Izzie sat down behind the wheel of Meredith's car and began adjusting the seat and mirrors. Two days had past since she'd first asked to borrow it, that's how long it took her to convince her this road trip was something she had to do, that she would be okay if she went on it. It wasn't just that she was heavily pregnant though that did play a major part in Meredith's argument against her going, there was also the problem that it had been well over a year since she had driven a car, and Meredith was rather attached to hers.

It had taken a lot of smart talking on her part but eventually she had her convinced. She needed to go to Iowa, she needed to talk Alex's mom, she hadn't seen her since the funeral, she didn't know she was pregnant, that she was about to become a grandmother. It wasn't that she'd intentionally not told, she just hadn't spoken to her, she hadn't thought to tell her but she wanted her son to know his father, so he needed to know his family too. She wanted to talk to Alex's family but more she wanted to talk to Alex, she wanted to visit his grave and talk to him. She'd been feeling odd for weeks, an odd which had nothing to do with her being pregnant and everything to do with wanting him. When she'd agreed to allow his body to be taken away it was because she didn't think that part of him was important, not anymore but now she wasn't so sure. There was a part of her which desperately needed to see him.

"Drive safely and phone me." Meredith told her as she started the engine and began driving away.

-8-8-8-8-8-

Navigating the roads out of Seattle was easy, reaching the highway and open road was easy, but once she was on the open road it wasn't so easy. The road seemed to go on forever and she couldn't help feeling nervous every time a truck drove past, it would make the car shake and she was afraid she was going to be driven off the road. That never happened but it was how she felt. Once she was on the road trip she didn't like it, after only two hours of driving her back was starting to ache and her legs beginning to cramp up.

No she did not like the drive; the miles seemed to slowly disappear behind her she began wishing she could teleport, that she could get to her destination. The destination was what she wanted to reach, she didn't care about the journey, she didn't care about the towns she drove past, the people she met there, they were all blank face to her, a means to an end. She drove and she drove and she drove and some how the mile marks kept disappearing behind her, the driving became easier, almost enjoyable, she crossed the border into Idaho, and then out the other side into Montana, she drove and she drove and she drove and before she knew it the sun was going down. It crossed her mind that she should stop, that it was late and she should find a motel to spend the night in but she didn't stop, she still felt great, she wasn't hungry, she wasn't anymore hurting, she wasn't tired, she was being fueled by some unknown energy, a desire to reach her destination which was so strong nothing else seemed to matter. She crossed the boarder into Wyoming and then into South Dakota, she just kept driving. Before she knew it the sun was coming up, she'd driven through the night but she still wasn't tired, she still didn't want to stop and then she was passing a sign which read "Welcome to Iowa". She didn't know how she'd done it, how she'd got so far so quickly but it gave her more energy, she was so close, she wasn't going to stop now.

She kept driving and for the first time since leaving Seattle she allowed herself to look at the scenery, she was on the plains and driving though fields of corn. Everywhere she looked there was corn and the sight made her laugh, she suddenly had an image in her head of Alex telling her about a road trip they were going to take. He kept going on and on about the corn, and she couldn't quite work out if he was really in love with corn or he was being sarcastic, the look in his eye said he was sincere but, it was corn.

She pulled off the highway and onto a small rural road, subconsciously she seemed to know where she was going, she navigated her way through the fields and past towns so tiny they weren't even on the map. She drove up a little hill and when she reached the crest she noticed a farmhouse, it was set way back off the road but it looked just like the one in her dream. She wanted to go look at it but something kept her on the road, she kept driving until she reached the next town, this one was a little bigger, and she found herself turning on to a side street, she followed the road around and before she knew she was at a cemetery. The cemetery, she'd reached her destination, she was there.

She turned the ignition off, and sat for a moment in the car, she was starting to feel again, for the first time she started to feel fatigue, she began to ache, and her baby began moving around inside her. She almost wanted to fall asleep but she couldn't do that, she was there, she had come so far, she couldn't stop now. She climbed out the car and began walking towards the gates. As she got closer she felt her heart begin race, she was nervous about what she was about to see, about what she was about to feel. She wasn't sure what she would feel when she saw his grave stone, when she would first lay eyes on that big slab of granite with his name engraved on it.

She stepped through the gates and began walking along the rows of grave. Almost instantly his smell hit her, he was close, she could feel it but the cemetery was huge, much bigger than she was expecting, and she didn't know where he was. She didn't think to ask before she left, she didn't think it would be important but there were literally hundreds of graves. The stones stretched up over a small hill and then they just seemed to keep going.

She didn't have any other choice but to start walking, to walk past every stone until she found him. Slowly she began walking along the first row, she felt her baby kick almost like he knew what happening. She smiled and squinted forward to read the names, none of them were Alex. She'd walked for fifteen minutes when she felt a pull through her belly, she stopped for a moment and breathed out slowly, the pulling stopped and she rubbed her hand over the spot where it hurt.

"Hang on little one, I'm looking for dad." She said and she started walking again. She walked along row after row after row, but she couldn't find him and every few rows she'd feel her belly pull, it didn't hurt so much as feel uncomfortable but as soon as she stopped walking it would stop, it would go away.

Three hours pasted, she'd walked for three hours and she still hadn't found him. She could see the end of the cemetery, there were only five more rows to go but the graves looked so old, not like something she'd pictured Alex having. She stopped walking and lent back against a tree, she was exhausted and she couldn't seem to kick the pain she was in. Her back was hurting a lot, it was getting worse with every step and the pulling, it wouldn't go away, she couldn't get it to go away anymore.

She rested harder against the tree and she closed her eyes. "Alex where are you?" she whispered. "Why aren't you here?" Tears began to run down her face and the pulling got worse, it started in her lower back this time and spread around her lower abdomen and then up over her. "Arh," she let out a small cry and then she felt a dampness between her legs. Her eyes flew open and she looked down, she couldn't see past her own belly but with one step she saw the ground, it was wet.

The realization hit just as another wave of pain ran through her, her body wasn't just getting ready for labour, she was in labour. The pain gripped her body, it made her bend at the knees and stager to the ground, she couldn't get back up, she couldn't move. She wrapped her arms around her body and she began to cry. "Alex where are you? Where are you Alex?"