though somebody had driven a rusty nail through his heart. It was one thing to suspect it, but it was another entirely to have his feelings confirmed.
"Neji-" Gaara began, but Neji held his hand up, his expression cold.
"Don't. Just don't," he said. He wanted the red head to feel the raw, fresh pain he did.
"I would have thought that you'd feel a little more compassionate after having that monster removed, but clearly I was wrong," He continued, his expression one of delighted glee as he thought of all the possible things he could say to cause anguish, "You're just the same as before. Just as cold and heartless and cruel as before. I know I'm not the first and I won't be the last to have you once and develop feelings for you, only to find that they were never returned. Are you happy, Kazekage-sama? Did you get what you wanted? Now you can brag to all your little whores about how you fucked Hyuuga Neji and made him cum all over a wall like a complete slut and then got him pregnant?"
OK, that last part wasn't meant to come out, he thought, wincing slightly. There was moisture on his cheek, and he knew that the skies were clear so the possibility of rain was out. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
Damn hormones.
"What...What was that last part?"
Neji looked up. Gaara was staring at him, but this time it wasn't with indifference. His gaze held fear and maybe even a little hope as he stared at the brunet.
"Nothing," Neji snarled a bit too forcefully for him to really be believed.
"You're lying," The red head said, "Men can't get pregnant,"
He knew. Oh God, he knew. Neji couldn't lie to him now, not when he already knew the truth. It would do no good. He toyed briefly with refusing to answer any questions but that was ruled out immediately. Gaara would just end up asking Sakura questions about this, and the pink haired girl, being the gossip that she was, would have spread it around the village before tomorrow.
"I'm a Graspevious," Neji sighed, "A male who can become pregnant. It's a special ability passed down to certain individuals within the Hyuuga Clan. I inherited it from my father. I have contraceptives, but I never took them because I swore to myself that I'd never have sex."
"How do I know that you're telling me the truth? It could all just be an elaborate scheme to get me to yourself again,"
There was a moments pause in which Neji's gaze became a thousand degrees colder, his fist clenching until it trembled by his side.
"If I could be bothered trying to get through your sand defenses, I'd punch you for that," He said, his voice shaking when he finally spoke.
"I suppose if you want confirmation, you could ask Tsunade-sama. But it doesn't matter. I'm getting rid of it anyway."
He threw the red head one last look of contempt before turning to leave, knowing that he'd be unable to prevent himself from attacking Gaara if he remained. He stopped only because of the hand on his arm.
"You're getting rid of it?" The red head asked in the same way that one would say "you're a mad axe murderer?"
"Yes. And there's nothing you can say to stop me," Neji stated, his tone one of utmost conviction.
"But...isn't that like taking a life?" Gaara asked.
"No," Neji said, not really believing himself, "It won't even have any internal organs or anything yet, so it isn't really alive. In fact, the embryo hasn't begun to form yet, either,"
"But even so..." The red head trailed off, frowning slightly.
"I'm not wavering on this," The brunette said, "I don't want it and neither do you, so this is the best course of action,"
"I...didn't say that I didn't want it,"
"Maybe not, but I can tell. It will be a burden if I keep it. The only reason you're arguing with me on this decision is your misguided sense of duty," Neji shrugged, outwardly appearing indifferent, but inside that was not the case. His stomach was awash with the feeling that all the butterflies of the surrounding nations were congregating in his belly as the warmth of Gaara's hand on his wrist quickly caused his skin to heat up. It was stupid, really, but now that he's had Gaara, he wanted him all the more. What hurt the most was the knowledge that it would never happen, even if the red head decided that he wanted to help Neji raise this child. He didn't actually want it. He just felt guilty that he was the one who had gotten the brunette into this condition in the first place.
"I don't care how little it's formed, it's still a child," Gaara said, "You can't get rid of it. It would be like murdering a completely defenceless child,"
A bitter smile graced Neji's lips and he turned away so that the red head wouldn't see the pained look on his face.
"I guess it's lucky for me that I don't feel that way," He said softly, walking away. Gaara didn't try to stop him. He counted that as a blessing.
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NEJI'S VIEWS ARE BE NO MEANS THE VIEWS OF MYSELF, AND NEITHER ARE GAARA'S!
Just thought that I'd make sure people knew that before I got flamed by people calling me an insensitive b--ch.
Thank you to all the people who have taken the time out to review all of my fics. If you have any queries or suggestions, note them down in your review and I'll reply to them as soon as I get them. Thank you once again.
Also, thank you to my lovely beta, Passions Lure. I wouldn't have been able to do this without her because I don't notice my mistakes until I see them online. Read her fic Just Leave Me. It's excellent, I promise.
In addition, anyone who has the link to Sabaku no Kurai's picture inspired by the ending scene of my fic Raven (the part where Neji walks out in a Slytherin school girl uniform), I would be most grateful if you would send it to me.
Ja ne, all!
TenshiXXX
Edit: This chapter has also been altered a lot. I am satisfied with this chapter at the moment, and I hope that you too are satisfied.