I don't own Fang or Max or the series… I also don't own my own pencil or cardboard box or cereal company. But one can dream…
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maximum Therapy
Rachel: Hello my dearest viewers whom of the majority most likely have ADD, OCD, IDD, HDSKDHCUDIWSJCD, and various other mental illnesses! I'm Dr. Rachel, and we're here to pinpoint and cure the characters form Maximum Ride's mental illnesses!
Audience Member23 (who is an English teacher): Find a different phrase! You've used 'mental illnesses' 15 times now! And watch your syntax, young lady! You've—
-Rachel presses button and Audience Member23 disappears into the jaws of a green-and-black monster with razor-sharp teeth named Gregory-
Rachel: So today we have Fang, who inadvertently appeared on our last episode because OLD MAN JACKSON over there couldn't get the coordinates right!
Old Man Jackson: I'm sorry! It won't happen again, I swear! Just don't give my face to Koh!
Rachel:-rolls eyes- Well anyway, HERE'S FANG!
Audience: YAY!
-Fang appears with straightjacket on-
Fang: …
Rachel: …
Fang: …
Rachel: …
Fang: …
Rachel: …
Fang: …
Rachel: …
Fang: …
Rachel: OKAY! Enough of that! Time to evaluate your mental illness! Fang, tell me a little about yourself.
Fang: …Like what?
Rachel: Well, let's start with your favorite color.
Fang: Black.
Rachel: Eh…favorite animal?
Fang: Black jaguars.
Rachel: Car?
Fang: Black jaguar.
Rachel: GAH! How about computer?
Fang: Black dell.
Rachel: Food!?
Fang: Burnt toast.
Rachel: HIPPOPOTAMUS!?!?!?!!
Fang: A sun burnt one.
Rachel: They're red! HA! Gotcha!!
Fang: Not if they stay in the sun too long.
Rachel: YOU DIE TODAY!!!!!
-An extremely large fight breaks loose in which Rachel chases Fang around the studio. The Audience breaks into teams and fight amongst themselves whether an apricot crossed with a plum should be called a plupricot or a plout. Viewers around the world fight for the same reason until the production company decides it's all too violent and cut to a panda eating bamboo-
-30 minutes later-
Rachel:-smoothes down hair and sits in chair- So Fang, would you like to hear your diagnosis?
Fang: …
Rachel: You have a major case of dementia. You are one demented little boy.
Fang: Good. Cause if I heard ONE MORE person say I was emo—
Rachel:-hasn't heard Fang- And you're also emo and a bit bipolar.
Fang: OH NO YOU DI'INT!
Rachel: YOU BEST BELIEVE!
-Cuts to panda eating bamboo-
-15 minutes later-
Audience Member12: Can we leave now? I wanna go home.
Audience Member34: My leg is broken!
Rachel: No and don't care.
Fang: So how do you cure me?
Rachel: We do basically the opposite of your mental illnesses! Dementia? Give 'im a math book! Emo? Make him wear a tutu! Bipolar? Zap him a few hundred times until he makes up his mind! That simple!
Fang: I don't wanna get zapped! Or maybe I do….
Rachel:-zaps Fang- How bout now?
Fang: No! I don't—
-Rachel zaps Fang again-
Fang: Stop!
-And again-
Fang: Max won't—
-And again-
Rachel: Excellent. We have cured the bipolarness!
Fang: -groan-
-Fang disappears-
Rachel: What just happened!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!!!!?
Old Man Jackson: Don't feed my face to Koh! He paid me 20 bucks!
Rachel: Ugh!
Audience: FINALLY!
Rachel: Well, I guess that's it for today. Next time it's Iggy. YOU WILL GET YOURS, OLD MAN JACKSON!!
Old Man Jackson:-whimpers-