Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. I really want to, though. It would make life more interesting. (stupid two feet of snow!!!!)

Severus Snape's Greatest Secrets

He hated his family, the lot of them. His father was an alcoholic and often hurt his mother. His mother, Eileen Prince was a witch. So why couldn't she do anything? Why didn't she stop his father from hurting her? Why did she even stay with his father? He always hoped for escape. Because all magic had done was tear his family apart.

So, when he first saw Lily, he fell in love with her. Because she was the person he always wanted to be. She had the family he always wanted. She was perfect, beautiful, pristine. She was so innocent and sweet that all he wanted to do was to protect her. He saw her for the first time during Christmas when they were five. He saw her, in her green velvet dress that matched her eyes and her fiery red her, her hand in her mother's. He saw her smiling and chattering and laughing with her family. He saw her and he fell in love with her, especially when she glanced over to him and smiled. He saw her for the first time when he was five, and he knew, the moment he saw her laugh, that all he wanted to make sure that no one ever hurt her. And he never forgave himself for being the one who did hurt her.

Hogwarts was his home, the only home he'd ever known. Hogwarts was everything to him. But when Lily was sorted into Gryffindor, his hopes were crushed. Throughout his childhood, he'd had dreams of growing up with Lily and eventually marrying her. He knew that he wanted to see those bright green eyes every day. He wanted to see the warmth in them when she smiled. But she was a Gryffindor, and they couldn't be friends, could they? But she promised, and Lily never broke her promise. So he never gave up hope that his dream would one day come true. It was only his dream of the two of them together that helped him get through the years of Hogwarts, get through the insults from the members of his house and the glares from the Gryffindors. It was Lily that kept him going, and he lost her.

God! He hated Potter! More than he hated anyone else in the world. He hated Potter. Oh, of course he hated Black. How could he not hate Black when the idiot tried to curse him at every opportunity? How could he not hate Black when the man tried to kill him at every opportunity he had? But it was Potter he hated the most. Because he knew he deserved every curse, every jinx that Potter dealt out. Because Potter had everything that he wanted but never had. Potter was the pampered son of a loving family. Potter was rich and kind and friendly. Potter, dare he say it, saved his life when Sirius had told him how to get past the Whomping Willow. But more than anything, Snape knew that, if she just gave him a chance, Lily would see that she and Potter belonged together. The whole school knew that the only thing really keeping them apart was him. So, even when he had the upper hand, Potter still made him feel unwanted.

He met Narcissa on the train to school in his first year and they'd been best friends ever since. Like Lily, he knew from the moment he met her that Narcissa needed his protection and his help. So he did whatever he could for her and they became best friends. She introduced him to Lucius and the other Death Eaters. She made him godfather of her only child. She trusted him to protect her son in one of the darkest eras of his life. But, a small part of him never trusted her as much as he claimed to. Because she introduced him to the Death Eaters and, if she hadn't, he would still be friends with Lily.

He blames himself for driving Lily away. He knows it was his fault. He knows that he deserved every single mean thing that she said. But he always held on to that dream of the two of them together. She'd promised him and Lily always kept her promises. Yes, he would think. It was only a matter of time before they were friends again. He never gave up hope, not until he saw her run out of the building in the snow storm. Not until he saw Potter following her and bringing her back the next morning. He never gave up hope until he saw her kissing Potter, saw her fall in love with their greatest enemy right in front of his eyes.

When he left school, he joined the Death Eaters. What else could he do? He had no other friends. Lily had joined the Order and was engaged to….to Potter. He had no family and he'd vowed never to return home to his parents. So he joined. And he knew, the moment he knelt before Voldemort and received the Dark mark on his arm, that he'd let Lily go forever. That Potter had won. Potter had gotten his Lilyflower and he, Snape, was, as always, left with nothing. He also knew that the rumors in school were true. Lily and James belonged together, that Lily would never be his. He belonged to Voldemort now.

Becoming a spy for the Order was hard. He knew that no one would ever trust him. He knew that he'd been bound to the position of outcast for the rest of his life. But he was helping Lily and that's all that mattered to him. Her death shattered him. How could she? He gave her the chance to live in peace with him, to return to him so that he could protect her. But Lily had chosen death instead. Lily had abandoned him and all she had left behind was a son with her eyes. But he was Potter's son, and Snape could never forgive Harry for that.

Even so, when Harry first came to Hogwarts, he had dreams of taking him in. He had dreams of raising Lily's son to save them all. He had dreams that Harry was their son. But, when he first saw Harry James Potter, all he could see was his father. All he could see was the arrogant toe-rag who married Lily Evans. He forgot about Harry's eyes. He forgot that Lily died to save he him. He forgot everything except that Harry looked exactly like James and he hated the boy for that. It wasn't until the end of his life that he realized how much like Lily Harry really was.

He welcomed death. In a way, he'd been dying since Lily's death. He'd lost his interest in life when he first saw Harry, when he first saw Lily's son walk in, the boy who looked exactly like James but with her eyes. When discovered that Dumbledore meant Harry to die, he was tempted to tell Voldemort everything. But he saw the pleading in Dumbledore's face and he remembered the beauty of Lily's eyes, and did as he was told. So when Voldemort set his snake on him, he welcomed death. He would see Lily again. He knew that Harry was there. He knew that the world would be a better place without him. So, when Harry named his son after him, Severus was touched. Because the boy he'd hated had found it in his heart to forgive him. And Severus Snape was at peace at last.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!! and tell me who else to do. I'm at a complete loose end.