You might want to read this stuff if you want ANY CLUE to what's gonna happen. To those who just skip my beloved Authors' Notes in the beginning and ends of my stories; go jump in a lake of molten lava! Go ahead! Jump! I don't care! –cries-
Okay, so by popular demand (and by popular demand I mean TWO VOTES), this is going to be Ari's chapter. But sometimes you guys make some really weird decisions, so I made the decision for you and this chapter is really going to be on Angel cause I couldn't wait to see what would happen… BWAHAHAHAHAHAAWSH!!!
Also, the ONLY person WHO ASKED to be in this fic is Evilhunterperson, but instead of being selfish and wanting HERSELF to be in it, she very unselfishly wanted one of her characters from her story, Death Defying Connor, a story about a kid named Connor who dies a lot, to appear in this chapter. But because I'm so nice, I'm gonna put in both.
Because I'm so nice.
And so starts the fifth chapter, with Angel, Connor the guy who dies a lot, and Evilhunterperson.
Enjoy, you free loaders kindly viewers! XD
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maximum Therapy
Rachel: Salve! Buonasera! You have inadvertently stumbled upon a fic called Maximum Therapy, in which the characters from Maximum Ride go through, uh… therapy!
Audience Member11: You're five chapters late! That should've been from the introduction on the FIRST chapter!
Rachel: Crap!
Audience Member11: Yay I wasn't killed!
Rachel: You're stupid! EVERYONE knows the bearer of bad news always dies!
-Rachel opens a portal to the underworld and AM11 falls through. Screams are heard along with Cerberus's growls-
Rachel: Now that that's finished with, it's time to introduce some important guests. The first is Evilhunterperson, who will be called Evil from now on!
-Audience claps as Evil walks on stage-
Evil: Hello, Dr. Rachel! Before we start, I just wanna say—
Rachel: Sorry Evil but we don't have time! Angel grows restless in her cage!
Evil: But I thought you poofed people here. You catch and cage them first?
Rachel: Uh…Here's Connor!
-Someone off-stage shoves a teenage, weary-looking, and hunched boy onto the set-
Rachel: Jeez he looks scared.
Evil: Oh, he's always like that.
Rachel: -rushing up to Connor- -says happily- You're gonna die today!
-Connor dies-
Rachel: Dude what the heck!
Evil: -boredly- Scared to death.
Rachel: How un-original of me.
Someone Offstage: SHE GOT OUT!!! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIVES!!!!!!!!!
-Rachel boredly presses button that puts a giant cage around the Audience-
-Audience screams and rattles cage. Some are trampled to death in the panic-
Rachel: You're not getting out! I already took your money and you're sure as heck ain't gettin' it back! I don't care if Angel can kill you all!
Evil: Why are you always so mean to them?
-Rachel is interrupted by a six-year-old screeching down the studio. Anyone she passes starts to choke and pass out-
Evil: I'll stop her!
Rachel(from safe spot in rafters): Don't be a hero, boy!
Evil: I'm a girl.
Rachel: The line was incomplete without the word boy. It would sound weird if I just said, 'Don't be a hero!', wouldn't it?
Evil: I see.
Rachel: I know you're not a boy.
Evil: I know.
-Connor comes back from the dead-
Connor: What'd I miss? :D
-Angel hops on Connor and beats him up-
-Connor dies-
Rachel: I'm too lazy to figure out how to constrain this animal Angel in a short amount of time. COMMERCIAL! AND DON'T SCREW UP, YOUNG MAN JACKSON!
_COMMERCIAL_
Ripped Female Narrator: Are you fat and have no life?
Person Who Is Fat And Has No Life: Yes.
Ripped Female Narrator: Then you need the Maximum Workout, the household muscle-builder gym!
Person Who Is Fat And Has No Life: Tell me more!
Ripped Male Narrator: The Maximum Workout is just the size of a lab table!
Ripped Female Narrator: It IS a lab table!
Ripped Male Narrator: All you have to do is lie on it!
Ripped Female Narrator: And shoot yourself with dangerous chemicals to make you as ripped as we are!
Ripped Male Narrator: Aren't we beautiful? AREN'T WE BEAUTIFUL!?! –twitch twitch-
Ripped Female Narrator: Let's see the results of some other users!
Other User1: I LOVE THIS THING!! IT MAKE ME REALLY STRONG!! I HAVEN'T EATEN IN WEEKS!! I DON'T NEED SLEEP!! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Other User2: This— -dies-
Ripped Female&Male Narrators: -dies-
Other User1: -dies-
Person Who Is Fat And Has No Life: -dies-
Kira: BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAWSH!!1
_END COMMERCIAL_
-Angel is duct-taped in a cage at the hand of Evil, who had captured her by means of Holy Water. Several backstage crew, producers, and Audience Members are dead. Young Man Jackson is clearing out the corpses-
Rachel: That was hardly a commercial! Jeez, what kinds of people are sponsoring this show, anyway!?
Evil: I always wondered that.
-Connor appears-
-A pterodactyl breaks through the ceiling and grabs Connor in its talons. Its laser eyes shoot out, ruining the studio and decapitating Audience Members. Connor flails about, and is dropped by the pterodactyl. A stampede of pigs comes from offstage and tramples him to death-
Evil: You know that more people die of pig attacks than shark attacks every year?
Rachel: Sharks need more dignity.
-Angel rattles cage with her teeth-
Rachel: Oh, I almost forgot you were there, little Angel!
Angel: -growls-
Rachel: Bad mutant! Bad, bad! –squirts with water-
Angel: -hisses-
Evil: We shouldn't anger her, Dr. Rachel! She'll revert back to her natural behavior and kill us all!
Rachel: This therapy is going to be very difficult. I rather think it's impossible.
Pterodactyl: Don't give up hope! –flies away-
Evil: I wish it dead.
Rachel: Later, Evil, later! We have a rather insane/desperate/crazy/psycho/socialistic (AN: I couldn't decide on which) patient here!
Angel: You should let me go now.
Evil: Your mind powers don't work on us!
Angel: Max will come for me, just you wait!
Rachel: Max is schizophrenic! She probably doesn't know you're even here!!
Angel: :'(
Rachel: You're as crazy as Azula in the finale.
Evil: And disgruntled.
Rachel: You're a very disgruntled child.
Angel: Am not! I'm perfect! I'M PERRRFFEEEEEECCTTTT!!!!!!!! –spits blue fire everywhere-
Evil: It's as if you're related to Zuko and Azula…
Rachel: The first step to getting rid of a problem is admitting you've got it!
Angel: I'll lose my honor!
Evil: The family resemblance is appalling!
Rachel: Angel! I don't WANT to make up another commercial! Make this easy for me!
Angel: Only if you let me out of this cage.
Rachel: As soon as I find out James Patterson has died of a heart attack from Kira!
Angel: …
Evil: …
Rachel: You're never getting out of that cage! :D
Angel: I can tell you where to find him!
-Rachel gets Angel out of the cage so fast that even Fang was jealous-
Fang: That makes no sense!
Evil: Get outta here!
-Fang disappears-
Angel: BWAHAHAHAHAHAWSH!!! I am freeeeeeee!!!
Rachel: Stupid girl! You're still taped up! Now tell me where I can find James Stupid Patterson so I can rip his limbs apart one by one!
Angel: It feels as if I'm always taped up! My life is nothing but a two-sided silvery and sticky substance! –sobs-
Rachel: -hugs Angel- It's okay, Angel. We'll cure your disgruntledness! You will no longer be an extremely annoying and nauseatingly cute child on the very verge of Mary-Sueness!!
Evil: Yeah! You'll be regular in no time! I hope…
Rachel: Are you questioning my therapedic skills!?
Evil: Therapedic isn't a word!
Rachel: SAYS WHO
Evil: SAYS MICROSOFT WORD 2007!
Rachel: OH REALLY!?
Angel: Uh, guys? You forgot about my disgrutledness. I need attention!
Evil: YA REALLY!!
Rachel: OH REALLY!?
Evil: YA, REALLY!!
Rachel: OH, REALLY!?
Evil: YA, REALLY!!
Connor: Yeah, really!
Evil&Rachel: SHUT UP CONNOR!!!!
Connor: Aw, man.
Angel: GUYS!!! ATTENTION!!!!
Connor: I better die with DIGNITY this time!!
Rachel: EVERYONE STOP USING CAPITAL LETTERS AND ECLAMATION!!!!
Evil: OH NO!! I CAN'T STOP!!!
Connor: IT'S A DISEASE!!
ANGEL: OUR NAMES ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS NOW!!!
RACHEL: NO, THAT'S NOT PART OF THE DISEASE!! I JUST DID THAT 'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANNA TURN CAPS LOCK ON THEN OFF REPEATEDLY WHEN I HAD TO TYPE OUR NAMES AND THEN WHAT WE SAID!!!
EVIL: YOU'RE SOO LAZY!!
RACHEL: WHAT OF IT!?!
CONNOR! THE DISEASE IS TAKING ME!!!! THE COLON IN FRONT OF MY NAME HAS TURNED INTO AN EXCLAMATION POINT!!!!!!!
RACHEL: THAT WASN'T A RESULT OF MY LAZINESS!!! IT WOULD ONLY MAKE MORE WORK FOR ME!!!!
EVIL: CONNOR, YOU'RE DYING FROM THE CAPITAL-LETTER-AND-EXCLAMATION-POINT DISEASE!!!
CONNOR! DANGIT, I WANTED DIGNITY!!!
RACHEL: HA!!
ANGEL: AAATTTTTEEEEEENNNNTTTTIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOONNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Connor dies-
Evil: I guess the disease died with him. But it was probably you being lazy again.
Rachel: How'd you guess?
-Angel is unconscious from lack of attention-
Rachel: Crap.
Evil: What're we gonna do now?
Rachel: I'm tired.
-silence-
Evil: Wanna go get some quositos? (AN: Pronounced: co-seet-ohs. They're pastries with cheese and almost-melted sugar on the top. They're amazingly delicious!)
Rachel: Yeah!
Evil: You know, quositos taste a lot better when you put them in the toaster oven for just a little while.
Rachel: Really? I didn't know that.
-Evil and Rachel leave to go get some quositos from Wal-Mart, leaving an unconscious Angel wrapped in duct tape, the Audience still in a cage, and a suddenly re-appeared Connor-
Connor: Where'd they go?
Audience Member22: They left us here! Please, get us out!
Connor: -shrug- Maybe later.
Audience Member22: I curse thee with laziness! You will die a twenty year old man with the weight of a whale!
Connor: I've died too many times for that to scare me.
-Old Man Jackson appears with a laser gun and pitch-fork-
Old Man Jackson: BWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Connor: You missed them by that much.
Audience Member33: This was your great plan you've been thinking of for over two episodes? A laser gun and a pitch-fork with a horrible battle cry?
Old Man Jackson: I was in traffic, okay?
Connor: That doesn't make any sense!
-Connor dies of a heart attack-
Kira: BWAHAHAHAHAAAAWSH!!!!
END OF CHAPTER FIVE
Angel: Wait—wait! What about me!?
Rachel: What ABOUT you, Angel?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy!!!! Sorry for the extra extra long long long loooooooooooooooonnnnng wait. But now it's summah time, and I only have one week of volunteering left! So *hopefully*, I'll be updating sooner and sooner.
How did you like it? AND THIS TIME, I WANT MORE VOTES, YOU HEAR?? The only reason why I did angel was because I thought it would be better if she and Connor were in the same chapter. You can go to Evilhunterperson's page. Just look for one of her comments in the review place, there's bound to be one there.
Wow. This has been 11 pages.
Dr. Reminder says: Remember to R&R!!
PEOPLE LEFT TO THERAPIZE (which, according to Microsoft Word 2007 is indeed a word): GAZZY, ARI, JEB, AND JAMES STUPID PATTERSON. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER, EITHER LEAVE A REVIEW SAYING SO OR PM ME. I WILL THEN PM YOU WITH QUESTIONS REGARDING THE CHAPTER.
Thanks! AND LEAVE A REVIEW. XD