Izzie walked into her bedroom and began searching her draws for the Iowa t-shirt that had once been Alex's. It had been the first item of clothing she'd taken from him; that she'd claimed as her own. It didn't smell like him, it had been a long time since either one of them had worn it; and the smell that clung to it was that of the draw it had been kept in. That didn't matter though; she just wanted to wear it, it was the closest she could get to Alex holding her. She removed the clothes she'd worn that day and slipped the shirt on. It still felt soft against her skin and it brought a small smile across her face. She walked over to her bed and curled beneath the covers.

She lay down on her back and rested her hands across her abdomen. "It's going to be okay," she whispered to herself. "It's going to be okay." She'd been telling herself those same words all afternoon and now she was starting to believe them. After her talk with Addison she'd spoken to the dietitian, she'd had the need for her to put on weight drummed into her and then they'd spent a long time trying to work out the best way to do that. She had a diet now, high in protein, high in carbs, there were also lots of little snack foods which were supposed to help her keep food down. She wasn't sure how well it would work but she'd eaten a good dinner and kept most of it down. She'd also visited her other doctors, the orthopedist had cleared her for surgery without too much hassle but her therapist made her talk. They spent an hour in her office talking about stuff. Some of it was important, she had to talk about Alex and the dream she'd had, she had to talk about the sleeping pills, about the wedding presents and about the pregnancy. They talked a lot about the pregnancy, about what it meant. For a while the conversation started to scare her, she was certain she would never be cleared for surgery but in the end she was. She was given the okay and that in itself made her feel good.

She rolled over onto her side and pulled Alex's pillow from its place on the bed. She held it tightly to her chest and breathed in the reminiscence of his scent, after weeks of doing this there was little of it left but it still seemed to clam her. She closed her eyes and began willing herself to fall asleep. It was hard though, her body had become so accustomed to drugs bringing sleep it didn't seem to know what to do. She breathed slow and steady and tried to conjure images into her head, images of her and Alex together, she tried to relax but it wouldn't work. After an hour she climbed out of bed, she wrapped the comforter around her shoulders and began walking through the house, first to the kitchen where she got herself a glass of water, and then to her front room. There she lay down on the sofa and turned on the television. She started playing her wedding video, she let the sound of Alex's voice flow through her and like a lullaby it rocked her to sleep.

-8-8-8-8-

"Hey Iz." Alex smiled down at her. She seemed to be laying down and he was sitting beside her. He ran his finger down the side of her face and hooked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Alex," She looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back at her, a big smile that lit up his eyes. She tried to lift up her arms to touch him but he shook his head.

He took his hands and wrapped them around hers. "Not tonight," he told her and then he lent in and kissed her. This kiss was soft and so gentle, it didn't seem to have the same passion as in her other dreams but there was another electricity to it, it felt real.

"Alex," She whispered his name again and tried to touch him. He wouldn't let her though, he wouldn't let her touch him.

"Not tonight Iz," he whispered to her and then he climbed over the bed. He lay down beside her and push his body against hers. With one hand he clasped hers and the other he began playing with her hair.

"It's going to be okay." He started whispering to her, "It's going to be okay."

Even in her dream his words seemed to rock her to sleep, a deeper sleep where everything in it felt safe.

-8-8-8-8-

"Alex! Alex!" Izzie stood in a very dark place. "Alex!" There was a worry in her voice, a fear that shook with every cry. "Alex where are you?!" She was afraid she'd lost him, that again he was gone. "Alex!" He couldn't be gone, not when she'd only just found him.

She began spinning around in circles, faster and faster she spun, she thought maybe if she moved fast enough everything might change that he'd come. She spun until she was dizzy until her head hurt and she fell over. She hit the ground hard and she wanted to just lay there, lay there and cry but then she felt it, the strong hand on her shoulder helping her up.

"Iz what were you doing?" Alex asked her, a bemused look on his face.

She looked back at him confused. "You were here?" His smile got bigger as he slowly nodded his head. "Alex!" She reached out and slapped his shoulder, "Don't do that!"

He started laughing at her and his eyes lit up. "I promise I won't do it again." Then he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and started leading her into the darkness.

"Alex where are we going?" She had to ask the question though the answer didn't really matter as long as she was with him she didn't care where they went.

"Where do you want to go?" He posed the question with a slight smirk on his face, a look like he already knew the answer.

"I don't know. Anywhere but here." The answer was simple, truthful. "If you're there it doesn't matter where."

"I think I can manage that." He pulled her closer to him again and turned to kiss her. "Close your eyes." He whispered to her and then wrapped his mouth around hers, he pulled her as close to him as possible, so close you couldn't tell where one body finished and the other started.