Tegan POV
I shot him. I shot him in the arm. I had it aimed for his face, but I shot him in the arm. I'm not a murderer. I'm not. His hand is covering the wound, and in a desperate attempt, he's rolling around on the floor, trying to relieve even the slightest of pain. He's crying out in pain, but I can't hear him. Right now, I'm blocking out every sound. My hand loosens its grip on the gun, and it slips out of my hand. It drops to the grass, but I heard it. The only sound I could make out. I shudder and drop to my knees. I almost killed him. I was about to aim for his heart, but something inside me made me aim farther to the right, onto his arm. The last sliver of good that still inhabited my body, made me avoid killing another man. Taking another life is starting to mean nothing to me. The calm that comes for just a second when you're about to pull the trigger. The anticipation. The adrenaline. The realization. It's starting to get to me.
"You're not a murderer...y-you don't mean to do it." I mutter under my breath. Every last word comes out in a shaky breath. I look up and see the woman attempting to reach out to the man. The man pushes her away and she stumbles onto the ground, landing on her bum. He's about to hit her, but he pulls back, wincing in pain. I should get up, do something. I can't. The fact that I was about to kill him...I didn't even think about taking his life, the act came instinctively to me. He hurt someone. His life should be taken away. Those were the orders that were given and carried out by me. But that sliver of good...I need to keep it alive and make sure that the next time I'm able to think things through. If not, who knows what'll happen. I could become a killing machine, a vigilante if you will.
I'm pulled away from my thoughts when I feel an arm wrap around me. At the same time, I finally let the sounds in. I wince at the venomous words that are being spewed into the night.
"Get away from me you fucking bitch!" The man tries to get up, but accidentally uses his injured arm. The pressure must've been too intense because now he's clutching his arm in fetal position.
"Fuck you Sara! Fuck you and your dyke of a friend!"
"Bruce, please let me help you. Bruce be logical, you have a bullet wound, you need medical attention. Let me take you to Johnny." Sara gets closer and he flicks her away with a wave of his hand. She takes a step back, giving him his space. He gets up and turns around to look at me and Emy.
"I'll be back, for the both of y'all. You won't know when, but soon. Just pray that I die from this." He turns around and looks at Sara.
"I've had enough of your shit...that's it for me. I'm leaving!" He drags himself to a police car at the bottom of the hill. He opens the car door with his uninjured hand and speeds off to who knows where.
The Next Day
Lindsey POV
"Tegan...Will you be my girlfriend?"
"What? I-I..." She hesitates for a second, a look of uncertainty in her eyes. I'm not the stupidest person in the world, and I'm not the smartest one, but I'm smart enough to know that Tegan doesn't love me. She loves me, but not the way I want her to love me. After all these years that we've been friends, we're still just that, friends. It hurts me everyday to know that I don't have her whole heart, and that one day someone will come along and snatch it from me before I have a chance to tame it. I've seen how she goes from girl to girl, and each one falls, but they can't seem to pull Tegan down with them. I envy them, they get at least a quarter of Tegan, a quarter of Tegan that I'm missing out on. I've given up on the idea that me and Tegan will be together, maybe towards the end, when she never found her other half, but I'll happily try to fill the void in her heart, even if I don't, I still have Tegan as a friend. I'm absolutely sure that she's my missing half, my soul mate. When we met, I had no idea who she was, my boss just told me that she was a struggling artist looking for some gigs, so there I go, off to take pictures of some struggling artist, not knowing that I was going to fall head over heels for her. I arrive at the small venue late and the first thing I hear is her voice. She had the voice of an angel, it was filled with so much emotion, and the sound of her Gibson was so smooth; together they were sweet venom for the ears. I made my way to the front for pictures and I caught her staring at me. It made me blush and my heart flutter, and I stood there like an idiot not taking a single picture for the rest of the night. I screwed up the assignment and arrived at work the next day empty handed. Needless to say my boss was so pissed off at me that he fired me in front of everybody, but I didn't care. I was still lingering from the high of Tegan looking at me throughout the whole set. I drove back home and had 10 missed calls from Tegan saying that she wanted to talk to me. I couldn't believe it, the girl I now had a crush on was calling me. I didn't hesitate to call her back, and when I did, she asked if I wanted to join her team as her photographer. I immediately said yes and over the course of five years we've grown to become each other's best friends. Over those five years, I haven't had a partner, or even gone out on a date, which meant no sex, but I stayed single for Tegan...hoping that one day she would come around and realize that the person who would make her happy, fufill her dreams, love her unconditionally, was standing right beside her.
"Yes...yes, I will be your girlfriend." I smile at the thought of her not being able to hurt me. The answer I've been waiting to hear for five years...it saddens me. Have you ever had something, but you know it's not yours completely? Like if your friend had a guitar and you wanted that guitar, so you ask them if they can let you borrow it and they say yes. Sure you have a guitar now, but now you want to buy picks for it, get a stand for it, put stickers on it, but you can't because it's not fully yours. It's for someone else to decorate, not you. Even if I do spend the rest of my life with someone else, they won't be Tegan. I won't wake up to a gummy smile, I won't get to inhale her strawberry scented hair, I won't be there through her ups and downs...I won't be THERE. The sadness brings an ache to my chest, but I smile through it, not wanting Tegan to see me crying over her and the void in her heart, a void I know I can't fill. So why go through the trouble of asking her to be my girlfriend? Because in the end, if can't have Tegan...then no one else can. I know that in the end, I'll be enough to fill the void. Tegan will be happy living by my side, and I by hers.
"Tegan...know that I will die happily." By your side, six feet under, or six feet above, it won't matter as long as we're together.
The memory plays in my head, as vividly that vividly can get. I meant every single word spoken, every single thought that was thought, and yet I feel guilty. I'm forcing Tegan to love me and that could end up in flames, burning our friendship with it. Am I willing to risk it all just so that she can love me? Yes, because in the end we'll be happy and this will just be one of those silly moments we'll look back on.
Where am I? I bring my hands up to my forehead and try to massage my throbbing head. I open my eyes slowly, trying to adjust to the burning light coming in through the tent flap. It looks to me like the source of the light is from a fire, but I'm not sure. I turn on my side and see Ted, peacefully snoring away on a small cot, his legs dangling off the edge. His peaceful state brings a smile to my face. I see a small blanket barely covering his body. He shivers and I don't hesitate to get off my cot and give him my blanket. Now that I'm up, I notice that I'm in all white. A white v-neck, white shorts and some white socks. I laugh at whoever dressed me, they obviously don't know that my least favorite color is white. I pull my hair into a ponytail and step out. That's when I see them. Tegan is talking to some girl, sitting too close to her by my standards. I can see her eyes darting across this girl's face; she's obviously studying her. She's listening to every word that this girl has to say, as if she missed out on one syllable, she would be missing out on the whole conversation. The girl is gesturing all over the place, her hands at some point already covering the whole space around her. Tegan rests her elbows on her knees, using her hands to carry the weight of her head. The girl stops talking and she mimics Tegan's actions. This brings a laugh to Tegan and seeing her laugh fills me with rage. Tegan stares into the girl's eyes for what seems like hours, but what are really minutes. That's when I decide to interrupt their little chat and head towards the fire.
Emy POV
I've never seen Sara this happy before, not even with me. Tegan just came out of her tent for a walk and Sara just immediately pulled her into a conversation. Who knows what they're talking about, they've been chattering for what seems like hours, but it's only been 45 minutes. I'm happy to see them getting along, I honestly didn't know what Sara would say about adding more people to the group, but it looks like she doesn't mind. They've finally stopped talking and are now staring intensely into each other's eyes, which makes me kind of nervous.I thought I heard Tegan mention a girlfriend earlier, but I must've imagined it. I hear the shuffling of feet and tense up, already preparing for the worst. I see it's another person and ease a little bit, but I still don't know who this is.
"Oh, hey Lindsey." Tegan says, and immediately scoots away from Sara.
"Oh, hey sweetie. I missed you." I can see Sara's face sadden at the use of her words from a mile away. Lindsey sits in the space separating Tegan and Sara. She wraps her arms around Tegans mid section, but flinchs back in pain.
"Oh yeah, don't try to move too much, you do have kind of a nasty wound there." I say, hoping to get her attention. She smiles embarrassingly at me and I feel my heart pick up it's pace. Her bangs fall out of place and she reaches up to put them back behind her ear. My heart slows down at the sight of this. I start to get nervous and look away, staring out into the distance in front of me. I let out a shaky breath, one I didn't realize I was holding. What the fuck is wrong with you Emy? Grab a hold of yourself! I try to give my self a mental smack, but it's not working. I look back at the group and see that they're all staring at me, especially Lindsey. Her piercing eyes were looking directly into mine. I can feel my palms start to sweat and I start to panic.
"Emy what's wrong?" Sara asks me, worry filling her voice.
"Oh, I-I um...I just think I feel a little under the weather, you know. I think gonna go to sleep now." I respond, already feeling more nervous than tired.
"Yeah, I think I'm gonna go to sleep too." Tegan gets up and turns back towards Sara.
"I'm gonna sleep with you... if that's alright?" Sara's eyes light up with excitement and she's about to respond when Lindsey cuts her off.
"No, you can sleep with Ted, I'm pretty sure he wants to talk to you in the morning."
"Where are you going to sleep?" Tegan asks, confused by Lindsey and why she doesn't want her sleeping in the same tent as Sara.
"Oh, don't worry I'll sleep with Emy." She comes over and pats me on the back.
"You don't mind, do you Emy?" She asks me, having no clue as to what she's doing to me.
"No, that's perfectly fine." I manage to let out in a pitchy voice.
"Wow you really are coming down with something." She says to me, flashing me a smile, one of the best smiles I've ever seen. I chuckle at her comment, walking nervously to the tent we'll be sharing. We get there and she starts to undress in front of me. I gulp and look away, almost snapping my neck. She notices my actions and chuckles. She hops into the cot and I still stand near the flap, probably looking like the biggest dork. She pulls the blanket under her chin and asks me,
"Aren't you coming to bed?" I nod my head and open the flap. I take off my shoes and slip underneath the small blanket. I turn on my side facing away from her cot. I sigh a sigh I've been holding in and close my eyes.
"Goodnight Emy, sweet dreams." I tense up at her words, but manage to give a reply.
"Goodnight Lindsey. May you also have sweet dreams." I feel like such a dork at the use of my words, but she chuckles and I can feel someone the tension leave my body. Tonight can go either two ways, I'm going to have a very uncomfortable sleep, or I'm going to have crazy sex fantasies about Lindsey. I'd rather have the fantasies, but then again...I'd rather not.