Tegan POV
I can hear a soft squealing in the distance. It sounds like a pig's vocal chords being run over by a tractor. Whoever this is is, they're successfully failing at attempting to play an assembly call on what I now know is a bugle.
"Cut that crap OFF!" I roll over on my side, trying to muffle the sounds and cover up my other ear with my hand. I close my eyes shut, but the ringing is piercing through my ears and I can't take it anymore. This reminds me of the days when I wouldn't wake up early for school and my mom would come into my room with practically the whole kitchen, just to have the loudest jam session ever. I learned to adapt with the loud banging, since I didn't want to wake up to another miserable day of being bullied on. I had come out to my best friend Jennifer in the ninth grade, and she seemed to be cool with it, but proceeded to tell the whole school about it. I found out about her backstabbing actions when I visited my manure-filled locker, and on it was a note that said, "Go die in a pile of shit you fucking dyke." It hurt me to know that people could be so cruel to me, didn't they know that each of their words was a like a dull dagger that cut through my skin? I always told myself that I wouldn't allow them to hurt me like that, they were just words on a piece of regular paper, nothing special about it. But the accumulating amount just became too much for my emotional stability, and the last note I ever received was one that read, "Go die with Satan, pretty sure he has some room for you :)" The happy face was the last straw for me, it meant no one valued my worth as a human being, no one would weep for me at my grave, no one would hear my silent cries that drifted off into the night air. When I arrived home that day, I headed straight for my closet and locked myself in. No one cared, no one listened, no one offered to help fix me, so why bother living? I know they say it gets better, but how can you think about your future happiness when you were going through hell and having a war inside of you? How can you think about your future family, when your present one is trying to fix you back into normality, trying to rewrite your DNA and change your whole being? How can you think about future friends, when you have none to comfort you through your misery? The friends that you trusted to love you and accept you unconditionally, suddenly turned their backs on you and made you an outcast. They cast you looks of shame and pity whenever you walked by them. They think you're disgusting, something that should be sent to the pits of Tartarus, and they don't hesitate to call you out in the middle of class, even if the teacher is in the room. The teachers...the ones we put on a pedestal everyday for being able to deal with us, and when we send off our kids to school, we expect them to be in the arms of an angel. Teachers are supposed to protect students from any physical and emotional abuse...not join the mob and ridicule the "sick ones" to the point that I felt I was being teased by death with a dull knife. As I sat in my enclosed space and contemplated the meaning of my life and the effect it had on others, I saw it, through the small slit between the doors, I saw it. The white rope that could bring me ease and happiness in life; my quick escape out. It beckoned me to open the closet doors and wrap it around my neck, my tired neck that endured so much pain from people trying to end my life for me. I thought about it, and for the first time I heard it: silence. For once I couldn't hear the mob, the mob that persecuted me to the edges of the city shouting their hateful words, each one sharp daggers to my ears. For once I didn't hear the laughter of the teachers, their roaring cries of pity and shame. For once I didn't hear the cries of my mother, her cries of shame and guilt for raising such a demonic child. In her eyes I was tainted, inside of me was everything that was wrong with the world, inside of me was a part of her and my deceased father, who's memory I have tainted with my heart. I looked at the rope, seeing my life attached to it. I opened the doors, the squeak echoing throughout the empty halls of my home. I crawl to the other side of my white room and sit down in front of it. The rope held my deepest desires, peace, tranquility, and most of all...silence. They were all intertwined in the little fibers that held the rope together. I reach for it and grasp it in my hand. It was heavy, just like my life, it took such strength to carry around...just like my life. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as I got up and headed back to the closet. I stepped inside the four walls and shut the door slowly. I carefully reached for the string above my head, standing on the tips of my toes, and pull it down, immediately illuminating the enclosed space. I wrapped the rope around the pole that carried my clothes. Automatically, my hands tie a noose and I put my small head through it. I grab a box from the corner and stand on top of it, feeling like I was finally on top of the world. I was finally going to receive my peace, my tranquility, my aching silence. I was saying goodbye to the world, and in that moment I forgave everyone that managed to make me crumble, everyone who managed to make my life an open book of misery. We were all finally getting what we wanted...they wanted me gone and I just wanted my peace, my space. In the end, the bullies and the victim both win a prize. I heard the door from down stairs open and someone close it. I could hear my mother's silent footsteps coming up the stairs.
"Tegan? Tegan, I'm home, come on we have our daily meeting with the pastor and I don't want to be late." Those were the last words I heard from her as I stepped off the box and into a peaceful state of mind.
I woke up later that evening to the sound of a constant beep. I slowly opened my eyes and saw that I was in a hospital. I looked to my right and saw my mom on the couch sound asleep, dark circles around her eyes, as if she hadn't slept in days or had been crying for hours on end. I grabbed a mirror that was laying on the night stand next to me and brought it up in front of my neck. All I saw was failure written all over it. I failed trying to access a state of peace and silence, I failed at ridding myself from this cruel, cruel world that had nothing to offer me. I looked back at my mom, but to my surprise she was already sitting next to me in a chair pulled up to my bed. I looked into her eyes and they were streaming with tears. Her eyes were filled with shame and guilt, but for once, they weren't meant for me, they were meant for her. She felt guilty and was full of shame and that was enough to bring me to tears. For the first time, I saw a mother in worry, Finally I saw my mother, not a person who I had come to acknowledge in the past years as the person who fed me, clothed me, put a roof over my head, a person who wasn't my mother, because my mother would love me unconditionally.
"T-Tegan...I-I'm so sorry." More tears fall from her eyes and new ones quickly replace the old ones.
"Why?" I ask, not knowing why she's sorry, is she sorry to see me hurt, or sorry that I didn't finish the job?
"I've let you down in the worst ways a mother can. I stopped being there for you, I stopped talking to you, I stopped caring for you. If I had come to accept you for who you are, this would've never happened. I know my apology doesn't seem like much, but Tegan, in the end you are still my daughter, and I am your mother, someone who should love you no matter what. I wasn't there for you then, but I'm here for you now. I'm sorry I didn't pay attention to your pain and suffering, and don't worry, you have my full attention now. I don't care who you are or what you do because Tegan I love you, and your health and safety are what matter to me most right now. I know if your father were here right now...he'd be proud of the person you've become, he'd be beaming with joy at how brave you were through all of this." She looks like a mess, tears soaking the collar of her shirt. She takes my hands and holds them gently in hers. She offers me a weak smile, and I can't help but start my own water works. The thought of dad being proud of me...it struck a nerve deep inside of me that reawakened all of my senses. I could feel my wall, the wall that had been brought down brick by brick by all the bullies, slowly start to repair itself with new bricks, ones that weren't heavy at all.
That was all I needed. For one person to reach out to me and tell me that they loved me, they loved every piece of me. I didn't care if I had to go to school the next day, I would face all the bullies with a smile, because I knew that I had someone waiting to hug me when I got home.
"QUIN GET YOUR ASS UP!" I hear someone shout, pulling me away from my thoughts. They sounded a lot like Ted, so I look to my right and see a blanket neatly folded on the cot, but nobody resting their body atop it. The bugle has finally stopped playing the horrendous assembly call, but now I hear people snickering and giggling. I get up off my cot and bend down to put on my sneakers. I tie them up, tucking the extra lace into the sneaker, making sure that it doesn't fall out. I pat down my hair and straighten out my blue shirt. I release the wedgie in my black shorts and walk out out of the tent into the daylight.
Sara POV
We all stare at Tegan as she heads out of her tent. Her blue shirt is fitting on her body, accentuating it well, her black basketball shorts fall just above her knees and her hair falls down to her shoulders, curling at the ends. She's a beautiful sight to witness, especially in the mornings when her hair is somewhat fluffy and her face looks tired.
"What the hell was that bugle for?" She asks, clearly annoyed by the sound that it makes, but who can blame Emy and her poor bugle-playing skills?
"Well, we live in the wild, might as well live it to the fullest." Emy responds with a smirk on her face.
"Won't the sound attract walkers?"
"Naaaa, only gunshots." she replies with a smile on her face.
It's soon off when Lindsey arrives with the stuff that we asked for. In the beginning I felt like there was some tension between me and Lindsey, but I feel like everything's fine for now. I know she's Tegan's girlfriend, and I have to admit I have a small attraction towards Tegan, but I'm not the kind of person that would go after someone else that's already committed. I look back at Emy and see that's she's eyeing the ground, trying so hard not to glance up at Lindsey. I've known Emy long enough to know that she has a tiny crush on her, it's so obvious that it gives me giggles.
"Emy, could you lend me a hand? Well more like two." Lindsey asks her and she happily responds.
"Yeah sure, um...Sara where do you want us to put this stuff?" Emy asks me, trying to avoid starting a conversation with Lindsey.
"Oh...um, set it down in the trunk, we'll leave in about 10 minutes. Oh, have you told John and Jasper?"
"Yeah a couple minutes ago. They said they would meet us down in five."
"Is Stacy coming this time, or just Johnny?"
"Nope, just Johnny, Stacy is gonna help with the kids."
Tegan stares at us in confusion. Of course, she just woke up, she has no idea about today's plans.
"Oh, Tegan I have to fill you in on what we're doing today. Walk with me?" Lindsey gives me a nasty glare, but I shrug it off. If she were my girlfriend, I probably would've dumped her already, she's the jealous type alright. She follows Emy to the trunk of the car while me and Tegan head to the medicine tent to go get Johnny. I pull my hands behind my back and turn to look at Tegan, but I forget what I was about to say. Her beauty leaves my mouth hanging open, no words coming out of the tiny hole. I quickly recover and look forward, avoiding her gaze and any other distractions.
"Well today, we're going to go out and do a normal run, which consists of gathering more supplies for the camp. We usually head out to the nearest grocery store and clothing store, but I've been noticing that they're getting short on supplies, so today I thought we would give the mall a try." She looks at me and nods in understanding, but I still look ahead.
"We usually bring John, Jasper, Johnny and Stacy, but this time Stacy won't be tagging along. I assume you've already met them?" This time I have to look at her to see her response. I'm met with hazel orbs, only focusing on my face, giving me her full attention. I'm starting to become nervous, so I try to clear my throat, but it doesn't help. We continue walking up the hill, getting closer to the medicine tent.
"The trip usually takes two days and we take food, water, some blankets, extra clothes, flashlights, matches, guns, knifes, whatever we deem necessary and helpful to us. We usually take the cop car and the black suburban, but Bruce took the cop car, so we'll be taking the white van instead. So I just have to ask you," I stop walking and turn to face her, "do you wanna join us in your first run?" I ask, my voice filled with hope.
"Yeah, sure, whatever I can do to help." She smiles at me and I smile back. She has such an adorable gummy smile...although I can't let my thoughts linger too far away. I turn on my heels, but the heels of my shoes scrape against a rock causing me to fall forward. Tegan catches me, placing both of her hands on my hips, turning me and pulling me towards her. Our hips meet, smashing into each other and I almost let out a moan. I put my hands up between us, resting them on her shoulders. I try to push her away, but something tells me not to. Our faces are inches apart, and it is only at this proximity that I can see all of her wonderful features. Her tiny scars, the little baby hairs growing at her forehead, her eyebrows, her hazel eyes. Everything about her is perfect. From her cute button nose, to her labret. Her mouth twitches, making it move, and my heart can't help but flutter at the sight. Everything she does is so adorable. My heart starts to race as I stop thinking about her features and start to focus on the situation at hand. I start to panic when I see her leaning in, centimeters away from my face. Automatically I start to lean in too, desperately wanting to feel her lips against mine. No Sara, you're not that kind of person. That thought gives me enough motivation to pull away, already feeling a sudden emptiness hitting me in the pits of my stomach.
"We should get Johnny and get going. Those supplies aren't going to get themselves." I chuckle. I can feel my cheeks growing red and I look at Tegan's face, hers mimicking mine.
"Yeah wouldn't want to go hungry." She gives me a weak smile, and I can't help but give her a full smile. She smiles even bigger, which makes me happy. We continue to walk towards the tent. I stop at the flap and call out for him.
"Knock, knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Sara!"
"Sara who?"
"Ok, lets just stop right there Johnny." I say laughing.
"Are you ready?" I ask him, anxious to get started on our weekly run.
"Yeah let me just say goodbye to the kids." If there was anything that Johnny loved more than being a doctor, it was his kids, Perseus and Olivia.
"Alright, Daddy has to go now, but he'll be back soon. Okay?" They both nod in understanding. I can hear Tegan giggling at the cute sight from behind me. I nudge her in the stomach, and she stops giggling.
"Alright, let's go!" Johnny says, waiting for me to lead the way out.
"See ya later Percy and Ollie!" I yell out. We walk back in silence and head to the cars. All three of us get in the Suburban, while Emy, Jasper, and John are in the van.
"Lindsey and Ted aren't coming?" Tegan asks me, and I can hear a hint of worry in her voice.
"No, Lindsey has to stay because of her wound, and Ted's staying to keep her company." I respond. She nods in understanding and Johnny pulls out onto the dirt road.