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Minerva McGonagall's Greatest Secrets

She had a family once….once. But that was a long time ago…..too long ago. When she was born, she was the youngest of five and all her older siblings were brothers, brothers who loved her and protected her and played with her. But then…they went off to Hogwarts, and they…the castle changed them. Maybe the castle just exaggerated what was always there, but her eldest brother, Ares was a Slytherin. The two middle ones, Sylvanus and Apollo, were in Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw…..but her youngest brother, her favorite brother, Helios, the one who actually treated her like an equal, was in Gryffindor with her, only two years older than her. But….he was hated by her three other brothers. He tried…he tried to be peacekeeper, but….they hated him. They hated each other and though they loved her, their constant fighting tore her away from them and tore her family apart.

She finally went to Hogwarts. It was finally her turn and she loved it. She loved every minute of it. She had friends unlike any other, Ronalda Hooch and Pomona Sprout. They were the best, the top, the marauders of their day. And she loved them like the sisters she never had. They…..they ruled the school and they were powerful. They were the top three in their year, the best and most powerful that Hogwarts had ever turned out, and…if only for a moment, her power, intelligence, courage, and loyalty helped her brothers get along.

In Hogwarts, Minerva was a beauty. It wasn't until she'd begun teaching that she became so stiff and uptight. In Hogwarts, so many loved her. She had pale skin with dark brown eyes and glossy brown hair that fell to her hips, rich and luxurious and she was the strongest in her year. She had powerful brothers, powerful friends, and every pure blood wizard wanted her as his bride – this was before dating was acceptable, before non-pureblood marriages were an option. But……this also cause a lot of unwanted attention, as one of the Slytherins in her Gryffindor brother's year began to force his attention on her. No matter what she did, he wouldn't go away, and it frustrated her.

The day after her graduation from Hogwarts….that fateful day, she was offered a marriage by her…stalker. He asked her to marry him, and she refused, turning him down cold and staring down her nose at him before turning and walking away. That day, she got a message from Ares telling her to come to Hogsmead. She was stupid. She was an idiot. She trusted her brother and so, she left her wand in a small bag and placed in a pocked that she couldn't easily access. She was stupid, and before she knew it, she was hit with a spell that immobilized her as rough hands bound her and took her away to a cave. It wasn't until noon the next day that she came around and the first thing that she saw was….was that Slytherin who had asked her to marry him, the Slytherin she'd turned down cold. She was bound, hand and foot, with magical chord, the type that no one could break. Her wand was at the other end of the room and she….she….she cried. She didn't know what else to do…so she wept, weeping till she had nothing left in her. And finally, she had the courage to face him. And he….he…he hurt her, beat her, tried to rape her to force her to marry him. But she held out, waiting, hoping, and release finally came.

Her brother….her brother finally came. But….her heart broke when he did. There was a huge fight when her captor returned…..with a friend…..her brother, Ares. There was a huge fight and she was cut free, if only for a moment. Because…to save her, Helios killed Ares, murdering him, his own brother, to give her a chance to escape, and she did. She grabbed her wand and ran to her captors. She remembers running, as fast and as far as she dared as she fought back, trying to save her family, and in her rage, she would have killed her captor. She would have murdered him without a second thought….but Helios stopped her, telling her it wasn't worth it, that she shouldn't be a murderer for the likes of him, that she was better than that. That hit her, harder than anything she'd ever heard. And then…she saw him, creeping up behind Helios, stabbing him in the back with a blazing silver dagger before running. He died in her arms a few hours later and she doesn't know how she ever live through that kind of pain.

After Helios died to save her….she was crushed. She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't do anything but lie in bed and weep. Ronalda and Pomona took care of her but even then, she couldn't move on past her grief. It was Dumbledore who pulled her out of it, forcing her to look beyond into the future, living the life her brother would want her to live. He gave her a job at Hogwarts, helping her learn how to teach, how to mentor and how to live, knowing what she'd done and what she'd been through. She was grateful to Dumbledore for that for the rest of her life. He saved her, helping her preserve her sanity and become whole again. So, whenever any student asked her if she and Dumbledore were…..a couple, she laughed, laughed until she could barely breath, simply because the idea itself was so ridiculous, so hilarious, that she couldn't even fathom it.

It was that same year that she fell in love with a muggle, a young policeman who had lost his brother to violence. His brother had protected him with his dying breath, just as hers had. She…she was still beautiful, still powerful and she loved him. They'd intended to get married. He'd given her a beautiful gold ring that belonged to his grandmother. She'd told him that she was a witch and he didn't mind. She loved him, but somehow…somehow, that man who'd kidnapped him found out that she was engaged. He still wanted her for a wife and he came after he fiancé. He was a muggle, and she couldn't defend him. She couldn't save her brother. She couldn't save her fiancé either. That Slytherin came for him, and her beloved muggle policeman didn't stand a chance. He was murdered, by the man who would become her greatest foe. That same year, she let go. She tracked him down and killed him, the only person she'd ever murdered, but not before he murdered her remaining two brothers. She'd killed him, and she never washed his blood off her hands, spending her life trying to recover from the deaths of her family and from her own vengeance.

She swore, after her brother's death, after her fiancé's death, that she'd never love another person in the same way. But…despite her best judgment, she fell in love with the marauders, finding them steal into her heart like the children she never had and would never have. She loved them, and laughed every time she saw the little red head girl being chased by the tall gangly black head boy, as she vowed to kill him through slow, painful decapitation. She laughed over the marauders' pranks before running to stop them. Occasionally, very, VERY rarely, she'd go easy on them just because they reminded her so much of herself. Remus had her loyalty and her love of learning, Sirius had her family, those who hated her and wanted to see her dead. James had her courage and power and love and Lily, Lily had her delicate fire and her power and grace. And she loved them like her children, though she never showed it. She cried at their graduation, taught them more than she taught any other student, fought for the Order to ensure that they would never have to deal with the pain that she'd endured. And then…then came that fateful day when…she was forced to tell Lily that her parents were dead, and she saw Lily run, run as fast and far as she could, just to get away. She saw Lily return with James Potter and saw him take care of her, love her. She was the one he turned to, just before asking Lily to marry him, to advise him, and she cried when he knelt before Lily and asked her to marry him. She cried at their wedding as she saw the girl and boy she'd known since they were children, find joy at last in each other, the joy that she would never find and she knew she didn't deserve.

But then…..then everything changed. They were forced into hiding, her Lily, her James, the two who were as powerful as she had been. In a matter of months, they were gone, murdered by his lordship, killed by a man who reminded her so much of her old tormentor that if she ever saw him, she would make sure that he never saw again. And Harry Potter, little Harry Potter, was left alone, alone with that muggle family who would never know what he was to them, would never care that his parents saved them, would never understand what Harry Potter was to the world. She left him on that doorstep, and walked away, regretting it every day of her life. But then, he was there, in Hogwarts, growing and learning and facing Him. And she was proud of him, more proud than she could ever have dreamed. He was Lily in his kindness and strength. He was James in his loyalty and unfailing courage. He was Remus and Sirius in his intelligence and rashness and his inability to think things through before rushing head long into them, guided solely by passion and love. And for the first time in more than ten years, she let herself hope that her redemption had finally come.

Then Dumbledore, their illustrious leader, her mentor, her friend, was killed, murdered by the man to whom he'd granted celibacy. Dumbledore was killed, murdered by the one man he trusted, even when no one else did. And her heart broke for the last time. The ministry was gone. Lily and James were gone. Dumbledore was gone. Her savior, the man who helped her, kept her out of Azkaban, and gave her a new life….was murdered. And she never before hated Severus Snape. She pitied him, wanted to protect him, but now…she wanted to murder him. And once again her rage frightened her. She didn't know what to do or where to turn, so she stayed, in Hogwarts. She couldn't save her family or her friends, but she could save the children there. She could protect them with the rest of the staff by her side. She could help, in even this small way. And she did. So when she saw Harry Potter running to her, asking her where the Ravenclaw commonroom was, she didn't hesitate. He was here and she would fight for him with her last dying breath. And they won, miraculously, Harry was alive. He killed Voldemort, claiming their castle and their home for the world and she knew that she could endure. She endured the shame that came from serving under Umbridge. She endured the pain of four stunners in the chest. She endured being subjected to torture and pain by the Carrows. She endured every insult they gave her, including that final act, when Amycus spit in her face. She endured, and took on the role of headmaster as gracefully as she could. And when the time had come for her to pass on to her reward, she went peacefully. Her conscience was clear. And her family was waiting, in paradise.

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