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Sirius Black's Greatest Secrets

When he was growing up, before Hogwarts, he honestly believed everything his parents told him about blood purity. He was his mother's favorite and she gave him everything he ever wanted, even at a great cost. His mother, Walburga, even ignored Regulus if he wanted her to. He was everything to her and he always imagined himself marrying a pureblood woman, helping make the world better for purebloods, and so on. He was ten when his twenty year old cousin, Andromeda left their family. When he asked Andy whey she was leaving, she told him all about how wrong his family's beliefs were. Ever since then, Andy was his favorite cousin.

He met James and Remus on the train to Hogwarts and the three had been brothers ever since. So, when James mentioned the fact that his entire family had been in Gryffindor, his first thought was that he would lose the only friend he'd ever made. But then, when they entered the Great Hall and his name was called and he placed the sorting hat on his head and the hat told him that he wasn't like the others of his family, that he belonged in Gryffindor, he was relieved, because he and James and Remus would be together. Then he realized that they might not be sorted into Gryffindor with him and was terrified. Then both Remus and James were sorted into Gryffindor and the three of them became closer than brothers.

They met Peter during their first night in their dorm and it took a while for Sirius to accept him as a classmate much less as a friend or a marauder. It was James's idea to form the marauders, as they called themselves, just as it was James who insisted on including Peter. And even after they included Wormtail, some part of him never fully accepted him. I mean, James was their leader, Remus was the smart one, he was the ladies man, and Peter was……nothing. Peter didn't belong with them but James trusted him, and he trusted James, even when Peter started disappearing in their seventh year. So by the time James went into hiding, he'd tricked himself enough to believe that Peter would keep James and Lily safe.

He noticed Lily, the same day that James did. There was a time when he considered asking Lily out. But then, when he found out how James felt about Lily, he vowed to help James get his girl, no matter how attracted he was to her. So he dated around, never staying with one woman for more than a week because, quite honestly, he agreed with James. No one in the world could compare to Lily. He never regretted the fact that it was James who married Lily, because Lily was his sister, the wife of his best friend. But he always hoped, wished, and dreamed of loving someone the way James loved Lily and being loved the way Lily loved James. When he died, the thing he regretted the most was that he never loved the way his brother did.

He had always hoped, just like Narcissa, that their family could forget houses and go back to the way it was. After all, he and Cissy were great friends once, when they were really young. It was the sorting that tore them apart; just as it was only after he came to Hogwarts did he see Bella for who she really was. It was Hogwarts that showed him how cruel and cold his family was, how much harder it was every year to go home and see his mother starting at him or to hear his brother talk about all the powerful and influential families he was friends with. It was harder and harder to see the people he loved treating him like he was a stranger. So, just after his fifth year, just after his uncle died, he left and moved in with James. He never regretted it because Mr. and Mrs. Potter were more parents to him than his own parents were just as James was more a brother to him than Regulus was.

It took them a whole of three months to figure out that Remus was a werewolf and, though he'll never admit it, there was a time when he thought that he should break off their friendship and move out of the dorm, for surely the teachers would understand. But the next morning, when he saw Remus glance at him as James put an arm around him, Sirius realized that Remus was his friend and it didn't matter what he was, as long as he was still Remus. So when James suggested that they become animagi, he was more than happy to oblige. And when he transformed for the first time, he wasn't at all surprised at what he turned out to be. After all, his name was Sirius wasn't it? He might as well live up to it.

Regulus' death affected him harder than he thought it would. After all, they hated each other and hadn't spoken since he left. But Regulus was his brother, and he'd failed to protect him from Death Eaters. He never admitted that, when he found out that his brother had died, he had considered going home again, if only to comfort his mother. But he was too afraid of his mother to go home. His mother died about two months later and his father didn't last long without her. He was twenty when he inherited the Black fortune, just like James was. Even then, they were brothers.

He still laughs, remembering Lily's labor. It was near midnight when she went into labor. Remus, who was living with them, had apparated to call both him and Peter. He'd rushed to St. Mungo's to find James, who was pacing nervously outside the room. During the delivery, he knew the Healers were wise to take away Lily's wand, because otherwise, Harry James Potter would have been born without a father, a godfather, or friends. Actually, it would seem like none of the marauders would survive that night because of the way Lily threatened to kill all of them. But when he held little Harry James Potter for the first time, he knew that he'd die to protect this beautiful little baby boy who he loved more than he loved the baby's parents.

Going to Azkaban, it was half as horrible as what had happened less than 48 hours before. Because, in a few minutes, he'd lost his family again. Seeing James, dead on the floor was the worst sight in the world. The only thing that was worse was seeing Harry, staring wide eyed at him, sitting beside Lily's body, her hair spread out around her too pale face like a setting sun and seeing Harry being taken away. So when he saw Peter, he knew that he wanted nothing more in the world than to kill him, if only to protect Harry. Because, even thirteen years later, it was hard to see Lily's eyes on James' face.

Escaping from Azkaban was easy. Going back to his parents' house, however, was the hardest thing he'd ever done. Because, not only could he not fight, he was trapped in the house of his family. So when he heard that Harry was in trouble, that Harry had gone to the Ministry to find him, that he had to go and fight besides James just one last time. And when Bellatrix fired that curse that hit him on the chest and he stumbled into the Veil, he was ready for death. He knew that Harry would be alright. Harry had a family here and the Weasleys would take care of him and that Harry, of all the people, Harry would defeat Voldemort for good. The last thing he saw in the world of the living was Harry, so much like his parents. And, when he entered the veil, the first things he saw were his family again. He saw Lily and James, smiling at him and holding out their arms in welcome.

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